Goodreads Feedback discussion

1244 views
Bugs > People accepting my friend request...which I never sent.

Comments (showing 1-50 of 50) (50 new)    post a comment »
dateDown_arrow    newest »

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments Today I received a notification that someone had accepted my friendship, but I never friended this person. I'm not sure what is going on, but the profile definitely doesn't look legit. I have already removed them as a friend, but since they seem to be doing some sort of weird reverse-friending trick, I figured it would be good to put their name out there.

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/69...


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments No chance you were hacked?

I know it's not the same thing as your concern, but I don't like how GR allows people to even send friend requests to private profiles, thus allowing someone to send you a message within the request. My page is private for a reason, and I never liked the idea that it still meant someone could, in some form, contact me with a friend request and an accompanied message.


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments Dutch wrote: "No chance you were hacked?

I hope not. I haven't noticed any changes or anything else weird. This person had apparently just joined and there is zero info, so there's a chance he/she could be a hacker. I'll be keeping my eyes open for any oddities.


Elizabeth (Alaska) | 8267 comments Now THIS one looks like a spam account.


Dionisia (therabidreader) | 326 comments Amber wrote: "Dutch wrote: "No chance you were hacked?

I hope not. I haven't noticed any changes or anything else weird. This person had apparently just joined and there is zero info, so there's a chance he/s..."


Try changing your password if you are concerned that this member may have accessed your account without your permission. Just in case, you never know.


message 6: by Kim (last edited Nov 09, 2011 03:52PM) (new)

Kim (shirezu) | 96 comments Dutch wrote: "I know it's not the same thing as your concern, but I don't like how GR allows people to even send friend requests to private profiles, thus allowing someone to send..."

This is a social site. It isn't designed for people to hide in their own little bubbles and not be contacted by other members. If you want to cut back on the numbers of friends requests (because it's very hard to press ignore) and a compulsory question in your friends request settings and the number will drop.


message 7: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Amber wrote: "Today I received a notification that someone had accepted my friendship, but I never friended this person."

Are you sure? They are in the same city as you are.


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments rivka wrote: "Amber wrote: "Today I received a notification that someone had accepted my friendship, but I never friended this person."

Are you sure? They are in the same city as you are."


I haven't sent any friend requests in weeks. I only friend people whose reviews I have followed for a while or who I know from a group.


message 9: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Is it possible you posted an invite link on a blog, Facebook, or somewhere similar?


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments rivka wrote: "Is it possible you posted an invite link on a blog, Facebook, or somewhere similar?"

Nope. Reviews are the only GR feature I link to Facebook, and I don't use any other social sites or blogs.


message 11: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Strange. Just this one user, right? No other friends you did not invite?


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments rivka wrote: "Strange. Just this one user, right? No other friends you did not invite?"

Just the one. That's why I thought it was particularly weird. Plus, when I got the message that they had "accepted" my friendship, I didn't receive any message with an answer to my friend question, so it wasn't an accidental invite.


message 13: by Evie (last edited Nov 09, 2011 04:52PM) (new)

Evie Kiels (eviekiels) One time someone sent me a friend request to AccountA. I clicked on the request link in the email and it opened in a browser that was logged into to AccountB. I didn't accept it, but it showed up in my friend requests for AccountB. I don't know if the friend request actually would have gone through, but I'm very careful to never click friend request links from emails now.

So maybe something weird like that happened?


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments Kim wrote: "Dutch wrote: "I know it's not the same thing as your concern, but I don't like how GR allows people to even send friend requests to private profiles, thus allowing someone to send..."

This is a so..."


I know this is a social site -- when you want it to be. When I joined, it was more or less my bookshelf until I started to join groups. But in my case, and I know I'm not alone, I don't particularly want my stalking ex-boyfriend to look me up, who has a history of finding me and leaving me messages on what ever site he has found me on. No grounds to report because as far as the website goes, it's a user saying hello. But instead of getting in to all the details, just know that yes -- there are people like me who wouldn't mind the Facebook-type of feature of leaving one's account private unless wanting to be found. Simple.


Petra Mmmandala (PetraX) | 4629 comments Since you are using a nickname, Dutch, I don't see how you can be found if you have a private profile, unless of course its your usual screen or real life nickname, in which case change it. No one who knew you previously will be able to find you then unless a mutual friend gives you away.


Lobstergirl | 4147 comments Kim wrote: "This is a social site. It isn't designed for people to hide in their own little bubbles and not be contacted by other members."

