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Q&A (and brownies) with J.J. Murray
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> Dates from (or "in") Hell
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Jan 03, 2012 05:36PM
Sorry for the silence. I've been holidaying (no, it's not a word) and not writing a durn blasted thing ...
... until recently. :~)
I have outlined the thing, know where I want to go, and know how I want to end it, but I want to make it as authentic as possible. Thus, I need your help. You see, I haven't had a date since 1989.
I mean, a real blind date. So ...
I want YOU to describe for me a date (or three) from hell, the deeper the better.
There is, as always, a method to my madness.
I am having my female lead (part Dominican) set up the male lead (a "Matthew McConaughey" type) on five dates from the pits of darkest hell so that he will run screaming to her for "true" romance. She hooks him up with:
*A Trini party girl with the brain of a raisin
*A Haitian (hi V!) somewhat reformed church woman who goes to church 24-7, 365
*A Manhattan socialite who brings her friend with her on the date
*An ex-con from Queens who eventually gets arrested during the date for fighting her ex-girlfriend
*A mixed (and mixed up) "whiter than black" girl who will later stalk him
I mean, what are best friends for, right?
Get to writin', and if I double over laughing, I may use all or part of it, okay?
Jan 10, 2012 07:24PM
Merry Jesus Birthday, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year y'all.
And Hey JJ...
Pour ki sa ou'p rele sou mwin, femme l'eglise Haitienne?
Translation: why you gotta call the Haitian church girl out tho? LOL OKay so you got the somewhat reformed part right...but He is still working on me. Not in church 24-7...more like 18-4.
Question: Have I been somehow blocked from these posts? I never get the "COMMENT FROM ______" EMAIL I used to get as a member of this group. That is why I miss so much. Luckily I have the flu right now as we speak and decided to log into Goodreads since I am filled with Dayquil, Amoxicillan, and pure ginger and cinnamon tea (with a splash of Haitian Rum for the chest). Thank goodness cause I would have missed all this.
Anyway JJ, I believe I have emailed you and posted on Venting Soapbox some bizarre experiences. I stopped cause I am actually using some of my problems for my writing.
But: here's one, just to get it poppin':
After I went out on the date with the lawyer whom I accidentally flashed my drawers to, and an older dude who turned out to be married and forced into marriage counseling by the family court judge...I did venture out again. That was sometime in November...close to Thanksgiving. Trust me, I had nothing to be thankful for.
(last edited Jan 10, 2012 10:03PM)
Jan 10, 2012 10:03PM
I was gonna write about my cousin fixing me up but ahhhh...never mind. I just deleted it. I have another one instead. I don't know if this counts cause it wasn't a "blind" date. It was a surprising date though.
Right after I quit my job, at the beginning of Nov, a friend from the job called me. Adrian, is his name. He is a Puerto Rican cutie I've known from way back, and we have been friends, and worked together through two different agencies. So the week after I left my job, "Adrian" called me and to talk about how he just broke up with his girlfriend of seven months. I was so proud of him because she was a nightmare. He, like many mental health workers, got caught up in saving his woman rather than dating her. We all do what I call the "SAVE THEM TO DATE THEM" thing sooner or later. A couple days later, after three or four five-hour conversations, Adrians said, "You know, I always thought you were cool. I like your style, and like talking to you, Vee. I know we're peoples but if you want to hang this week, let me know. I'm feeling you."
Nervous, I try to play it off but really want him to spit it out. "Ewww! Adrian! You sound like you're asking me on a date, man! Don't make me puke, Homey."
He laughs. "Always a lady, right Vee? Yeah, I'm asking. You coming?"
I knew Adrian's rule for not dating friends. After all, a mutual friend of ours had expressed interest in him and he said that he didn't want to destroy their friendship. And she is beautiful...so I know it wasn't an issue of his not being attracted to her. Needless to say, I was surprised. Since I always had sort of a passive crush on the guy for like five years...I figured why not. (Note: Passive crush is one where you think the guy is attractive but the crush is just there, without any hopes of it becoming more cause you're already in the friendship zone).
A couple of days later, he calls and asks if we can do "the date thing." I agree. He asks me to come in work out clothes and to bring a change of clothes for later.
As big as my mouth can be, I like to let men lead, right? I don't question it. I do what he says. I meet him near Fordham Road in the Bronx and he informs me that we are going to the gym.
"Yeah, I gathered that," I phony-smile through my annoyance. "But can I ask why?"
"Oh, I like to work out, and you said how you wanted to get in shape so..."
"Ummmmmm. Hold up. I said I want to STAY In shape. I think I am in fair shape, Adrian. I work out almost daily. I didn't hire you to train me for a marathon or something, did I?"
"Yeah but you not at your highest potential yet. You look good, don't get me wrong, but I figured I'd help. You know I like my girls reallllll fit."
Immediately my head starts pounding. I have a strange sense of being trapped in my novel that I have started about a girl who falls in love with her personal trainer.
But Vacirca is Vacirca...always one for adventure.
We work out. It's not bad. It's not great. But it's not bad. Sure I would have enjoyed a nice dinner, movie, concert, play, jazz-blues lounge, church event, Netflix at home, spa day, mani pedi, bowling, street fair, etc. But if he wanted to do crunches and squats at 24 Hour Fitness in the Bronx, more power.
During this workout, Adrian spends time pointing out my faults. "Yeah, you need to do more leg lifts to tighten up those thighs."
