In the spirit of "Books I Loathed", I'd like to start a thread for specific sentences, metaphors, euphemisms, etc. that we loathe.

I will begin by picking up part of the Shameful Passions thread:

1. Tawny globes
2. Tumescent manhood
3. Mound of desire
and, my personal favorite...
4. Mons Venus

All from bad "romantic" or "erotic" writing.

The SOFT CORE of her WOMANHOOD.

I'd rather read the C-word (which I hate, but not nearly as much as these cheesy phrases)

Using "sex" as a replacement noun for genitals. It's very Anais Nin, very period, but it always jars me and takes me out of the story.

Along the lines of words I loathe, the C-word is my number one "cringe word".

I can't claim to have read "The Lover" by Marguerite Duras, since I was so put off by the dreadful film adapted from it, but there was one terrible euphemism for penis in that film that I'm assuming was drawn straight from the book (since the narrator spoke it): "His golden column". This description made me imagine a little bust of Julius Caesar sitting atop it, like some weird sex toy.

People are never old in the world of Washington Irving. They are "stricken in years".

Did anyone ever really talk that way?

Oh dude. I don't ever want to feel like I've been "stricken" by aging. That's pathetic.

So funny this topic came up - I was just thinking of a phrase I loathe the other day! This will tell you a lot about me, but I really like H.P. Lovecraft. I like H.P. Lovecraft enough that I dared to pick up one of the moronic collections of what basically amounts to fanfics of Lovecraft's work (in other words, the lame authors who try to write in the style of Lovecraft and/or continue his stories).

So that said...in the foreword of one of these awful collections, someone actually wrote, and I'm not even kidding.... "He was a man who truly loved his craft."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>:O
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I'm going to go drink some soda now and let you revel in how awful that is. Wow. Some people.

Any description vulva as a flower is way too overworked and Georgia O'Keeffian for me.

I get it. It looks like a lily. Okay. Fine. Surely there are other things it looks like, too.
lol

Throbbing anything.

And there's always something rough or rasping - chin stubble on a man, chapped hands or something that 'bruises the delicate tissues' of one
nether region or another...

Sigh.

Xysea..... oh sister you are just killing me! :D

LOL. Great thread! Jessica, I'm so with you on (his/her) "sex". "Member" and "manhood" also trouble me. But I find most erotica terribly unsexy.

Trying to think of some nonsexual ones..

In terms of research reports, which I read often for work, I despise the overuse of the word "utilize", which has a specific meaning (to use to maximum effectiveness). You don't sound smarter! Just say "used"!

When writers try to avoid the word "said" in their characters' dialogue. I know they teach you in elementary school to mix up your verbs, but even "replied" can sound forced if it's not exactly matching the tone of the conversation.

"overmasteringly"

"reveled" (reading, reading, going along fine, and then I hit the word "reveled", and I always put the emphasis in the wrong place AGAIN!! Have to back up and think the word AGAIN, try and train myself on that first-syllable emphasis, oh gosh this will be the death of me)

"mottled" (actually, I like this word, but not when a writer relies on it too much; "mottled" should not be relied on too much, not everything qualifies as mottled; this happens to open up a can of (non-mottled) worms...have you ever read a book where a writer seems to like to repeat a word over and over again, like they've just discovered it? Adjectives tend to take a beating this way)

okay, come on, fess up: am I the only one who--as a child--read the word "misled" as "mizzled". Like a verb! Y'know. To mizzle, but really, spelled misled; "he misled me" (mizzled). Something to do with tricking someone...yes. And then, one day, AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Miss Lead. Mis Led. Mis-led. I get it! I'm a clued-in reader now! I am an adult reader; I have been mizzling myself all these years (but actually misleading myself).

Okay, who recognizes this little happenstance: characters in some kind of chitchat mode. And then someone says something that's supposed to be funny. And suddenly the characters in the book are all laughing "uproariously", or until they "double over in pain", orrrr they "are having hysterical fits of laughter, with tears running down (their) eyes". And as the reader, you're thinking: That wasn't really that funny. Why so hysterical? Why are all the characters mirthfully leaning against each other over a bad joke. I guess the author thinks it's really funny. This kind of weird scene often turns up in bad mysteries, and can go on for a page and a half--the word "guffaw" may put in an appearance, and "hysterical" is a standard. But often, I feel the characters are having an exaggerated heebie-jeebie fit of the jollies to something cute or mildly amusing. Books that have a Dedication to a cat sometimes indulge in this type of scene, or maybe not.

