oh, the deleted member

Dottie wrote: "Little Miss Twilight just wanders about and posts this question in various threads all over Goodreads -- and has a private profile so no one knows what about her so I am flagging these. I just got..."

What question

Message #57 included the following suggestion:

"Personally, I think that those people who have been on the site for say, more than 7 months, only have friends and no books, shouldn't be allowed to stay on as they tend to be those that cause problems (obscenities and such)."

I couldn't agree less. It smells like censorship, strict rules and controlling. What about those members with thousands of books but no friends? Chuck them out because they have obviously social insufficencies? What about those who only claim to have read the books they shelved? Let them pass the Trivia test before a Tribunal?

The same message had the following observation:

“As to the friend requests from men: I had several shortly after I'd joined the site - but then my avatar depicted a picture of me. Now that I've changed it into something "non-human" there's been a marked improvement.”

Well, men seem to be odd creatures. They prefer others with a human face to those who look like “non-humans”. If the reducing of friend-requests is really an improvement there is a safe and easy way to find happiness.

Angelica(JonasBro's Fan!) wrote: "Hello Everyone!
I am 13 years old and there is this guy i am friends with. He is old. I don't want to be friends with him anymore. He is very crepy. What can i do??"

delete him immediately

Norm wrote: "Goodreads should only stick to being a sharing of books and discussions about books-nothing else.
If you want to have a dating service, check out the hundreds that are online. "

problem is, those dating services make you pay money which can be a problem if a person is on a low budget, just a thought

Abigail wrote: "Hi Maureen, I see that you're catching up on this thread! I'm so glad to learn that your daughter is such a reader, and that she likes to spend time outdoors. Two very important things in childhood..."

Oh, dont be fooled, she knows every show and when its on, she get that from her friend's houses.lol. she does not miss a trick, thank goodness for the school system and computer classes cause we dont have a computer either! But that does not stop her, she is so resourceful and I am so proud!

Hi Maureen, I see that you're catching up on this thread! I'm so glad to learn that your daughter is such a reader, and that she likes to spend time outdoors. Two very important things in childhood development, I've always thought.

I do have to say though, that my family eventually did get a TV, and although it never took over my life in quite the way it seems to have done with others, I would not now describe myself as a TV-free person. There are certain shows I have greatly enjoyed, and feel myself richer for having experienced. As with anything, I think the key is to practice moderation (I currently watch little TV, although it can vary), and to realize that the "correct" decision and/or lifestyle will be different for each person and family.

ETA: also, while I do not regret being without a TV in my formative years AT ALL, I do wish I heard learned some computer skills before my twenties.

Abigail wrote: "Rivka: as someone who was raised in a home with no computer, or television (until I was an adolescent), I can say that despite my occasional feeling of resentment at the time, I am glad of it now. ..."

My 9.5 year old, has no TV, none of the games, etc.
She plays outside, reads, interacts with the kids, we were just talking about how different she is. But its all good and she agrees!

Gracee wrote: "As one who HAS gotten "be my friend" invites from children ( 12 ) I contemplated it for maybe 2 minutes. Thought better, and decided who wants to take "that risk". This particular "12" year old t..."

I always introduce myself to my child's friends, its a great way to communicate books the them since i am on here more than my child. I even love to read some of the books they are reading, even if my child doesnt. Its a great site!

deleted user wrote: "isn't goodreads for books, not relationships?"

you mean, loving realationships? I have made so many people on here and its has broadened my horizons.

Abigail wrote: "I agree, actually. I don't think absolutes really work, nor do I think children should be raised in a vacuum. My own family did eventually get a TV, although we didn't watch it that much. I just wa..."

I still dont have TV, neither does my child, she does not miss it at all. So horrray for you and your family for their traditional values!

RYANNNNNNNN (im a girl!) wrote: "One of my freinds deleted her account because some 20 year old guy asked to be her friend. (she's 12) His picture was of a guy without a shirt and a ton of tattoos!"

Seems no matter where or when there will always be that BAD apple. So much now, than ever, we have to...... educate our children against these horrid and inappropriate beings and situations!

Sarah wrote: "I would rather not have Goodreads touted as a place to find love. I get enough friend requests from men who are not interested in my books, if you know what I mean, and have heard from many others ..."

If those types of interests were routed to a spacific group like the many others, 100 book club, etc. then they could be attended as an option not an intrusion.

are there any quizes you can take about what the books you read say about you, i would love to take that quiz!

Jessica wrote: "I love that this thread keeps going!

Hopefully, with fanning, friending, and following as options, everyone can find the degree of connection that suits them best, whether with authors or other re..."

