I was still standing in Logan’s embrace, his arms still wrapped around me and my head resting on his chest, when I heard feet scuffling behind us. Unhooking my arms from his waist, I pulled out of his hold and turned, although I took Logan’s hand, and looked at Father Riley.
He stood a few feet away from us, staring at us sadly. For a moment he didn’t speak, just stood and looked. I knew I was still a mess and I was very aware of Logan beside me and my hand in his. I recalled the Father’s warning, to keep my distance from Logan, but the last thing I cared about that instant was the stupid prophecy or anything to do with it.
“Child,” he took a step towards us and I studied him. His face looked tired and he had small circles under his eyes, visible to me, despite the cover from his glasses. He looked as though anyone would, having been woken at three in the morning by an upset, distressed girl. “Words cannot even begin to say how truly sorry I am.”
I nodded. I didn’t know how to respond or what to say.
“Your loss, it’s huge, and my heart goes out to you. My prayers are with you and all those who have lost their lives. Know this child, God is still watching over you,” he said.
I stared, unable to believe it. “God?” I spoke through clenched teeth. I tightened my grip in Logan’s hand, partly digging my nails in, and his gaze flicked down to me.
His eyes tightened and he turned to address Father Riley directly. “Father...” he said, warning staining his words, but it was too late.
“Yes, God,” Father Riley continued, oblivious to Logan’s worry. “He is still watching over you. His plans for you haven’t changed.”
I stepped, mouth open, away from Father Riley, pulled my hand from Logan’s and turned my back on both of them. “You have got to be kidding me?” I continued to speak through my teeth, not trusting myself to look back at the priest. Anger flooded me once again, and this time I fought for better control over it. I couldn’t quite believe that Father Riley had gone there. To actually talk to me about God. Now, after what had just happened.
“Roxi,” Father Riley’s voice behind me sounded wary, perhaps realising my current state of mind. “Child, please. God is always...”
I spun, fast and deadly on my heel. “No! No way! Don’t even go there.” I held up my hands. “I don’t want to hear it! I’m done. I’m done with all of this. Faith and fate and... God, I don’t want anything more to do with it. Any of it.” I shrieked. So much for control, I thought absentmindedly.

I turned my attention to Logan. “You were right. About everything. Faith is rubbish. So is God and everything associated with him. It’s all meaningless. It doesn’t mean a damn thing! And it sure as hell didn’t help the covenant.” I stepped around them, and walked down the church, biting my lip, trying to calm myself down and not succeeding in the slightest.
“Roxanne,” Father Riley called behind me. Oh he did not just call me Roxanne, I thought.
I turned again and glared at him.
Seeing my reaction, he swallowed and corrected himself. “Roxi. You can’t seriously believe that, child. Not after all the time you’ve spent believing.”
I shook my head. “But I do! I honestly do.” And I did. I’d been thinking about it while I was in the church and I couldn’t bring myself to believe in God or my faith anymore. I laughed a dry laugh that came out more like a snort. “I don’t even know what’s worse,” I said. “Thinking that everything I’ve believed in for the last 2 years isn’t real, and doesn’t exist, or that God does exist and that he just sat back and let everything happen. And if that’s the case...” I shrugged, still feeling mad. “Then, I don’t think it’s something I want to be a part of my life.”
“Do not say that!” Father Riley was regarding me with a worried expression. “Do not even think that! God does indeed exist and while his plans are sometimes painful, and don’t always make sense, you cannot let yourself doubt them.”
I tore my gaze away from the priest and looked at Logan, daring him to speak, to back Father Riley up. He didn’t. How could he, when he himself didn’t believe? He couldn’t stand there and tell me to believe. It’d make him a hypocrite. Logan met my gaze and continued to look at me. His eyes bore into me and I fought the temptation to throw myself into his arms.
“God still has great plans for you Roxi. And those plans are not yet finished,” Father Riley said.
“Father, God doesn’t even...” I started.
“He exists,” he cut me off, pushing his glasses further up his nose.
“Fine,” I said, deadly calm. I saw Logan take a step towards me, but I ignored him. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to argue. All I wanted to do was leave. This church was so often like a sanctuary to me and right now I felt sick being there. “Fine, God exists. But as for his plans; well, as far as I’m concerned both he and them can go to hell!” I spat.
And on that, I turned and walked out of the church, ripping my gold cross from my neck as I went, and tossing it to the floor....