??

The site is for however users want to use it. If a user wants to have zero friends, nothing wrong with that. Users can choose to be as private and friendless as they wish. The site is designed to make social networking easy. Not compulsory.


Kim (shirezu) | 96 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "The site is for however users want to use it. If a user wants to have zero friends, nothing wrong with that. Users can choose to be as private and friendless as they wish. The site is designed to make social networking easy. Not compulsory. "

I never stated it was compulsory. I was saying people shouldn't complain about the friends request feature on private profiles. They don't have to accept them, they don't even have to read them but that function shouldn't be removed.


oliviasbooks | 43 comments The same thing happened to me three times some months ago. I deleted the new friendships, changed my password and blocked the members from commenting and following for good measure. But it did not feel good. I do not even have a facebook account and I send out friendship requests very seldom and only after perusing a member's profile thoroughly. So I really know I did not request those friedships.


Marisa (moretta) | 291 comments Kim wrote: I never stated it was compulsory. I was saying people shouldn't complain about the friends request feature on private profiles. They don't have to accept them, they don't even have to read them but that function shouldn't be removed. "

Why shouldn't they complain? It's your decision how you manage your profile and your interaction with the group, not any other person. Why is so important to send a friendship request to a person who choose to be private?


Petra Mmmandala (PetraX) | 4629 comments Marisa wrote: "Why is so important to send a friendship request to a person who choose to be private? "

If someone has a private profile and a nickname, like Dutch, how do you know why they have a private profile? Not everyone who has one actually wants one - GR makes all under 18s have private ones. If you read someone's reviews, you might want to friend them. If they are under 18 and have to have a private profile, you might want to friend them.

What is so bad about being able to send someone a friendship request? You can always ignore them, why is that such a big deal?


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments Petra X wrote: "Marisa wrote: "Why is so important to send a friendship request to a person who choose to be private? "

If someone has a private profile and a nickname, like Dutch, how do you know why they have a..."


I don't think it's the request itself, so much as the fact that you can tack a message onto to the request. It's a sneaky way of getting something past the privacy defenses. I'm not saying I'm against it, because it doesn't bother me, but I just think this is the feature that bothers Dutch.


MrsJoseph | 1656 comments Amber wrote: "I don't think it's the request itself, so much as the fact that you can tack a message onto to the request. It's a sneaky way of getting something past the privacy defenses. I'm not saying I'm against it, because it doesn't bother me, but I just think this is the feature that bothers Dutch.
"



In all honesty - those messages are very important. There are a ton of reasons a ton of people have private profiles. I know people who have private profiles simply because of the books they read. What about librarians and group moderators with private profiles? How do we PM them? If there is no way to send messages to people with private profiles - this could become a bi problem.

I do understand that there are crazies and stalkers - but the private profile part of GR isn't meant just for people with crazies and stalkers so it would be unfair to those who need to receive messages and keep their profiles private at the same time.


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments MrsJoseph wrote: "Amber wrote: "I don't think it's the request itself, so much as the fact that you can tack a message onto to the request. It's a sneaky way of getting something past the privacy defenses. I'm not ..."

I see your point, and like I said, I'm not against it but I was trying to understand Dutch's point of view.


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments Thank you Amber. :)

Petra, I wouldn't be using a pseudonym if I didn't have to. I have friends off the site that may join and look me up and can't find me unless I specifically tell them who I am or send them a link to my profile. It's not a choice to be private, in my case, instead it's necessary.

MrsJoseph, I think it may be more mandatory for GR staff, or group moderators to have this option (group mod's only for members, not the public if they see fit), not just someone making a profile and choosing not to hear from anyone.

I also think the message should be an option someone like me should be able to checkbox if I want that. It's no different on Facebook. I can have a profile there without worrying that someone can send me a friend request or message because it's my choice, and that site is more a social network than GR is. It's made to be social, yet the security features outnumber GR's -- which is a giant book club, that has the social option if one chooses.


MrsJoseph | 1656 comments I get FB friend requests from people I don't know all the time. My profile is private. I don't use FB anymore and haven't for over a year but I still get requests. I just ignore them.

I know it feels like a hassle. It's like the post office...you can mail a letter anywhere. Doesn't mean someone has to read it. With your profile being private...they can't even know its you unless you have a pic or respond.

I'm not saying that you don't have the right to be upset...I'm just saying that the PM function - as it is - is very helpful and useful for a lot of other people.