Ok Alex...since you were so candid with your misled revelation...I'll give you my all-time most embarassing mental mispronounciation. I had this mermaid book when I was like seven...and it kept using the word human... I thought it was humman... pronounced like hummus. I kept wondering what a humman was and why the mermaid was afraid of them.

<shakes head> ahhh seven year old Christen.... you dolt.

My parents STILL tease me for thinking, as a kid, that the name Buchanan was pronounced BUCK-uh-nan.

Odd. But you were seven. Of course, I read Galactus as Galacticus for years, so I have to be humble on these kinds of issues.

You've mispronounced "Seth" as "Alex", by the way. But that is a refreshing change from "Seeth" or "Sath".

And, I'll wager, that Seth prefers "Seth" to "Alex" which, in today's case, refers to a girl. :)

Speaking of "utilize" versus "use"... I loathe all corporate speak. Oh! And the term "monies" instead of "money".

Also, I've really been having a hard time with colloquial use of words lately. For example, I say "he pled guilty" (past-tense of "plead") but have noticed that everyone on the t.v. and radio says "pleaded". For some reason, that really irks me.

LOL oops my bad. Sorry Seth.

There's really no excuse for seven year old Christen... the mermaid book had PICTURES of people and the mermaid swimming away from them.

Further down the road, I swore that the name Ian in Jurassic Park was pronounced eye-an. I was so annoyed by people who said Ian. And then I saw the movie. Ahem. I stand corrected.

I loathe the word 'Irregardless.'

It is not a word. It is a mutant.

One of the funniest mispronounciation stories I heard was allegedly about Chris Noth (Mr Big, Sex and the City).

Apparently, he pronounced the word 'erudite' similar to crudité. Oh, the awfulness of it wafts back even now!

It's terrible, but I'm laughing now even as I type this...lol This one is such a prize winner that when my brother or I do something boneheaded we refer to it as 'erudité.'

But Christen, aren't there some places where "Ian" is pronounced eye-an? I think there might be. You may not have to hang your head in shame. Well...maybe about that mermaid/human thing... LOL!!

Xysea! I literally have tears coming out of my eyes right now! Oh lord. My co-workers think I've lost my mind.

Do you mind if I co-op that? I HAVE to start saying erudite'.

Tricky names when you have only read them, not heard them:

Hermione (although we're all up to speed now, I think)

Aloysius (Alloy-zee-us?)

Lucia (so then, why is Marcia pronounced--never mind)

McIntyre (uh, where do I, do I emphasize, could someone with that name please, an "a" missing or what, I--oh never mind)

Galacticus

Alex, it's yours for the asking. :D

McIlvanney (we've BEEN thru this!)

"Thru" is abhorrent too. Even as a name. I shouldn't use it at all (Altho...)

Yeahhh...Colonel. Not quite as revealing of a person's inner vulnerabilty as "Cavalry" (Calvary?), but the same type of pain, without anesthesia.

Aeschylus and Sian.

The first I pronounced 'eshellus' and the other 'cyan' until I was corrected.

But thank the Dear someone did! ;) lol

Oh gosh. Aeschylus makes Euripides look like Bill. Xerxes and Cerce don't do much for me either. Dionysus takes almost as much practice as Dernyi (Deryni? Crap!). Tricky "y" placement is always hard to master.

Aren't the A and the E at the start of Aeschylus supposed to be absurdly mashed together, like they're in love or something?? I'd demonstrate, but I don't know enough about this keyboard to mutilate a name properly.

I believe you are correct.

Though this jumped out at me in Wikipedia:

"In 490 BC, Aeschylus and his brother Cynegeirus..."

Cyne-whatsit? Geez. Were their parents having a competition?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeschylus

I have never seen this in print, but I had a boyfriend who butchered the verb form of "Conversation".

See, he "conversated".

