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General > Working Mom's VS Stay at Home Moms

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Santina (LittleSaintina) | 292 comments Mod
I think SAHM (stay at home Moms)need to understand, us working mothers don't work because we don't love our children, we work either because we have to, we really love our jobs, or we have degrees we want to put to use, some of us just really hate the thought of being dependant on another person to support us. We don't love our children any less than you. Mother's of every type should be supporting each other, motherhood is a tough job, it isn't easy for anyone, the more support we give each other the easier it will be for all of us. SAHMs and working Moms.


Mona | 72 comments Well said! :)


Sherry I used to run a dayhome and I was pretty close to the Mom's whose children I cared for.It frequently was an agony for them to have to leave their children and it was very hard to miss out on a lot of the things that stay at home moms were able to participate in.
I would hear some negative things said from both sides but mostly from the stay at home moms and I always thought that there was a touch of inadequacy in the more self righteous ones.

As women we should support one another in the choices we feel are the best for our families.
An awesome book that I would recommend for all mothers is called The Mother Daughter Revolution which examines the ways we can support our daughters and one another in what is still all too often a mans world.


Sherry Very good topic LS


Santina (LittleSaintina) | 292 comments Mod
Thank you for the book recommendation, I am the mother of a daughter and will pick that one up.


Mona | 72 comments Yes, thanks for that book recommendation. I am always looking for good parenting books.


Pamela(AllHoney) (pamelap) As a SAHM I must say I understand wholehearted the reasons a mom continues to work. The reason I stopped was not totally because of my daughter. My job was eliminated and we had to move for my hubby's job and then we decided to continue with foster care and thought it would be best for me to remain at home. Then my bundle of joy arrived and I just haven't returned to work since. (We no longer do foster care). My daughter is now in 3rd grade and I have considered finding a part time job. It just hasn't happened yet.
I believe that working moms do indeed love their children just as much as I do :)


SallyHP | 5 comments I'm now staying at home, but quit my job only because we moved cross-country and I didn't want to start all over for the short time we'd be here. I have to admit that I was looking forward to the 'break' that not having a job would give me, but it's been a really hard transition. When I was working, I never felt guilty or bad about having my son in daycare, because he loved it there, and they loved him. He was at a YMCA, and it was great for him! I worked as a social worker for child welfare, and just wanted to have a little time at home. I don't like the term mommy wars, and I don't like that there is constantly a dialogue that one side 'has' to see something another way. Everyone needs to just be secure in their decisions and not worry about what other people have to say. If someone is critical of the decisions you make for your family, and they are not illegal, then the person passing judgement has too much time on their hands...I wish we could move forward from the us vs. them vs. us because we're all "us" We're all mothers whether we have 1 job or 12. Having, loving and raising children gives us that distinction.


Melissa (Melitious) I completely agree with your statement Santina. It is so hard for me to leave my son every morning, when take him to my friend's house for daycare. Of coruse, he doesn't even realize I'm there, the second he gets in his exersaucer. I got to stay home with him for the first 5.5 months of his life, but toward the end I realized that I definitely couldn't do it all the time. We couldn't afford it, first off, second I just can't stay at home all day doing nothing. I have two degrees that I really want to put to use, I love my job, though it breaks my heart that since I work for the U.S. Senate, I spend anywhere from 12-16 hours away from him each day (he is asleep by the time I get home every night). I completely support all women who work for their families, and I respect the ones who want to stay at home with their children (that is how we actually are able to have a babysitter). As mothers, we all have this in common, and I can't see why we can't be supportive.


Anna I really appreciate the thoughtful nature of this discussion. Supporting other families (especially with the current economic situation) is so important. As an "old" mom--my daughter is a middle schooler my plea is that it so important to remain engage in your children's lives as they leave the preschool/elementary school years. I work outside the home, but in a job remotely related to my original career path. I was fortunate to find a position with flexible hours and good benefits so I traded my title for the ability to spend more time with my daughter. I am able to volunteer due to my schedule and regardless of the parents' work status the parents' participation dwindles in middle school and the kids are craving for some adult contact (more in the background, but at least a presence to provide praise and help manage the chaos :)). I learn so much from our future leaders and after every meeting I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to be a mom.


