Kogiopsis's Reviews > Hush, Hush

Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
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's review
Mar 23, 11

did not like it
bookshelves: blech-ugh-blech, reviewed, incoherent-anger, save-me-from-the-tropes
Read from August 25 to September 01, 2010

I have forty eight sticky notes.
Well, forty nine, I suppose, since I use the little white backing thing too. They're quite nice sticky notes, designed not to be written on but as bookmarks; at some year in the past they magically appeared in my Christmas stocking, and I haven't really used them since. I suspect there were originally fifty, so I've used two elsewhere.
Anyhow. Forty nine sticky notes was what I started with when I commenced reading Hush, Hush a little after 9 AM on August 25.
Less than fifteen hours and over a hundred pages later, I ran out of sticky notes. I used the notes to mark particularly horrendous parts of the book- and frankly, I'm surprised they lasted this long.
In the interest of not broaching another set of sticky notes which I may want from school, I'm going to deal with this book segment by segment; when I finish one round of sticky notes, I review and then continue. 'Course, since I won't post this until it's finished you'll just get the complete version. No perspective analysis, unless I really feel like it. All I'm going to do is quote Fitzpatrick, comment on the quote briefly, and move on.

EDIT: Before I even got through Section 1, I was over Goodreads' character limit by 978 characters. I still have more than 9 pages (counting one side of a sheet of lined paper as a page) of handwritten notes to type up- and those aren't even including responses, they're just quotes. So I'm going to cut this review down to the maximum accepted size (and do some formatting too) and post the rest in comments. Lengthy ranting? Heck yes.

Section 1: 0-113

Chauncey was with a farmer's daughter on the grassy banks of the Loire River when the storm rolled in, and having let his gelding wander in the meadow, was left to his own two feet to carry him back to the chateau.

- Book begins, very first sentence, with sex. BAD SIGN.
-Is this going to be relevant? Do the doings of one randy duke in Sixteenth Century France really concern the later plot?

Kneeling there, blinking up through the rain, he saw two thick scars on the back of the boy's naked torso. They narrowed to form an upside-down V.

- Is it the scar tissue that narrows? Because that's how it seems.
- I'm no expert on anatomy, but the V thing seems odd. Wouldn't having flight muscles attached to your latissimus dorsi (I believe that's the name, but the ones that wrap from the front of your ribcage to the back) be awfully strenous? Wouldn't you build up those muscles to unrealistic and bizarre-looking proportions?

'Welcome to Human Reproduction (Sex)'
At my side Vee Sky said, "This is exactly why the school outlaws camera phones. Pictures of this in the e-Zine would be all the evidence I'd need to get the board of education to ax biology."

- Is it really necessary to introduce Vee with first and last name, especially as this is written from Nora's perspective?
- Odds of a BoE getting rid of biology in any school curriculum are next to nil. Odds of BoE firing idiot teacher or changing the curriculum are pretty good, though.

Coach considered teaching tenth-grade biology a side assignment to his job as varsity basketball coach, and we all knew it.

- The frick? No. Biology is an ENORMOUS subject. Anyone who teaches it and can get a job teaching it has to, by definition almost, be devoted primarily to it.
- For future reference, Vee and Nora are sophomores, which means they'll be between fourteen and sixteen, probably sixteen.

"Science is an investigation," Coach said, sanding his hands together. "Science requires us to transform into spies."

- I will not digress into my own academic scientific background, but this is wrong. Science is an investigation, yes. Science requires observing things in a way which may be spy-like, yes. But it's not espionage. Deviate how you will from the scientific method, but most science is going to require experiments at one point, not just observation and certainly not just 'sleuthing'.

Vee is my un-twin. She's green-eyed, minky blond, and a few pounds over curvy. I'm a smoky-eyed brunette with volumes of curly hair that holds its own against even the best flatirn. And I'm all legs, like a bar stool.