That sounds fair enough to me.

I love that this thread keeps going!

Hopefully, with fanning, friending, and following as options, everyone can find the degree of connection that suits them best, whether with authors or other readers.

Yes, I am a fan and he is a joy to follow!

Barbara, I think if you had selected him as a fan, when GR updated, if "fanned" authors are GR authors, we then automatically started following them. That happened to me with one author, and I am continuing to follow her. If you didn't fan him first, I don't know how that would happen.

Thanks for the input, gang! I am actually going to meet a friend from GR in a couple of weeks. She and I have found much in common, including those special emotional chords that we find in our reading.

I recently observed that I have been "following" an author. I was unaware of this option. How did it happen? Is it new? I decided to continue with this feature with him, because he is writing some wonderful little stories and he is one of my favorite writers.

I agree, the follow feature has been a big help. I also like to keep my friend list small so I can really keep track of what they're up to, but I'm finding more and more people who's reviews I want to follow at the very least. I'm looking forward to being able to get updates of their reviews in my email at some point.

As for connections, I've made quite a few nice ones. No romance, alas, despite my chaste intellectual crushes on Otis and Ken-Ichi (thanks for all of the fun, guys). But some very special moments of shared interest or experience that have meant a lot to me. Sometimes things come up in book reviews that reveal a very personal experience and it can be really special when it strikes a chord in other and they respond with their own experiences.

Agreed entirely.

Barbara, In general I agree with you. However, I have a few author friends (one who I knew before Goodreads) who are here as readers first and participate fully in the site. Not all authors are here mostly to sell their books.

Barbara wrote: "I just found this thread. I find it interesting that some people have hundreds of "friends". What is the point? Personally, I am enjoying keeping the numbers down so that I can keep in touch. I've ..."

Before we got the option to follow someone's reviews, the only way to keep track of the reviews of people who had the same taste as you or whose reviews you really liked was to "friend" them. Most of the people on my friends list are either people who I wanted to keep track of or who wanted to see what I was reading and reviewing. The follow option is relatively new and most of my friends were added before it was available.

I just found this thread. I find it interesting that some people have hundreds of "friends". What is the point? Personally, I am enjoying keeping the numbers down so that I can keep in touch. I've noticed some of my GR friends have started to accumulate large numbers and never send messages any more. I tend to refuse "friendships" from authors because clearly they are trying to sell their books and don't value my opinion on anything I have read.

Hello everyone!
Sorry I joined so late!

Lisa wrote: "Fwit,

Well, yes. But I've asked friends to join and a few that have joined, haven't really used it so they have added very few books. In their case, they haven't added many/any other friends eith..."

I would basically endorse what Lisa says, especially her comments about Amazon not providing the social links. I would also endorse what an earlier post said about being happy with my wife and not looking for a dating service. In fact it is just nice to participate in a network that is relaxed and does not involve trying to constantly delete followers who are bots/spam, but instead are interesting people who you can enjoy books with. That is not to say I would be upset if someone messaged me about topics like movies, travel or keeping fit/healthy.

Angelica, I suggest you do as BunWat says. Also, if he is truly creepy, you can also block him. Go to his profile page and scroll to the bottom and in grayed out text it says something like block this member. Click on that link.

Angelica if you are 13 years old your profile should be private. Goodreads requires people under 18 to have private profiles. As for the creepy guy, just unfriend him. Go to your friends list, click on edit friends and then delete him from your list.

Hello Everyone!
I am 13 years old and there is this guy i am friends with. He is old. I don't want to be friends with him anymore. He is very crepy. What can i do??

I love meeting people on GR. I'm still fairly new to the site, but I have joined a few groups, my favorite being College Students!. It's a great place to meet people my own age who love books and are dealing with similar issues as I am. We do monthly book reads (November will be my first) and we have areas in the group to talk about absolutely whatever we need to. There's a school discussion, general support, movies/music/tv, and most of all books (which is happily the most active bit. ^-^)

While I don't want it to be a "dating" site like others have mentioned, I could definitely see finding a literature soul mate here. If I wasn't already happily in love, I could see myself scouring for men with similar literary interests who I might have an honest discussion with. Literature is an important part of many folks' lives; GR is a lot easier to sift through to find a lit soulmate than any other site I can think of. Kudos to those who can find real love here.

i have made many good friends on goodreads. we love to talk and roleplay even if we really don't know eachother

While I can see where people have concerns, I think that some have too narrow a definition of GoodReads. It's a book listing site, but it's also a community-- and personally, for me, that is one of the biggest draws. I've met a lot of great people at GR with whom I can discuss my favorite books and get great recommendations, and I wouldn't necessarily be able to do this with many of the people I know offline (who don't read as voraciously as me. More fools they, lol. This is where I get to toot my own horn, Otis. ;) And I really like that we have the opportunity to talk to authors in an equal setting too, rather than as strictly readers to authors.

