Logan seemed to thaw out after a few moments. Relaxing and calming down, he appeared to take in everything I’d told him. He looked really unsettled, as though the things I’d told him had upset him. This confused me and made my head spin.
“What I don’t understand is why you don’t believe the prophecy?”
“Huh?” I said, looking at him. Had I heard him right? I’d thought I’d made myself clear. “There’s only so much I believe, Logan.”
“Yes, but,” his eyes blazed. Shaking his head, he took a breath. “You believe in God and you say you have faith. So why not believe this? How can you not think this is your destiny?”
“What?” I said, standing up straighter. “Do you think I should? That I should believe that you,” I broke off “or some other warrior of God, is going to kill me?” He had me so confused. A minute ago, he looked angry that I would even consider it and now he was asking me this. What gives?
“No, no, I” he broke off, hastily running a hand through his hair.
I looked at him and I could easily see the confusion in his eyes. I could see how desperately he was struggling to understand. But I thought of whom he was, his life, and everything he must have believed in, and realised that hearing me speak like this was throwing everything he thought into chaos. Making him ask questions that maybe he wasn’t ready to ask. And yet, I had to make him see.
I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him. I looked up into his eyes and tried to make him understand as best I could. “I think it’s because of my faith, that I don’t believe it’s my destiny.”
He stared back at me, waiting for me to continue. So I did.

“I believe in fate” I told him. “I think some things are meant to happen. Wether we want them to or not. There’s no changing them and there’s no fighting them.” I paused. “But destiny? No, I don’t think our destinies are set in stone. I think we shape them. By the choices we make and the paths we choose.”
Logan’s mouth was open, his eyes wide and he stared blank at me. He looked as though his mind was spinning. “But you're a vampire” he said, slumping against the Lancer. Yes, I thought, obviously. “How can you think that, believe that? After everything you must have seen and knowing what’s out there?” he shook his head, his eyes tight. “I don’t understand. Everything that you’ve told me..... it’s just making me more confused.”
More confused? I thought I was helping him understand. What was I saying that was making him more confused? I stayed quiet for a minute, thinking. I wanted to say something to help him, I really did. Looking at him, seeing the way he was, so confused and worked up, I realised how desperately I wanted him to understand. More than I’d ever wanted anyone too in my whole life. I wanted him to really know me and see me. Even more than I wanted my family to.
I took a deep breath. There was only one thing I could say. And I hoped it would help. It was the most basic belief that influenced my thoughts. And my actions.
“Logan,” I stepped right up to where he stood, standing right in front of him. He looked back at me with eyes so deep I thought I’d drown in them. “I’m a vampire, you said so yourself. I can’t change it.” I spoke slowly, trying to let each word sink into his head. “You can cut it and you can shape it. You can colour it grey, but it’s still what I am. And no matter how much I wished things could be different, I know they will never be. But,” I broke off, my voice quivering.
“But?” he said quietly, and carefully.
I was unsure how exactly I should say the next part, but as I looked into his eyes I seemed to get lost. Somewhere in them I found the courage to continue and before I knew it, the next words were slowly pouring out. Straight out of my heart. “But, I have to believe that being a vampire doesn’t make me a monster.” I paused and taking another breath, made my voice strong once again. I stared directly into his eyes. “That my destiny isn’t to be a monster. That I can be something more, if I choose to be.”

I finished speaking but didn’t tare my gaze away from his. I continued to look up at him. His lips were parted slightly, and his face looked absolutely frozen. He looked stunned. I don’t think he knew how to respond to what I’d told him. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I was ready for him to respond either. I wasn’t sure I could handle what he’d say, wether it be good or bad.
My heart was racing and my knees felt weak. I felt like I was about to fall apart at the seams. I’d just blurted out my deepest thoughts. Thing’s that’d I’d never told Callie or Claudia. Thing’s I couldn’t share with Father Riley, and he was my priest! They were my own private thoughts and beliefs. And yet I’d just told them to Logan. And Logan was a hunter. But when I’d started speaking I found I just couldn’t stop. Why the hell had I done that?
I thought I had a good idea why, and that thought made me uneasy. And absolutely sick inside. I wasn’t ready for this. And yet as I continued to look up at him, both of us unspeaking, I felt my heart flutter. I felt scared, nervous, unsure and about a million other stronger feelings. All good feelings. And they were things he was increasingly starting to make me feel.
Oh. My. God! My mind screamed at me. He’s a hunter. A hunter! You can’t feel this way. Not about him. But I did, oh lord, I did. He’d spent his whole life vanquishing the very creatures I was. Spent his life being told, and believing, certain things. How did he feel about me? Could he feel for me a fraction of what I felt for him? Could he? And did I really want him too? Was this really a path I wanted to go down?
I shook my head, unsure if he noticed. My mind was racing and my heart felt as though I’d run a marathon, even though I hadn’t moved. I couldn’t think about this now, it was making my head, and heart, hurt. I’d worry about it later, maybe talk to someone. But who? Father Riley was out of the question, feeling as he did. He’d most likely lock me up and throw away the key. Claudia? Maybe Callie? Oh God, I don’t know, I thought. I needed to concentrate on something else, or I was going to go insane.
His shoulder, my mind snapped. He was hurt, I’d forgotten. And so had he, apparently. He was looking past me now, his eyes thoughtful and distant. He still looked stunned, but if I knew anything about him, it was that he was most likely trying to process everything.