- Descriptioninfodump not appreciated. Bits and pieces, Ms. Fitzpatz, bits and pieces. Your readers are smart enough to 'patch' together a description from fragments scattered here and there where relevant. This spoon-feeding paragraph is distracting from the 'action' of the story and just slightly insulting to my intelligence.

My heart fumbled a beat and in that pause, a feeling of gloomy darkness seemed to slide like a shadow over me. It vanished in an instant, but I was still staring at him. His smile wasn't friendly. It was a smile that spelled trouble. With a promise.

- Does darkness slide over something like anything but a shadow? Superflous description.
- If this is her first impression of Patch, it bodes ill...

Coach said, "Human reproduction can be a sticky subject."
"Ewww!" groaned a chorus of students.
"It requires mature handling. And like all science, the best approach is to learn by sleuthing. For the rest of the class, practice this technique by finding out as much as you can about your new partner."

- Yes, it does require mature handling- which neither Fitzpatz or her character displays. Immature puns? Not amused.
- 'Technique'? What technique? Word implies that he's taught them some kind of technique to use in 'sleuthing', but he clearly has not.
- What's with Fitzpatz's love of this word 'sleuthing' anyhow? Did she just learn what it means or something? Is she trying to show off?

I sat perfectly still. The ball was in his court- I'd smiled, and look how well that turned out.

- We find out later that Nora wants to get into an Ivy-League school, or at least that she's capable of it. So why is someone who must have been going after her grades nigh-on aggressively her entire highschool career content to sit back passively and let someone else control the fate of an assignment? She has no drive and no persistence, obviously.

Great. At this rate I would fail.


"Call me Patch. I mean it. Call me."

- Horrible pick-up line. Does Fitzpatz really think teenagers speak like this?
- Useless pick-up line. 'Call me' doesn't work unless you give the subject a relevant phone number.

"I wasn't finished," he said. "I've got quite a collection going of an eZine columnist who believes there's truth in eating organic, who writes poetry in secret, and who shudders at the thought of having to choose between Stanford, Yale, and... what's that big one with the H?"

- GINORMOUS RED FLAGS. He's stalking you and taking pictures, Nora, you airhead. He's at the very least a voyeur, at the most a sexual predator. REPORT THIS SHIT. That's what the police are there for.
- This is Fitzpatz trying to characterize Nora through someone else's exposition- we are told she is all of these things, but never shown any of them.

The hair at the nape of my neck stood on end, and the temperature in the room seemed to chill. Ordinarily I would have gone straight to Coach's desk and requested a new seating chart.

- I cannot believe it. She just basically ACKNOWLEDGED changing her viewpoint character's personality becausse of (what will become) TWOO WUVE FOEVAH AN EVAH. Under ordinary circumstances she would have requested a change, but because it's PATCH THE SUPER SPESHUL MAN she doesn't. Bullshit.

He was a dark-Levi's-dark-henley-dark-boots kind of guy.

- Boots? Jeans? Henley? Agh. I pictured this and it looked horrible. Ominous maybe, fashionable definitely not.

"Go for it. I could use a hook for my next eZine article. 'Tenth Grader Fights Back.' Better yet, 'Seating Chart Takes Slap in the Face.' Mmm. I like it."

- And from this we learn that Vee can't write for jack. Seriously lame, both of these; pompous and not in the least bit clever.

"How was school?" Dorothea asked with a slight German accent.

- Poor description. This makes it sound like she's assuming the accent, not that it's natural.
- Why is the housekeeper always accented? What, people born in the USA don't need to take such jobs?

On the line beneath it I added, Smokes cigars. Will die of lung cancer. Hopefullly soon. Excellent physical shape.

- You do realize that 'will die of lung cancer' and 'excellent physical shape' shouldn't normally go together?
- Why did she scribble the last comment out? He's creepy about her; she should be creepy right back. Besides, it's the most Biology-related thing she's done yet.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something about Patch wasn't right. Something about him wasn't normal. Something wasn't... safe.

