Ginnie's review

Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source
by Editors of The Onion

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<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/579696.Our_Dumb_Century_The_Onion_Presents_100_Years_of_Headlines_from_America_s_Finest_News_Source?utm_medium=api&amp;utm_source=blog_review" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source" border="0" src="http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1175974016m/579696.jpg" /></a> <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/579696.Our_Dumb_Century_The_Onion_Presents_100_Years_of_Headlines_from_America_s_Finest_News_Source?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_review">Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3003.Editors_of_The_Onion">Editors of The Onion</a> 
 <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/9836677?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_review"><h3>My review</h3></a>
 rating: 3 of 5 stars (memo to myself) Ginnie, without Goodreads you might never have heard about this - and that's even with reading The Onion's newest headlines every morning on Slate. 
 Since I am convinced that sampling a book is often better than reading a review, I have chosen a typical piece.
 
 THE ONION, Friday, November 22, 1963
 
 KENNEDY SLAIN BY CIA, MAFIA, CASTRO, LBJ, TEAMSTERS, FREEMASONS
 
 President Shot 129 Times from 43 Different Angles
 
 DALLAS, TEX.-- President Kennedy was assassinated Friday by operatives of the CIA, the Giancana crime syndicate, Fidel Castro, Vice President Johnson, the Freemasons and the Teamsters as he rode through downtown Dallas in a motorcade.
 
 According to eyewitnesses, Kennedy's limousine had just entered Dealey Plaza when the president was struck 129 times in the head, chest, abdomen, arms, legs, hands, feet, back and face by gunfire. The shooting began at 12:30 p.m. and lasted until 12:43 p.m. CST.
 
 In all, 43 suspects have been taken into the custody of the Dallas police.
 
 Preliminary reports indicate that hitmen for the Giancana crime syndicate fired from a nearby grassy knoll, CIA agents fired from an office building slightly off the parade route, Cuban nationals fired from an overpass overlooking Dealey Plaza, an elite hit squad working for Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa fired from perches atop an oak tree, a 'lone nut' fired from the Texas Book depository, a shadow-government sharp-shooting team fired from behind a wooden fence, a consortium of jealous husbands fired from an estimated 13 sites on the sidewalk along the route, a hitman working for Johnson fired from a sewer grate over which the limousine passed, and Texas Gov. John Connally lunged at the president from within the limousine itself, slitting the president's throat with a combat knife.
 
 The mortally wounded president was sped to nearby Parland Hospital, where doctors with ties to Johnson's inner circle performed a staged autopsy. They pronounced him dead at 2:18 p.m. CST.
 
 The body was then chemically treated by J. Edgar Hoover and put in a decoy casket for transport to Roswell, New Mexico. There, space aliens using medical technology beyond the knowledge of man sealed Kennedy's 129 wounds. Kennedy's corpse was then reanimated and rushed to Germany for an emergency meeting with the frozen brain of Adolf Hitler.
 
 After the meeting, Kennedy aides announced plans for the two leaders' sperm cells to be atomically sustained, planted in the womb of aspiring actress Judith Campbell, and grown into a super-race of 21st-century conquerors.
 
 According to investigators, the assassination appears to have been carefully planned and carried out in strict accordance with both the Skull-and-Bones Blood Rite and Masonic "Killing of the King" rituals.
 
 Officers found several hundred weapons within a four-block radius of the shooting site, including telescope-sighted Weatherby Magnum rifles, Italian bolt-action 6.5mm carbines, Thompson submachine guns, Russian Kalishnikov assault rifles, and one ray-gun.
 
 The assembled killers were taken into police custody at Dallas City Hall. As they were being transferred to the county prison however, all 43 were shot and killed by Jack Ruby, 52, a Dallas-area nightclub owner.
 
 
 
 
 
 <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/354189?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_review">View all my reviews.</a>

Ginnie's review
rating:

bookshelves: culture, press-journalism

(memo to myself) Ginnie, without Goodreads you might never have heard about this - and that's even with reading The Onion's newest headlines every morning on Slate.
Since I am convinced that sampling a book is often better than reading a review, I have chosen a typical piece.

THE ONION, Friday, November 22, 1963

KENNEDY SLAIN BY CIA, MAFIA, CASTRO, LBJ, TEAMSTERS, FREEMASONS

President Shot 129 Times from 43 Different Angles

DALLAS, TEX.-- President Kennedy was assassinated Friday by operatives of the CIA, the Giancana crime syndicate, Fidel Castro, Vice President Johnson, the Freemasons and the Teamsters as he rode through downtown Dallas in a motorcade.

According to eyewitnesses, Kennedy's limousine had just entered Dealey Plaza when the president was struck 129 times in the head, chest, abdomen, arms, legs, hands, feet, back and face by gunfire. The shooting began at 12:30 p.m. and lasted until 12:43 p.m. CST.

In all, 43 suspects have been ...more

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message 1: by Abigail

02/09/2008 09:20AM

Ginnie: My favorite Onion headline of all-time has to be: "CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO THE BALKANS." I cackle with glee every time I think of it!