Aileen I'm a stay at home mom by choice. I feel lucky that I can be here for my kids and I'm not putting that on someone else. I can't imagine how I would keep up with everything my children do and or need if I had a full time job. I by no means am against mothers working, more power to ya. I'm just greatful that I'm able to see them off to school in the morning and be there to pick them up every day. My husband on the other hand doesn't see them in the morning and only gets maybe an hour with them in the evening. I can't help but think how sad it would be if that were true for me too. Once my youngest is old enough for school I will most definately go back to work. More than likely part time maybe more but for now I can keep that on hold.


Sera I am a working mom who is currently on maternity leave for 3 more months for 4 months total. My husband will be staying home with the baby, because my earning capacity is much higher than his. I already have prepared myself for not seeing my daughter as often, but I do believe that quality instead of quantity time is important. Therefore, my goal once I go back to work is to spend time with her whenever I can in a positive way. It's going to be very difficult for me, but we all do what we have to do, don't we? I'm sure that I'll be in tears that first week back at the office.


Aileen Sera wrote: "I am a working mom who is currently on maternity leave for 3 more months for 4 months total. My husband will be staying home with the baby, because my earning capacity is much higher than his. I ..."

I think you make a great point. The quality vs. quantity really is the key. If I was the one with a higher earning capacity I think my husband would stay home with the kids too. I find it refeshing in someway to hear more and more dads are taking the part as the stay at home parent. It's going to be so much easier going back to work knowing baby is with daddy rather than a stranger. Good luck with the days ahead and enjoy the rest of your leave.


Sera Thanks, Aileen. I appreciate the support. It's amazing how many women with whom I work have stay at home husbands who take care of the children. I've noticed that the more successful a woman is, the more likely that she is the bread winner for the household. I agree that I am very fortunate that my husband can take care of her instead of someone outside the family. I think that daycare is good and that children thrive in that environment; however, I want my daughter to be at home for at least two years with my husband. Then, I would like to put her in a part-time program so that she can work on her socialization skills.




Regan I have been a working mom since my daughter was born 4 yrs ago. My husband stays home with our kids and it has worked out well for our family.

We find an interesting double standard that applies though. Many people that we meet and explain that my husband is a SAHD seem to find it weird or make comments about it. Yet, if I was the one to stay home, they would think nothing of it.




Shea | 346 comments My husband is also a SAHD. Unfortunately, we live in a small community and there aren't really any other SAHDs that we know of. He has been doing it for 6 years. It has been hard for him sometimes because he can't relate to the moms even though that is the group he is in. The teachers love him though because they enjoy having a Dad in the classroom for a change. As the kids have gotten older the one thing he has commented on is play dates. One mom has no problem calling up another mom and inviting her over for a playdate. My husband said he would never feel comfortable doing that, especially in a small town, so the kids missed out on playdates. He has met other parents at the park when it is nice out and there have been a couple of times where he was able to get together with a group of moms and their kids. Overall, it has worked out pretty well for us.


Sherry How wonderful for the kids though to have the nuturing for them modeled from their fathers. The world would be a far better place if there were more nuturing fathers out there.


Regan Shea - I agree with what you said about playdates!

It has worked out well for our family so far and Sherry is right - it is great that our kids grow up seeing a nurturing father as a model.


Shea | 346 comments Hey, I have a shopping list pad stuck to my refrigerator that says that! It is uncredited on the notepad.


Sera But maybe it should be modified to say "working parent"?

I just returned to work a couple of weeks ago after 4 months of maternity leave, and my husband is doing a great job. He is also loving being a SAHD to the point where he feels guilty because he is having so much fun. I told him to enjoy it and not to feel bad. I wouldn't if I was at home with our little girl.