- And yet you still descend into the depths of a bar that you're too young to be in to find him. Brilliant. Stanford is drooling over that.

"As it turns out, I'm in need of a healthy female sacrifice. I'd planned on luring her into trusting me first, but if you're ready now..."

- This would make a fine joke, if it was said in a lighthearted situation, a joking tone, and to someone who wasn't already scared of Patch. As is, it just shows that he's an insensitive bastard.

Patch casually but noticeably slid his sleeve down over his wrist. "You'd prefer it someplace more private?"

- And he officially has the Magical Ability to Turn Any Situation Into Something Perverted. Just fantastic, eh?

"Intelligent. Attractive. Vulnerable."

- PREDATOR. Singles out those who are on the outside edges, the weakest, and then takes them down. Basic predator/prey interaction. Nora is the deer with the broken leg in this one.

"I'm starting a petition to have Coach fired," Vee said, coming to my table.

- Why the hell is everyone referring to him as Coach? Is that his given first name? Or is he just such a whackjob that he prefers it even off the field? And besides, aren't there many coaches at this school? Vee could be referring to any of them!

"Let's give the seating chart a few more weeks. Oh, and I was serious about tutoring Patch. I'll count you in."

- WHAT. THE. FUCK. What kind of screwed-up school did you go to, Fitzpatz, that you think teachers are like this. They're NOT. Especially not to the good students, as Nora seems to be. Teachers aren't there for the money, they're there because teaching is what they want to do. No teacher will condone, facilitate, or even allow the abuse Patch dishes out to Nora, and no teacher would not only refuse to make a simple change to ease a studen's mind but also lassoo said student into tutoring someone she is afraid of.

Vee unlocked the doors to her 1995 purple Dodge Neon.

- What is it with Fitzpatz and the year, model, and make of these beat-up old cars? At the very least drop the year; NO ONE CARES. Hate to stereotype but your book will be read primarily by hormonal teenage girls. You don't need to appeal to the inner car mechanic in most of them, trust me.

I had never been seriously interested in anyone. How wierd was I? "It isn't about the boys, it's about... love. I haven't found it."

- WHAT THE FUCK. AGAIN. NOT HAVING INTENSE CRUSHES DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FREAKSHOW. GOD. (and I don't use that lightly, as an atheist.) Seriously, talk to a couple of teenagers. I personally am DAMN FUCKING PROUD to have made it to sixteen years old without a first kiss. No, I'm not shitting you. Sometimes high school boys are just stupid and not worth your time; there's no shame in that. Hell, I can name someone who shares my 'romantic state' and is two years older than I am. Assuming that all teenagers are horny little idiots and that high school 'romance' is the center of their universe makes no one look worse than the IDIOT AUTHOR.
- Now, keeping in mind that I have little romantic experience, point two. Saving yourself for your One Twoo Wuv is all well and good in fairy tales, but in real life is impractical. Like anything you pin all your hopes on, the potential for disaster is enormous. You know the saying 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall'? Applies double to expectations. Build yourself up and it'll just be worse if/when it goes wrong. And let's face it, Nora's idiot enough that it's GONNA GO WRONG.

"Someday this is going to be us. Ravished by half-dressed cowboys. I wonder what it's like to kiss a pair of sunbaked, mud-crusted lips?"

- MEMO TO VEE AND ALL ROMANCE WRITERS: 'Ravished' does not mean wild, passionate, consensual, kinky sex on a rug. It. MEANS. RAPE. I don't need to go on and on about how Rape Is Wrong. I think review readers understand that. I wish authors did. This word makes me so incredibly angry I can't even- I just can't.

My sixth sense graduated to high alert.

- I swear, 'alert' should be replaced by 'school'. At least then it would be funny. As it is, SENTENCEFAIL.

At first I couldn't distinguish any facial features, and then I realized he was wearing a ski mask.

