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message 1: by The UHQ Nasanta (last edited Nov 14, 2011 12:51AM) (new)

The UHQ Nasanta (uhqs) | 849 comments I just spent nearly 9 hours reading about death, dying and loss, and writing - or trying to write - about it. What I've been learning is that in many cultures, discussing death and dying is almost taboo. I also learned about different rituals and attitudes of different cultures. It was very interesting so now I ask you.

What is your view on death and dying?

Are you comfortable with this topic or not?

While growing up, have your parents encouraged talk about death?

If you are parents, do you talk about death with your children?

Are you afraid of dying? If so, what are you afraid of?

If you could imagine a death for yourself, what would it be like?

What does quality of life mean for you?

Do you think that talking about death should be encouraged?

Do you know someone who lost a loved one? How did you handle it? What did you do or say?

Have you lost a loved one? What were some things that others have said to you or done for you that comforted you?

In your culture, what do you do when someone dies?

Do you feel like health professionals are able to provide quality end of life care?


Finally, what have you noticed about death, either the way it is handled or your reactions, in your readings?


message 2: by Sashana (last edited Nov 14, 2011 07:17PM) (new)

Sashana | 6358 comments What is your view on death and dying?
I don't think about it too much. Much too morbid for me to sit and think about.

Are you comfortable with this topic or not?
Not all, especially because I'm getting older which means my parents and grandma are getting older too :(

While growing up, have your parents encouraged talk about death?
I don't remember having a conversation about death with my parents.

If you are parents, do you talk about death with your children?
N/A

Are you afraid of dying? If so, what are you afraid of?
I am afraid of dying young. I am afraid of dying without accomplishing anything meaningful. It's much bigger than me dying, I think timing has to do with it too.

If you could imagine a death for yourself, what would it be like?
I'm really old but still surrounded by people I love. And I would die in my sleep peacefully.

What does quality of life mean for you?
Being happy (as cliched as that may sound). And by being happy I mean being around good friends and family, having a career that pays well while still being enjoyable. And lots and lots of traveling.

Do you think that talking about death should be encouraged?
Yes, it's natural. This is the most I've ever thought about death btw.

Do you know someone who lost a loved one? How did you handle it? What did you do or say?
My best friend's first boyfriend (who was her ex) died earlier this year. She kept saying that maybe if she stayed with him he'd still be alive. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning and I told her that nothing that she did or didn't do could have prevented that. It was something I had to tell her many times for many months but I always tried to be patient with her while she worked through her grief.

Have you lost a loved one? What were some things that others have said to you or done for you that comforted you?
My uncle died when I was about 9 or 10. It was the first death in the family and I felt like I was watching a movie. I didn't cry but I felt horrible. The older people in my family were more affected than us kids.

In your culture, what do you do when someone dies?
We have something in my country called a "Nine Night" which is a party/ceremony that we have on the ninth night of someone's death. For Christian people its more of a ceremony with praying, stories, and food (it's our version of a wake). For the less religious people it's a way to get together with friends and family of the dead and dance and eat.

Do you feel like health professionals are able to provide quality end of life care?
No doubt. They can make a painful event more tolerable.


Sashana | 6358 comments I hope that helps, Niquae .Hope I wasn't too late in replying.


Midu Hadi | 2487 comments What is your view on death and dying?

Its inevitable and I accept that.

Are you comfortable with this topic or not?

Yes, my parents taught me this was going to happen and I should learn to deal with it.

While growing up, have your parents encouraged talk about death?

Yes.

If you are parents, do you talk about death with your children?

N/A

Are you afraid of dying? If so, what are you afraid of?

No, it would be fun to see for myself what happens on the other side.

If you could imagine a death for yourself, what would it be like?

Peaceful. I don't want to die when I'm old and sick and dependent on others.

What does quality of life mean for you?

Being loved and loving back.

Do you think that talking about death should be encouraged?

Yes, its necessary if we want to cope with it when it actually happens.

Do you know someone who lost a loved one? How did you handle it? What did you do or say?

My granpa passed away, I tried to be there for my mom.

Have you lost a loved one? What were some things that others have said to you or done for you that comforted you?

Yes, my grand mother. People kept telling me I shouldn't cry so hard because it would hurt her to see me in pain. I almost told them to go to hell.

In your culture, what do you do when someone dies?

We have gatherings after every 10 days for 40 days. We pray, cook food that the deceased used to like and just come together to support each other.

Do you feel like health professionals are able to provide quality end of life care?

I don't think so. I think I'd rather be with my family when its my time.


Finally, what have you noticed about death, either the way it is handled or your reactions, in your readings?

Death in books has always seemed so unreal to me. It was only when my grand mother passed away that I realized how vulnerable it leaves us.


message 5: by Rachel (last edited Nov 15, 2011 09:18AM) (new)

Rachel (treychel) | 1627 comments What is your view on death and dying?

First of all, let me say that I am a blunt person and my views are sometimes a little more harsh than most. The answer to this question as an example: My view is that it happens and will to all of us. When it happens, it happens. There is no answer to why it happens when it does so I try to roll with it as best as I can and not questions too much when a family member or friend goes.

Are you comfortable with this topic or not?

Completely comfortable.

While growing up, have your parents encouraged talk about death?

I guess so. Never really told me NOT to talk about it.

If you are parents, do you talk about death with your children?

No children right now, but I will talk to them about it when I have kiddos.

Are you afraid of dying? If so, what are you afraid of?

