Predictions 2008

Suitcase nuke attack, NYC, which I and my good friend Thomas Pynchon (channeling my other good friend and benefactor William "Fightin' Bill" Seward Burroughs) will defuse while my other equally good friend, Scott Bakula, kills an entire elite squad of Mossad terror-commandos. Michael Bloomberg (who I once beat up in a bar brawl in Ft. Lauderdale) will reward us with hookers and blow provided by his love-that-dare-not-speak-its-name Jeb Bush. I however, having taken a blood oath years ago in the bowels of my female clone/Ukrainian Girlfriend "Nikita"'s (and FSB hitperson) Uncle's Russian Mob operated casino on the Shawnee reservation administered by a Navajo Skinwalker (via a contrary sandpainting of feces, fermented goat sperm and stem cells from late-term abortions) to never accept good hookers from bad republicans, will refuse. Instead, I will smear my naked body with dead Saudi's blood (after having been blessed by my other great friend, the Wahabi-hating Sufi master and translator of Abu Nawas/NAMBLA member Hakim Bey) and scale the White House fence under heavy fire as John Stabb (my old, dear friend from Government Issue, recently recovered from an attack by Yakuza assassins disguised as neighborhood wigger kids), outfitted in the gear of his Ninja alter-ego, sets off an ANFO bomb in the Rose Garden which was assembled by my other close friends Ian MacKaye and Jeff Nelson in the basement of Dischord House on North Fourth in Arlington. Inside, I will present George Bush with a necklace of eight human fingers, telling him the ninth and tenth ones are to be filled by each of his daughters, respectively, after having both been inseminated by me in an ancient Gnostic ritual in an attempt to produce Sophia-protected homunculi. The fingers should be arriving in the mail soon, along with microdots disguised inside genetically engineered poppy seeds (designed to produce super concentrated opium from pods the size of beach balls provided to me from their secret lab by my Pashtun contacts in Central Asia to be passed on as payment for services rendered to my blood-homiez from juvie who are now shot-callers in Mara Salvatrucha Trece for planting by Nahuatl growers in the Guatemalan Highlands). I will have already cut off the fingers en route to Washington. I then repeat the process in Argentina, after a stop-off at Shackleton's (who was a secret member of Lovecraft's Cult Of The Elders and was actually on a successful mission to locate Cthulhu's Temple and who was also- along with my spirit-guide Robert E. Howard- H.P.'s lover) camp on Elephant Island in the Weddell Sea to retrieve artifacts buried there. Rites then performed with the tanned labia of Eva Peron will aid in destroying this vampiric leviathan of a "civilization" and return man to a (Calvin and) Hobbesian pure state of nature remarkably similar to the animatronics displayed in the Creation Museum in Tennessee.