Trix's Reviews > Slow Love: A Polynesian Pillow Book

Slow Love by James N. Powell
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U 50x66
's review
Jan 26, 2010

This is mostly my experience relevant to the content of the book, more than it is a direct review. Many of the suggestions made in this book, for people to try to learn and transition towards, are actually the way some of us naturally experience our sexuality.
I was confused about sex most of my life. Could never identify with the popular culture, felt like a complete outsider as a teenager - not getting what all the dating and obsessing was about, why everyone was so excited about sex and attraction. Always wondered who I was sexually attracted to. Tried to fit in but always felt like a fraud and deeply deceptive. Was scared and ashamed that something was very wrong with me and that I was broken in some fundamental way. Thought I must be horribly repressed, shy, or gay. Never experienced anything I could describe as a sexual urge. Tried masturbating, never got the point, never did anything for me. The concept of needing "sexual release" simply has no referent in my internal world. Never in my life have I looked at a person and had the thought that I desired to have sex with them. When I already feel really close to and intimate with someone, I have urges to cuddle, touch lovingly, look them in the eyes and give and receive massages.
A couple of years ago I discovered the idea of asexuality and it was tremendously liberating. To think that I was not broken and that it was okay to not desire genital intercourse, or find anyone sexually attractive. Since I decided I would let myself be asexual, I have done more experimentation with sexuality than ever before, because I felt secure in the knowing that I only need to follow my own natural impulses and not what anyone says sex should look like.
I find myself deeply satisfied with luxuriating in sensual touching and kissing for a long, long time, going very slow, exchanging movement and rest a lot, making lots of eye contact and connecting with the heart and love that is there, communicating and dancing together the whole time. Genital involvement is still a non-issue, I don't see it as particularly significant, and I have still never experienced any desire to 'come' or escalate towards some point where the energy becomes unbearable and has to be released. Going nowhere just totally, totally makes sense to me.
So, reading this book, I once again felt validated in how I experience things, and encouraged that it's possible to share love and closeness in ways other than through "conventional sex".

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