J.R.R. Tolkien discussion

The Lord of the Rings (The Lord of the Rings, #1-3)
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Other Authors > What if ________ wrote "The Lord of the Rings"?

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message 1: by Pallavi (last edited Aug 22, 2012 01:24PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Pallavi (pallavigambhire) | 45 comments I thought I'd share this :)
http://www.changingthetimes.net/sampl...


Lucinda | 129 comments What if Bernard Cornwell wrote "The Lord of the Rings"? - is extremely funny! Nope, couldn't imagine it myself.

...This just tops it all...

Lord of the Rings, by Andrew Lloyd Weber

Don't cry for me, Numenoria
The truth is, you never sank down
Beneath those wild waves
Those deep sea wild waves
You never left from
This Middle Earth

*Laughing* hilarious! :)

Thank you Pallavi for this link. x


Michael | 357 comments Mod
Funny :-)

Lord of the Rings by Sir Thomas Malory:

Whosoever throweth in this Ring into yon Crack of Doom shall be rightwise born overthrower of the Dark Lord of all Middle-earth.

Oh, dear! I'm sure somebody else can do better...


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) HAhahaha, I had never thought of someone else writing it, but that is really funny.


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

The Lord of the Rings by Jane Austen:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young hobbit in possession of an evil magic ring must be in want of eight companions to go with him on a heroic quest to cast it into the depths of Mount Doom.


Michael | 357 comments Mod
Chortle!


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Chris wrote: "The Lord of the Rings by Jane Austen:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young hobbit in possession of an evil magic ring must be in want of eight companions to go with him on a heroic ..."


OMG Cannot stop laughing!!


Lucinda | 129 comments The Jane Austen version is very funny!! :)


Syed Zeeshan Yunus (nahseez) | 5 comments Stopping by Mount Doom on a Dark Evening - Bob Frosty:

Whose ring this is I think I know.
His tower's on the mountain though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his realm fire up and blow

My little Sam is pretty queer
Stopping me and trying to get near
Between the woods and burning lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his hairy head a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the weep
Of the gnarly gollum and flying wraith.

The woods are fiery, foul, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Freaking genius man!


Michael | 357 comments Mod
Brilliant, Syed :-)


Richard Sutton (RichardSutton) | 64 comments Shel Silverstein:

Companions, Why?
Eight is great, but why not five?
Stupid orcs and trolls and all
don't fill up every hole and hive
so why not five?
Or why not four or three?
It doesn't matter much to me
if I carry on, or stop to watch
a wizard in an eagle's clutch.
The audience size makes much less sense
than the prelude's length
or the writer's tense.


message 13: by Ditte (last edited Aug 27, 2012 01:13AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Ditte | 6 comments As written by Virginia Woolf:

Frodo Baggins said he would carry the ring himself. For they all had their work cut out for them; the darkness had spread; Sauron's forces were coming. And then, thought Frodo Baggins, what an adventure - dangerous yet oddly refreshing, fresh as if issued to hobbits in a garden. What a lark! What a plunge! [...]

Frodo is very excited about the adventure in this version, I suppose. ;) Best I could do!


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Where do you guys come up with this stuff! That is fantasic how you can do that. I tried to do it with Shakspears but it just came out lame.


Lucinda | 129 comments I love the Vaginia Wolf one! x


message 16: by Tara (last edited Aug 27, 2012 05:24PM) (new)

Tara (pinlynne) | 4 comments If written by the Poet, Robert Frost!

The Road Not Taken (Back to Hobbiton or onto Mordor?)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
One accompanied the elves the other
to Mordor,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; thought
of the trouble I bear hence...

Then took the other, as just as fowl, as the air did
smell less,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black. Ruins
marked the path of King's of old.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by, with ring in hand,
And that has made all the difference.


message 17: by Anne (new)

Anne Gazzolo | 296 comments Mod
Love both by Frost and the Jane Austen one. :)

Namarie, God bless, Anne Marie :)


message 18: by Nocturnal (new)

Nocturnal (EnkoKasumi) The Lord of the Rings, by Lewis Carroll

Frodo peered at the wizard, who looked like nothing he'd ever seen before except in a nightmare after his elder sister's birthday party.