- First off, one word: CLICHE. (This is the Review Of Much Caps.)
- 'At first' she couldn't distinguish facial features... and then she realized she couldn't distinguish facial features due to the ski mask. Okay, so why the 'at first'?

I watched with horror as the door began to bow. He was tearing- it- off.

- How much will you bet me this turns out to be Patch?
- Dramatic- dashes- do- not- achieve- effect.

Lifting my eyes just high enough to get a look at him without appearing that I was, I took in his fine-boned, handsome face. Blond hair hung at his shoulders. Eyes the color of chrome. Unshaven. Impeccably dressed in a tailored jacket over his green sweater and dark designer jeans.

- Tried to picture outfit; failed. Asked friend Fashion Maven to picture outfit; she rejected it. Conclude that 'Impeccably' doesn't mean what Fitzpatz thinks it means.
- Brought this scene up to other friend and she made good point. Why are they having breakfast at a bistro on a school morning? I could understand Vee doing this, as she doesn't give a crap for her grades, but Nora's suppsed to be Ivy-League caliber. Also, Wikipedia will tell you that bistros are defined by their food- namely things which are cooked SLOWLY. Like, say, exactly the kind of thing you really don't want to be eating when you have to be in class on time? Yeah, precisely like that.

"Mmm, check it out," said Vee. "Mr. Green Sweater is getting out of his seat. Now that's a body that hits the gym regularly. He is definitely making his way toward us, his eyes pursuing the real estate, your real estate, that is."

- Run-on sentence; the last comma should be a period.
- Editorfail: Pursuing? Or did you mean 'perusing'? Though I wouldn't put it past any of these characters to get the two mixed up... if they know the word 'perusing' in the first place...
- I have officially joined the Veehaters.

When he didn't answer, I turned sideways. "Soap. Shampoo. Hot water."
"Naked. I know the drill."

- How does this supposed supernatural creature have the exact same Awkwardness Summon abilities as a regular hormonal human teenage boy?

"Nora." The warning in Coach's voice pulled me back to my quiz, but I couldn't help speculating about what Patch's answer might have been, and it had me wanting to slide far away from him.

- This would have been an excellent point for Fitzpatz to show us that Nora is smart and a good student, the kind of person who would have to choose between Ivies for college. Instead, she leaves us with the telling of this we got earlier and shows us Nora as a hormonal idiot who is distracted by a guy she finds creepy. Sorry if I don't believe the characterization I was told and instead go with what I was shown.

My voice caught on the word, and I wondered if after today I would ever feel like calling Vee my friend again.

- Pity this didn't occur to Nora earlier.
- And yet this comment doesn't come into play later. Where's the ongoing doubt in Vee's trustworthiness or the value of her friendship? At the Delphic Amusement Park, for instance?

I was all alone, free do to as I pleased.
I came to a stop at the third door on the left. I sucked in a breath and knocked, but it was obvious from the darkened window that the room was empty. I pushed on the door.

- This may seem a minor nitpick, but SENTENCE VARIATION, DAMMIT. Four sentences in a row that start with 'I (past tense verb)' are amateur. Seriously, I used to pull this formulaic shit to get out of required writing assignments when I was in elementary school. Any close-reading editor should have caught this and made Fitzpatz rewrite this little section so that it was smoother and, oh, MATURE.

He jerked his chin out the door. "I need you to exit the building immediately."

- Mental image: chin flies out the door. Hilarious, but stupid.
- I dunno about Fitzpatz, but I've actually been at school during a bomb threat. And you know what they do? THEY MAKE YOU STAY PUT. You don't leave the building or even the room, especially if you're in someplace where a student shouldn't be. This reaction is ridiculous.

"All the seats here are taken," I said. When he didn't answer, I grabbed my glass back and took a sip of water, accidentally swallowing an ice cube. It burned the whole way down. "Shouldn't you be working instead of fraternizing with customers?"

