Verity's Reviews > Response

Response by Penny Jordan
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's review
Dec 07, 2011

it was ok
bookshelves: amnesia, jordan-penny, ibooks, office-affair, insta-luv, hqn-bk-club, asscrack-heroes, wtf-did-i-just-read, revenge-gone-wrong
Read in December, 2011

A more apt title in Freakylandia U'll nevah find in this lifetime. Methinks this book & I got off on the wrong foot. By 1st chapter I was hella worried that the weird chick Sienna, our human vibrator, was coming down w/ some incurable, tremors-inducing flu. By the end of chapter 1, she has shivered 5 X & trembled 4 X, the symptomatic tally almost reached double digits, it set the tone for the rest of this epic trainwreck. By page 9, the clues are all there that she's wired differently. And this nerve-gnawing response is only triggered by him helping her w/ the seat belt.

<< Suddenly she wanted to know everything there was to know about him, and she was close to tears to think of all the years when she hadn't known him ; as a child, as an adolescent, a young man, and she shivered fitfully, the tension in her body communicating itself to him as he completed his task and straightened up, his arm brushing briefly across her breasts. >>

Drenched in dwama & liberally infused w/ repetitions, the standard wacky ingredients are all covered : Insta luv, office affair, unforced seduction, naive heroine, asscrack hero, revenge gone wrong, selective amnesia, impromptu marriage to a comatose bride, shmexing up oblivious wife, Dumper turns into dumpee when wife regains memory, Malaria, random squirting of Greek myth just to remind reader that hero has Greek blood flowing in his veins, HEA. He also seemed to zoom in on Sienna's peaking breasts / nipples anytime she's in the vicinity. Oh wot a thrill to have hyper-sensitive blinkers. Wonder Bras were surplus to requirement back then.

In a nutshell (the nutty H/h should stay in the shell) :
Alexis, the Greek tycoon, needs a temp secretary & our sheltered, virginal, multi-lingual Sienna, fits the bill purrfectly. It's insta lust @ 1st sight for Sienna. So she's allegedly 24 y/o & he's 9 yrs older, but judging from her acting like a teen in her 1st throes of puberty, made me want her to whip out her driver's license. Granted, she's orphaned, lives w/ her bro since daddy recently expired & she doesn't go out much. But... she's way too responsive to the Greek cheezeball's OTT corny lines. She falls for him hook, line & sinker. Her raging hormones go haywire @ mere brush of his whisker. She gets swept away by his charm & only discovers the hard way after he punches a hole in her 24 y/o hymen, that she's simply a means to an end. Well, how could he not pick up the vibe when she puts up the Virgin alert ! In neon sign ? He drops the bombshell on her right after mission is accomplished, that his sista (who was engaged to a cousin, ick BTW) was raped by Sienna's bro, so Alexis screws Sienna. Of all the dumb ass revenge plots, this prolly takes the cake. The only element missing in his diabolical plan is that he has the decency to not copy Sean Culhane's - of Stormfire Hall of shame - infamous method, Fed-Ex-ing the heroine's bloodied underwear to the relative as irrefutable proof of receipt. Hey @ least Sienna is a willing victim here. H/h part ways, Sienna doesn't want her bro to be victimized by Alexis cuz he's powerful, so she keeps her trap shut about being gullible. Coincidentally, Sienna & bro dine @ the same restaurant Alexis used to wine & dine her, walks in our hero w/ none otha than his sista aka rape survivor, who turns out to be friends w/ Sienna's bro. She finally fesses up to Alexis that her rapist was actually not Sienna's bro, but Alexis' BFF. Alexis realizes he dipped his wick in the wrong gravy & tries to apologize @ Sienna's domain. She wouldn't hear it, runs outta the house & almost turns into a roadkill. Alexis & his comatose bride get hitched @ hospital bedside just so he has the authority in case the doc needs to perform surgery on her & also ‘cuz his guilt trip stretches from London to Greek. She wakes up having selective amnesia. She dunno him from Adam, but she enjoys getting drilled by his downstairs equipment. She smells somefink fishy but it ain't his Greecian underpants. Hero's sista conveniently barges in on H/h's honeymoon in his privately-owned island, accidental eavesdropper heroine finds out the truth & she's outtie. To achieve long-awaited HEA, she has to prove to Malaria-afflicted hero that she truly luvs him by seducing him. Tit for tat.

