Bad Girls Club

I lean over the table so my father will know I’m
talking to him. “If I start work right after school
gets out, I can probably buy a car by the end of
the summer, Daddy. Isn’t that a good thing?” I
clench my teeth, hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing
to say, but once the words leave my mouth, I know
it was.

Dad stares at me. “I can buy you a car. And
you can help your mother. That’s your job, and
I don’t want you to forget it and go off on some
stupid idea. We’re a family. We look out for each
other. But you seem to drift, Destiny.”

“The Edmonds’ Arts Festival is coming up,”
Mom says, as if she’s missed the whole conversation.
She leans over the table and goes on and on
about the festival—how she’s going to get a booth
and sell her painting of Aunt Leena. I sit there
with my mouth open because I can’t believe my
parents.

“And Destiny could help you with the festival.
Right?” Dad’s eyebrows go up, his signal to me
that I’d better agree.

“It’s June 24th,” Mom says.

I put down my fork and turn to my father. “I
wanted to get a job for the summer, and if I don’t
get one in June, they’ll be hard to find, Daddy.
Chloe got hired at that Mail Depot place over on
196th, and she thinks she can get me in too. Can’t
Grandma come help Mom instead of me? I always
help her.”

My words come out so fast they sound like I’m
a zillion atoms of electrical energy gone berserk.
I catch myself and calm my pounding heart, because
I don’t want them knowing how much it
means to me.

Dad makes a fist, but he catches himself and
puts his hand on his lap. “Grandma? Why would
we ask your grandmother to drive all the way up
here from Olympia?” His voice becomes more
powerful as he speaks. “It takes her over two hours
to get here with all that traffic. And by the time
she gets here, she’s in a bad mood. Then she’ll
want to drag you and Cassidy to the mall for half
a day. You know how she upsets your mother.” His
face is red with anger when he stops speaking.
Mom nods her head in agreement, and I can
see from the look in her eyes that there’s no way
she wants my grandmother around.
Cassidy pulls her little body into a ball like a
potato bug.

“There will come a day when your mother is gone, and you’ll look back and regret the
things you didn’t do. You only get one mother,
Destiny.”

They take off on a discussion about my grandmother,
cutting her into bite-sized little pieces as
they speak. I wonder what in the world Grandma
did that’s so bad, but I think that—whatever it
was—I will love her all the more for it.

I try to ignore them, but they chatter on in the
background. I scan the room and finally end up
staring at the window. The early evening sun filters
through the mini-blinds, forming a stairway
of brilliant white lines across the dining room
wall. I wish that I could climb onto one of those
sunbeams and ride away. If I could, I’d take my
sister, and we’d never come back.

I turn and look at my family. “Can we change
the subject and talk about something else?”

The angry expression on Mom’s face says
maybe not. “Like what, Destiny?”

Cassidy’s eyes grow big as half-dollars when
she hears Mom’s tone of voice. We can both see
that if someone doesn’t start plugging the holes
real soon, Mom’s going to start leaking all over
the place. Dad doesn’t even notice; he takes another
bite of steak and stares out the window. He’s
oblivious to the fact that we’re taking on water.

“Chloe and I want to go camping at Deception
Pass State Park with some of the other girls next
weekend. Can we talk about that for a minute?” I
make my voice emotionless so Mom won’t know
how much I want to go, but she sits there fidgeting
in her chair, as she chews on her fingernails and
spits the pieces on the floor like a truck driver. I
can’t stand it when she does that.

“That’s not safe! There are perverts running
around looking for girls just like you,” she says
sharply.

“I don’t think there are guys riding around
looking for girls in state parks. That’s why they
have park rangers.”

“You’re not going. Especially since you have
that boyfriend now.”

“Joshua isn’t my boyfriend.”

“If you ride in his car, he’s your boyfriend.”

I toss my napkin on the table, and it lands on
top of my water glass. “That’s not fair! Chloe’s
mom is going to be there, just three campsites
away. There aren’t any boys coming. Let me go!”

Mom gets out of her chair and stands over
me. “You are NOT going. Do you hear me? I am
your mother. You’ll do what I say.” When I don’t
answer her, she takes her seat. But I sit there with
tears pouring down my face.

Cassidy reaches over and grabs the butter, but
she gets so close I can see the fading yellow bruises
on her forehead. Her elbow falls in my plate, spotting
her cotton shirt. She lets out a groan, pulls her arm away, and rubs the stain desperately, as if
she can make it disappear. I hear her exhale as she
draws as far back into her chair as she can. She
pulls up her legs and buries her face in her knees
to protect herself.

“Look what you’ve done!” Mom stands, pushes
back her chair, and points a finger at Cassidy. The
veins on her forehead stick out like they’re going
to blow wide open. “If you were careful, you
wouldn’t make messes like that. How many times
have I told you that this is not a boarding house?
Who do you think I am? Your maid?”

My arm automatically goes around Cassidy’s
shoulder. I lean my body in close, but Mom
reaches behind her, grabs a towel from the counter,
and throws it in my sister’s face. I quickly pull
it off.

Dad comes to. “June, it’s no big deal. Take a
deep breath and relax.” He points to her chair as
if it is a destination worth visiting.

