Thanks Karey! Each day is a journey...

Dawn, I just read your post, and I'm in tears. You expressed what you've come to learn about faith and losing your mother in a way that touched me more than you know. God bless you.

Karey

Faith. It's something I have struggled with for so long. Every time I prayed to God it seemed like something bad would happen. My mom used to always say that the closer you got to God the closer the devil would try to get to you. So, in my mind... why not just be indifferent so myself and those around me would not get hurt. Well, Faith can be so many different things.

I finally decided to pray again when my mom was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. The cancer was so bad that her chances of survival were very little. She kept ensuring us that she was going to beat it. Well, my mother ended up not beating it and passing away. It was so very hard and is still hard to deal with. I think of her everyday and sometimes I just get angry that she isn't here. Everyone keeps saying that I need to "deal" with it. I feel like "dealing" with it would make me forget her. I don't ever want to do that.

Well, I finally have kind of found a way of helping myself through it (partly because I was sad to see my husband hurting for me when I was down). I blog about it. Slowly I am learning what real Faith is. For me, it's trusting myself that I will live each day like it's my last and make the best of it (or at least try to). It's realizing that there are children and adults out there that would give anything for another day on this Earth. They would give anything to have a day pain free. I want to believe in God and make him and my family that is no longer here proud. I want to not be a waste and waste nothing. Days are numbered and you have to enjoy each day you are given.

I look back at the pain my mother was in and I remember her crying every night. Oh, what that must feel like to be in her shoes. I cannot imagine. But I do know this. My mother and I had the best times together when she was sick. I learned more from her then than ever! I love the saying that our lives are like the book, the ending is what reveals everything. She was a true inspiration to me. Even though she didn't survive her cancer, she survived through my family and I. Her legacy was not and will never be lost.

Faith is what you make it, just try to make the best of it.

I answered this, I know I answered this, but the cyber monkeys must have taken it. It's a wonderful letter, thx for sharing it with us.

While I do have one specific religion I follow, I personally believe they are ALL great and I agree very much with the letter your son wrote. Everything will be worked out and all that matters is if people are good and making an effort in their lives to better the lives of others. =)

Wonderful comments. Holli, what you wrote said so much about your inner character. It was lovely.

And James, your analogy gave me chills. Like Holli, it's going to give me something to ponder for a while.

Thanks for the good wishes, too, everyone.

Amen! "Closer to God."

Hi Karey,

It's great to hear that your surgery went well!

Regarding your son's message, I have found that adversity brings me closer to God. I can relate to having a child sick with fever in the middle of the night. (It's bad enough having a child sick during the day, but it's worse at night.)You wait, you administer medicine, and you pray.

Adveristy has a humbling effect, and it makes you turn your heart towards God...

All the best!

--John

Yes, thank you so much! You said exactly what I try to tell people but it never comes out right.

Very well written James...I loved it. The idea that God is a found object artist is phenomenal. Thank you for giving me something to ponder all day now.

Congratulations on your surgery coming out so well, Karey!

I don't adhere to any formal religion, but I know God is present, because I've experienced it in my life in some of the hardest times - it isn't that God will keep bad things from happening, but that if I am open to it, I'll be given the ability to cope no matter what. It's a matter, as your son said, of acceptance.

I had a real problem with people responding to loss and tragedy by saying that it's God's will and we just don't understand the big picture. Then I ran across a metaphor I love, many years ago. I was on a vacation in Carmel, CA, and came upon an exhibition of sculpture that was really striking - it was 'found object art', all assembled from trash, large and small pieces of junk and broken stuff the sculptor had picked up. There was a sign explaining that his rule for himself was that he did not break anything himself in order to get materials; he would only take things that were already wrecked and try to create some beauty with them. I had a flash - God is a found-object artist. God doesn't wish or cause harm or pain on anyone or anything, no matter what - that is not within the nature of the God I know. But when it occurs anyway, because we have free will or because things do just happen, God takes the wreckage and brings some good out of situations that would otherwise be a total loss. An example would be Anne Frank's diary.

