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I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance
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Archives > [Buddy Reads] I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (Cary, Alona, Kwesi & Sheryl). Start Date: January 25, Tuesday

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message 51: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Sheryl wrote: "Anecdotes that struck me in the book:

The one with the wedding and the exes are all lined up beside the groom.

The Room. (It's a like a preview of Judgment day and the beauty of Salvation)"


Sheryl, I also love the room.. It was the best example of the what the grace of really means.

Kwesi, ang cute ng pic! Saktong sakto pala sa V-day ang reading na to haha!


message 52: by Tricia (new)

Tricia (triciuhhh) | 1752 comments @Lynai: a batchmate of mine thinks the book is too righteous. I beg to disagree, maganda nga yung righteous ka in terms of relationships (or the lack of it).


message 53: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Tricia wrote: "@Lynai: a batchmate of mine thinks the book is too righteous. I beg to disagree, maganda nga yung righteous ka in terms of relationships (or the lack of it)."
Now im curious about that book as well...mabasa nga rin yan


Sheryl | 236 comments @Lynai: I agree. :)

People tend to lean towards faith when it's convenient but then when it dictates upon aspects of their life, they say it's demanding too much. If you really believe, then shouldn't it be that you walk the talk and not only when it's convenient? ~I am sometimes guilty of this too. :(

@Kwesi: Nice quotation pic. :D

@Tricia: Bakit ganon noh? Pag religious ka, righteous agad nasa isip ng iba? Pero ang dating sa akin, they judge too easily. As long as you are not crossing the line and hurting anyone, I see no harm in being righteous-sticking to your principles. :D

@Cary: If you buy the book, hiram nalang ako. Haha. OMF din ba yan?


message 55: by Tricia (new)

Tricia (triciuhhh) | 1752 comments @Sheryl: True! I don't understand why people even make fun of righteous people (lol, goody-goody two shoes).

What I like about this book din, after reading it, I felt silly having the relationship before my relationship with God.

Where's Kwesi? He told the other thread that he is having a hard time reading this book. IN-LOVE KA BA?


message 56: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Sheryl wrote: "@Lynai: I agree. :)

People tend to lean towards faith when it's convenient but then when it dictates upon aspects of their life, they say it's demanding too much. If you really believe, then shou..."


beìng religiOus is one thing while being righteous is another. Righteousness is a result of a healthy relationship with Christ, so if we are in Him,nothing is too difficult.


Sheryl | 236 comments Cary wrote: "Sheryl wrote: "@Lynai: I agree. :)

People tend to lean towards faith when it's convenient but then when it dictates upon aspects of their life, they say it's demanding too much. If you really b..."


:)


Sheryl | 236 comments Tricia wrote: "@Sheryl: True! I don't understand why people even make fun of righteous people (lol, goody-goody two shoes).

What I like about this book din, after reading it, I felt silly having the relationshi..."


Everybody's waiting for your two cents Kwesi! :D


message 59: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments oo nga, we're discussing at the wrong thread tuloy haha


message 60: by Tricia (new)

Tricia (triciuhhh) | 1752 comments Kwesi failed to grasp what is Harris is trying to say. It's not about him. Well, partly, because he is talking about his experiences and possible situations and their consequences. It does not oppress the male gender because the book applies on both genders. Siguro men are naturally more into relationships than women (or have the tendency not to be committed). Women kasi are very conscious of their love life, of how being committed and serious about. Do you agree? Kasi sakin, sobrang seryoso ko. I always pray about it, na dapat one and only (kasi di na pwede yung first kiss sa altar), being pure and holy, no premarital sex, etc.

Wala lang! hehehehehe


Kwesi 章英狮 (kwesifriends) | 2721 comments Ha? Failed? Hindi ha.


message 62: by Tricia (new)

Tricia (triciuhhh) | 1752 comments Kwesi 章英狮 wrote: "Ha? Failed? Hindi ha."

haha mali yung gamit ko ng word. Sorry. hehehehehehe misunderstood?


Kwesi 章英狮 (kwesifriends) | 2721 comments Hindi rin, naghahanap lang ako ng kaaway. Puro big fan kasi kayo dito. Bwahaha!


