Werecats (not final title) (FEED BACK!!! like, constuctive criticism plz! lol, thanks guys!!)
by Snowsong
genre:
Science Fiction & Fantasy
description:
About a boy werecat who breaks the rules and kidnaps a human girl.
chapters
chapter 1:
Chapter One (It only shifts with the paragraphs!!!!)
chapter 2:
Chapter Two
chapter 3:
Chapter Three
chapter 6:
Chapter Six
chapter 7:
Chapter Seven
Chapter One (It only shifts with the paragraphs!!!!)
chapter 1
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updated 10/20/08
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5250 characters
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40 people liked it
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40 reviews
The girl walked around the corner, taking a short-cut home, through a back alley. A boy lurked in the shadows, watching her stop, look around, and then hurry on. Your mistake, miss, was stopping, even for a moment. He slipped quietly after her, moving only as his kind could; softly and rapidly. He was upon her in seconds, his left hand holding a knife to her throat, right arm tightly around her waist, to keep her from running. She froze, terrified, and uttered a small whimper of fright. He crooned in her ear, "Shh... Quiet or death will come to you slowly and painfully. Come with me." He pulled her into the shadows, and dragged her along. He hit a pressure point, and she slid silently into unconsciousness. He cradled her in his arms, and carried her to his home, a few blocks away.
He kicked the door open quietly, and carried her into his one story home. The door swung shut behind him as he headed down the hall to his room. He laid the girl on his bed, and sat against a wall, waiting for her to wake. Her eyelids fluttered, and she opened her eyes slowly. She noticed him sitting by the door, and drew herself into a ball against the wall, as far from the strange boy as she could manage. He smiled at her obvious fright. "Don't worry, I'm not that kind of guy. What's your name, anyway? I didn't have the chance to ask you, before. I'm Bartholemeu, but some call me Lem." The girl sat in silence, looking Lem over for the first time. He had milk colored skin, and strange black hair, that grew to about his ears. At least, where his ears normally would have been. Instead his ears were positioned more like a cat's. His eyes were a warm, golden color, and looked almost like cat eyes. When he smiled, she noticed many sharp, pointy teeth. She sighed inwardly, and thought, He's not normal. He can't be. Not with ears like THAT, anyway. She opened her mouth, and replied, "My name is Emerillia, but I tend to go by Rillia."
Lem looked Rillia over, and noticed that she, too, was rather pale-skinned. Her hair was wavy and reddish-brown in color. She had round, beautiful, green eyes. Her hair fell well past her shoulders, and looked extremely soft. He bit back a purr at the thought. Should I tell her yet? Or no? He was thinking it over when a tortoise-shell cat stalked into the room and glared at him. He muttered, unthinking, "Hello mother." His eyes went wide as he realized what he had said, and he glanced furtively at Rillia, who sat, staring curiously at him, on the bed. He looked back at the cat, and noticed the fur on its right forepaw starting to retract. He shook his head frantically. "I haven't told her! Wait for another minute, please!" The cat stared at him, incredulous. Lem winced, knowing he was in trouble later. "Rillia? This is my mother. We're, uh, Werecats." Rillia stared at the pair, convinced that she was hallucinating. The cat stared at Lem a moment longer, then turned her unblinking gaze to Rillia. "My name is Vella. Apparently, my son has broken the rules. You shall not be harmed, as you are innocent." The cat stretched, and finished her transformation.
Rillia's eyes widened as the cat turned into a woman. Now I KNOW I'm hallucinating. The woman had long hair, about the same color as her fur had been, which she kept pulled up in a bun. Her cat-shaped eyes were a pale blue, and her ears looked normal. She opened her mouth to speak, and Rillia noticed that her teeth were also normal. "W-Werecats? Is that like werewolves?" Her mind filled with frightening images of werewolves ripping into human flesh with their viscous teeth.
Lem shook his head, smiling. "No, we're not like werewolves, though I have met some before. Very nice people." He noticed his mother's glare, and bit his tongue. "Mother, could you leave Rillia and I alone for a bit please? I think she deserves an explanation, and a choice." Vella's eyes flashed, and she nodded. "But I am sending your sister up to speak with you both in a little while." She stalked out of the room, off to find her daughter. Lem watched her leave, and sighed. "I'm going to catch it later, for bringing you here. But I just couldn't... not when I saw your eyes. I'm sorry if I frightened you, but you really shouldn't be taking back alleys to get home." He grinned ruefully at her, and wrapped his arms around his legs, which he folded against his chest. "So, what do you want to know?"
Rillia stared at Lem for a moment, and noticed, for the first time, a tail curled around his left leg. "W-Werecats? How? Are you immortal?" She paused, and remembered something. "And what was that choice you told your mother about?"
