Dear Adam,
The world is a horrendous place, where the weak and small are trampled underfoot just for being there. The strong are arrogant, self-sufficient people, who care nothing for the delicate.
Anyone can emerge from the darkness and be among those who have already done so. But they don’t take the damaged of the world. They take the ones who hold an unforgettable potential. And the devastated are cast aside as if they are nothing.
It’s never made sense to me. My life has been centered on fighting this. This fact of the universe.
But my efforts are in vain. It’s over. My life. My soul. My Heart. I give them all to you, Adam.
I pray you are not among the weak, but among the strong. Because I don’t want you to share my fate; because, should you cease to exist, the world wouldn’t be worth inhabiting for those who remained.
May I always live on in your memories. Remember me in happier times, when I was under the delusional happiness childhood gave me.
But those times are over, and now is my time. I’m sorry. Remember, that if I had to pick one, sole reason for living, his name would be Adam Spencer. You alone are the man of my dreams. And I believe I’m the woman of yours. I don’t want to cause you grief, or suffering. But this is the way it has to be.
To find me, look for the colors in the wind. Remember that place we always compared to the movie. Find me, Adam. Kiss me like it’s our last. Because it is.
And I won’t be there. Your grief is the only reason I ever second-guessed myself. Jamie and Julian’s mean nothing to me. What are they to me? Two wannabes, trying fulfill their lives with parenthood? No. Though I’m sure they’re nice, compassionate people, they just never did it for me. It just never clicked.
I’m sorry. I really am.
Do you believe in an after, Adam? I’ve always doubted it. But, at these last moments of my life, it seems like a possibility. Because, without it, the love I have for you couldn’t possibly go on. And it must.
No one has ever loved anyone the way I love you. I know my rash actions contradict that. But, this world…it just…doesn’t work for me anymore. I’m freeing myself from the chains of life, Adam. Be happy for me. Because soon, I’ll be happy, too.
Forever sorry. Forever yours.
All my love, forever,
Katie