Lynai | 1177 comments I'd like to know what Kwesi will think about the book when he's 25. Or 30. Or 40. Basta, when he gets "older". :)


message 65: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments haha,see kwesi masyadong showbiZ ang thoughts mo s book n to


message 66: by Tina (last edited Feb 07, 2012 03:54AM) (new)

Tina (tinamats) | 2658 comments Haha Kwesi ayan! Although di ko pa nababasa arguments mo. :P

Okay my two cents (finally -- kasi ngayon lang ako nakapag-isip ng tama hahaha): I don't believe dating is necessarily bad. When you're young, I won't encourage dating around, but I think there's such a thing as healthy dating, especially when you're older. By older, I mean: you have a career, you have a good relationship with your family, with your friends and with God. The problem with secular/casual dating (and sometimes even Christians dating) is how people date without intention. The intentionality makes a whole load of difference -- are you going out kasi friends kayo? Is it because the guy wants to pursue the girl? Is it because they're just bored? Not that you talk about marriage on the first date, pero you get there at some point. Clarity in intentions is necessary -- it could be up to the defining the relationship level, or just as simple as calling a date as a date and not being ambiguous about it. When intentions aren't clear and you "date" a lot, that's selfish. Being intentional isn't easy, but it would do both parties a lot of good in the long run. Group dates -- that's a good thing to start to get to know the person, but people often act differently in groups than in one on one.

Pwede rin natin siguro sabihing ganito: intentional dating = courtship. Almost. I think. Haha. I'll confirm pag umabot na ako sa stage na yun. Hahaha.

Oh there, and I remember. My main qualm with the IKDG concept is when do you not kiss dating goodbye? When exactly are you ready? Is there an age? A time? Is it when the "right person" just comes? How would you know if they're The One? Or what if the right person doesn't seem to be coming along?

Haha, Of course, correct me if I'm wrong with the previous paragraph. I can't remember if the book mentioned something like that, pero I just remember having a specific impression of just sitting and waiting and God will bring The One to you. In the end, it's still all about God's plan and we just have to believe that He is faithful, but I'm not discounting the fact that waiting can be very frustrating.

And lonely.

/wrist

HAHAHA. Just kidding!

Okay yun lang! Not looking for a fight, hahaha. Like I said, correct me na lang if the book says otherwise. :)) I can't remember na. :D

On another note, here's a good supplement for IKDG: The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating -- love this one. Part 1 pa lang to, may 3 parts pa, pero yung first pa lang panalo na. :)


message 67: by Tricia (new)

Tricia (triciuhhh) | 1752 comments WORD!

Alam mo, may reply ako dun sa The One na yan pero I'll compose my thoughts muna properly hahahaha


message 68: by Tina (new)

Tina (tinamats) | 2658 comments Tricia wrote: "WORD!

Alam mo, may reply ako dun sa The One na yan pero I'll compose my thoughts muna properly hahahaha"


Hahaha. *apir*

I don't necessarily believe in The One. The Right One, yes. But not just The One. Sabi nga diba, love is a decision, not a feeling! Hehe. I'd like to believe that God is creative and we shouldn't put Him and His will in a box especially for our love lives. I'd like to believe He delights in surprising us. :)


message 69: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Tina wrote: "Haha Kwesi ayan! Although di ko pa nababasa arguments mo. :P necessarily bad. When you'r..."

thanks for sharing tina! I totally agree that dating is not bad, as long as you don't cross beyond the boundaries set by God for a more intimate relationship. I think the point of Harris why he doesn't encourage premature dating is that, because we are human, we don't know how much we can resist temptation so might as well, don't test your self-control and put yourself in a compromising situation. That's his idea, but at the end of the day, it's always our choice that will prevail

When i was reading this book the first time,una kong naisip, I am blessed that Im here in the Philippines because the kind of " casual dating" na dinidescribe ni Harris is not applicable sa culture natin. At least here in our country, the guys must really pursue the girls before they become a couple. And the guys can only have the right to touch the girls pag couple na sila (well, yan ang unwritten rule na alam ko, i dont know with other girls of today, i mean ang mga kabataan ngayon) unlike sa states na ang first date can lead to a more intimate activities.So girls are kind of more protected and privileged in our country.

On the idea of waiting, I remember what my BS leader always tells me on waiting for the One. Naghintay ka na lang din naman, might as well wait for a little longer pa, kasi for sure, the best ang ibibigay ni God for you at yun ang dapat mong i-look forward to.
Kung wala naman, okay pa rin kasi you have more time to serve Him. God knows best naman and for sure hindi ka nya pababayaan even if you live forever single. It's a blessing either way kasi He is more than enough. Icing on the cake na lang kumbaga pag binigyan ka pa ng partner in life.