Lem smiled at her barrage of questions. "Werecats are like werewolves in that we change from human to cat. There, the likeness stops. We can change whenever we want, and the few vampires I've met, didn't have any problems with me. I'm not immortal, but do have a longer life. And I was born this way." He stopped, unsure how to properly phrase her choice. "Since you know about us, Vella is going to give you the choice of a quick, painless death, or becoming one of us." He stared at the floor, unsure of her reaction and sad that he had forced such a choice on the poor girl.
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He kicked the door open quietly, and carried her into his one story home. The door swung shut behind him as he headed down the hall to his room. He laid the girl on his bed, and sat against a wall, waiting for her to wake. Her eyelids fluttered, and she opened her eyes slowly. She noticed him sitting by the door, and drew herself into a ball against the wall, as far from the strange boy as she could manage. He smiled at her obvious fright. "Don't worry, I'm not that kind of guy. What's your name, anyway? I didn't have the chance to ask you, before. I'm Bartholemeu, but some call me Lem." The girl sat in silence, looking Lem over for the first time. He had milk colored skin, and strange black hair, that grew to about his ears. At least, where his ears normally would have been. Instead his ears were positioned more like a cat's. His eyes were a warm, golden color, and looked almost like cat eyes. When he smiled, she noticed many sharp, pointy teeth. She sighed inwardly, and thought, He's not normal. He can't be. Not with ears like THAT, anyway. She opened her mouth, and replied, "My name is Emerillia, but I tend to go by Rillia."
Lem looked Rillia over, and noticed that she, too, was rather pale-skinned. Her hair was wavy and reddish-brown in color. She had round, beautiful, green eyes. Her hair fell well past her shoulders, and looked extremely soft. He bit back a purr at the thought. Should I tell her yet? Or no? He was thinking it over when a tortoise-shell cat stalked into the room and glared at him. He muttered, unthinking, "Hello mother." His eyes went wide as he realized what he had said, and he glanced furtively at Rillia, who sat, staring curiously at him, on the bed. He looked back at the cat, and noticed the fur on its right forepaw starting to retract. He shook his head frantically. "I haven't told her! Wait for another minute, please!" The cat stared at him, incredulous. Lem winced, knowing he was in trouble later. "Rillia? This is my mother. We're, uh, Werecats." Rillia stared at the pair, convinced that she was hallucinating. The cat stared at Lem a moment longer, then turned her unblinking gaze to Rillia. "My name is Vella. Apparently, my son has broken the rules. You shall not be harmed, as you are innocent." The cat stretched, and finished her transformation.
Rillia's eyes widened as the cat turned into a woman. Now I KNOW I'm hallucinating. The woman had long hair, about the same color as her fur had been, which she kept pulled up in a bun. Her cat-shaped eyes were a pale blue, and her ears looked normal. She opened her mouth to speak, and Rillia noticed that her teeth were also normal. "W-Werecats? Is that like werewolves?" Her mind filled with frightening images of werewolves ripping into human flesh with their viscous teeth.
Lem shook his head, smiling. "No, we're not like werewolves, though I have met some before. Very nice people." He noticed his mother's glare, and bit his tongue. "Mother, could you leave Rillia and I alone for a bit please? I think she deserves an explanation, and a choice." Vella's eyes flashed, and she nodded. "But I am sending your sister up to speak with you both in a little while." She stalked out of the room, off to find her daughter. Lem watched her leave, and sighed. "I'm going to catch it later, for bringing you here. But I just couldn't... not when I saw your eyes. I'm sorry if I frightened you, but you really shouldn't be taking back alleys to get home." He grinned ruefully at her, and wrapped his arms around his legs, which he folded against his chest. "So, what do you want to know?"
Rillia stared at Lem for a moment, and noticed, for the first time, a tail curled around his left leg. "W-Werecats? How? Are you immortal?" She paused, and remembered something. "And what was that choice you told your mother about?"
Lem smiled at her barrage of questions. "Werecats are like werewolves in that we change from human to cat. There, the likeness stops. We can change whenever we want, and the few vampires I've met, didn't have any problems with me. I'm not immortal, but do have a longer life. And I was born this way." He stopped, unsure how to properly phrase her choice. "Since you know about us, Vella is going to give you the choice of a quick, painless death, or becoming one of us." He stared at the floor, unsure of her reaction and sad that he had forced such a choice on the poor girl.
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(40 people liked it)
reviews of this writing
chapter 1 review
Prajit
said:
"
WOW!! I can't wait for the next chapters!!! Post them quickly!!!
