Greg's Reviews > Rules of Engagement: Finding Faith and Purpose in a Disconnected World

Rules of Engagement by Chad Hennings
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's review
Mar 04, 2010

did not like it
bookshelves: i-started-something-i-couldn-t-fini

Chad is a former Air Force pilot and then went on to be a football player for the Dallas Cowboys.

Chad looks like a nice guy, and he could kick my ass but fuck it, I don't like him. Once again I don't know much about him personally but this book irked the shit out of me this morning.

Reasons why in temporal order.

1. The title. I'm sick of military / fighting phrases used in Christian Inspiration books. I get it, you all as a majority in this country are so oppressed constantly that the only recourse you have is to take up arms a la the Black Panthers in the 1960's. Titles like this scare me when being put on a book about finding faith and purpose in the world because I can hear the jackboots sounding in the not so distant future when people think in language like this for an act that should have no military connotations.

That said, I'm planning on writing a self-help book for secular non-humanists called, Cut his Fucking Balls Off and then Shove them Down his Throat: Finding Purpose in the World without Selling Out to the Man; I'll be titling my second book Donkey Punch: A Man's Guide to Finding True Love.

2. He's a football player. There are so many Christian Inspiration books authored by current or former football players these days. I find this funny because if I was a Christian I'd be all about the part where Jesus says that none of the earlier Laws have been changed, and thinking that one has the right to change his fathers Laws is a bad thing (see one of my other reviews about Christians for the actual bible quote). Which basically means that God is still playing with the Ten Commandments and Leviticus in effect, yo! And which means that every professional football player is going to hell for not following the Sabbath. That's right, all of them, every one of them that points his finger in the air, thanks God for letting him win the game, and every one of these people who have been flaunting their disrespect for the law of God for their own personal gain, they will be going to H E double Hockey Sticks.

I've lost track of how many evangelicals I have sentenced to hell so far in these reviews, but this might be the biggest group of believers yet I've sent in one swoop.

Needless to say I don't care to read self-serving holier-than-thou Christian accounts from ex-atheletes who have made a mockery of their own faith by their profession, and now want to preach at everyone else. All of you are hypocritical fucknuts. You are also fucking retarded and so morally myopic to believe that if there was a God he would give a flying fuck about you and your stupid game, and would have had a hand in helping you win a game when there are people in the world suffering who also believe in him. Your belief baffles and confuses me. It also makes me want to call you all fucktards, needless to say this is only for the football players (American that is), and every celebrity who has ever thanked a Christian God at an awards ceremony held on a Sunday night, but that is for another time.

3. I opened up the book to read this fact, (loosely quoted), "Before WW2 only 18-20 percent of soldiers aimed to hit the enemy in combat." This interesting and fully fabricated fact is claimed to be from studies. I'm not sure what studies these are from, since this sounds like a post WW2 social science type of study, and what soldier would admit to basically being a coward and guilty of some type of treason or dereliction of duty by not having any intention of hitting the enemy, and shooting directly over their head.

This is a bullshit fact and being on the page I opened the book to, it makes me think that it wasn't just a coincidence I found the one piece of stinking cow feces in the book. Chad you are a liar. Your pants are on fire, and that might just be because of the flames of hell already coming up to grab on to you.

Thankfully since your evangelical beliefs are fairy tales you don't have to worry about all the bad shit waiting for you after you die. Instead the physical parts of your body will disperse back into the universe and everyone will forget you within a century of your death. You will be insignificant, but at least you will not be burning for all eternity.
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 73) (73 new)

message 1: by D. (last edited Mar 03, 2010 07:21AM) (new)

D. Pow you read some funny shit, man.

stuff like this makes me want to poke out my eyes with a fork or join some particularly disreputable pagan sect.

message 2: by David (new)

David Seriously, Greg. I'm not being flippant. Why do you read all this shit?

message 3: by Ellen (new)

Ellen Yes, I thought the book's title sufficed for the "reasons forthcoming."

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio He doesn't actually read it. See the shelf title.

message 5: by Ellen (new)

Ellen MyFleshSingsOut wrote: "He doesn't actually read it. See the shelf title."

Ah, I didn't notice the shelf. I wasn't throwing stones, though. Along with the classic lit, theory texts, and other worthy tomes, I probably have more absolutely shitty books listed than anyone else on this site.

message 6: by Joshua Nomen-Mutatio (last edited Mar 03, 2010 08:07AM) (new)

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio My equivalent shelf is entitled "too-insane-for-reading."

