Paul walked me to the gym for cheerleading practice.

"Paul, we um... we need to talk," I said.

"About what?" he asked. His brows met.

"Just about..." I didn't know if I must say "us", I was a little hesitant and it was awkward.

"Just about this. About you and me..." I finished the sentence.

Trixie passed us by with a wide smile on her face. I think she heard what I said and that she was having the idea that this was the before line of a break up scene.

"It's not what you're thinking, Trixie," Paul suddenly sounded irritated as she passed.

"Come on, Cris! It's preactice time," she invited me in.
"Later Paul. At the back of the school, okay?"
"Bye,"

He looked surprised and I feel stupid because this was like I was kind of planning to break up with him. The feeling was strange. I wasn't her girlfriend but I told him the before-line of a break up scene. I was just bothered too much now. I wasn't comfortable with him pretending about his role too well.

I didn't know how I would start it when we would talk after practice but I must explain to him clearly about how this pretending must go on and if he didn't agree, I would just have to... I sighed. I don't know either.

********************

We were at the back of the gym near a dumpster. I was leaning on a tree and he was standing just right beside me but we weren't touching or anything. And I was glad we weren't. This was hard enough already and I didn't need him making me more hesitant about doing this stupid thing.

"What now?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Well..." I looked at him and looked away after taking a deep breath.

"It's just that I'm...." I looked at my feet then kicked the grass.

"I'm having a hard time, Paul," i said and I faced him still without looking at him in the eye.

"Hard time about?"

"About the pretending. I know, Paul, this is just a pretending game to get rid of Trixie..." then his palm covered my lips and he looked around. He put a finger in his lips gesturing that I be quiet or just whisper.

He let go of me immediately when someone passed by.

"Okay, so this game and?" he asked me to continue.

"I'm doing this for Faith and I know you're also doing this for her and your relationship but..."

he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

"I'm not comfortable with it that much..." I breathed it out.\

"Comfortable with?"he asked again.

"About all of it. You see I want us to lie low,"
"Let's just pretend like we're close friends not like we're in a relationship..." I didn't know how I was explaining it but I need him to understand.

"But Trixie's eyes are always on us..." he said.

"I know that but let's just keep it low. I'm fine with us walking together, eating lunch in the same table, you carrying my things before classes but the other things just bother me..."

"Bother you in what way?" he asked. Was I getting somewhere here?

I sighed.

"I mean no kissing, no playing, and no pulling me away from my other friends like Justin for instance?" I looked at him in the eyes asking if that would be okay. But of course it would be. That wouldn't be much of a deal I was asking anyway. He won't be bothered by it.

"So this is about Justin? Why? Are you dating now?" his voice sounded irritated or angry. Is this part of the pretending again? There was no one around. He didn't need to pretend he was angry or jealous.

"No one's around. Don't act like you're irritated about the thought, Paul..." I said worried that I might offend him saying that.

"So you're dating him?" he still sounded irritated. Did he even hear me inform him that there was no need for pretending now?

"No," I shook my head.

He let out a deep breath and if I didn't know better, I could've thought he was in relief when I said I wasn't dating Justin.

I was still leaning on the tree when he stood in front of me and his face was near mine. Our faces were only inches apart. His hand leaned on the tree on my left blocking my face when somebody could be walking that direction.

"Do you really mean it?" he asked.

What was he talking about now? He's really acting so strange and I didn't like it because it makes my heart race uneven beats. I feel heat on my ears and face.

"You're blushing," he said and I gulped.

His face was coming closer and closer.

"Cris! There you are!" Justin came running with a folder in his hand then he stopped when Paul looked at him.

"Oh. Did I just disturb you?" Justin's eyes were wide open in surprise.

I ducked under Paul's arm and walked toward Justin.