Dear Mothra,

I am in America again. I feel really weird. This morning I was in a really bad mood, so I used my atomic breath to destroy several IKEA stores. The people were running and screaming and pointing up at me. Why do they do that anyway? Do they really feel it is necessary to point at me to indicate what is obviously destroying their world? They are just doing things that they have seen people do in movies. That's all they do. Assholes living in the movies. It's just one more thing which proves that destroying their world is the right thing to do. After a while I felt bad about destroying so many IKEA stores, so I destroyed a few MUJI stores. There were more Beamers and Lexuses in the MUJI parking lots so I felt better. All of the people were wearing black and pretending to be Japanese. I am worried about the American economy.

Dear Godzilla,

I am still in Japan, but thinking about flying across the ocean. Today when I signed on my FACEBOOK, I had one less friend. I felt really bad that I had no way of knowing who it was who deleted me and if I should feel bad about it or if it was just somebody I didn't even know was on my list. Humans keep inventing things to make us second-guess our existence and our karma. I think they are making warfare on us again.

FACEBOOK is just a cleverly designed weapon.

So I went into destroy mode. I too destroyed several IKEA stores today. I thought that was funny when I read your email. But I hadn't destroyed any MUJI stores, so in the afternoon after reading your email I destroyed several MUJI stores also. They were near the ocean and the people were running and jumping in the ocean which I thought was funny. You know the Japanese. I used the gale force winds from my wings to knock down skycrapers and various annoyingly quirky towers also. I think I destroyed a Frank Gehry design.

I too am worried about the American economy. I am thinking of flying across the ocean. Did I already say that? Sorry, I'm sleepy. We could hang out and destroy things or try to destroy each other again. I realize I really should print out a list of everybody on my Friends list on FACEBOOK and that way the next time this happens I can just go down the checklist and find out who it was and possibly fly to their town and destroy it.

But why bother. Why bother with anything really?

Dear Mothra,

Today I destroyed several PIER ONE stores and a TARGET store. Then I took a nap. I hate doing that because then I am awake all night. You should fly across the ocean and we can hang out. You should bring your Fairies. Have they seen America before? I also destroyed the law offices of some of those assclown lawyers specializing in MESOTHELIOMA cases. I get tired of those ambulance chaser commercials when I am trying to watch t.v shows in which young unemployed men are given paternity tests. I like those shows. It's funny when the girl says she didn't fuck other guys and the test comes back that it doesn't match his DNA. And then she brings another guy on the show and he's not the sperm donor either. It goes on and on like Tolstoy or something. We could get drunk and watch paternity television and cheer when the guy gets away with it.

Dear Godzilla,

American television is decadent. They are like the Roman empire or something. No wonder their economy is so fucked up and fucking the world's economy up. Japanese television is weird like everything Japanese, but weird like harmless children. You know what I'm talking about. The Japanese know that everyone is a child before death. But Americans are just childish towards death. Sometimes I wish I was back on Infant Island and that was all I had to protect. Trying to protect the Earth can be so wearying. I know you know what I mean because you have to deal with this shit too. I remind myself that it's not the asshole people I'm protecting, but the organism Herself. Sometimes when the people cheer for me because I am doing something to save their city, I just want to turn and destroy them with gale-force winds from my wings. To let them know how stupid they really are. I hate being part of their cultural narrative. We talked about this before. That time you were so drunk in Kanagawa.


Dear Mothra,

Fuck South Park. I am so sick of that show's fucking sneer. If I ever see Matt Stone and Trey Parker I am going to step on them. Then vaporize them. Then step on whatever's left. Let them fucking animate that. I used to like this show and laugh at it. What's happening to me? I used to sing along with Primus on the theme. I used to laugh at Butters. Tonight I just stared out the window. Like John Hinckley or something.

Dear Godzilla,

I think South Park's okay. You are becoming very brittle. Paris Hilton jokes are the best American can do really. If you start pretending like any of it makes sense you are going to go crazy, Goz. Maybe you should come back to Japan. People still worship you here, you know. Sometimes I think you forget that. Are we starting to sound like movie producer types? If we are, just kill me now, okay. I had a nightmare in which I was the Coen Brothers. Both of them at once. It was the worst dream I ever had. I'm being fucking serious here.


