I don't have to do A damn thing

I can't shake this
feeling of
death that hangs in the air
like so many dead things

I'm not the dead one
i suppose
all the people I meet
aren't real to me today
but I know that they are me

especially in all the pain and confusion

I got my myself some parts to create
a fast, fast computer yesterday
but then I put it together
and my particular "version" of windows
won't boot


so last night i had to lay on my bed alone
It was just like the night before
but there was a person missing next to me

since I stripped my old computer I couldn't get online

I got out a book by Heidegger
but It didn't love or accept me

I got about the Gnostic Gospels by Pagels
I took a 100 Mg's of Seroquel

in my head I gave up

all the half dreams
all the phantoms
can vanish with the thought of a book
and a bed

the demons don't lurk there

Heidegger
seemed to go on about the
authenticity of the simple life
of the "peasant"
but then not one of those peasants
could have understood a thing he said
they would have had to spend their entire lives reading
just to get the references

I don't want to get up today
and I suppose I don't have to

I don't have to do A damn thing
isn't that what Sartre said
I could just sit here and like Bartebly
the scrivener
repeat the phrase
"I prefer not to"