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments Just a correction about FB, what you are describing is a setting that you haven't selected - you don't have to receive messages from people unless you have one setting checked off that can enable friends of friends or everyone able to send you a message. On my FB it is impossible for anyone to send me a message from anyone other than my established friends. I know this because I've tested it by deleting my husband off my list who has mutual friends and seeing if he can send me something. He can't, nor can Joe Schmo on FB, only my friends.

This isn't the only site where PMs are an option. Many other message board sites or social sites can give you the freedom to receive messages or not receive them.

I understand they are necessary, but only for certain users who choose to be using this site for more public reasons (i.e. GR staff or group mods) but they should not be mandatory, not if I don't want them to be.

Someone like me?--I'm just not important enough for someone to contact that badly from other regular users. The only people who should get this option are my group's members if they are not already friends, otherwise -- me, and tens of thousands of others do not need this option and those of us who demand the privacy to be beefed up, this should not be a tall order.


Elizabeth (Alaska) | 8267 comments I certainly haven't tested this, but there is a place on your Settings tab that asks who can send me a private message - anyone or only established friends.


Kim (shirezu) | 96 comments As Elizabeth said there is an option to turn off private messages from anyone. But even on FB anyone can send you a friends request. Yes people can use that to send you a message but it's there for a reason and that's what I'm saying should not be turned off.


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments Again, no - I have tested this. My FB settings are tightened up so that no one except friends of friends can send requests and absolutely no one can send me messages unless they are friends.

And on this site, I have my settings to allow only friends to send me messages - which is fine, this isn't the issue, but anyone can send me a friend request and attach a PM with it.

If there is a setting to not allow this that I don't know about, I'd love to know. Otherwise forcing a question upon friend requesting or not makes no difference. You can still add a little something to someone when you find them in a message box. It may not hold as many characters as a regular PM, but it can hold enough characters to say something to upset someone.


Marisa (moretta) | 291 comments Petra X wrote: "What is so bad about being able to send someone a friendship request? You can always ignore them, why is that such a big deal? "

In my case, the problem wasn't if someone send the message or not, but saying that somebody shouldn't complain. Sorry, that expression is what a dislike.


message 31: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Dutch, have you tried this suggestion?

Kim wrote: "If you want to cut back on the numbers of friends requests and a compulsory question in your friends request settings and the number will drop."

Even a challenge question with an open-ended response reduces friend requests; making the challenge answer required with a response unlikely to be guessed should effectively block all friend requests.


message 32: by [deleted user] (new)

Elizabeth (Alaska) wrote: "Now THIS one looks like a spam account."

It is..


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments rivka wrote: "Dutch, have you tried this suggestion?

Kim wrote: "If you want to cut back on the numbers of friends requests and a compulsory question in your friends request settings and the number will drop."
..."


Thanks Rivka! Let me ask you this, if I were to do that, let's say the question is: "What city was I born in?" If someone answers it wrong, I will see it, correct? And if someone chooses to answer with a sentence saying something like, "It's me, and I found you here too," would I not see that as well? I always thought adding the compulsory question just encouraged someone to leave a message when they sent a friend request.


message 34: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Dutch wrote: "If someone answers it wrong, I will see it, correct?"

I don't think so, not if you require a specific response. They just won't be able to send the request.

I have a question, but I left the response free-form. I see all requests, and their response to my question.


Petra Mmmandala (PetraX) | 4629 comments You can ask something unguessable like what are the last four digits of your new cell phone. And write any four digits as the answer. You would never see the friend request.


Lisa Vegan (LisaVegan) | 8254 comments rivka wrote: "Dutch wrote: "I don't think so, not if you require a specific response. They just won't be able to send the request."

I swear when I did that, friend requests got through even if they'd keyed in a different answer from what I specified. It's been ages since I've required a specific response though.


Elizabeth (Alaska) | 8267 comments Lisa - try to friend me. I've gone through the process above, so we can test it.


Lisa Vegan (LisaVegan) | 8254 comments Elizabeth (Alaska) wrote: "Lisa - try to friend me. I've gone through the process above, so we can test it."

Okay, Elizabeth. Will do.


Lisa Vegan (LisaVegan) | 8254 comments Good news, Elizabeth and All. I got a "that answer did not match" message and I wasn't allowed to make a friend request.