"I'm not saying you ain't got a nice shape, but you're getting older and you got to work harder to keep that belly tight...look at your little pooch right there."
"Where?" I asked, startled.
Adrian answers, poking his index finger into lower abdomen. "See how soft it is?"
"If you do more tricep curls, your arms wouldn't jiggle."
Yeah, I want to say, and if you went to get Invisalign, your bottom teeth wouldn't be crooked.
And if you shaved your head, no one would notice you are going to be bald this time next year.
And if you visit the St. Luke's Hospital Skin of Color Center, your Puerto Rican skin could get to be a whole lot smoother.
But see, I am not one to pick on someone's every flaw so I keep those thoughts to myself.
Finally we head out after a quick shower and change. At dinner, he tells me I can have what he's having and picks out a chicken Caesar salad for me.
ZZZZZZZZZZT! I call the waiter back and tell him that unless Adrian is getting two salads, he can keep one and make it a baked chicken with potatoes au gratin and broccoli. AND GARLIC BREAD TOO. I am hungry.
Adrian is immediately annoyed. "How you going to have all that starch after a work out?"
"And how are you going to give me a makeover one our first date?" (btw
is the name of my new novel so I am spooked).
"I wasn't giving you a makeover. I am just inviting you to share in what I'm about. We've been cool long enough and you know I'm about fitness."
"But it's our first date. I don't care if we have been friends since slavery. This is out first time on a date. You are supposed to show me some durn romance, man. Why are you picking on me?"
"Cut the crap, Adrian. Why did you ask me out?"
"I like you."
"Why?" I stared at him. "Why now?"
"I think you're attractive, funny and smart. I like how you are. I mean, I don't usually feel attraction for black girls, especially dark-skinned girls, but I think you're pretty. Usually I date girls who are less...curvaceous too."
My headache becomes an eye ache cause I don't even want to look at
right then... No he did not say that.
"Okay, well, I know you usually like them skinny white chicks...you don't even do the thick Latina chicks so I have no idea what you are doing here right here with me. I am a thick, black-skinned chick. So check this out. This is me, good and bad....you accept me as I am and let me worry about my owm self-improvements. Okay,
Truthfully, by now, we were back in the friendship zone but I wasn't going to act the fool.
"I hear you. But I was just sayin..."
Tension immediately ends when I tell a joke about my mother. We're having a good time until he turns the conversation to his ex. He tells me how they broke up because of her cutting herself. He talks about her for about three hours until the restaurant kicks us out. We stop at an all night liquor store for him to pick up some E&J Brandy, much to my discomfort, and we sit in my car for another two as he cries and drinks.
Finally at 1 am I tell him I have to go. He stops me and says, "Vee I'm so hurt, man. I'm not trying to run game on you, but you would mind staying with me until I fall asleep? I hate falling asleep alone. And I miss, her, Vee. I do. Please don't go."
Feeling as much compassion as I can, I place my hand on his and say gently, "Sorry, Bub. I'm out. Gotta run, gotta run...and I don't mean track either. You need to take your behind on up to bed."
"You actually leaving, Vee? You serious?"
And I went home and wondered why I even bothered to get my hair done.
Adrian and I still speak as pals...he's already found himself a nice gal that I think is perfect for him. That's the last time I let a passive crush get activated.
Jan 14, 2012 08:49PM
Interesting and twisted as always, V.
You need to have someone follow you around with a camera. You are a reality TV show all by yourself.
(last edited Jan 16, 2012 07:24PM)
Jan 16, 2012 06:35PM
I know some of my drama seems hard to believe, Mr. Murray, but you forget one thing:
This is NY after all. I ain't saying everyone in the NYC area has drama, but if you were the type to attract it, you would definitely find it more frequently here.
And yes, I would end up on a date at the gym where I am insulted lol by my friend. Lesson learned: you got to laugh to keep from crying.
As for the drama, that was months ago. Thankfully, I have been keeping a low profile, been keeping to myself as far as dating is concerned. Just taking this time to take your advice and write based on some of my experiences. A lot of this happens cause I need to learn to follow my instincts. I pray for wisdom more and try to mind my own business. My life has calmed down since I have held back from these crazy dates. However, the drama I hear from my friends on a daily basis has the makings for several bestsellers I am sure. You think my life is twisted? LOL
However, the reality show idea--"Christian Girl in NYC" is being "pitched" right now as we speak. LOL
I have more date stories from friends to share too cause this is the city where the drama never sleeps.
Let me know LOL.
Jan 31, 2012 09:34AM
I agree with J.J., my life isn't even half that interesting and we both live in NYC. Huh? I might be jealous, but that is just Monday quarterback talk. I think that guy would so become an fb friend. which means I only talk to him to beg for farmville item.
Jan 31, 2012 10:32PM
I actually live in Mt. Vernon and technically that isn't even NYC. It's Westchester County. Close but not NYC. LOL. Hi Jo.
Anyway, in the past few weeks there's been no drama. Just writing about the drama I've seen. I haven't dated of late so things are boring but okay. Dates from Hell could be an interesting topic if someone besides me fessed up to them. I am sure bad dates aren't taking place only in the NYC area. LOL. I can't be the only chick that's come across a wack dude.
What about you, Jo? What was your worst date ever?
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Q&A (and brownies) with J.J. Murray
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