It wasn’t someone I knew.
The first body I helped identify wasn’t someone I knew at all. Really, that was to be expected, I guess. I couldn’t even give you the exact number of vampires in the Manor that had died, but there were a lot. Chances were good I wouldn’t know everyone who had perished.
Honestly, I was grateful that it wasn’t somebody I knew. I don’t think my frazzled nerves or fractured heart could have handled having to identify someone I was close to straight away. I doubt I would have coped if I’d had to deal with knowing the person. Still, it wasn’t someone I knew, nor was the next body, or the one after that, or the bodies that followed.
The next couple of days sped by quickly, with the days and nights becoming blurred. The forensic experts worked fast and effectively and soon the bodies were piling up, waiting to be identified. It surprised me; the high level of organisation the hunters had. Everything was done as though it was expected; as though it had been done a thousand times. It sickened me to think it probably had. Despite how Logan and I felt about each other, I couldn’t deny that he had been responsible for quite a large amount of vampire deaths in his time. He was still a vampire hunter and even though I knew he regretted not knowing wether the vampires he had killed were innocent or not, we had no way of knowing, and neither of us could deny it had happened.
I threw myself into helping the hunters identify the bodies. I reach searched each vampire, digging through their past, and scrounging up any information on them I could get my hands on. It was a long process and kept my hands, and mind, busy. Lucky for me the Lodge had internet access and that made things easier. Much easier. I tried to learn anything I could on their families and their lives before they became vampires.
I will admit; that what surprised me above all, and at times left me speechless, was some of the hunters. While the majority still looked down at me in a certain way, and treated me with little to no respect, there were some that didn’t. Hunters, that were much more like Logan and Greg than I could have ever thought possible. They had so much more compassion, and I could see that when they looked at the vampires they saw them as people. As individuals, and not like marks, as many hunters still did. They honestly wanted to give their families some closure. These hunters were upset about what had happened at the Manor and I will say; this really touched me, deep down inside.

For the first couple of days Logan and I spent very little time together. When I was sleeping, he was busy working, and when I was researching he was either still working or catching only the most minimal amount of sleep he could. He was pushing himself to get things done. We barely had any time to talk and I did wonder sometimes exactly where his head was at and how he felt about everything. While I was busy following through with the task I had promised him I would, he was busy splitting his time between supervising the recovery at the Manor site and still being the head of the Micah mission.
Frank was still adamant that we could somehow manage to continue on with the mission to vanquish Micah, and at that point no one would argue with him. Having seen exactly what Micah was capable of, on more than one occasion, everyone knew the importance of vanquishing him. He had caused too much heartache, not to mention death, to be allowed to continue. And we all knew he would, until he was stopped.
However, Micah had pulled one of the disappearing acts he was so dangerously good at, and it was deeply frustrating for everyone involved. The hunters had been unable to pick up any trail or find any trace of him in the area’s surrounding the Manor, and any traces of him within the Manor were long gone, courtesy of the fire itself. One of Micah’s specialties had always been the ability to cover his tracks well. He never left any clues, and any accomplishes and contacts he had were too afraid of him to risk turning him in or letting information on his whereabouts slip out. We were constantly left with no leads and without any direction to head in.
While I wasn’t sleeping the normal night’s I usually did, I attempted to rest and nap any free time I could. I was constantly drained and my mind ached from the mental anguish I felt digging up the long buried secrets of the people within the covenant. My nightmares continued every time I slept. They were always the same as the first night I’d had them, only changing slightly as new faces joined the slideshow and the darkness once becoming a flame red wave, dancing around me, surrounding me. The vampires that were identified were new additions to my dreams. At night, and even during the day when I rested, when my mind was blank and my subconscious took over, I couldn’t escape the pain I felt. I couldn’t deny I felt it. You can’t lie to yourself.

