another pointless writing piece

A tearless sob escaped me. My hands found my neck, the only part of me that seemed to not be affected by my sudden sorrow. I squeezed my shoulders together to get more warmth, when that failed I slid my hands down onto my shoulders and crossed them as if i was giving myself a hug. it briefly made me feel less alone, like it forced the two pieces of my heart together. But why do there seem to suddenly seem to be two? I was fine only minutes ago.
what happened to running back to my computer with a smile on my face and laughter in my eyes? what happened to my warmth and optimism? I had it just minutes ago. Writing seemed to calm down my real sorrow, now all I had to do was get over the after feeling: numbness. this feeling i could overcome with fake smiles and giggles when need be, but my closest friends would know the difference any day, any time. I started singing along to "spanish harlem" and a small smile found my lips. It disappeared when sequoia was once again trying to blame himself. then stand by me came on. it made the the goose-bumps worst but the smile bigger. in my eyes the smile was still fake but on my lips it seemed real enough. I remembered something that i needed to be doing and bit my wrist that had previously been my chin rest while my hand rested lightly on my shoulder. I watched the small white bite mark disappear.
i pressed the warm bottom on my laptop onto my chest that was mostly bare do to the deep-cut shirt i was wearing. it never occurred to me that maybe i was trying to warm my heart. It seemed to need it lately. I started singing along to you're the boss and it seemed to make me feel better, I didn't know how. but I didn't want to question it. the numbness slowly retreated to only my stomach. there it made a knot, teh knot slowly seemed to shrink.