"I was conversating with this guy about _____"

I never wanted to be a Grammar Cop but finally I had to, I had to!

Know what he had the nerve to say? "At least I don't end sentences with prepositions." What did he go and say that for?

Other words I hate include:

Toothsome - this word just sounds so freakin' pretentious especially since I've never seen/heard it used by anyone but food snobs.

Societal - I never heard this word used before 1992 and while it may have been around for a zillion years it seemed so made up to me at the time (why not just use "social"?) that I've never been able to accept it as a real word.

Opine - I once read a line in a book (so bad that I don't rmember anyhting about it except it was a mystery) where the lead character is at a wine tasting, and upon sipping the new vintage says:
"Very mellifluous, I opine."
Need I say more?

Re. mispronunciations, a friend of mine years ago was trying to describe some fellow as "eloquent", but pronounced it "ellocunt".

And when I was in fourth grade, I remember looking through a book of knock-knock jokes with a friend and we stumbled upon this one:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Euripides.
Euripides who?
Euripides pants you pay for them (You rip-a these pants you pay for them)

But we mispronounced the names of the Greek playwright so that the punch line was "Yuri peed these pants - you pay for them!" Which in hindsight still seems like a better punch line to me.

I like Sherri's use of toothsome and morsel, but otherwise, I am afraid I have to concur with Vanessa on that one.

But Sherri, whenever the food snobs use "toothsome" it always seems to refer to something crunchy - so I think you need to roll those Speedo-clad, chocolate-dipped lads in polenta or something.

Hi Sarah.

It's more like Ex-Why-Sea. That's what I was going for... :)

I can't stand the phrases "You have issues" or "What's your damage?" Blech!

And back to erotica for a moment, the only writing that should contain the word "rod" is writing about fishing, tyvm.

“Pulsating” or “paradigm shift.”

"synergize", "synergy", "utilize", "bandwidth"; but really, taking aim at corpspeak is like shooting fish in a barrel. When I worked in the corporate world, our division was once reorganized with the alleged goal of "leveraging our synergies" (I got into a wee bit of trouble for asking the vice-president who informed us of this, in a public meeting, how she was able to say that with a straight face).

Seth: I just guffawed and guffawed at your back-formation of "mizzle" from " misled. Something I did as well, though I pronounced it to rhyme with "reprisal". It didn't help that I came from the bizarre kind of family whose idea of fun was to seize upon my sister's and my mispronunciations of this kind and adopt them as if they were actually correct, thereby perpetuating our confusion almost indefinitely. As a result, I was almost sixteen before I finally learned that "epitome" was a four-syllable word. And don't even get me started on "synecdoche" (Sy-neck-dosh, anyone?)

The first time I heard this little Corporate speak I laughed out loud, thinking the person was making a joke. Sadly, the joke was on me, as I've heard this word many times since and it never fails to grate on me.....

signage

What?!? What is a signage? Why add age to any word that didn't originally have it anyway? You're so lame, you Corporate lame-o's!!!

nice rantage.

Thanksage...AHHHH now you've got me doing it!

This may be my favorite thread ever. Erudite!!

I think I was guilty of "MY - zled" at some point.

I have a vivid memory of reading a paragraph from a science text out loud in 5th grade and saying "SPONG-ee?" when I got to the word spongy. Then I blushed furiously because I knew the word; it had just suddenly seemed otherwordly.

I also remember reading Garfield comics and wondering what lassig-nyah was. And hors divours.

I like being a grammar/spelling/word cop. Frankly, if people think I'm a pretentious ass, they're probably right - at least when it comes to the English language. Even with the natural evolution of language, as I get older, I get less tolerant. Case in point: "a whole nother". AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I can't believe that so many people use this regularly now - and think nothing of it. It's happening, "irregardless". LOL!!

"A whole nother" is a Southernism, isn't it? lol I hate that one, too.

And Alex, the world would be a better place if people would

(a) use a dictionary to look up words they don't know how to use or spell, and

(b) would proofread their stuff, so the grammar cops ¤ of the world (like us) wouldn't *have* to be pretentious asses and point out their mistakes.