On how to know when is the right time, Im not sure kung nabanggit yun ni Harris sa boy meets girl kaya gusto ko siya basahin.


message 70: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Tina wrote: "Haha Kwesi ayan! Although di ko pa nababasa arguments mo. :P necessarily bad. When you'r..."

thanks for sharing tina! I totally agree that dating is not bad, as long as you don't cross the line beyond the boundaries set by God for a more intimate relationship. I think the point of Harris why he doesn't encourage premature dating is that, because we are human, we don't know how much we can resist temptation so might as well, don't test your self-control and put yourself in a compromising situation. That's his idea, but at the end of the day, it's always our choice that will prevail

When i was reading this book the first time,una kong naisip, I am blessed that Im here in the Philippines because the kind of " casual dating" na dinidescribe ni Harris is not applicable sa culture natin. At least here in our country, the guys must really pursue the girls before they become a couple. And the guys can only have the right to touch the girls pag couple na sila (well, yan ang unwritten rule na alam ko, i dont know with other girls of today, i mean ang mga kabataan ngayon) unlike sa states na ang first date can lead to a more intimate activities.So girls are kind of more protected and privileged in our country.

On the idea of waiting, I remember what my BS leader always tells me on waiting for the One. Naghintay ka na lang din naman, might as well wait for a little longer pa, kasi for sure, the best ang ibibigay ni God for you at yun ang dapat mong i-look forward to.
Kung wala naman, okay pa rin kasi you have more time to serve Him. God knows best naman and for sure hindi ka nya pababayaan even if you live forever single. It's a blessing either way kasi He is more than enough. Icing on the cake na lang kumbaga pag binigyan ka pa ng partner in life.

On how to know when is the right time, Im not sure kung nabanggit yun ni Harris sa boy meets girl kaya gusto ko siya basahin.


Lynai | 1177 comments Cary wrote: "Kung wala naman, okay pa rin kasi you have more time to serve Him. God knows best naman and for sure hindi ka nya pababayaan even if you live forever single. It's a blessing either way kasi He is more than enough. Icing on the cake na lang kumbaga pag binigyan ka pa ng partner in life. "

I agree with this. And I also agree with Tina (even if she said she was just kidding) that waiting can become lonely. So maybe it is best to settle the issue first of how you are in terms with God before focusing much on waiting for the One. And I think that is also what Harris was talking about. To put God first and to seek His purposes and will over and above our purposes and will of looking for that significant other.

I remember being so resolved about not getting married at all. At the time, I thought I will never be ready for wifely duties (esp child-bearing, que horror!). But as I got older, my feelings and outlook changed. I also got lonely. I asked God for a friend, and He did. He gave me a boyfriend and the rest is history. :D He makes everything beautiful in His time, that is what I learned. :)

I am not saying that I am perfect when it comes to relationships, but modesty aside, I would like to think I had been sensible. And this book had a lot to do with my serious outlook when it comes to that. :)

Ayan, humahaba na din ang comments ko. Haha!


message 72: by Ace (new)

Ace (lj560) | 1169 comments Tina wrote: "Haha Kwesi ayan! Although di ko pa nababasa arguments mo. :P

Okay my two cents (finally -- kasi ngayon lang ako nakapag-isip ng tama hahaha): I don't believe dating is necessarily bad. When you'r..."


hmmmm... la lang! hehehe!


message 73: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Lynai wrote: "Cary wrote: "Kung wala naman, okay pa rin kasi you have more time to serve Him. God knows best naman and for sure hindi ka nya pababayaan even if you live forever single. It's a blessing either way..."

natutuwa ako sa thread na to..inspiring! hahaha!


message 74: by Tina (new)

Tina (tinamats) | 2658 comments Cary: Haha there were times when I wondered if single na ako for life, pos natakot ako. And then, I prayed and I felt okay with it. Never naman ako pinabayaan ni God eh, so why even then diba?