I let the church door slam behind me, as I walked out of the church. It slammed loudly and I didn’t care. Sunlight poured down on me and I held my hand up to the light, covering my eyes. Why did it feel like I didn’t see daylight that often anymore? I walked over to where Logan had parked the Lancer. Realising that it was unlocked, I opened the front passenger door and hopped in.
I rested my head on the dash and breathed heavily, willing my tears to stay in. They did, I didn’t cry. At least I had control over them, I thought. I wished I had the same control over my temper at the moment. It was one thing to loose it at Logan; it was another thing entirely to loose it at Father Riley. I’d never spoken to him like that before. Never. I felt sad, sick and sorry. I hated feeling like this, acting this way. I hated the pain and I hated despair I felt. I just wanted it to all go away.
I regretted speaking to Father Riley how I had, but it hurt too much and hearing him talk about God and his plans, when I felt that my faith had let me down, had just been too hard. I’d lost it and now I couldn’t take it back. I wished I could, despite the fact that I believed everything I’d said. My faith and my belief’s were almost non existent right now and surprisingly, I was okay with that. Yet, that didn’t mean I should have spoken to Father Riley how I had.
Logan stayed inside the church for a while. I was surprised that he didn’t follow me straight out. Religion and churches weren’t his sort of thing I guessed, what with his own beliefs about God. I knew he stayed to talk to Father Riley, most likely about me. I couldn’t even bring myself to feel insulted.
When he eventually did exit the church he walked slowly and steadily across the lot, holding my gaze the whole time, a thoughtful expression on his face. He opened the door and got into the driver’s seat. Then he just sat there. I knew he was waiting for me to say something.
I lent over and placed my head in my hands, shaking my head. “I was horrible to him,” I mumbled. I knew I should feel ashamed, and I did, but mostly I just felt miserable.
Logan stared at me. “He understands,” he said gently. “He knows this is hard for you and that you didn’t mean it.” He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. “I don’t think he’ll hold it against you.”
For a few minutes we sat in silence. Logan focused on driving and I thought about, and focused on, the hole in my heart. It hurt. It hurt so much. How did people live like this? It had been less than a whole day, and I didn’t know if I could go on like this. Would I hurt forever?
“You should probably call your family,” Logan finally said. “They expect you back in a couple of days. I don’t think that will be possible now. We don’t know what Micah is going to do and we need to be ready for any more attacks.” His eyes were staring straight at the road, but I knew he was aware of me. Very aware. He had some of the best senses and I knew most of them were focused on me.

I sighed and reached into my jeans pocket, pulling out my cell phone. In order to spend the week required by the hunters at the Manor, I’d told my family that I was going on a week-long ‘road trip’ with some friends from school. I doubted that they actually believed I was on a ‘road trip’, but they’d let me go none-the-less. Right now I couldn’t have cared less about keeping up pretences; however I knew the importance of keeping my family in the dark and as oblivious as possible. And it was important, very important, maybe now more than ever. Who knew what would happen now that the covenant was gone.
I dialled home and held my breath. I wondered who would pick up and I couldn’t hide my relief when I got the answering machine. I let out a huge breath of air, and saw Logan twitch beside me, but he didn’t turn. I sat and listened to my father’s voice as he relayed the message.

“Hey, you’ve reached the Knight’s. Sorry, we’re not home right now, or we are and we’re choosing to ignore you. Either way, please leave a message and we’ll get back to you when, and if, we feel like it. Thanks.”

I cleared my throat and waited for the beep. I knew had to make my voice sound happy and upbeat. Both things I defiantly didn’t feel. “Hi, it’s just me. The trip’s going great. I’m having heaps of fun.” I lied, sounding happy. How could I ever be happy again? “Anyway, we’ve decided to extend it and stay a bit longer,” I said brightly. “I don’t know for how long, but I’ll let you know when I’m coming home. I’ll call you.” I paused. “I love you.” My tone changed slightly as I spoke and my voice shook, but it was something I’d needed to say.
I hung up and put my cell back in my pocket. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the car, letting my head slam into the head rest, sending my hair flying. I brushed most it off my face.
“You’re doing the right thing, you know.” Logan said. We had pulled up at a set of lights, just before the turn off into the city suburbs. I had no clue where we were going and it didn’t matter a whole lot to me either.
“Am I?” I left my eyes closed. It was easier to talk when I didn’t have to look at who I was talking too. “Maybe it’s time I left. Life would be so much easier for them. They wouldn’t be worrying about me all the time. Worrying about when I’m coming home, or even if I will. Worrying about what I’m doing, or with whom. They’d be safer too. We both know they would be,” I said bitterly.
“It’s true, they may be safer. I can’t deny that,” he took a breath, “but now isn’t the right time for you to be making that decision.”

I opened my eyes and turned in my seat, so that I could focus my gaze on him. I raised my eyebrows at him.
He looked at me, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Trust me,” he said slowly and thoughtfully. “A decision like that isn’t one you should be making when you feel like you do. I know you believe it may be the safest thing for them. And in the long run, it may be, but right now too many things are happening. There are too many changes going on.” His fingers gripped the steering wheel. “You’re grieving and to be able to make a decision that is as life changing and final as that..... well,” he shrugged, “you need to be thinking clearly.”
I thought about my actions, towards Father Riley mainly. “And I’m not.” I agreed, sighing. He was right, I knew he was right.
He nodded. “I know it sucks, but you can’t let your emotions rule.” He reached across and moved the last strand of hair from my face. “However well meaning they may be.” He smiled apologetically.
I bit my lip and he turned his attention back to driving. I rotated and let my head rest on the window as we drove. I tried to keep track of where we were going, just I case I needed to know later, but it was pointless. But the time we were pulling up, and Logan was parking, I couldn’t have remembered how to get to where we were if my life depended on it. I dragged myself out of the car and looked around at the gravel and deserted courtyard. Where the hell were we, I thought?