- Where's the choking 'Gaaaack, gaaack' that is normal aftermath of swallowing an ice cube? Maybe it's a nitpick, but if you're going to make your main character do something like that, use all aspects of it- wouldn't it be interesting to have her embarass herself this way in front of Patch?

Even though it would probably come back to haunt me, I was curious enough about Patch to go almost anywhere with him.
"I want to get you alone," Patch said.

- Do I even have to make the comment here? Good. Because I can't compose myself enough to get past the DLSKJF; STUPID CHARACTER rant stage. So it's nice that this one speaks for itself.

He was dressed in knee-length basketball shorts and a white Nike sweatshirt.

- What kind of imbecile wears a sweatshirt to PE, when you know you'll be sweating buckets and giving off heat like nobody's business?

"Run!" my team shouted from the dugout. "Run, Nora!"
I ran.
"Drop the bat!" they screamed.
I flung it aside.
"Stay on first base!"
I didn't.

- The hell? Someone who doesn't do well in sports and doesn't like them much isn't going to go for the gusto. You take first base and you stick with it, because it's better than getting struck out. So either Nora has no strategic/logical brain at all (possible) or Patch being there completely screwed it up. (possible).
- Choppy writing supposed to be dramatic? Because it's not.

"Trust me, Dorth, there are no boys in my life." Okay, maybe there were two lurking on the fringe, circling from afar, but since I didn't know either very well, and one outright frightened me, it felt safer to close my eyes and pretend they weren't there.

- Patch OUTRIGHT FRIGHTENS HER. Feh. Warning sign much, you airhead?
- The imagery here makes both boys sound like sharks. Eeew. Not a healthy image if you expect her to fall in love with one of them.

Dorothea had moved down the hall to the powder room.

- No teenager in their right minds would seriously use the words 'powder room' in place of 'bathroom'. Sorry, no dice, Fitzpatz.

(To Be Continued in comments)
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Reading Progress

08/25 page 72
18.0% "My brain hurts, and I'm slowly losing faith in YA ENTIRELY. Tempted to put this book aside and track down my copy of Plain Kate from whichever friend has it right now to remind myself that not all of the genre is this kind of SHIT." 11 comments
08/25 page 113
29.0% "O Joy! Homework calls! I leave you, heinous book-shaped dung sculpture, for Barbara Kingsolver and the Price Family. And Lo! never had AP Lit tasted so sweet."
08/27 page 204
52.0% "Reviewed through page 56. Review is six pages long in Word. What does this say about book?"
02/12 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-50 of 78) (78 new)

Terri THANK YOU! Someone not caught in the hype. I thought I was the only one.

message 2: by Kogiopsis (last edited Sep 06, 2010 05:07PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kogiopsis Continuation of Review:

Delphic Amusement Park's
Newest Sensation!
The Archangel
Remodeled and Renovated!
Fall From Grace on this
One-Hundred-Foot vertcal drop.

- Wouldn't this offend someone? Like, SERIOUSLY piss them off?
- If it's a renovated ride, it's not their newest sensation. It's OLD.
- A 100-foot vertical drop? This shit better not be wood or credibility will be seriously strained.

The farther away from Patch, the better. I told myself it was coincidence he was here, but my instincts disagreed.

- So sick of Nora being afraid of Patch one second and then later being attracted to him. Is she scared of him or not? Or does she simply lack one iota of common sense?

The roller coaster's construction didn't inspire my confidence, remodeled or not. It looked more than a century old and was made of wood that had spent a lot of time exposed to Maine's harsh elements. The artwork painted on the sides was even less inspiring.

- I looked this one up. I was worried, you see, that somehow Fitzpatz knew something I didn't. That my conception of this word was in some way wrong. But here's what the Oxford English Dictionary had to say:
Re mo del: v.tr. 1. model again or differently. 2. reconstruct.
Thus, something which has been remodeled will NOT look more than a century old. BIG. FAT. DUH.
- Look up wooden roller coasters on Wikipedia. It's EXTREMELY unlikely for them to have vertical track elements at all, and even then requires steel supports.
- The wood has NOT spent a lot of time exposed to the elements. It just got FREAKING REMODELED. It's all FREAKING NEW WOOD.

