Sueij's Reviews > Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
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Feb 07, 10

Recommended to Sueij by: Uncle Jerry
Recommended for: Linda Murray
Read in February, 2010

This book needs two ratings for me:
on the topic of love and respect in marriage: 4 or 5 stars
on his theology and 110% framing of love and respect by that: 1 or 2 stars

On the love and respect part:
Neat ideas. The premise is that what women need from a relationship is first and foremost love, but what men need first and foremost is respect. When a wife doesn't feel loved, she is likely to act in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband doesn't feel respected, he is likely to act in ways that feel unloving. The author gives examples and offers actions and plans for how to change "The Crazy Cycle" into "The Energizing Cycle."

I don't know if love for women and respect for men is really the be-all and end-all in a relationship like Eggerichs suggests, but there was a lot of really good stuff in there.

However, on the topic of his theology:
Eggerichs clearly and explicitly believes in "inspired scriptures," that is, the Bible as the literal given and transcribed Word of God that cannot be questioned. He believes in the absolute authority of the husband in a marriage, that it is adultery for a married man to admire a woman's body who isn't his wife, and other such staunchly fundamentalist perspectives. (To give the man some credit, he is clear that the man's authority doesn't allow for physical abuse -- he tells the women "Get out!" -- and that authority comes with a balancing obligation to care for and honor and protect his wife.)

But asking, "Does it sound chauvanistic to say...?" doesn't make you not a chauvanist. The acronym to help wives act respectfully toward their husband is CHAIRS (as in, Chairman of the Board kind of chair), which stands for Conquest (a poorly chosen word for the weight men give to their professional lives), Heirarchy (his desire to provide and protect), Authority (yep, how he has 100% in the marriage), Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.

I could hardly stomach the stuff. In the time of the New Testament, slaves were treated like dirt and wives were treated like slaves. Jesus, Paul, and the other early Christians called for a new and radical view of these relationships. Slaves were to be treated humanely, and wives were to be treated with honor. These were radical notions. Now we believe that slavery is just plain wrong, yet some Christians think that the actual recommendations about marriage were the endpoint. I think early Christians called for a radical rethinking in the direction of equality. I believe it's the perspective that we should bring forward, not the absolutes of that time and culture.

So if you can make it through the theology, the love and respect content has something valuable to offer to any relationship. If you can.
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Christine Well said.


Christine Well said.


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