Mom stands there and defies him; the look on
her face tells him not to suggest what she should or
should not do. “You don’t have a clue, Bob. You’ve
never done laundry, so what the hell do you think
you’re talking about? Do you know how hard it is
to get out tomato sauce?” Her voice cracks as she
speaks, but with each word it becomes louder, until
it reaches its peak. “I can’t spend my whole life
GETTING OUT THOSE DAMNED STAINS!”

She pounds her fists on the table as she screams
at the top of her lungs. Cassidy whimpers and silently
prays to the darkness in her lap.

In an instant, I’m on my feet. “Don’t scream at
Cassidy. I’ll take care of it so you won’t have to.” I
use the dishtowel to wipe at the stain on my sister’s
arm to show my mother that I’ll fix it.

Mom reaches over and pushes me as hard as
she can. I grab onto the table for support, but I
fall backward in my chair, hitting my arm on the
side. “Mother! I was trying to help.”

“You can help me by shutting up,” she yells.

Before I can speak, Mom goes to the cupboard,
pulls her medicine from the shelf, and swallows
two pills while we all sit there staring at her.
I open my mouth to speak, but Dad interrupts
me.

“Are your pills working better, June?” he asks.
I can’t believe he’s that stupid.

Mom bursts into tears, but she covers her
pain with a forced smile, wipes the tears from her
cheeks, and sits back down at the table.

I try to hold back my own tears, but they run
down my face like a driving rain.

“Oh, yeah, they’re working real well, Bob. I’m
particularly enjoying the memory loss and the
confusion. The constipation is nice, too.”

I pull my chair closer to Cassidy and put my
arm around her back. Dad shakes his head at
Mom. He does it so quickly that I would have
missed it if I hadn’t been watching closely. Mom
gets his signal and picks up her fork like there’s
nothing wrong with her at all.

“You’re going to find something that works
good, Mom. I know you are,” I say in my most
optimistic voice as I wipe tears from my face.
Dad stuffs a piece of steak in his mouth and
nods, but when he speaks, his voice is cool. “Please
don’t jump into our conversation, Destiny. It’s really
rude. In fact, you do that a lot, and I want you
to stop.”

He takes another bite and then turns to see if
I have understood. I don’t dare speak.
Mom sits back in her chair and glares at me.
Her hands shake, slowly at first, but then faster
and faster until the table vibrates. When she sees
me looking at them, she clasps them together, finally
pulling them under the table. My breathing
comes faster, and my head feels like it’s going to
burst.

Mom’s eyes meet mine, and she turns away.
Cassidy snatches a strand of hair and starts pulling
until she yanks it from her head. She drops it
to the floor and seizes another clump. I pull her
hand away and hold it in my lap.

“Come on, June. Let’s go rest for a little bit.
You did a lot today, and you always get stressed
when things build up. The girls are out of line. Let
me help you to bed.”

All my muscles tense. I want to tell him that
he’s wrong. She’s the one who’s out of line. He
always blames us, and I’m tired of it. I open my
mouth to speak, but I say nothing.

Dad gets up and hugs her, but she pulls away
from him. She picks up her fork and stares at it as
she turns it in circles.

“I’m OK, Bob. Don’t treat me like a baby in
front of the girls.” Tears stream from the corner
of her eyes down to her neck, and her hands shake
so hard that the glasses on the table rattle.
“Isn’t this just great? I try to keep everything
together, but it always gets messed up. I have
this show coming up, and it really stresses me
out. Destiny wants to run off to some state park
where all the perverts are running around looking
for young girls. Cassidy won’t stop staining
her clothes. And you’re trying to get to my trust
money, Bob.”

“June!”

“Well, it’s true. You think Destiny doesn’t
know? She’s not deaf.”

She’s right. I hear more than I admit. I know
what they fight about. I know a lot of their dirty
little secrets.

“Stop it this minute!” Dad yells.

“How am I supposed to handle all this plus
clean, cook, and do laundry? How am I supposed
to keep everything under control when the rest of
you are working against me? On top of that, my
idiot psychiatrist keeps feeding me those freaking
pills, so I’m asleep more than I’m awake, and half
the time I can’t even think straight.”

“Mom, I think that he’s really trying…”
Before I can finish, she gives me a glare. I shut
my mouth.

She bursts into tears when she sees her trembling
hands. “Don’t stare at me like that, you imbeciles!”
she screams. “I’m not some sideshow
freak for you to gawk at. Do you hear me?”

“You’ll be just fine, June. Really you will.”

“Oh, shut up, you fool. You don’t know your
head from your ass. My whole body is shaking,
and you’re standing there telling me that everything
will be fine. I know it won’t be fine! It doesn’t
take a brain surgeon to figure that out.”

She pushes her chair back so it falls on the floor
with a crash. My head feels like it’s going to blow
open, and Cassidy begins crying. I throw my arm
around her back and pull her as close as I can. My
tears fall on my sister’s head and disappear into
her hair. Mom walks to the door and glares back
at all of us. When we don’t speak, she bangs her
head against the door molding. She keeps pounding
and smashing her head against the wood until
blood runs down her face, and Dad runs over and
pulls her back. He drags her from the kitchen, but
she kicks and screams all the way down the hall.

“You bastards are driving me crazy,” she yells.
“Do you hear me? You’re driving me right over
the edge! I know what you’re up to, and you won’t
get away with it!”