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio karen also has a similar shelf entitled "romance-covers-i-have-loved."

message 8: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Most of the books on this shelf are books that my store carries and I come across. This one I flipped through and it was in flipping through the book that I decided I hated the book.

But David, I do read some real shit and torture myself with books I should know better than to read. Speaking of, did you ever read the Spedi book?

message 9: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine These are the books that I try to return for being insulting to humanity but no one will let me.

And greg has read some real crap. Like Santa and the magical unicorn, so I wouldn't put it past him to read this.

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio Did you ever finish that Nazi/unicorn book, Greg?

message 11: by David (new)

David I will read the Speidi book, Greggers. Truth be told, I haven't been reading much at all the last month or two. I feel more comfortable narcotizing myself with the gaze of the electric cyclops. But Speidi shall be tended to in due course. (The Heidi portion of the duo is more topical now than ever with her recent smorgasboard of plastic surgery. But I do think she should also have her secret garden soldered shut lest she breed.)

message 12: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg MFSO, no I stoppped reading the book sometime in the summer, I need to go back and re-read / finish it.

David, I feel so uninformed that I didn't know much about her recent plastic surgery. I blame her though for my not knowing, since it must not be big enough news to be getting her on the covers of In Touch and Us Weekly.

message 13: by David (new)

David since it must not be big enough news to be getting her on the covers of In Touch and Us Weekly.

It got her on the cover of People though. Maybe it was 'exclusive.'

message 14: by David (new)

David [image error]

message 15: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg David wrote: "since it must not be big enough news to be getting her on the covers of In Touch and Us Weekly.

It got her on the cover of People though. Maybe it was 'exclusive.'"

Shit, that is the big time and I was in the dark about it.

message 16: by karen (new)

karen those are the grossest tits ever.

message 17: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Don't talk shit about Heidi, she is now closer to being perfect than before.

message 18: by David (new)

David I'm upset that the People article pictured above refers to her as a 'starlet.' REALLY??? People, are you really buying into that?

She was more attractive before the surgery because her face actually had a little 'personality' to it (horsiness = personality). Now it's a bland social idea of beauty that should theoretically be sexier and more appealing than ever, but somehow isn't.

message 19: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Shut up Davey!! Heidi is perfect, anything she does makes her more perfect, one day she will be even more perfect than she is today!!! You'll see she will be a goddess, Hera to Spencer's Zeus.

message 20: by David (new)

David I don't disagree. She is completely and utterly perfect. (Even those oozing Ziploc baggies full of chemicals stuffed in her jugs are perfect and beyond reproach.) But I'm totally into flawed.

message 21: by karen (new)

karen i am so glad to be flawed, if those are perfect boobs...

message 22: by David (new)

David That's so insensitive, karen. I was born with boobs like Heidi's. I didn't choose them. It hurts my feelings that you think I'm an ugly, gross freak.

message 23: by karen (new)

karen look, if retard ranch didn't teach me anything about sensitivity, you and your tits don't stand a chance.

message 24: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg If I was an edgy up and coming artist I'd pay for every girl I knew to get boobs like that. Sadly I'm not though.

message 25: by karen (new)

karen ooh - donkey punch. very good.

message 24 - fuck that idiot.

message 26: by Greg (last edited Mar 03, 2010 08:28PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg You can watch him fucking if you'd like.

message 27: by karen (new)

karen only if it is a snuff film.

message 28: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Probably not, opps I forgot he's on this site....

message 29: by karen (new)

karen no you didn't, you little troublemaker.

message 30: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg One day he will be writing a Christian Inspiration book, that is my prediction of the day.

message 31: by karen (new)

karen a gentleman just tipped his cap at me.

message 32: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg did you curtsy after he doffed his hat?

message 33: by karen (new)

karen no. i left my manners at home.

message 34: by karen (new)

karen bitch.

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio Greg, bullet point #2 is a great zinger.

message 37: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg I'm pretty proud of myself for number 2. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before Wednesday though.

message 38: by trivialchemy (last edited Mar 05, 2010 08:46AM) (new)

trivialchemy I don't understand the timeline of this guy. How is one an Air Force pilot and then play in the NFL, in that order? Even if you were an Air Force Academy kid (which this guy stinks of), the earliest you could conceivably finish your military contract would be, say 30. No NFL team is going to pick you up at 30. And when would you have had time to practice football?

