Weeks passed very slowly after that. Heck, the minutes passed slowly too. Everything was just slow; slow, painful, and terrible. In fact, everything was so awful that if I were to describe it in detail, everyone hearing about, reading about, or seeing that period of time would probably flee for their lives and never have anything to do with me again. So for everyone else's sake, let's just say I don't look back fondly on those times and not go into it much more.

I was alone most of the time. Emily was out with Marty a lot, Ryan and mom were usually helping out with plans for the wedding, and Dad worked, so I got a lot of getting-to-know me time. I'm not sure how I felt about that, though. It was nice to be alone, with no one pestering me about how I felt, or whether I needed to talk, or just saying they were sorry. I knew people meant well, but I didn't like hearing how sorry everyone else was for me and the rest of Trey's family and friends. It only made things worse. But there was a small part of me - very small, but it was definitely there - that kept saying, You need to talk! This isn't healthy! Get out there and do stuff, for crying out loud! So to humor that little part of myself, I did.

Diana probably became my best friend - and an even better girlfriend - during that time. Oftentimes, we'd just sit somewhere and talk for however long we wanted, just getting things out. I realized slowly that this was, in fact, what we both needed. I think Diana was really the only one who felt anywhere close to what I'd felt for Trey. Emily had known him pretty well, and she was still grieving, but he hadn't been her best friend of all time. The same thing went for Ryan, as well as pretty much all of my other friends. They knew how I felt, yet they didn't know.

One day, though, as I was sitting and thinking, I realized something. If Trey were watching me right now, what would he think? I knew the answer to that all too well. He'd tell me to get up and start living again. He'd tell me I didn't need to be sad anymore.

It was then that I also realized how much time I'd spent just moping and doing absolutely nothing. Moping wasn't going to help Trey, and it wasn't going to help me or anyone around me. I thought about how many people I'd shut out because of my unhappiness. It was like I wasn't mourning for Trey anymore, but for myself. That wouldn't make Trey proud in the least.

I decided then and there that from now on, there would be no more of that. I'd allow myself to be sad still, but now I would be strong for myself and for everyone else. I'd make up for all the time I had lost by mourning for Trey, when he was in a much better place.

I would make Trey proud.

**

((unfinished))