An ode to beach reads:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-horow...

Okay, I'm supposed to discuss my choices on this thread, right? Here goes:

1) The Queen Lucia and Miss Mapp books, E. F. Benson: I discovered Miss Mapp while staying with someone who had a wonderful library. Both Miss Mapp and Lucia are provincial wealthy busybodies who ride herd over the other provincial wealthy busybodies in their English country villages in the 1930s. Lucia is particularly toothsome. She peppers her conversation with Italian phrases to give the idea she speaks the language fluently, puts on a dreamy look whenever listening to classical music, and so forth. I won't go into greater detail because I don't feel like it just now, but suffice to say the writing style is Wodehousesque, and also there is a quite large community of Luciaphiles in the world.

2) The Psmith books, Wodehouse: I think these are his funniest by far. At least, they're the first of his that I ever read, and I was just the teeniest bit disappointed with all subsequent titles. For whatever THAT'S worth.

3) The Master Planets, Donald Gallinger (my hubby): Reviews have been good to raving ("sleek, absorbing," "An unusual plot given bravura treatment," "magnificent," "remarkable," "a dazzler"), and readers repeatedly say they read it in one or two sittings. Still, as one publicist put it, the 7 most important words in publishing today are, "It's nice to see you again Oprah," and getting the word out is a constant effort. I honestly wouldn't recommend it to this group unless I really thought people would like it a lot, though. You can read the first four chapters here:

http://donaldgallinger.com/the-master-pl...

You can also, of course, read reviews etc. here:

http://www.amazon.com/Master-Planets-Don...

4) A Girl Named Zippy and She Got Up Off the Couch, Haven Kimmel: Her writing is absolutely glorious, and these two memoirs (Part 1 and 2) are wonderfully profound and funny. She's one of my new favorite authors.

BunWat wrote: "Huh? Doni I was talking about Flashman being good looking, not H.P. Lovecraft!!"

Oh. Well, then, never mind.

Hmmmm. Paternity test!?!

Is it me or does Lovecraft look a lot like Batboy?

Huh? Doni I was talking about Flashman being good looking, not H.P. Lovecraft!!

I went to see this "good looking" H.P. Lovecraft, and...



You rather fling the term "good looking" about, don't you Bunny?

I really enjoy A Distant Mirror, George. I reread it every couple of years.

And you can see in his writing this great adventurous spirit that has carried him through his whole life. I'm sure that before he started realizing his dreams of singing and traveling and margaritaville, he was writing about them first.

I love seeing evidence of the creation of someone's world through stories! What is within will be reflected without. :)

Jimmy Buffett's books are not ghostwritten. I've read several of them. Some are memoirs, some are pretty autobiographical fiction but they are all pretty clearly in his quite recognizable voice - same voice as the songs. I mean similar images, similar attitude, turns of phrase etc.

Ha! I hear ya, Gail. Me too. :)

Rob, no, I'm a true Water Baby born and bred. Can't imagine what would keep me out of it (water, I mean, as opposed to my right mind, which I escaped long ago). My daughter, on the other hand, who grew up on FL's Gulf Coast and spent copious amounts of her childhood and youth at the beach and in the water, is terrified of sharks. Go figure.

Sherri, rationality is indeed a disease in addition to being a pain in the neck, as one has to strive to consider facts and logic before one expresses oneself. Usually I consider those thing immediately *after* I express myself.

"Hmmm....now that I read that, insanity is starting to look really, really good."

Coincidentally, I just read a good quote pertaining to insanity that I quite liked.

"Sanity is an illness and rationality a disease."

Great Googly Moogly, Gail! After I read Jaws, I was a little afraid of the swimming pool. Or did you avoid the water altogether?

I like satire, so I'm probably well in.

BTW, it occurred to me yesterday that the very best beach read book I ever read *on the beach* was Jaws. Lived on the Mass. coast at the time and found it to be appropriate fun.

Flashie flashie flash. You have to be able to tolerate him being almost entirely without redeeming qualities, as that is in fact, the joke. If its going to offend you that he's a big fat sexist racist greedy pretty much everything mongering coward then it wont be fun. But if you can get in on the joke of this useless person being greeted with approbation and getting away with all sorts of stuff just because he happens to be tall and good looking and have blue eyes and a stalwart chin... well the giggles. Also the history that he skids through is pretty dang accurate.

