Rebekah's Reviews > The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
My rating:
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
by Gary Chapman
by Gary Chapman
A couple of years ago, one of our local church leaders (who is also a psychologist) recommended that every couple read this book...and now, having read it, I'm just a little surprised by that. Really? Out of all the books on marital relationships, you would recommend this one?
Things I Liked:
* The explanation of the "in love" phenomenon. It made so much sense, and confirmed my personal, whirling thoughts that I've been trying to sort out the last few years. Kind-of puts a damper on all of those movies and songs our society loves so much, eh?
* The explanation of how couples can start out loving each other and end up hating each other. That has never made sense to me...now, it begins to. I can see resentment building when you're trying desperately to express love to your spouse and they just complain about it.
* The confirmation that being loved is a fundamental need of all humans; also, that children will look for that love other places if they don't get it from their parents.
* This quote: "True love always liberates." Amen!
* Teaching that love (true love) is always a choice. So true. And that applies so much larger than just a spouse...made me think about the rest of my family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.
Things I Didn't Like:
* I'm just not sure these principles apply to me. For the life of me, I can't figure out what my "language" would be, even after thinking about his suggestions AND taking the assessment. He sounds so sure that every person has their specific language, or two at the most, but I think I fall across the entire spectrum. I need things from all five categories. If my husband were to stop any one of them, I would miss it. Thus, I just can't buy into believing that it's this important.
* The whining couples. Seriously, if your spouse does something to express their love for you, why aren't you accepting it and being grateful for it? I can't believe this attitude of, "But that's not what I wanted you to do!" Shut up, grow up, and let them know how grateful you are. It is possible to express what you need without being a baby about it.
* Some of the things he was asking these couples to do seemed incredibly manipulative to me. Regardless of his intentions, I think a lot of couples probably implement these principles under the pretense of creating greater love in their relationship, when in reality, they're just trying to manipulate their spouse into doing what they want.
I'd love to hear comments from others who have read this book. Was it meaningful to you?
Things I Liked:
* The explanation of the "in love" phenomenon. It made so much sense, and confirmed my personal, whirling thoughts that I've been trying to sort out the last few years. Kind-of puts a damper on all of those movies and songs our society loves so much, eh?
* The explanation of how couples can start out loving each other and end up hating each other. That has never made sense to me...now, it begins to. I can see resentment building when you're trying desperately to express love to your spouse and they just complain about it.
* The confirmation that being loved is a fundamental need of all humans; also, that children will look for that love other places if they don't get it from their parents.
* This quote: "True love always liberates." Amen!
* Teaching that love (true love) is always a choice. So true. And that applies so much larger than just a spouse...made me think about the rest of my family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.
Things I Didn't Like:
* I'm just not sure these principles apply to me. For the life of me, I can't figure out what my "language" would be, even after thinking about his suggestions AND taking the assessment. He sounds so sure that every person has their specific language, or two at the most, but I think I fall across the entire spectrum. I need things from all five categories. If my husband were to stop any one of them, I would miss it. Thus, I just can't buy into believing that it's this important.
* The whining couples. Seriously, if your spouse does something to express their love for you, why aren't you accepting it and being grateful for it? I can't believe this attitude of, "But that's not what I wanted you to do!" Shut up, grow up, and let them know how grateful you are. It is possible to express what you need without being a baby about it.
* Some of the things he was asking these couples to do seemed incredibly manipulative to me. Regardless of his intentions, I think a lot of couples probably implement these principles under the pretense of creating greater love in their relationship, when in reality, they're just trying to manipulate their spouse into doing what they want.
I'd love to hear comments from others who have read this book. Was it meaningful to you?
Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read The Five Love Languages.
sign in »
Comments (showing 1-3 of 3) (3 new)
date
newest »
newest »
I've never read the whole book, but I have read an overview of the 5 Love Languages and taken a mini-assessment of what mine are. I have about 3 languages, which might be more than you're supposed to, but those last 2 are definitely not very important to me. I think I did decide that Quality Time is my #1.Regardless of not quite being able to decide on just one primary language, it did help me realize better what I'm looking for in a woman and how I can be better at expressing and recognizing affection (not just romantically, as you (and he) mentioned, but with family and friends etc. as well). The Words of Affirmation one was especially enlightening, because I never consciously realized before how much that does mean to me. It was also nice talking about them with my girlfriend at the time because she had 2 that were also pretty important to her (fortunately they coincided with mine :) ), and I feel like it strengthened our relationship.
Overall, I think these sorts of things can be very helpful to a lot of people, but I kind of felt like you do, incredulous that there has to be one language that is your most important for every single person. Don't worry if you don't feel like this framework doesn't speak to you. It reminds me of the Fowler Stages of Faith that is a framework used to describe people's different levels of faith and doubt they go through as they age and mature. I've known a lot of people who find it *very* helpful and enlightening or whatever, but I never really felt like I had followed the pattern so I don't really find any value in it.
Aha! and just in case my little essay above wasn't enough, I found my blog post from right after I found the 5 Love Languages: http://notoriousbiggins.blogspot.com/200...