Here comes the best part of the book. My antennae just perks up whenevah the same words get recycled to death & I can't escape if it's an e-version, it's just an easy target, no sleuthing needed to tally up the #s.

Tremble (11), Greek (23), Shiver (27), Thrust (17), Nipples (6), Breasts (30), Respond (34), Response (29), Tears (11), Desire (37).

I get it that it's inevitable words get repeated, but do we really need the word "Thrust" shoved into sexual & non-sexual context more than once ? E.g., A glass of water was thrust in front of her, Thrusting open the door, Thrusting open the gate, Shadows emphasizing the taut thrust of his high cheekbones, Thrusting it aside.

My fav lavender phrases / cornball rollers :
~ Impatient peaks of her breasts (gee whiz the visual of patient peaks sends shivers down my spine).

~ "Together we will make the world rock and feel its hushed tremble, my little virgin. When I make love to you and my body finally possesses yours, it will be as though we are immortals, gods, and not mere human beings, but as yet you know nothing of the pleasure that will be ours. No other man has shown you what I will show you. I shall be the first." (And I, as the reader, shall not pee in my granny pants. Your ode to virginity is a feast for my senses.)

~ The lump in her throat threatening to render her completely speechless (yeah I would be stunned speechless too if I heard cheesy pick-up lines that dribbled outta his mouth. Well, either that, or I'd try to one-up him w/ my own crafty lines to make his trou drop). Alexis saw her reaction and laughed deep in his throat, a husky, satisfied sound, and she knew that the fact that she was still a virgin was pleasing him.

~ "My family has a code of honor that goes back to the dawn of our time." Now which code is that ? One ponders. Your bro raped my sista, so I screw U ?

~ "Your heart quivers like a frightened dove's. What is it that frightens you so ? Surely not me ?" (Seriously, who the fucq talks like this shithead ? Should she have responded w/ a zinger - "It's the size of your ding-a-ling. I'm frightened it might rip my shivery bearded taco asunder. No way it's real.")

~ "How you tremble in my arms - w/ willingness or w/ fear, my sweet virgin ?"

~ "As desire shall override both."

- "But there is nothing to fear but fear, and for the brave the ultimate reward is unquantifiable, there is no price, no limit, no standard that can be placed on the pleasure of giving & receiving love."

~ "You must understand that I meant no personal harm." This award-winning line is ejected right after popping her cherries. WTF is this, a drive-thru shagging ? Nuffink personal ? Must be his rampant boner talking.

~ The doctor had told her that his mind might wander (due to Malaria). He kid her not. The juice extractor hero squirts @ her some random Greek myth about Theseus. Delirium much ?

Moral of the story : Irredeemable hero's insta luv is a GR8 healer of all wounds. Especially Greek flavah luv.
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02/18/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-35 of 35) (35 new)

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message 1: by Saly (last edited Dec 07, 2011 03:48AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Saly You know this one was one of my first PJ.
Great review!

Sanya LOL!!! Oh my, I know I read this in the last decade, but you just explained so well why I can't read Penny any longer. Over the top, wall banger - but you made me laugh really hard and I have sore muscles from pilates ;)

Verity Saly, I used to read PJ too. I can see why she's extremely popular ! 8^D

Sanya, this book is a free brain-numbing Pilates in itself. The mountains & valleys of emo would exhaust the last of your reserve ;oP

message 4: by Rane (new)

Rane Awesome Review Verity, Adore the overload of purple pose the hero spouted like Kool-aid breaking through the wall and killing everyone with sugar-overload, yeah it was that great ^^d

message 5: by Verity (last edited Dec 07, 2011 10:02PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Verity Thanx, Rane. I gotta drown in Kool aid to survive a slugfest DIK like this =^2

message 6: by Margaret (new)

Margaret I laughed so hard reading your review, I was almost sick.

message 7: by Chrisolu (new)

Chrisolu LOL that was one heck of a review :)

message 8: by MelissaB (new)

MelissaB Hilarious review Verity! Might be the first use of bearded taco I have seen in a review.