I thought that was a great pome too. A brave man to take on both the difficult rhymes and that crazy author.

I think if you're insane and go insaner (and who among us has not been there and done that?), your impression of yourself would be that you are instead becoming more sane. Because your fantasies would far outweigh your contact with reality.

Hmmm....now that I read that, insanity is starting to look really, really good.

Bun, your list may be percolating within me, leading me at last toward Flashman.

Nope, nothing like a pone aka corn. It's a matter of spelling and pronunciation (at least in my case). A POEM -- note the placement of the "E" and the resulting second syllable -- takes itself most seriously, even when it is trying to pretend it is not. A POME -- the movement of the E removing the second syllable while keeping the long O -- does not takes itself seriously, and certainly doesn't intend for anyone else to do so, even if it is wearing a Very Serious Hat and looking Oh So Dignified.

I don't know if I can equate those Victorian volumes to the modern fantasy triptych. Seems to me the average fantasy novel volume as much as doubles the size of the average 19th century novel complete -- with, of course, the exception of Dickens, who is exceptional in so many, many ways...

My qualifications are the same, Cos—except that I also tried to include books that didn't require hunting down a sequel for resolution. Too much stress.

On a side note, it's interesting to me how many fantasy novels these days take the form of a Victorian Triple-decker, even down to being published in an omnibus later on.

And thanks, Sherri and BunWat, for being generous enough to call my Suess hack a… pome? Is that anything like a pone? As in corn?

I think the definition is whatever you personally would pack to take to the beach.

Nice pome there Rob. Gotta respect a guy who tackles rhyming Necronomicon or hors d'oevre.

Okay, so my question is what qualifies as a beach read?

I was putting together a list, but then I wondered if any of them were really what y'all are talking about. I usually read just about anything at the beach that makes me happy, isn't too hard to read but I can get engrossed in, usually with a happy(ish) ending and characters you can relate well to. What are your definitions?

a Pome!

I won't read Howie on the beach
I'll keep out of the Old Ones' reach
I will not read him in a house
I will not sacrifice my spouse

I won't read H.P.'s stuff on sand
I'll not become a Lovecraft fan!

Weird Eldritch powers are not fun
Please hide the Necronomicon
I will not read of Those Who Serve
Nor be Cthulu's next hors d'oevre

I won't read H.P.'s stuff on sand
I'll not become a Lovecraft fan!

If you start at insane, and you go insaner, how can you tell? Are there roadsigns? Is it like feather, one chicken, whole flock, thinking you are a chicken, trying to fly, trying to lay an egg? I mean, is there a continuum? Or, once you cross the line, are you already gone?

Old Ones will do that, ya know.

I don't think I want to read Lovecraft at the beach. Or in a storm swept house, for that matter. Or anywhere near water.

What if we fed Cthulu Beano?

"Hellish flatus"? Brill. Fantabulastic turn of phrase there. I likes it. Then again, I may already be insaner.

That Lovecraft miasma works, BunWat, it surely does, but it leaves an awful mess. And, of course, dealing with the ancient Old One who supplies the hellish flatus eventually drives you insane. Er. Insaner.

WHICH HAS ITS DOWNSIDES.

Er, did I say that?

Nice list Gail, I actually did read Gods Graves and Scholars and The Flame Trees of Thika on a beach!

Perhaps we could release a creeping Lovecraft miasma to devour the beach thug.

I don't pummel beach thugs, Rob. I let my zombie killing ninja do that ;)

Actually, I coulda/shoulda put the whole Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Series in. They're great for frequently interrupted reading—for instance, all those times you have to stop to clobber the bully who kicks sand at you, which, I have to admit, would be an excellent use for a hardcover edition of War and Peace.

Anyway, the Bathroom Readers even have a water-resistant cover! (Don't know how it deals with sand, though.)

Of course, now I'm thinking of combat-ready books. The most obvious, if you're fairly burly, is the OED 'compact' edition (the one that comes with a magnifying glass), There's a frightening image—clapping someone's head between the two volumes.

What book do you guys use to pummel beach thugs? :)

Isaiah wrote: "Abigail, I got one!

Did Atlas Shrug in your Speedo or are you just happy to see me?"