6/5!!! "
6/5!!! "
chapter 1 review
Ephona
said:
"
You wanted critical review, right?
Well great plotline! I LOVE it! Jumps in really quick but NO ONE says that's bad!
So far so good! "
Well great plotline! I LOVE it! Jumps in really quick but NO ONE says that's bad!
So far so good! "
chapter 1 review
Waffle...♥
said:
"
I LOVE YOU HEATHER AS MUCH AS THIS STORY! OMG I'M STILL HYPER OFF TIC TACS!!! *screams and runs in a triangle* A+HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes! My insane laugh is...more
"
chapter 1 review
Melv
said:
"
wow that was fast you got right to the point but i like it. werecats is not my fave title but i might grow on it we'll have to see.
-R "
-R "
chapter 1 review
Gary
said:
"
The story line moves well, but there are some things to work on. To start out, the opening feels very generic in language. The boy, the girl, the kn...more
"
chapter 1 review
Amy
said:
"
I enjoyed it so far. My only problem thus far is that it kind of jumped into the kidnapping kind of fast. Why did he chose her at random? The girl se...more
"
chapter 1 review
Calipsco
said:
"
I think you jump to the disision (bad grammer), part way to quickly... extend it! I love your plot!
"
chapter 1 review
Willowmist
said:
"
I really like this, awesomeness, Snow! But it got to the point really fast; I feel that the story should have some kind of intro to it. But that's jus...more
"
chapter 1 review
Oceanwaves(Springpaw pic)
said:
"
WOAH!!!!!
That was AWESOME Snowsong!!!
Keep going! Love the details, and the decriptions! "
That was AWESOME Snowsong!!!
Keep going! Love the details, and the decriptions! "
chapter 1 review
Leslie
said:
"
Great premise, but much too hurried. Stretch it out. Give us a chance to see the surroundings, feel what the characters are feeling, think what they a...more
"
chapter 1 review
Roxie
said:
"
WOW!
when you say "She sighed inwardly" do you mean she took a breath?
but other than that...
YOUR AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
god i can NOT righ...more "
when you say "She sighed inwardly" do you mean she took a breath?
but other than that...
YOUR AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
god i can NOT righ...more "
chapter 2 review
Waffle...♥
said:
"
Funny! :) But brain is going maufunction over the sudden mood change from serious/suspenseful to playful... just a tip!
"
chapter 2 review
Melv
said:
"
such a hursh desition but it seems fair in the end you sure can hook your readers.
"
chapter 2 review
Amy
said:
"
Good job! I like how you created a whole new world and species! I like your names too! Maybe more details or descriptions of things? I like the sister...more
"
chapter 2 review
Oceanwaves(Springpaw pic)
said:
"
Make your decision now!!!
I choose Werecat..*snicker* "
I choose Werecat..*snicker* "
chapter 3 review
Amy
said:
"
Why did Lem chose Rillia? Why did he bring her there? I am off to read more!
"
chapter 4 review
Morgan
said:
"
What's the point of this chapter? I like getting the point of veiw from Ayli, but there doesn't seem to be any real connection to the main plot line.
"
chapter 4 review
Waffle...♥
said:
"
Haha Lem made me smile :3. I think the point of this chapter was to foreshadow another plot later on, but you might want to fix it a bit, I felt that ...more
"
chapter 5 review
Princess Jen Jen
said:
"
LOOOVVVVE ITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( in sing-song form.) This story is great!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait for more.
"
chapter 5 review
Sella
said:
"
This is SOOOOOOO good!! YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE!! GAHHHH!!!
No pressure, BTW. Lol. "
No pressure, BTW. Lol. "
chapter 5 review
Amy
said:
"
Chapter 5 was the best I think! I like the creative way she changed over. Im still curious, why he chose her at random? What for? Does she have friend...more
"
chapter 5 review
Char
said:
"
AWESOME! I personally like cats so I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters
"
chapter 5 review
Morgan
said:
"
Wait..... I like it, but I don't think foxes are part of the cat family....
"
chapter 5 review
Oceanwaves(Springpaw pic)
said:
"
Oh sweet!
I wanna be a fox!!!!! Or maybe a wolf...either one would be awesome!!! "
I wanna be a fox!!!!! Or maybe a wolf...either one would be awesome!!! "
chapter 7 review
Whisperleaf/Soul/Annie
said:
"
Great! Very mysterious...I wonder, why fox? Please keep writing!
---
KEEP WRITING!!!!! "
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KEEP WRITING!!!!! "
chapter 7 review
Drizzleherb
said:
"
Snowsong, this is an awesome story! You need to keep writing!
"