“Can I look at you shoulder now?” I said carefully.
“Hmmm?” he looked back at me, eyes still blank. He blinked at me. “Oh, yeah right, I’d forgotten. Sure,” he said, standing up and walking around to the front of the car. “There’s a first aid kit in the back, under the front seat.”
I opened the back door and poking around under the seat, pulled it out. It was square and small. I hoped it’d have the thing’s I’d need. I brought it around and standing behind him, placed it on the bonnet of the Lancer. I opened it and let out a sigh of relief. Its appearance had been very deceiving. It was chock full of things. I guess, as hunters, they need it often, I thought dryly.
I turned towards Logan and saw that he was struggling to get his shoulder out of his sleeve. His shoulder must still be very painful from being dislocated. I considered wether I should offer to help, but decided against it. He wouldn’t want my help. I started to turn back to the first aid box.
“Hey,” he said, and I turned back and he was gazeing over his shoulder. “Can you?” he asked, indicating his shirt.
“Sure,” I said very surprised. I carefully helped him off with his shirt. He winced as I pulled his arm through. “Sorry,” I muttered, hating that I hurt him. Then I got to tending to his wound.
It wasn’t as bad as it’d first looked. It was deep and would most likely require stitches, but the bleeding had stopped. All I’d do was clean it up. He could have it looked at by someone else back at the Manor. As I worked I couldn’t help but notice the other scars he had on his back. Left over reminders from battles passed, I thought. There wasn’t that many, but they reminded me of how he’d told me, he’d seen a lot and done a lot. He hadn’t been lying.
One scar stood out above the rest. It was lighter in colour, but bigger than any of the others. It ran from just below his shoulder blades, all the way down his back. Biting my lip, I hesitantly ran my fingertips along it. I felt him stiffen under my touch, and heard him take a shaky breath. Embarrassed, I brought my fingers and attention back to his current injury. “Was that from a vampire?” I couldn’t help but ask him.

He laughed, unsteadily. “No. I fell out of a tree when I was ten.”
“A tree?” I was surprised.
He laughed again. “Yeah, I was an adventurous kid.”
I smiled. “There, done,” I said, placing some gauze over his now clean wound. “I’m no doctor, but...” I let the sentence slide, but it reminded me of something. “Hey,” I said, walking around and standing in front of him, looking into his eyes. “What would it have been if your father had, had his way? Doctor or Lawyer?”
He looked back at me for a second; looking surprised I’d remember something like that. I was slightly insulted, my memory wasn’t that bad. I said nothing though, instead waited for him to answer. Then he smiled. “Honestly? Neither.”
I stared at him, confused. Before I had a chance to ask what he meant, he continued. “I told you that my father never wanted this life for me. Not that I didn’t. I think that even if he hadn’t died when he did, or even if he was still alive now, I’d still have chosen this life. It’s not easy and sometimes you wonder if certain things are worth it, but I know I could never be anything else. It’s what I’m good at and it’s in my blood.”
He shrugged. “The only difference is now I’ve got nothing to loose. Or no one that is. I don’t have any other family; it was always just me and him. I suppose that’s made me slightly reckless. I’ll do what ever I have to, to get my mark. I take risks and I do it because it doesn’t matter. Because I don’t have anyone I’d leave behind.”
I stared at him for a second, studying him. He meant what he said, it was clear. Hell, a blind man would see it. “Don’t you have any family or close friends?” I asked, thinking about Greg. They were close; surely Greg would be upset if Logan got himself killed. “People you care about and need in your life?”
He looked back at me, expression unchanging. “No, I’ve never needed anyone.”

I smiled a little thinking about this. “That’s where we’re different. You know I’m a fairly decent fighter. In combat I know I can hold my own. I hope that doesn’t sound too bold,” I said, looking at him and pausing.
“It’s not, I’ve seen you fight. I don’t think you’re exaggerating.” He said, smiling a bit. “Go on”
“When I fight I don’t have many weaknesses, but” I broke off, gazing at him pointedly. “If I tell you this and you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”
He smirked back at me, making my heart jump. Damn it. Stop doing that, I told my heart. “My biggest weakness is that I rely on the people in my life too much. I love them to death; I’d be lost without them. That’s the place I lack strength, my biggest weakness is that I need them too much.”
“But you don’t,” he interrupted. I stood staring at him unsure of what he meant. He took a step forward, leaning in close. “You’re stronger that what you think you are. Stronger than you show. And,” he paused and I saw his eyes sparkle slightly “the only person who doesn’t seem to see that...is you.”
I looked up into his eyes, feeling a way I’d never felt my whole life. I could see myself reflected in his eyes, but suddenly I wanted him to tell me what he thought of me. I needed to know. “Logan,” I stepped closer to him yet, my knees brushing up against his legs. “What do you see when you look at me?”
His eyes were expressionless as he leaned closer to me, yet filled with something deeper. Something buried deep under the surface. “Roxi, you’re not-”
He never got to finish. His pager in his pocket started to go off. He kept looking into my eyes though, as he reached into his pants and pulled it out. Then he brought his eyes to it and his mouth went hard.
“What's wrong?” I asked, something was wrong, I could see it on his face.
“I don’t know, but it’s a code red.” He looked at me, his eyes and face going hard, as he slipped into battle mode. “That mean’s there something very wrong. We have to get back to the Manor. Now!”
I nodded desperately, helping him pull his shirt back on and throwing the first aid kit back into the car. “I’ll drive. I don’t think your shoulder can take it, especially if we may have to fight later.”
He’d walked around and was already getting into the passenger seat. “Okay, but Roxi?” I looked across the car hood at him. “Drive fast!”