It was then that I noticed my seat belt had come undone.

- Suspension of disbelief crashed here. Those things are checked and double checked- and if this really is a wooden coaster with a vertical drop, probably triple-checked. Of course, there turned out to be a reason for this, but still... I never felt afraid for Nora here because I knew there was NO WAY it could be real.

My arms hurt from how tightly Patch held me. "Now, that's what I call a scream," he said, grinning at me.


Section 2: 114-298

"Looks like they left," Patch said. His eyes might have held a sliver of amusement. Then again, with Patch, it could just as easily have been something entirely different. "Looks like you need a ride."


I dug through my purse and pulled out my cell. The screen on my phone was black and refused to turn on. I didn't understand how the battery could be dead when I'd charged it right before I left.

- See above for this one, lest the entire review melt into incoherent obscenities in as many languages as GoogleTranslate and Babelfish will provide.

I lowered my handbag down my shoulder and unzipped the compartment where I stored my keys. They weren't inside.

- If a guy- or in fact any decent person- finds someone else's keys, they give them back. Patch, clearly not a decent person, thinks it's alright to hold onto them without even saying a word to the person he stole them from. This dishonesty is a reason to ditch him now, IMHO.

"I-" I'd like to know what you're doing inside my head!

- Nora has no backbone. Anila has no patience.

He dipped his head so his mouth was at my ear. His breath was warm, tickling my skin.
"Good. Now pick up the knife."

- Cliche. That is all.

"Cooking isn't taught," Patch said. "It's inherent. Either you've got it or you don't. Like chemistry. You think you're ready for chemistry?"

- If he's talking about romantic chemistry, my only problem is that this is unclear.
- If he's talking about the physical science chemistry, I call Fitzpatz on an enormous chunk of bullshit. Chemistry is taught; whether you get it or not is actually a question of the way your brain has matured. Hypothetically, in time, everyone can 'get' chemistry once their brain is sufficiently accustomed to working in the theoretical and not the concrete.

My thoughts dissolved and just like that, a new thought broke the surface of my mind.
I wanted to kiss him. Right now.

- Yup, Ivy-Leaguer right here!
- Gah, I'm so fed up with the female protagonists whose brains evaporate when the UBER SPESHUL MAN touches them. Maybe it's realistic, I wouldn't know, but I'd like to see this happen to a male protagonist sometimes. You know, because there's this little issue called feminism that touches on something trivial... oh, what was it... oh yes, power in a relationship. If the females' brains always turn to mush and we never see the same thing happen to the males, it leaves the impression that those who have a 'third leg' are more in control of themselves- and thus their mushy-headed partner- in the relationship.

"Take off your hat," I said, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.
He slid it around, the brim facing backward.

- Any chance Patch might have been attractive to me = now gone. Baseball caps can look good. At the very least they can keep your head from being sunburned and express support for a particular team, or perhaps a cause, etcetera. But backwards baseball caps have always looked to me like something the wanna-be-'gangsta' white ten year-olds do to try and look cool: IE immature and not at all sexy.

I imagined falling for Patch was a little like licking that shard. I knew it was stupid. I knew I'd get cut. After all these years one thing hadn't changed: I was still lured by danger.

- SHOWDON'TTELLSHOWDON'TTELLSHOWEDON'TFUCKINGTELL. Dammit. This is so elementary that I am amazed anyone got published who so clearly doesn't understand it.

"A D cup is nothing to be ashamed of," I told Vee.

- And you'd think that Vee, being Vee, would accentuate and flaunt that at every opportunity. However, I will admit that this is a good change from the usual 'I'm so flat-chested wah wah poor me' characters- not necessarily an improvement, because you'll never convince me that anyone with cup size below DD has reason for boob angst, but a change.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm peeling the clearance price stickers off these clearance bras and sticking them on the not-on-sale bras. That way I can get sexy bras at trashy bra prices."

