Mother to Son
by Makeda Naeem
genre:
Parenting & Families
description:
Africentric relationships; roles and responsibilities
chapters
chapter 1:
Mother to Son
Mother to Son
chapter 1
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updated 05/15/08
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2410 characters
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Motherhood is Nature's strongest relationship. Its near unconditionality comes from the fact that there is a pre-verbal and pre-existential relationship before anyone else comes into the picture. This is why lost pregnancies are so traumatic for many women; she is already developing a relationship with the fetus.
Fatherhood is a discovered and constructed relationship. Fatherhood is discovered in the sense that only advanced tribes would have seen that the sex act, nine months prior, had anything to do with the baby. Early man would have feared woman's seemingly spontaneous power to bring forth life, an event for which he could not see he had any involvement. All births would have looked like "virgin" births until "science" discovered the connection between sex and children.
Secondly, fatherhood is culturally constructed: what must a father do? Societies have to build out the concept of fatherhood, which fails and succeeds only as societies and cultural controls fail or succeed. America has painted an ugly picture of the African American father. The black father has been viewed as one who must be told, taught, beaten, and shamed into their roles. The role of fatherhood is not pre-ordained like motherhood.
Motherhood is instinctive; most women everywhere know what to do. Mothering is taught by nature. Fathering is taught by culture. Every society or group at some point faces a crisis of fatherhood.
It is only natural for a mother to love the creation she has made; even an embryo, void of personality, because it is hers. A mother will love even the duliest and lamest child. Fathers often bolt at the first sign of difficulty. Fathers love success (That's my child!); a mother absorbs the failures(That's still my child!); and she is particuarly forgiving of her son.
Mothers and sons are a stronger love archetype than mothers and daughters. There is a war; pre-designed into the relationship between mothers and daughters that eventually ignites. As the daughter crosses into puberty she becomes a reminder of the mother's declining youth. She also sees her daughter making the grave errors that she made and does not want that to happen to "her" again. She punishes her daughter, her younger self, for her mistakes. Her harsher treatment of her "daughter" versus her son under the guise of girls need more protection is a cover for deeper motives.
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Fatherhood is a discovered and constructed relationship. Fatherhood is discovered in the sense that only advanced tribes would have seen that the sex act, nine months prior, had anything to do with the baby. Early man would have feared woman's seemingly spontaneous power to bring forth life, an event for which he could not see he had any involvement. All births would have looked like "virgin" births until "science" discovered the connection between sex and children.
Secondly, fatherhood is culturally constructed: what must a father do? Societies have to build out the concept of fatherhood, which fails and succeeds only as societies and cultural controls fail or succeed. America has painted an ugly picture of the African American father. The black father has been viewed as one who must be told, taught, beaten, and shamed into their roles. The role of fatherhood is not pre-ordained like motherhood.
Motherhood is instinctive; most women everywhere know what to do. Mothering is taught by nature. Fathering is taught by culture. Every society or group at some point faces a crisis of fatherhood.
It is only natural for a mother to love the creation she has made; even an embryo, void of personality, because it is hers. A mother will love even the duliest and lamest child. Fathers often bolt at the first sign of difficulty. Fathers love success (That's my child!); a mother absorbs the failures(That's still my child!); and she is particuarly forgiving of her son.
Mothers and sons are a stronger love archetype than mothers and daughters. There is a war; pre-designed into the relationship between mothers and daughters that eventually ignites. As the daughter crosses into puberty she becomes a reminder of the mother's declining youth. She also sees her daughter making the grave errors that she made and does not want that to happen to "her" again. She punishes her daughter, her younger self, for her mistakes. Her harsher treatment of her "daughter" versus her son under the guise of girls need more protection is a cover for deeper motives.
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