"Come on", he said, "No time to lose, we've got to go and lose Bilbo's ring!"

"Lose it?", said Frodo, "Why, I've only just found it."

"Tut tut, no time to argue, we've got to go and lose it again."

"But *can* we just lose something like that?" asked Frodo. "Without so much as a by-your-leave or how-de-do?" he added a little impertinently.

"Of course we can" said the strange wizard, "Why, I've frequently lost as many as six things before breakfast, rings included. I dare say you haven't had much practice at losing things. We can do *much* better than that if we really try, you know," he said, blowing several smoky rings of various colours into the room.

Frodo blinked, and wondered if his big sister had had *another* party the night before.


Hah, that was spot on. Awesome.


Pallavi (pallavigambhire) | 45 comments You guys are so much more creative than the original post!Keep 'em coming!


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Wow, just wow. A good wow, but that is about all there is to say :D


Michelle (The Crazy Cat Lady) (burrahobbit) What if LotR was written by Quinten Tarintino...eh, the battles would be to bloody for me! It wouldn't happen though, since guns don't exist in Middle-Earth, so Orcs can't have machine gun limbs lol ;)


Michelle (The Crazy Cat Lady) (burrahobbit) What if LotR was written by Quinten Tarintino...eh, the battles would be to bloody for me! It wouldn't happen though, since guns don't exist in Middle-Earth, so Orcs can't have machine gun limbs lol ;)


message 23: by Tara (new)

Tara (pinlynne) | 4 comments Michelle wrote: "What if LotR was written by Quinten Tarintino...eh, the battles would be to bloody for me! It wouldn't happen though, since guns don't exist in Middle-Earth, so Orcs can't have machine gun limbs lo..."

...not to mention the language would be..colorful!


message 24: by Tara (new)

Tara (pinlynne) | 4 comments Tara wrote: "Michelle wrote: "What if LotR was written by Quinten Tarintino...eh, the battles would be to bloody for me! It wouldn't happen though, since guns don't exist in Middle-Earth, so Orcs can't have mac..."

and not the colorful metaphors we want.


message 25: by Stefan (new)

Stefan Yates (Stefan31) | 121 comments Mod
There's MF'n Orcs all over these MF'n mines! I gotta draw my Bad MF'er Sword and get medieval on their Aces!


Lucinda | 129 comments Lord of the Rings, by Rudyard Kipling

I went round to an elven inn, to buy a glass o' beer
The owner looked at me long-nosed, "We don't serve your kind here"
The elf maids giggled fit to die, pointing out my height
But I swim in booze whenever there is Evil in the Night.

Yes it's Gimli this and Gimli that
And go away you brute
But its To the Front, our faithful friend
When the bows begin to shoot.....

Really enjoyed this one!


message 27: by Anne (new)

Anne Gazzolo | 296 comments Mod
Nocturnal wrote: "The Lord of the Rings, by Lewis Carroll

Frodo peered at the wizard, who looked like nothing he'd ever seen before except in a nightmare after his elder sister's birthday party.

"Come on", he said..."


Great! I agree with Pallavi those are greater than the original posts.

Namarie, God bless, Anne Marie :)


Syed Zeeshan Yunus (nahseez) | 5 comments Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'


message 29: by Anne (new)

Anne Gazzolo | 296 comments Mod
Syed Zeeshan wrote: "Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'"


Brilliant!

Namarie, God bless, Anne Marie :)


Lucinda | 129 comments Syed Zeeshan wrote: "Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'"


*Laughing* i love this!