Elizabeth (Alaska) | 8267 comments thanks, Lisa. Now I'll go undo it - don't want to block any friend requests! ;-)


Dutch (dutchess) | 282 comments Thank you guys! :D


Maren | 3 comments This just happened to me, too, with a user called Cari Q. Do we know if it's a site glitch, or is it more likely hacking? Changing my password just in case...


message 43: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Often, these are Facebook friends you don't recognize by their GR name.


Maren | 3 comments I hope not in this case, because I already sent her an apologetic message and unfriended her! Does it automatically send friend requests to people I know on Facebook if we're both using the app? I haven't sent a friend request myself in weeks, and they're all people I definitely recognize.


message 45: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
Yes, if you're using the app it will connect you to Facebook friends who also use the app.


Maren | 3 comments rivka wrote: "Yes, if you're using the app it will connect you to Facebook friends who also use the app."

But it will actually send the request without even telling me it did? If so, I...don't really like that. (If that is in fact the case, I'm sure I can change the settings--just letting GR know it's not good as a default.) There are some people I'm friends with on Facebook out of politeness, but we would not share reading tastes at all. I don't want to be obligated to be friends with them on here just because it looks like I'm the one who initiated the friend request.


message 47: by rivka, librarian moderator (new)

rivka | 11062 comments Mod
You can block a GR user if you don't wish them to be added as your friend by the FB app.


 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 12 comments Going back to my original post, I FINALLY found out who that individual was who was trying to friend me. I did know them, but they never bothered to tell me who they were or send me any messages. Sorry to have started an issue unnecessarily, but I'm glad some other people have had issues resolved by using this thread.


message 49: by Calathea (last edited Mar 05, 2012 05:30AM) (new)

Calathea | 15 comments In the last three days 4 GR users "accepted my friendship" without me sending them an invitation. As my profile is set on "private" it's no fun to find people friending me without me even knowing I sent them an invitation.

One of the 4 users is an author and the other three I know from a group I'm a member of here on GR (so in this case it's not looking as bad as it could be because I knew them before). It would be quite embarrasing for me to friend and unfriend them again because of some technical error...

The explanation for FB friends doesn't work because I keep my FB-friends (students in my classes) and GR-friends strictly seperated and don't even use the same user name on FB and GR and I'm using different e-mail-addresses for each account.

Three of the four that friended me without an actual request did so after taking a quiz I made up last week. So first I thought it had something to do with this. Alas, the fourth friended me today without taking the quiz...


message 50: by D.A.-It's a copyright • Not your right to copy. (last edited Dec 20, 2013 10:04AM) (new)

D.A.-It's a copyright • Not your right to copy. (Mourning-book-catalog) | 2724 comments I didn't think the OP was talking about pm's — I thought they meant the message you can send with your friend request. Certainly lock down pm's if you like.

I wouldn't want friend requests not to have the message option (unless you want to lock it down with a custom message/answer to make sure only real life friends you want can answer). That message is too useful for members saying things like "hi, in group xxx, I'm your partner for the buddy read." Members with nuser names like just "Dutch" "John" "Anne" or who change avatars and names a lot — well, sometimes without the message you have no idea who someone is.

I'm not private on goodreads. I put an open answer question on my friend request just to avoid any mass friending spam/bot program; not had a big problem with real goodreads members (even authors) friending. I get so few requests since I don't review or participate a lot. But, that's just my situation. Problems with friended strangers (like someone who friends then immediately just spams pm's ...silly of them to fake friendship since my pm's aren't locked to friends) I just unfriend and block.

If I had a stalker, I would feel differently and lock down all I could.

I locked down my pm's temporarily once because there was a really weird capthca glitch on goodreads. At that time, I had some friend request issues with my open ended friend request question being answered with advertising. I guess spammer felt they accomplished something by getting the message in your face (they rather did because I added them to my offline blacklist, online bba lists [my own and others], blogged out and listed everywhere that permitted ( goodreads no longer allows bba tracking content) — so on the one hand they got attention but on the otherhand hopefully no reviews or purchases).

It's incredibly annoying and insulting when someone friends you only to spam. Or answers filter questions with spam. I even had one a**hole arguing it was not spam because (a) I accepted their friend request and (b) they did not send me massive amounts of what I called spam (well, neither did that Nigerian prince's banker in my email).

I cannot imagine dealing with an actual stalker bypassing privacy protections goodreads tries to offer. If members don't feel comfortable on your site they will shut down accounts. If there is a bug or a hack with friend requests, goodreads does need to address.


back to top

unread topics | mark unread