As the recovery mission continued and I helped as best I could, I knew the time would come when it would be someone I knew that was identified. I knew this would threaten to destroy what little self control and composure I had left. I was hanging by a thread as it was.
Still, no matter what I told myself and how hard I tried to prepare myself, nothing could have prepared me for that moment when it came. No amount of preparation and self composure could have helped me that night. I knew it was different, I knew it was bad. Hunters had been coming to see me for almost three days at that point, but when it was Logan who came, his face a horrible sight; full of worry, with his sad, bottomless blue eyes, I knew. I just knew.
I barely heard his words when he spoke, his voice drowned out and all I heard was my own heartbeat, pounding in my chest. The tears welled up in my eyes. I didn’t even try to be strong, I didn’t even put up a fight when I felt my legs go numb underneath me and he pulled me against his chest. He held me tightly, as though that would hold me together. It didn’t. Although, like always, his just being there helped. I sobbed, clutching at his shirt in my hand, my knuckles tight.
Oh, Callie, I thought. Callie. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, couldn’t say her name out loud. My heart was throbbing and stinging in my chest. Just the very thought of her, of her final moments.....
She’d been found on the third floor, near the stairwell. No doubt trying to get out, to get to safety. But she hadn’t got out, she hadn’t found safety. She’d perished in the blaze, along with everyone else.
My sob caught in my throat and Logan pulled back so that he could look down at me. His eyes were dark and the shadows under them showed as we stood in the centre of the room we were still sharing. He stared down at me, his lips parted slightly. He was shaking his head just the tiniest bit, with eyes so clouded they looked glassy; he didn’t know what to say. And really, what could he say?
Instead he just held me, and I cried. For three days my eyes had been dry, not a single tear spilled. And now, they came freely, of their own accord....

After that moment Logan made a point of being around more. He’d come and stay with me whenever he wasn’t doing anything. And even when he was. He’d bring whatever it was he was working on to me. When people needed to see him, he made them come to him. He stayed with me and watched me like a hawk. There was never a moment when there wasn’t worry written plain across his face. I was sure he was waiting for me to loose it once and for all. I’m sure people noticed his changed attitude towards me. Hunters started looking at me in a slightly different way, even giving Logan an odd look or two. But no one openly mentioned his behaviour. If they could tell, and I was beginning to believe they could, they never breathed a word.
After that night, the names and bodies just kept coming. Alana, Sally McDonnell; the sweet vampire, who’d helped me when I’d been sick, Quintenn.... They even thought they’d found Ben, only no one was able to find his records to verify it. Every time someone I loved was identified, it was Logan who came, it was Logan who told me and held me when I couldn’t hold the tears in, when I couldn’t push away the pain and sadness. Despite promising myself that I would get a grip on myself, every body I knew that was identified, and every person I loved that I’d lost, brought me closer to the edge. I was just waiting now, almost unable not to, for the last name; the last life lost who would break my heart beyond repair.
My dreams continued every night, and every night after Callie’s discovery they got worse. With every body after that they got more painful and harder. It wasn’t that they overly changed, but the few stronger emotions I was able to keep a hold of during the days and waking moments, broke through into my subconscious, and I started waking in the middle of the night crying.
Some times were worse than others.


**********

I gasped, sitting up in the bed and straining my eyes in the darkness. As usual, for a moment I was unaware of where I was, unable to let go of the dream. My breath caught in my throat and I let out a haggard breath, my eyes feeling hot. There was movement beside me, and a second later the lamp at the side of the bed flicked on, Logan gazing at me at my side, a disturbed expression on his face.
He had bed hair, and he was half lying, half sitting up next to me. He was shirtless; it was a hot night, however he was still wearing jeans and, whereas I was sleeping under the sheet, he was lying on top of it. We’d been sharing the bed and this was the sleeping arrangements every time we both slept at the same time. Of course Logan had a sleeping spot made up on the floor, just in case any hunters came to the room to see Logan. We had to keep up pretences with them. Logan showed a great deal of respect for me and sharing a bed with him didn’t bother me one bit. Aside from the fact I knew he had enough morals not to try anything at the moment, I welcomed him sleeping close. I needed him to be my strength now.
“What? Roxi, are you alright?” He sounded groggy, still half asleep, but as he looked at me he became more alert. This had happened before, he knew what was wrong.
I stared back at him, the dream hitting me once again. I didn’t know what to say to him, so instead I just shook my head, my teardrops falling on the sheet. I sniffled, still reeling from the dream.
His lips hardened into a line and he reached out, resting his hand on my neck. He gestured me forward and I snuggled against him, my head resting on his shoulder. “It’s alight, it’s alright,” he whispered in my ear as I wept, his arms circled me. “Shhh,” he mumbled, tracing circles on my back.
I closed my eyes, trying to settle my breathing. I listened to Logan’s own breathing and focused only on the feel of his fingers on my back. We lay there for a while; close together, his face turned towards me and his mouth near my ear. Slowly, my breathing calmed down and my sobbing receded. Then slowly, more slowly, still feeling Logan’s breath near my ear, I drifted back to sleep. And I didn’t dream the rest of the night.