Not afraid at all. I think in a way being afraid to die is almost being afraid to live. Not saying that you should bungee jump off a cliff everyday or anything, but think of all the wonderful moments you are missing by thinking about death. Just be thankful you are breathing. If you don't accompish every thing you want to in life, the day, or the hour think about what you have done and that you tried your best. :)

If you could imagine a death for yourself, what would it be like?

Dying after letting everyone know that I loved them. I always have said that I will know when I am going to die. I just have this feeling that I will know when it is going to happen. With family members in the past I have been able to feel when they have passed. I woke up in the middle of the night when my grandfather passed away and knew that he was gone. I called my mom immediately who was sleeping at the hospital that night. Not five minutes later the doctor came out to the waiting room and told her he had passed. I beleive that it will be the same way for me. I just want to be able to say I love you to every one last time. :)

What does quality of life mean for you?

Accomplishing, or at least trying to accomplish what you want while having fun doing it. Quality of life also means being healthy and happy.

Do you think that talking about death should be encouraged?

Yes. I think it would really help those who get completely distraught over death when it happens. Also, a will needs to be made and discussed with family. While you are at it, let the family know of your death wishes. Cremated? Buried? Funeral? Life support? Donor? Etc.

Do you know someone who lost a loved one? How did you handle it? What did you do or say?

I let them know that I was there if they wanted to talk. I didn't pressure them in to talking nor did I call them every single day. Honestly, I didn't even ask them how they were doing. I find that when I ask that question the person gets sad again and thinks about the person who is no longer here more than they should. I also did not say "I know how you feel". I hate that phrase when talking about death because you know what?? You don't know how they feel at all. You might think you do, but you don't. You only have a general understanding and when someone has lost a loved one that is not always good enough.

Have you lost a loved one? What were some things that others have said to you or done for you that comforted you?

I've lost 5 family members and 1 friend. I prefer to be alone when a death occurs in my family or friends. Let me work through it myself and don't ask me how I am doing. It just makes me more weepy.

In your culture, what do you do when someone dies?

Nothing to grand. We go to the viewing the night before and the next day go to the funeral. We always go to lunch or dinner afterwards, usually at the deceased favorite place. It is my own personal tradition to order their favorite meal (if I like it too). When my grandfather died, my boyfriend and I ordered a Corona (his favorite drink) and then ordered a margarita pitcher(another of his favorites). We were verrry toasty by the time lunch was over!!!

Do you feel like health professionals are able to provide quality end of life care?

Sometimes. I beleive the are able when the patient is still coherent and grounded in their own mind and body. When the patient is suffering from dementia or so sick that they are on a ventilator, in a coma, or completely mute how are we supposed to know that they are not hurting? They can't tell us and even though doctors try to keep them comfortable with meds and such, are they really ok? I think not. I always feel like they are in a horrible limbo where they can't express what is wrong and just want let go. I wholeheartedly believe in assisted suicide and think that if the prognosis for a patient is zero and the family agrees that it would be best to let them go, assisited suicide needs to be done.


Sans | 2275 comments What is your view on death and dying?
I've got kind of a combination of philosophies on this. On one hand, I agree with Socrates, that death is just another stage in life and is nothing to be afraid of. On the other, I've got my parents faith that I was raised on, that death is just eternal sleep (which is actually the same as one of Socrates ideas of what happens to us when we die), and that there is no such place as Hell.

Are you comfortable with this topic or not?
So long as everyone plays nice and doesn't bash the philosophies and faith of others, I'm happy to discuss any topic.

While growing up, have your parents encouraged talk about death?
Yep. Again, what happens to us in death is part of my parents faith, so it was definitely a topic that was discussed in depth while I was growing up.

If you are parents, do you talk about death with your children?
N/A

Are you afraid of dying? If so, what are you afraid of?
It's not something I'm eager for, but I don't fear it. Then again, I've never faced it, so I can only say I'm not afraid right now.

If you could imagine a death for yourself, what would it be like?
Eternal sleep.

What does quality of life mean for you?
The ability to not only have brain function, but some motor function as well. If my mind was gone or heavily impaired, I'd have no quality of life and would simply be a burden on my family and friends. I say kick the plug out of the wall. If my mind was perfectly functioning but I was unable to get around by myself (even with the aide of a wheelchair or something), I say kick the plug out of the wall again. I have to have some form of independence to have quality of life.

Do you think that talking about death should be encouraged?
Yes. When you don't talk about something, it becomes the monster in the closet and causes more fear that it should.

Do you know someone who lost a loved one? How did you handle it? What did you do or say?
My mother's mother died a couple of years ago. I wasn't close to the woman at all, but I told my mom that we should be thankful that she's not hurting anymore. She had Alzheimer's and advanced kidney disease, so it was best for everyone when she passed.

Have you lost a loved one? What were some things that others have said to you or done for you that comforted you?
I lost my best friend of 20+ years a while ago and it's very difficult to not have her here. But I know she's not in pain any more (she had leukemia) and she wouldn't want us to dwell on the negative. She had a good life and was a happy person and I celebrate having known her as long as I did.

In your culture, what do you do when someone dies?
Have a funeral, have a pot luck get together and remember the good times.

Do you feel like health professionals are able to provide quality end of life care?
I do. If the person is in pain, give them the morphine. I'm not saying make it an overdose, but keep the dying person as comfortable as you can. Just don't try to prolong life if there isn't any quality.

Finally, what have you noticed about death, either the way it is handled or your reactions, in your readings?
Not sure I understand this question.


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