Literary  Chanteuse | 20 comments I am a stay home Mom at the moment. I am enjoying being home with my kids but it isn't without it's challenges. I didn't have a particular career to go back to so the choice wasn't a difficult one. I think your a Mom first regardless if you work or not. And I do praise the Mom's that have gone back to work as much as I do the ones who haven't. Life sends us all on many different paths but we need to walk together. So my cheers to all Moms!


message 22: by Angela (last edited Jun 16, 2010 01:55PM) (new)

Angela (angbens) I am in the middle. I work part time. I work 24 hours, one week and then 16 the next. I love working, but love the time at home too! However, I was a SAHM for 4 years, after I got laid off and couldn't find work (outside the home...there was plenty at home though...lol).


L & D UGHHH! I have been signing up as a secret shopper for some extra xash and I filled out one application that totally Pissed me off! They all ask for current occupation and most let you fill in what you like. this one had options Full time, part time, unemployed and student. I am none of these. No, I am not currently working outside the home, although I did work for 12 years before becoming a full time student/stay at home mom. This is my first full summer off. Done with school, not working outside the home until the fall. BUT I DO WORK! For example, yesterday I did 8 loads of laundry and scrubbed the kitchen, fed 3 kids 3 meals and snacks, fed my husband and I, ironed my husband's work clothes, baked a cake and took care of 3 children's needs and wants. This job is not easy.

ok, just needed to vent.


Deborah | 5 comments L&D, can you give me any tips to get into the secret shopper thing? I've been wanting to but not sure how to tell what's legit and what's not.....

I worked for my twins first 2 years and now stay home with four children under four. This is much harder than work ever was, but a lot more fun too!! I joke that I need to go back to work for a vacation. Nothing is more rewarding than being a mom though - whether you work outside the home as well or not.


L & D I go through a company called Shadow Shopper. I am paying $4.95 this month and it gives me access to secret shopping companies that are hiring in my area. I plan to enroll with as many companies as I can then drop Shadow Shopper (the fee goes up after the first month). Good Luck!
Lansing (the L of L&D)


Amanda (mouser083) I'm currently a working mom, and I take my son to daycare. When I drop him off, it's hard. He cries for me, but then he gets adjusted the moment I walk out. By the time, I pick him up, he doesn't want to leave. In about two months I will become a stay-at-home mom because my husband is in the Navy. When I get permission to join him in September, I will still put my son in daycare. He needs that social interaction with other children.


message 27: by Jenny (last edited Jun 24, 2010 05:36PM) (new)

Jenny I have been very fortunate in my situation. I have been home with my daughter for just over three years. My first year was considered a regular maternity leave, my second year was an extendend maternity leave and my third year was a leave of absence. I return to work in September (by then, I will have had 3 years, 5 months off) in the same job and I do NOT lose any seniority. Now, were we able to afford it? Absolutely not, but it was a sacrafice my husband and I chose to make and we do not regret our decision 1000%. I recognize that I have an amazing employer who was so flexible to allow me the time off. Usually, two years off is the maximum, so when I was approved for the third year, we were ecstatic.

I am ready to go back to work, but more importantly, my daughter is ready for full-time preschool.


L & D My oldest is 12, and one of us has always been home. DH stayed home for the first 11 years, I took the past year off. This fall will begin the only time where we are both working. I will be teaching, so the kids still will never have to be home alone or go to daycare. It was our decision and we, like Jenny, do not regret one minute of it. We have sacraficed, from cars to vacations, but we feel so blessed to be able to be with our children while they grow and develop. I know that this cannot and/or willnot work for everyone, but we made it work for us.


Lilo1 Gurule (goodreadscomlilo1) | 11 comments im a SAHM
and i respect
all Working mothers out there
and STHM/SAHD
nobody knows our personal life
so theres no need 2 judge!
=]


Lindsay Mawson (lindsaymawson) | 3 comments I am currently on maternity leave, but will be a SAHM after that. My college education (tourism & travel) does not particularly earn much more than minimum wage, so it would have cost me more to work (daycare) than to stay home. However, on top of the SAHM duties, I am also an author, which makes things difficult!