- The only way this works is if she has never been shopping in her life. And... this is Vee. I doubt that. I doubt that a lot.

Trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice, I said, "I need an ambulance. My friend was attacked and robbed."

- There's an art to ending a chapter. An art which Fitzpatrick has not mastered. An art which I suspect she never will master.

"I went to Florida State, but I grew up in Portland, and my parents still live there."

- Alma mater information not required. Superflous backstory is usually the sign of a nervous liar, too.

"I especially don't want the two of you meeting alone."
A chill tiptoed along my skin. "Why? What's going on?"
"I can't discuss it."

- Number one way to get a teenager to do something: Tell him or her that they aren't capable of or allowed to do it.

(Further to come, but I need my sleep.)

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)


Miss Clark Oh, this is SO good. I would never have had the patience to do this, but glad you are.

Kogiopsis Why thank you. :D I went into it expecting it to be complete horse shit, and guess what? IT WAS. So I did this for my own amusement. Still seven more handwirtten pages to go, too... hopefully I'll get the rest of them typed up over the weekend.

message 6: by Fatesocruel (new) - added it

Fatesocruel YES. Gah, I swear, there is nothing better than gorging on orange chicken while reading this. Oh, a comment on the mush-brain concept: in my experience, THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN. Aware of everything going on, yes. Mush-brain, no. SO looking forward to the rest.

Kogiopsis And you would knoooooow~ :D

Okay, here's the next three pages of handwritten. I'm not making as much progress as I expected to- but then again, I finished a 9 page review of a Nora Roberts novel, so I have a reason.

"Find anything interesting?"
I jumped at the sound of Elliot's voice behind me.

- Oh, how convenient- the instant Nora develops fears of this guy, he shows up to reinforce her paranoia. Right, because that isn't a cheap narrative device at all.

I coaxed a bouquet of balloons inside behind me, crossed the small foyer, and found Vee reclining in bed, her left arm in a cast and slung across her body.

- Where did the balloons come from? I re-read this page several times, and never found out where they appeared or where she bought them. And on another note- where is Nora's money coming from? She keeps buying things- bras, balloons, theme park admission- and I assume she has to pay for gas, but if I was paying as much attention as I thought I was all that was mentioned was an allowance, and that once. I very much doubt her mother, who seems to have such money troubles, can supply her with all this; but she doesn't have a job either...

"It was more like, 'Holy freak show, I'm about to go splat!' "

- From Vee's character, I have a hard time imagining her saying 'Holy freak show'. 'Holy fuck', maybe. In fact, almost definitely. 'Holy freak show' not so much.

Wearing a ski mask constituted advance planning, so he must have known beforehand where I'd be.

- Wearing a ski mask constituted advance planning? Let me rephrase: Wearing something that you just have to pull over your head to put on constituted advance planning? Riiiiight...

My mom has dark wavy hair and green eyes. She's an inch shorter than I am, but we share the same bone structure.

- So incredibly sick of Fitzpatz's pattern of 'Here's a new person, and here's a few sentences describing them to break the rythym of the narrative.'

I was pretty sure he was being slimy.

- Right. You've been hanging around PATCH and only now your Spidey Slimy Sense starts tingling? Selective stupidity, it must be.

In fact, I was pretty sure Australia had no diamonds. Period.

- Don't ever try and tell me Nora is smart. EVER. I only had to read this sentence to have an inkling that she was wrong, and Nora should be at least my level of intelligence, if not smarter.
- Fitzpatz has never heard of encyclopedia? I looked up Australia to be sure, and yes, indeed, they DO have diamonds. One of their major mineral exports, in fact.

Not to mention that I didn't have a lot of time. Elliot could be slipping lethal drugs into Vee's Diet Coke.