Heehee! How about, "If you need a water Fountain, Head for the beach house?"

Next time I am heading for a beach I shall pack Life of Pi.

Bun, Life of Pi is one I actually did read at a beach. It was probably the perfect beach read!

If I was forced to spend a vacation at an actual beach I'd probably enjoy reading something like this: Cold: Adventures in the World's Frozen Places .

Abigail, I got one!

Did Atlas Shrug in your Speedo or are you just happy to see me?

I can see War and Peace or some other big epic novel. I'd have to have peace & quiet in order to concentrate on something like that.

When I was a kid, I ended up reading long novels when home sick from school. It was a great way to pass the time. Such books could be very appealing for certain types of vacations as well.

MM Kaye's Indian novels are quite wonderful. She was born in Simla to an official in the Raj, she married an officer in the Indian Army, one of her great uncles wrote a six volume history of the Sepoy War. She really knows the country and the history of the British in the country. Plus you can tell she just loves the place. I also like The Far Pavilions enormously. Its a big fat Gone with the Wind kind of thing.

ETA: I have read two thirds of your list Isaiah, I just need to read Life of Pi. It sits on my shelves and stares at me it does.

I'd totally read your list, baby.

By the way Lisa, I would totally read your list.

Bun, Me too. ;-) But most probably won't make the top 100 for our group. I am enjoying looking at everyone's lists.

I loved The Ordinary Princess!

Bun, that MM Kaye sounds interesting! I've been curious about her adult fiction, ever since reading her recently reprinted fairytale novel for young people, The Ordinary Princess.

I looooouuuuuhhhhuurrrveeee the beach. Beach=Heaven. By the way Lisa, I would totally read your list.

Well, I entered 10 books (tomorrow I'm sure I'll think of 10 better ones) but I actually hate the literal beach. Hate sand, salt water. I used to love to swim in the ocean (decades ago) but haven't been a fan of sand since I was a preschooler. But for general vacations I often do best with essays or short stories/works of some sort.

Oh and I haven't read Weird Pennsylvania, but I did read Weird New York. I liked it, but also it scared me. It was in fact, weird. Truth in advertising.

Hey, I liked both The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Of course, I treated them as fiction. ;) Also, I read them while working a very tedious warehouse job.

Possible uses for Ayn Rand at the beach...

"Ma'am, I think you've had enough to drink."
"And I think you need to check your premises!"

"Ma'am, can I help you apply that sunblock? Looks like you've missed a few spots"
"Here, let me throw this weighty tome at you, and make my escape" (Atlas Shrugged would work very well here, I think)

The Journeyer – Gary Jennings
Big fat swash and buckle journeys of Marco Polo with some fairly perverse sex bits, who could ask for more.
Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
Murder and madness in Rio during Carnival, almost hallucinatory in spots.
Island – Thomas Perry
A motley crew pull off the craziest con. Smart and funny and intricately plotted.
Flashman in the Great Game – George MacDonald Fraser
Oh Flashie! Fabulous parody where the obnoxious bully from Tom Brown's Schooldays succeeds all up and down the British Raj despite his lack of any perceptible character or ability - mostly because he looks like a hero.
Faking It – Jennifer Crusie
Kind of like one of the 40's screwball film comedies in prose form. Light as whipped cream.
The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat – Oliver Sacks
Fabulous essays on neurological defects and what they tell us about the functioning of the mind.
The Mismeasure of Man – Stephen Jay Gould
Equally fabulous about the strange and twisted history of measuring intelligence. Guaranteed at least three sentences in every chapter you want to go looking for somebody to read aloud to.
Shadow of the Moon – MM Kaye
Complete romantic adventure with cloaks and captures and riding off into the night and cobras and sea voyages and well... all the good stuff.
Carpe Jugulum – Terry Pratchett
Terry, vampires, nuff said.
Flowers for the Judge – Margery Allingham
Because I love me a complicated Brit mystery from the 40's when I'm on holiday.

Heehehehehehehe. Of course nobody says you have to read other people's beach books.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Ayn Rand just showed up on the list.

*pulls trigger*

Some vacation that was.

I can't do heavy stuff when I travel because I feel like I'm always being interrupted for something. I lose my train of thought.

I reaallly love Flashman in the Great Game. I think its my fave. It should definitely go on my list.