It's not world peace, but it's a start. I know I'd generally feel more loving toward humanity if that happened. lol ;)

In her wonderful book "Ex Libris", Anne Fadiman has a great essay, called "Insert a Carrot", where she wittily examines the proofreading gene that afflicts her entire family. For instance, that the first 5 minutes in any restaurant are spent dissecting assorted typos on the menu. Since I have the same gene (typos leap off the page to assault my vision, even when the page in question is upside down, half way across someone else's desk), I could only identify, and laugh hysterically.

Anne Fadiman: a wonderful author I certainly would never take for granite.

Ah, David! You make me want to double-check and proofread all my posts from now on.

I say that in the best possible way! lol

Add to that, you're terribly punny! ;)

Ow, ow, ow. Wonderful thread!

I know there's been a number of words I've mangled over the years due to only seeing them in print, and there's probably ones I still mangle, since they haven't come up in conversation yet....

The most recent discovery is 'grognard' (French, 'gron-yar' - to grumble - used colloquially to mean "a person who plays wargames; wargamer"). With my lack of knowledge of French I'd been happily been mentally mispronouncing for years. It finally came up (with another grognard) about a month ago and I got corrected. About a week later, I caught a conversation on a gaming site about the word that came to the conclusion that if you're using in the original French sense, it should be pronounced as such, but if you're referring to a wargamer, it is properly mispronounced as 'grog-nard'.

Names:
Hermione was torture for me until the first movie came out....
Eustace gets honorable mention for me. (At least C. S. Lewis intimates that it rhymes with 'useless'... in the second book the character appears in.

Aloysius = Al-Oo-Ish-Us
...I hate it when I hear a word I've been wondering how to pronounce, and don't realize it.

Words too well loved: 'gellid' - not even a real word, but Thomas Harlan started using it (nicely) to talk about things that just aren't quite solid, and then fell in love with it and seriously overused his new word in his third book....

Oh, and Sherri, too much information.

But I do wish you luck in search of the Chocolate-covered Toothsome Morsel (imaginary or not) anyway.

What about HEARTH??!!!

I totally love "a whole nother" and am pleased to note that it is being used in crappy teen movies.

I am a total grammar and spelling freak when it comes to formal (published nonfiction, posted or business) writing. I obsessively red-pen handouts and magazines. Nothing bugs me quite as much as when people use quotation marks seemingly as decoration.

However, I like to answer "How are you?" with "I'm good" as well as "Doing well" or "I'm fine," though it's not technically correct. It just feels appropriately warm and happy sometimes. And how you write in an instant message, a first draft, or casual correspondence doesn't bother me as long as you avoid certain things, like "irregardless", "utilize" and mistaking "less" to mean "fewer".

sluice.

I cringe when I read this word. And it doesn't help that its context usually involves slaughter.

yick.

Thanks for all the help pronouncing Aloysius, folks, but just for the record, I did know how to say that word; the faulty phonetic breakdown I provided earlier was an example of the old me. Well, the young me--uh, you know what I mean.

I bumped into the name Hermione long before the onslaught of the Hotty Perrier books--sorry, the Harry Potter books (I always do that), because there is a character named Hermione Wedge in the book Full Moon by the Master, P. G. Wodehouse. Of course I called her "Her-mee-own". I did get Wedge right, though.

As far as foreign phrases that always give me trouble, when they inveigle or finagle (I like both those words) themselves into what was otherwise a perfectly clear ENGLISH sentence--well let's just say I can't keep my trompe l'oeils separate from my auto-de-fe's or even my roman clefs. Two of those sound either naughty or gross, but I might be thinking of your average abattoir.

I think the weirdest description I used in my own fiction (some of which is posted at goodreads) which I am most proud of is when one character calls another character an "albino gorilla-esque, crowlike sleeping sheepsnake". It's not often you get to work a description like that into your prose.

I think an auto-da-fé might not be unmitigated fun for some of the participants. (Just saw one depicted on-screen while watching Ridley Scott's 1492 just yesterday, in fact, and had to look away).

Surfeit

It sounds so pompous. It also sounds like something you should be doing, instead of something used to describe an object or condition.

How does one pronounce McAnally? Let me give you a hint: Not the way I did, once.

Once.

lol ;)