I loved what your son wrote and thank you so much for sharing this with us Karey. I completely agree with the African people and their concept of faith. I have that same unwavering belief too deep inside of me...it just gets buried with all of the mundane crap that goes on in life. When I have an earth-shattering experience and I dont know what else to do (and they have happened) I give it up to God and let him decide. I've always done that....maybe too late at times and its part of my bargaining process with him....but I always do it.

I think its beautiful they believe that strongly and that easily. It would be a gorgeous thing to witness and your son is lucky if he has.

Congrats Karey! I'm really happy for you!

That's amazing, Karey! :)

Glad to hear the surgery went well, Karey! Indeed a miracle! :)

I haven't seen the movie, but it sounds like it goes so well with what my son was writing about, and what you and Penny have echoed.

For me, I know that the more I look for miracles in my life, the more I see them every day. I keep a journal off and on, and when I write, I write about how I've seen the hand of God in my life that day.

Today, I would say that I have seen the hand of God through the miracle of modern science, and the devoted work of doctor's unknown to me who have perfected the miracle of cataract surgery, because I am seeing 20/20 out of my right eye, when yesterday my vision was 20/2400. What a miracle to see clearly again.

Have you ever seen this movie called Finger of God? That has a woman in it who is a missionary to Africa, and she talks a little about this, as well as how it pertains to the children in Africa, even those who don't know God-how they have such great faith because they are 'unspoiled' by the world, so to speak, and God is able to do great miracles through them. As in, they have faith and believe in things that cannot always be 'seen', and God uses that.

These are great thoughts! Thanks for sharing this letter, Karey. Just today I've encountered serveral reminders of how God uses pain to build our faith. It's the one explanation that helps me make sense of the difficult things in this life. I've had moments like the one described when there simply isn't anything to do but trust that God is in control. I know the faith I have is stronger for those experiences. I agree with Saved by Grace that it is harder for us to see miracles because of distractions. So, I'm very thankful for the miracles I have seen. And I'm going to keep watching for them! It's amazing to me that God uses so many ways to show His omnipotence and omniscience. Not only was this exact topic discussed at my church this morning, but I read examples of it in Psalm 125 and in a book I'm reading called Ten Fingers for God by Dorothy Clarke Wilson. (I highly recommend it by the way.) This letter is such a great completion for my day, and I am hoping it will teach me more about those things I still need to learn. Thanks again, Karey!

I've heard that kind of stuff too, how much easier it is for them to accept that God is God, because they don't have so many of the material things and pop-culture stuff getting in their way. God does so many miracles over there because they are more ready to believe, while for 'us' it is so much harder.

From a letter my son wrote me recently from Southern France: "I've been thinking a lot about faith recently and had a thought.

There is something I like to call "African faith." I don't know what it is exactly but Cyprien Munazi had it in Montpellier (and still does) and Marie Oulai has it here in Pau.

It is an absolute and unwavering confidence in God that everything will work out no matter what. I might have already said this but Cyprien explained it this way: "Faith is when your baby gets a fever in the middle of the night, and you know within your heart that it is malaria. He gets hotter and hotter and there is nothing you can do. You have nothing to help him but a cloth and water. There are no pharmacies open for medication and if there were, you have no money to buy anything anyway. So you pray, and you pray all night. You pray and you fast, and finally when the sun starts to come up and you tell the Lord that no matter what happens, it is in His hands- that you accept whatever He chooses- your baby stops crying and starts to fall asleep, and soon is sleeping peacefully. Dieu merci."

I don't have faith like that and have never been asked to. Should I be grateful? We have a lot to learn and me especially. But I do know that faith is a true principle and that God is omniscient and omnipotent.

I don't understand everything that has happened in my life but I am grateful that I know the end of the story before I get there. So find a way to exercise your faith and notice the miracles you already have in your life." ~Dwight Parker