[x]
Must be a member!
A Tear-Stained Letter - EPILOGUE (chapter 5) by Vern Beachy
genre
tags
beachy,
grief,
grieving,
letter,
melinda,
memphis,
multiple,
police,
sclerosis,
suicide,
tear-stained
description:
*The manuscript on this site is not the completed project. For a full manuscript (Chapters 1-22) send me an email: vern@beachy.com
A Tear-Stained Letter is a vividly honest and raw account of what Vern Beachy has endured, and is enduring, as a young widower (suicide survivor) with Multiple Sclerosis. Beachy’s wife of less than three years committed suicide when she lost her job and faced the prospect of losing health insurance at a time when her husband’s health seemed to be going steadily downhill.
A Tear-Stained Letter is a story of love. The love one man has, and will always have, for his wife.
chapters
chapter 1:
Mr. Bleachy
chapter 2:
201 Poplar
chapter 3:
Three Days Late and a Million Dollars Short
chapter 4:
FORWARD
chapter 5:
EPILOGUE
EPILOGUE
chapter 5
—
updated Apr 11, 2009
—
4239 characters
—
0 people liked this writing
EPILOGUE
Every minute it gets different.
Every hour of every day the journey of grief gets “different.” If being different translates into something which is easier, then I guess I would concede to the use of the word “easier.”
Grief, however, is never easy.
This journey will never be over, but I can now manage it. By “managing it” I mean I can continue to live and—yes—sometimes laugh as I go on with life. Laughing is an emotion that I didn’t think I would ever display again after that pathetic day in June of 2006.
Grief will now forever be a part of my life and it will always be tough. The grief cloud is always over my shoulder and will be my constant companion masquerading as a life-long blur labeled as “The Black Horizon.”
The storm front is on the horizon but I have taken steps to prepare myself for the onslaught and this book is part of that preparation process.
I was asked one time if I am surprised that Melinda's death affected me to the level it has and that was an easy question to answer: “NO.” Melinda was the center of my life and my universe and dealing with multiple sclerosis is such a minor bump in the road that when I think of what has happened to me over the past decade or so, MS comes in somewhere down at the bottom of the list. While Melinda was the focus of my life, I can now see God sitting comfortably between us.
A chronic, debilitating disease would probably be at the top of anyone’s list when it comes to the trials and tribulations of life, but I will always view MS as a minor player—merely a footnote—on my life when compared to my wife’s death.
I get accolades from friends and family about how I reacted—and am dealing with—Melinda’s death.
I have said it before and I will say it again: it is not me, or not JUST me. I was ready and fully prepared to raise the white flag and sink toward death after Melinda died. I am not strong enough to handle my wife’s death all by myself. My faith in God and the prayers of many friends, family and total strangers allowed me to see a pinpoint of light in the dark tunnel. The only thing I will take credit for in this journey is my own recognition that I couldn’t do this by myself and I needed help in order to stay alive.
I continue to visit Melinda’s grave in Auburn, Iowa, on a frequent basis, sometimes a few times a week. I go there to just sit and talk with her and that seems to help me better handle the daily events of life. I can say, however, there is one thing I used to do frequently that I no longer do: I don’t begin crying as I drive down that lonely road that leads to the Oaklawn cemetery. I know that tells me I have come a long way since June 2nd of 2006.
When I began writing the chapters outline for this book my brother, Darren, told me he wanted to see how I will get from “Mr. Bleachy” to “Laughing Again.” When I was writing this book I didn’t see the path, but I can now look back and see the map I used.
Writing down my thoughts and putting a book together and pushing to get it published was a labor of love; the love I have for Melinda.
Love will transcend many, many things and, in my case, love transcends death.
While I can now see the path I took from the very first chapter of this book to the last, it may not be the same for all readers. In fact, I would be willing to bet it will be different for every person. One way is not right and one way is not wrong, just different. I cannot—and would not—presume to tell anyone else how to deal with the black cloud of grief because each and every person is different and how each deals with tragedy will be different than the next.
I don’t think I am different than anyone else. I just happened to write a book about my thoughts and feelings and what I had to do when my wife, my best friend, my soul mate, left this world. I had to do that for me and if my story helps just one other person deal with the ups and downs of life, then that is icing on the cake.
I hope these words come across as creamy, smooth and sweet because that will bring a smile to my face and—I am sure—make Melinda’s heart feel satisfied.
Vern Beachy
back to top
Every minute it gets different.
Every hour of every day the journey of grief gets “different.” If being different translates into something which is easier, then I guess I would concede to the use of the word “easier.”
Grief, however, is never easy.
This journey will never be over, but I can now manage it. By “managing it” I mean I can continue to live and—yes—sometimes laugh as I go on with life. Laughing is an emotion that I didn’t think I would ever display again after that pathetic day in June of 2006.
Grief will now forever be a part of my life and it will always be tough. The grief cloud is always over my shoulder and will be my constant companion masquerading as a life-long blur labeled as “The Black Horizon.”
The storm front is on the horizon but I have taken steps to prepare myself for the onslaught and this book is part of that preparation process.
I was asked one time if I am surprised that Melinda's death affected me to the level it has and that was an easy question to answer: “NO.” Melinda was the center of my life and my universe and dealing with multiple sclerosis is such a minor bump in the road that when I think of what has happened to me over the past decade or so, MS comes in somewhere down at the bottom of the list. While Melinda was the focus of my life, I can now see God sitting comfortably between us.
A chronic, debilitating disease would probably be at the top of anyone’s list when it comes to the trials and tribulations of life, but I will always view MS as a minor player—merely a footnote—on my life when compared to my wife’s death.
I get accolades from friends and family about how I reacted—and am dealing with—Melinda’s death.
I have said it before and I will say it again: it is not me, or not JUST me. I was ready and fully prepared to raise the white flag and sink toward death after Melinda died. I am not strong enough to handle my wife’s death all by myself. My faith in God and the prayers of many friends, family and total strangers allowed me to see a pinpoint of light in the dark tunnel. The only thing I will take credit for in this journey is my own recognition that I couldn’t do this by myself and I needed help in order to stay alive.
I continue to visit Melinda’s grave in Auburn, Iowa, on a frequent basis, sometimes a few times a week. I go there to just sit and talk with her and that seems to help me better handle the daily events of life. I can say, however, there is one thing I used to do frequently that I no longer do: I don’t begin crying as I drive down that lonely road that leads to the Oaklawn cemetery. I know that tells me I have come a long way since June 2nd of 2006.
When I began writing the chapters outline for this book my brother, Darren, told me he wanted to see how I will get from “Mr. Bleachy” to “Laughing Again.” When I was writing this book I didn’t see the path, but I can now look back and see the map I used.
Writing down my thoughts and putting a book together and pushing to get it published was a labor of love; the love I have for Melinda.
Love will transcend many, many things and, in my case, love transcends death.
While I can now see the path I took from the very first chapter of this book to the last, it may not be the same for all readers. In fact, I would be willing to bet it will be different for every person. One way is not right and one way is not wrong, just different. I cannot—and would not—presume to tell anyone else how to deal with the black cloud of grief because each and every person is different and how each deals with tragedy will be different than the next.
I don’t think I am different than anyone else. I just happened to write a book about my thoughts and feelings and what I had to do when my wife, my best friend, my soul mate, left this world. I had to do that for me and if my story helps just one other person deal with the ups and downs of life, then that is icing on the cake.
I hope these words come across as creamy, smooth and sweet because that will bring a smile to my face and—I am sure—make Melinda’s heart feel satisfied.
Vern Beachy
Did you like this?
vote