Verity How could I not share the luv for HP train ? Chugga Chugga choo choo... Too crackalicious ! ;o)~

Betcha U'll nevah look @ taco the same way again, MelB. Self-preservation is a must. U might wanna stay away from Mexican food & read this timeless classic.

message 10: by MelissaB (new)

MelissaB Verity wrote: "How could I not share the luv for HP train ? Chugga Chugga choo choo... Too crackalicious ! ;o)~

Betcha U'll nevah look @ taco the same way again, MelB. Self-preservation is a must. U might wann..."

I had heard bearded clam from the Camel Toe song:

Plus a few other gems

Verity After viewing this heelarious clip, there goes my fav munching object, clam ! Bwaaaaahahahahaaa... The hero must be a regular patron of In-N-Out joint.

Sandi *~The Pirate Wench~* I love your reviews holding back with you LOL! :)

Verity Wot can I say, I adore heroes who go "Holy shit ! I reamed the wrong hole !".

message 14: by Lemon (new)

Lemon *LOL.* Your reviews are awesome!

Verity Now I know why U "luuurrrve" ol skool HQN, Lulu ;^b

Verity They don't call M & B = Moan & Bone for nuffink ! =OD

message 17: by Lisa Kay (new)

Lisa Kay Verity wrote: "I can't escape if it's an e-version, it's just an easy target, no sleuthing needed to tally up the #s."

LOL! Thanks for making my Friday night. ☺ Wonderful review, Verity!

Verity If I wasn't a fan of this genre, I woulda converted in a heartbeat into an insta fan after this HP smoothie.

" "

message 19: by Jacqueline (new)

Jacqueline Thanks for the chuckles, great review.

message 20: by Verity (last edited Dec 09, 2011 11:04PM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Verity O---O

AgentScully Great review V! Blech, OTT cheezeball corny lines that only a imbecile (or HP heroine) could fall for.

Verity LOL I'm glad U nominated this cheezefest. I luv mock-worthy cocky Greeks.

message 23: by Ruth (new)

Ruth Holy crap, this is one hilarious review, Verity!

Why read the book, when the review is so frikkin' funny?

Mollie *scoutrmom* Margaret wrote: "I laughed so hard reading your review, I was almost sick."


Verity My ranting pales in comparison to the book. Don't let me deter U from devouring this timeless classic, folks. U dunno wot U're missing. U won't find destructive puppy luv like this in the new crop of HPs anymore ;^b

Sanya Nooooo, Penny Jordan died this saturday, I just heard it :((((

message 27: by MelissaB (last edited Jan 02, 2012 02:25PM) (new)

MelissaB Sanya wrote: "Nooooo, Penny Jordan died this saturday, I just heard it :(((("

I know, how sad. I may have to read this one in her honor since I have it in the TBR.

Verity Oh no ! I feel like a POS now, mocking this book. So heartbreaking for her fanz & family. May she rest in peace =(

Sanya Well, I wrote I couldn't read her books any more...I'm so sorry about Penny.

message 30: by MelissaB (new)

MelissaB Verity wrote: "Oh no ! I feel like a POS now, mocking this book. So heartbreaking for her fanz & family. May she rest in peace =("

I think it's still just fine to say what you think about these books! I enjoy your funny reviews.

Saboo human vibrator omg i am gonna die from laughing too much. love ur review

Verity Thanx, Saboo. Make sure U know how to do self-resuscitation just in case...

Saboo lolz i hate that pj is dead (rip) she has written awesome one of kind books like silver and other memorable books but times have changed... although good angst or romance mixed with whodunit can till keep me up all hours over tv any day

message 34: by Jasmin (new)

Jasmin Omg your review is awesome! So funny! Now I'm not sure if i wanna read it or not :P oh well i guess I'll try

message 35: by Jaenae W. Copple (new)

Jaenae W. Copple Great review! You should get paid for that one. I actually laughed out loud and I was by myself.

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