Dear Mothra,

Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night and sat up in bed and thought how strange it is that we are destroying the world in order to save it. Does that ever strike you as strange? I mean normally I don't even question it, but I sat there unmoving for several minutes and couldn't process the reality of my existence.

Dear Godzilla,

I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but no, I haven't. I think I try to be in the process and the process makes sense when I'm inside it. Everything is insane if you step outside of the process, you know? I mean it's like Wittgenstein. Remember you used to read that crazy shit? I mean if you are like skiing down Mount Fuji, and you suddenly try to step outside of your body and look at what the grammar of skiing is from outside, you're going to fucking go right off that mountain and die. You're Japanese, so you're supposed to know: everything from inside. I think America is starting to fuck with your head, Goz. Next I'm gonna catch you reading an IKEA catalogue or F. Scott Fitzgerald or something.


Dear Mothra,

Did you read the Tarantino script? I'm thinking about doing it. Your thoughts? Can you be coaxed into coming on board? I'm being serious. I don't think the irony is really that obnoxious. They said Benicio del Toro is considering it.


Dear Godzilla,

Excuse me if I OMFG and shit myself. I can't believe you sent me that piece of shit. I might have larvae to support but I do have some standards. Benicio del Toro wouldn't touch that piece of shit with Pauly Shore's dick. Get real. That's the old bait and switch which is how Quentin casts all his pictures now. A B C D and E end up becoming F G H I and J and he's still satisfied. I am definitely NOT on board. I would advise you against it, but you're going to do what you're going to do. Seriously though, you should come back to Japan and make the decision from here. Destroy a few villages, terrorize the nation for a week and see if you don't feel the difference. Then reread that script and see what you think. Trust me. I have no personal interest in this. But Tarantino? I mean why not fucking Hal Hartley? Crap can sing in any register you know. That's one thing Hollywood never learns.

Dear Mothra,

Let's agree not to talk about the Industry. I'm sorry I brought it up. But what kind of friend would I have been if I had presumed and not given you the opportunity? Yes, Quentin is an asshole. I threw the script into a dumpster outside a McDonald's and laughed when I heard your words in my head. We almost stopped being friends when we used to have these fucking stupid conversations before, so I'll just say I hope the larvae are well and that you have destroyed a bunch of cities today. That's what it's really all about. Not the fucking movies.

Dear Godzilla,

I love you, Man. I mean I'm still going to try to kill you again, and I know you're going to try to kill me. But that's just nature and the Planet. Aside from all that, I feel the love though. You're making good decisions. I think you are in a good period in your life. Destroy some more Pier Ones today. They are like the jungle movies of the 1930s.


Dear Mothra,

Today I snuck up on a group of people waiting for a morning bus. They had no idea I was standing behind them, as tall as the office building that was nearly touching my shoulder. I could even hear their conversation. When my shadow fell on them, one of them said something about clouds, and regretting leaving his umbrella at home. I realized I could vaporize all of them, but one of them coughed and another sneezed and somebody said "gesundheit" in a gentle voice, and for a moment I thought she had said my name. And I was filled with a ridiculous compassion. Then I saw my reflection in one of the upper story office windows, and realized my face when it is feeling compassion looks exactly like my face when it is feeling the desire to reduce Tokyo to matchsticks. Then a secretary pulled a chair up to a computer at the window, saw me, and screamed. She put her hands over her ears like earmuffs while she was screaming. If that isn't an image of the human soul I don't know what is. That began the usual rampage. But still. I liked that bus stop feeling.


Dear Godzilla,

Today is such a nothing day. I laid some eggs in the Tokyo subway. I listened to Radiohead and got drunk on some good Infant Island nectar. I destroyed part of the Shopping District. I read a book on The Gong Show and a book on grass. The book on grass was nonfiction and it was very good. Humans don't realize how important grass is. Martha Stewart is in Japan. Some anarchist group said they will assassinate her. Because she was suggesting improvements in the tea ceremony. She is going to be at a dedication ceremony of a new K-Mart in Osaka. I'm planning on destroying it. If I don't have the larvae that day. I have to check my Blackberry.