Something here doesn't add up. Something, that is, besides hypocrisy, the flagrant glorification of self, sublimation of homoerotic impulse, the craven hunt for celebrity, and the consistent misinterpretation of two millenia of theological teachings in the mold of jingoistic war-adulation and the self-serving impulse.

message 39: by Gary (last edited Mar 05, 2010 08:48AM) (new)

Gary can't these athletes get a life without writing about it,and making others suffer through it?? i can't even stand to look at the cover.

they are renaming the Mark McGuire highway, Mark Twain highway, because McGuire lied,and got a job coaching the Cards in St Louis, cause nobody else wanted him. He's still not relocating to the city, but keeping his home in California, or wherever he thinks it's better to live then here,and what's funny is the highway was originally called Mark Twain highway to begin with!!! Then he breaks the record,and down comes the signs,and new ones put up,and down they come again,and mark twain is put back up! Talk about a freaking mess,and all over a dude who can hit a ball with a stick, well, under the influence of drugs, that is.

this kind of stuff is because sports is so damn important in this country. it's all people can think about...... sigh!

message 40: by Greg (last edited Mar 05, 2010 09:32AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Isaiah, I'm not sure how his biography fits together. From the book's jacket it says that he flew 40 humanitarian missions in the first Gulf War (which I'm not sure if that was a euphemism for bombing infidels), won an award for being a great Air Force football player and then played for the Cowboys.

The Mark Twain highway sounds much better than the Mark McGuire highway, who's going to care about McGuire fifty years from now, but hopefully people will still be reading Twain.

message 41: by Gary (new)

Gary my point, exactly, buddy! Hell, Greg, people don't care about the bastard now. I will be on the highway to take pictures of the new signs saying mark twain. it's it a big anniversary for him this year.... ch eck out the website.....

message 43: by David (last edited Mar 05, 2010 09:27AM) (new)

David I've seen more people misspell 'Isaiah' on this site than any other name. Obviously you people didn't read your bible when you were kiddies.

Speaking of which, have you reviewed the bible yet, Greg? I don't remember.

message 44: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Sorry for the Isaiah misspelling, I've gone and fixed my error. I haven't reviewed the entire Bible yet, but I have reviewed these two books from it:

Book of Revelation:

Book of John:

message 45: by trivialchemy (new)

trivialchemy Well, I wikied him. I was right that he was an Academy brat. Looks like he played for the Academy and was drafted by the NFL on graduation but couldn't go right away, so he served 4 years and then went back to the NFL. Only thing that doesn't make sense is that no pilot has a 4-year contract. They're 10 years after training right now; in '88 they may have been as short as 6 years. When he was drafted by the NFL, he must have made some sort of "arrangement" with the AF, probably for PR purposes.

In Hennings' favor, he flew the A-10, which is the baddest motherf*ing plane in existence. I wonder what God thinks about the A-10? We should ask Hennings.

message 46: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg A-10's were very bad-ass during Gulf War One. I owned a computer game then called A-10 Tank Killer, which was a flight simulator where you attacked Iraqi tanks and other vehicle. Sometimes I would even make some extra shots pretending it was little Iraqi's trying to run away from the exploded vehicle.

Were A-10's generally used for Humanitarian Purposes?

message 47: by trivialchemy (last edited Mar 05, 2010 02:03PM) (new)

trivialchemy Greg wrote: "Were A-10's generally used for Humanitarian Purposes? "


[image error]

Humanitarian like not giving the Iraqi inside the time to contemplate his own mortality.

message 48: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Oh, man. I missed the Heidi conversation. Well, I'm going to add this anyway:

I heard a sound bite of Heidi talking about her new boob size (F) and saying she wanted to get a size H for Heidi. Yup.

message 49: by Jen (new)

Jen Do they have F cup bras at Victoria's Secret? I can't even pretend to know, as I'm a few letters before that.

And this book is called Christian crap. It is sold mostly in Christian crap stores, along with Testamints and Kinkade lighthouse lap blankets and F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God- I can't expect you pagans to know that oh-so Biblical acronym) jelly bracelets. But Greg can comfort himself with the knowledge that the author has to go to signings at these crappy Christian chain stores, sitting in a metal folding chair for hours signing books or bibles (really!) for ladies who go and have their hair "done" once a week (this would also be the day these ladies go to author signings). These sweet ladies also tell Mr. Hennings exactly what he should write on the inside cover of their books. And he has to obey. And smile. So...there is a God!

message 50: by Michelle (last edited Mar 05, 2010 05:00PM) (new)

Michelle I'm pretty sure their bras only go up to size DD. Heidi must shop at the same places the porn stars do.

Anyway, I'll never read this book either.

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