I know MANY working mothers and I have a lot of respect for them, but I also have respect for us SAHM because, man, it's hard work.


Sandy | 2 comments I am a SAHM to I ahave been for a few years now I did work part time at one time but that was in the evenings only,and my husband was home.I think children adapt to either or.I like staying home my daughter is now 15 but she still likes me home. I have a son with Autism and he lives with care givers he is 22. My oldest has moved out a few years ago he is almost 25, but I only worked part time when thety were young to.So I think it can work both ways.


Debra (DebraPurdyKong) I was a salary-employed mom and a SAHM for 14 years. They're both hard, but somehow I managed to grab small periods of time to write. I remember writing on my lunch breaks at work, I remember writing on the floor with my 10 month old at home. I'd have a notepad propped against my knees while she played with toys. I'm back to being a SAHM mom again, but my youngest will be 16 next month and he helps with the cooking. My first traditionally published book will be released March 2011, after many years of writing and submitting. The point is, no matter what you do, perseverance can pay off.

Debra


Shea | 346 comments Debra,
Congratulations on your soon to be "traditionally published" book.


Debra (DebraPurdyKong) Shea wrote: "Debra,
Congratulations on your soon to be "traditionally published" book."


Thank you. My publisher is currently sending ideas for book covers, and I'm grateful that she's giving me some insput!


Suzi (SuziD) | 9 comments "Thank you. My publisher is currently sending ideas for book covers, and I'm grateful that she's giving me..."

CONGRATS! I'm a part-time SAHM and part-time working mom, so I get the best of both worlds (I think). I work for my local school district, supporting children who have special needs but I only work 4 hrs/day and have all the holidays (Christmas, Spring Break, Summer, etc.) off. I still miss my little man while he's at daycare but I feel it's good for both of us to have a little time apart - he's become so much more confident!

I am also a writer and my first novel (a Young-Adult paranormal) was published this December as an ebook. I agree - perserverance certainly pays off! It's a very exciting time - best of luck to you! Will be looking for your title when it comes out :)


Debra (DebraPurdyKong) Suzi wrote: ""Thank you. My publisher is currently sending ideas for book covers, and I'm grateful that she's giving me..."

CONGRATS! I'm a part-time SAHM and part-time working mom, so I get the best of both..."


Thank you for your kind words, Suzi. Since I last posted about it, I learned that I'll receive my free copies next month, and that my publisher will be making a trailer! I didn't expect that, so I'm very excited. And all the best with your young-adult paranormal. I love that genre, too. What's the name of your book?


Debra


Suzi (SuziD) | 9 comments My book is Amber Frost. It's the third that I've written but the first to be published (in ebook format only though). I'm still hoping to be published in print one day.
What is the title of yours? and the genre?


Debra (DebraPurdyKong) Great, I'll check it out. I have a Sony ereader, so hopefully it's available through their store. The book that's coming out is called The Opposite of Dark, which is a contemporary mystery, featuring a transit security officer.

I've written and published 2 other mysteries in another series, also set in Vancouver, but centered around some aspect of white-collar crime. Here's the links:
Taxed to death
Fatal Encryption


Suzi (SuziD) | 9 comments yep, it's available at the Sony store, Amazon, ibooks, etc.
Thanks :) I'll check out your books!


Debra (DebraPurdyKong) Suzi wrote: "yep, it's available at the Sony store, Amazon, ibooks, etc.
Thanks :) I'll check out your books!"


Good to know, I'll purchase it on my next buying spree in the new year.

Debra


Katie Malone | 1 comments I found a great company that focuses on green living and staying home with your kids. Take a look at http://gr.momsprovide.com.


Jolia Kraymer | 1 comments Hi every body,
I used to have big problems with typing jobs from home,but am getting in better mind now. Here's a good site I found that really helped. It gave me great methods and useful information tips and showed me what I was doing wrong before...there's even lots of free articles on the site...
Source:
http://typing-jobs-at-home-review.blo...


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Books mentioned in this topic

Amber Frost (other topics)
Taxed to death (other topics)
Fatal Encryption (other topics)