I guess one thing din is sometimes taking Harris' lessons to the extreme makes some people end up just waiting. As in doing nothing. Hindi lumalabas, hindi nakikipagkilala, wala. And that's sad. Kasi I also believe na yes, God will give you your heart's desire if it's in His will, but you also have to do your part. That includes going out and meeting people and doing the things you love. Kasi more often than not, whoever it is that you're waiting for is there too. And if you don't meet them there...then it's no loss. Kasi the experiences and the new friends make you a better person.

As for the right time...haha rhetorical lang yung tanong ko I think. One of my favorite people to look up to is Rissa Singson-Kawpeng. Editor sya ni Bo Sanchez sa Shepherd's Voice, and she got married at 39. THIRTY-NINE. Imagine how long she waited. Pero now she has a family and she's experienced so much of God's faithfulness in her life. So sometimes when I feel so tired of waiting, I read her stories because it reminds me that God has a plan. Iba-iba lang siguro talaga kwento ng mga tao -- sabi nga ni Aslan kila Shasta sa The Horse and His Boy: I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.

Siguro the loneliness really just hits when friends around you have their own partners, or when you want to go out and you have no one to go out with you, or when...ayun, Valentine's Day. Haha. But if you notice, superficial reasons lang yun. Sometimes being lonely is the best time to pray. Or the best time to get to know yourself better (believe me, natuto akong manood ng sine at lumabas mag-isa dahil dito hahaha). I guess we just have to believe that it isn't forever.

Last. Haha. I remember writing in my journal one time: I'd like to believe that God is also excited to show me my love story. After all, He wrote that. I bet He's even more excited than I am.

Somekindalikethat. :D

(Ang dami ko na naman sinabi. hahaha)

Ace: Che. :))


message 75: by Apokripos (new)

Apokripos (apokalypse) | 3323 comments Because you quoted Aslan. Like ko na rin ang thread na 'to.

Tanong lang, at ayaw ko namang magmarunong dahil di ko naman nabasa ang libro at wala rin akong gaanong alam sa love:

Paano kung hindi religious o magkaiba kayo ng religion noon lalaki o vice versa? How will that work?


message 76: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments Tina wrote: "Cary: Haha there were times when I wondered if single na ako for life, pos natakot ako. And then, I prayed and I felt okay with it. Never naman ako pinabayaan ni God eh, so why even then diba?

I ..."


haha, relate na relate akech! Basta relax lang muna tayo.

As to taking Harris to the extreme, I remember my former officemate. He said the boys from his church dont like harris kasi hindi na daw maligawan ang girls sa kanila..


message 77: by Cary (new) - rated it 5 stars

Cary (ForesterCary) | 1368 comments jzhunagev wrote: "Because you quoted Aslan. Like ko na rin ang thread na 'to.

Tanong lang, at ayaw ko namang magmarunong dahil di ko naman nabasa ang libro at wala rin akong gaanong alam sa love:

Paano kung hindi ..."


Shamcey Supsup, ikaw ba yan? hehe..interesting question jzhun.. I think it depends pa rin sa couple pero as much as possible dapat same faith kayo kasi mahirap talaga pag magkaiba kayo ng belief.


Lynai | 1177 comments jzhunagev wrote: "Paano kung hindi religious o magkaiba kayo ng religion noon lalaki o vice versa? How will that work?
"


Then I guess it depends na sa parties to. What is their priority, their God or the relationship with each other?


message 79: by Tina (new)

Tina (tinamats) | 2658 comments Cary wrote: "Tina wrote: "Cary: Haha there were times when I wondered if single na ako for life, pos natakot ako. And then, I prayed and I felt okay with it. Never naman ako pinabayaan ni God eh, so why even th..."

True true. Chill lang, wag magmadali. Ika nga ng friend ko one time: Hindi masarap ang pagkain pag di luto. ;)

Sasagutin ko yung Shamcey question later - work muna ako. Hehe.


message 80: by Tina (new)

Tina (tinamats) | 2658 comments And sharing! Just read these articles from one of my favorite blogs. Very timely and relevant to the discussion. :D

How Do I Know if I'm Ready to Marry?

Putting Yourself Out There

:)


message 81: by Alona (new) - added it

Alona (MissieAlona) | 229 comments Tina wrote: Sabi nga diba, love is a decision, not a feeling! "

Agree!


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Books mentioned in this topic

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance (other topics)
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship (other topics)
How To Find Your One True Love (other topics)

Authors mentioned in this topic

Joshua Harris (other topics)