I think someone asked in a recent group poll something like, "Would your friends be surprised to know you read [insert any genre here:]?" The fact is, they wouldn't. No one would guess I have quite an imagination, and GR is where I catalogue all my escapist literature, lol.

Humans are naturally social creatures. I don't think you can make a website that doesn't have a social aspect. By the same token, I think there are people who will abuse that aspect everywhere. If you're having that problem, I recommend replacing your avatar. I've used the generic picture since I joined months ago and no problems. :)

And on another, related note, I laughed when I saw this group: http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/7066...

Goodreads should only stick to being a sharing of books and discussions about books-nothing else.
If you want to have a dating service, check out the hundreds that are online.

I wanted to say something about poeple who have 0 books , but lots of friends, actually , i have some friends on Goodreads , which I found through different groups , and they've got no books , or a few books , but they've read lots & participate in group disscussions. So we can't always refuse adding poeple with a few books on their profile , as they might be either new on GR , or they might see no point in adding books , they just wonna disscuss the books they've read. I don't say that's a good thing , but there are people like this , anyway...

People like that need to find a site created for that need: a dating one!

I used to work on a photo sharing site (ringo.com, now defunct) and when we deleted members for posting obscene photos, the "you just got deleted" email would contain an affliate link to a particular 'adult' dating website. :D


Since many matchmaking websites do have pretty good affiliate programs, maybe thats something to look into :D.

To get back to the ORIGINAL querie: "Have you met anyone special on Goodreads? What do your books say about you? And what do you conclude about other people by viewing their bookshelves?"

... I think there is a lot of semantics in most people's bookshelves as well as their comments. There is a "David" on GR that really sends a whole lot of messages about himself simply by the amount of avatars he posts and the comments he places on people's profiles - a friend commented that he changes his avatar as often as his underwear (lol).

As to the friend requests from men: I had several shortly after I'd joined the site - but then my avatar depicted a picture of me. Now that I've changed it into something "non-human" there's been a marked improvement.

Personally, I think that those people who have been on the site for say, more than 7 months, only have friends and no books, shouldn't be allowed to stay on as they tend to be those that cause problems (obscenities and such). People like that need to find a site created for that need: a dating one!

She had similar posts in other groups also, Lisa, so if other posts seemed on track, I was thinking these odd popsts might just be serving another purpose. But I've had few dealings with teens in recent years.

Dottie, Maybe. But I've seen posts in other social sites made by teenagers and engaging with similar messages seems to be the norm. I'm thinking she might not have paid attention to this group's specific purpose. But there's no way to know.

Maybe she just wants attention?

Her profile says she's 13, and her posts in other groups seem legit... Strange!

Probably correct on all counts, Lisa. I should likely have just let it go -- but -- yipes! -- as my step-father used to say when he thought someone needed to get their act together.

Dottie,I'd bet that she's a kid who's not aware of how to participate in the different groups on Goodreads. I gave one response to one post. Now that I think about it, this member will most likely not read it as I assume she's on to posting in other groups.

Little Miss Twilight just wanders about and posts this question in various threads all over Goodreads -- and has a private profile so no one knows what about her so I am flagging these. I just got annoyed finally.

hey guys, what are we talking about?

We have lockers?

No one told me!

Ha. Yes, I am rather untrustworthy of those who pose as "friends." They are likely to steal the combination to my locker and expose all my secrets.

We should have titled this post 'finding other book nerds on Goodreads' - it would have been longer :)

There seems to be a dearth of literate sqrls out there!

No squirrels? :)

Seriously though, I understand your position, and agree with it to some extent. It's a sad state of affairs if every adult is to be suspected as some kind of pervert... I have fond memories of being good friends with some of my parents' associates as a child, and I have to wonder if that would be possible today. By the same token, with all the horror stories out there, it's hard for parents not to be suspicious, especially of people they don't know. I don't think I've received any friends requests from kids (although I delete requests that don't have any messages, so you never know), but I wouldn't automatically reject a request for that reason...

I usually accept friend requests from kids. I'm horrified at the culture we've created, where decent people are afraid to interact with kids, and the only people who will accept their friend requests are the very ones who shouldn't! If any of those kids ever does feel a need to talk to a friend on GR, I'm hoping it'll be someone like me.

Then again, I also have a friend who's a dog, and one who's a horse!