As Shakespeare once said...love is blind!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Syed Zeeshan wrote: "Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'"


Hahahhaha, there you did I much better job than I :D


Syed Zeeshan Yunus (nahseez) | 5 comments Christa - Ron Paul 2012 wrote: "Syed Zeeshan wrote: "Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'"

Hahahhaha, there you did I much better job than I :D"


Lol.. You should've still shared your version :)


Syed Zeeshan Yunus (nahseez) | 5 comments Lucinda wrote: "Syed Zeeshan wrote: "Frodo at the heart of Mount Doom:

'To keep, or not to keep, that is the question'"

*Laughing* i love this!

As Shakespeare once said...love is blind!



"


It certainly is!


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) Hope this is not too blasphemes :D

"In the beginning Tolkien created mid-earth. And the earth was voide and without form. And he wrote on a page and light enetered the world. And when Tolkein had finished his work on his world he looked at it and said "It will suffice.""


Lucinda | 129 comments Ernest Hemingway version -

Frodo Baggins looked at the ring. The ring was round. It was a good ring. The hole at the heart of the ring was also round. The hole was clean and pure. The hole at the heart of the ring had an emptiness in it that made Frodo Baggins remember the big skies of the Shire when his father had taken him out and taught him to tear the heads off the small, furred things that walked there, even though he hated blood in those days and the stink of the blood was always part of the emptiness for him then and ever after.


message 36: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments Interesting and thoughtful


Lucinda | 129 comments Joanne wrote: "Interesting and thoughtful"

Yes. He certainly examines objects, people and those around him in a lot of detail, going into great depth to give one a clear picture.


Robyn Ellis | 8 comments "The Lord of the Rings" by E.L. James....


Or not.


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (Christa-RonPaul2012) BWHAHAAHAH!!!!!!


Michael | 357 comments Mod
NOT!!


message 41: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments Smile


Nesrine Muhammad (Ness_Muhammad) | 2 comments Chris wrote: "The Lord of the Rings by Jane Austen:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young hobbit in possession of an evil magic ring must be in want of eight companions to go with him on a heroic ..."


this is hilarious!! can't stop laughing :D


Robyn Ellis | 8 comments Anjelica (Peter Park 2012) wrote: "Lord of the Ring by Walt Disney? Interesting thought!"
I'm pretty sure Tolkien specifically forbade Disney from ever adapting any of his books into films, lol


message 44: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments Yes--Disney would have totally spoiled it, as Disney spoiled Mary Poppins which has become a household word for Pollyanna. In the P.L.Travers books Mary Poppins is demanding and impatient and cold )except around Bert!) The fascinating thing is the children discover she really wants them to have adventures----and be challenged. Pamela had a bad time trying to work with Walt. In fact he did not invite her to the Premier. (She came anyway!)


Daniela | 2 comments Ohhh the Jane Austen's version is so funny!! I can't stop laughing!! :D


message 46: by Beatrice (last edited Sep 15, 2012 03:16PM) (new)

Beatrice Blakeney (BeatriceBlakeney) | 1 comments Oh my gosh, these are hilarious. I love that Jane Austen one. :)

Lord of the Rings as written by Adele
"And I can't help feeling,
We could have killed them aaaaalll!
Fighting in Helm's Deep!"

The idea of Disney making Lord of the Rings is quite entertaning. I'm envisiong Orcs lining up in a chorus line while singing "Be Our Guest" as Sam and Frodo enter Mordor.


Samuel Medina | 5 comments If LOTR had been written by Frank Miller:

You bring the Nazghul to my city, you insult my hobbits, you threaten my people with slavery... perhaps it is you who should have chosen your words more carefully, Witch King!"
The Witch King looked about, and said "You threaten the Dark Lord's Messenger? This is madness!"
Gandalf draws Glamdring and shouts, "THIS... IS... GONDOR!"


message 48: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments Another thumbs up! You all are so very talented and literary! I am jealous Jo


Michael | 357 comments Mod
Samuel wrote: "If LOTR had been written by Frank Miller:

You bring the Nazghul to my city, you insult my hobbits, you threaten my people with slavery... perhaps it is you who should have chosen your words more c..."


Excellent!


message 50: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments Thanks, Michael---a scary version---


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