Once upon a time in a land far away, there lived a crazy man. His name was Kurt. Kurt was not always crazy; he was once quite sane. But I’m not going to tell you about that. This story is about crazy Kurt, not sane Kurt.

Crazy Kurt does things that most humans do not find normal. He hunts with a bow and arrow that he made himself, and if the wood is too wet to start a cooking fire, he eats the meat raw. He also makes his own clothes, and built a small house by himself in the middle of the woods. He knows which plants are poisonous, and also knows exactly what most of them will do to you if you eat them. He has not visited a store of any kind since he became Crazy Kurt.

There is one thing that makes him even more different and would normally be the first thing revealed to listeners after an encounter with him. He talks to the animals and plants, and he hears them talk back, though in their own language, not English. Sometimes he can understand what they say, too.

Every word I speak is truth. You may be asking now how I know this much about this crazy man named Kurt. I can tell you the answer to that. I am Kurt.