- NoraParanoia rears its head again. I'm tired of her worrying about off chances when she seeks out the company of someone who frightens her.

"He's not working tonight... is he?" I asked, my voice inching up an octave. "He's supposed to have Tuesdays off."

- If Nora is today's breed of rising journalist, I won't miss newspapers going under. She's unsubtle in her questions and feeble-minded in her deductions. And so... transparent. Argh.

"Does Patch have a restraining order against him?" he read. "Is Patch a felon?"

- Yeah, I'd be embarassed if that were written in my handwriting too. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with a few fragments- 'Restraining order? Felon?' are much better and sound slightly less dumb... though the ship has sailed on Nora's intelligence anyhow.

Miss Clark Ikr? Ooh, esp. these: "Not to mention that I didn't have a lot of time. Elliot could be slipping lethal drugs into Vee's Diet Coke.

- NoraParanoia rears its head again. I'm tired of her worrying about off chances when she seeks out the company of someone who frightens her. "

and that last one.

Kogiopsis The next three pages of handwritten notes, leaving three to go:

The door to the ladie's room rattled as someone tried to enter. I'd forgotten I'd locked it.

- Eh? Okay, so let's establish a few things. This is a bathroom with more than one toilet; we know this because 'stalls' are mentioned earlier. As such, it doesn't necessarily need to lock from the inside. And I dunno whether this is different in Maine (and I dunno if Fitzpatz knows, either, since she's from my state) but I double-checked, and most bathrooms with stalls have key locks, one of which Nora couldn't possibly have fastened behind her on her way in. So what purpose does this serve? To make Patch creepier? Brilliant; logic sacrificed for portraying your 'heroine' as even more of an imbecile.

Once, he'd called her into work on a Sunday because he coldn't figure out how to operate the copy machine.

- Bullshit. This is Noras's mom's BOSS. Why in the world would someone who can't operate a copy machine be promoted to a position of power? How would he rise through the ranks without knowing how to run a copy machine? And what's the point of this, anyhow? To show us that Nora's mom is smart? ...by comparing her to someone obviously below par on the IQ scale? Right, that works.

The first officer to step inside was short and thick-waisted with salt-and-pepper hair. The other was tall and lean with hair almost as dark as Patch's, but cropped above his ears. In a strange way he vaguely resembled Patch.

- AAAAAARGH. There are ways to introduce characters other than blocky descriptions of their appearances, Fitzpatz. USE THEM.
- Everything comes back to Patch. The good news is, Nora's freakish obsession makes my FMA fangirldom pale in comparison, so I don't feel nearly as bizarre now. Wooo.

We were running a lab on blood pressure, and Vee was supposed to be resting silently for five minutes.

- AHAHAHAHA. Vee? Rest? SILENTLY? Yeah right. Even their insensitive teacher should realize this is NEVER going to happen.
- Wait. Does this mean Fitzpatz's characterization of Vee is decent? Argh.

"Can't," he said. "I don't have a heart."

- I would criticize this as something that's innately creepy to say, but it is in fact something I could see myself or a friend saying in a joking situation. The problem here is that Patch and Nora don't have nearly the relationship foundation my friends and I do; with us it's clearly sarcastic, good-humored joking. With him it's sinister. So it annoys me because comments like this seem to be trying to tell us that they have this level of understanding in their relationship, when in fact they do not.

At the end of the school day, Dr. Hendrickson had always kept his door wide open, a nonverbal invitation for students to stop by. Every time I passed down this stretch of hallway now, Miss Greene had the door closed. All the way.

- I was rewriting this in my head as I read. Seriously? Show, don't tell. If we had seen Nora walking by Dr. Hendrickson's open door earlier, maybe lowering her gaze or speeding her pace because she feels guilty about missing a meeting with him, and then later staring at Miss Greene's (and why is she not Dr. Greene, since I assume she has a PhD in psychology as well?) closed door with trepidation caused by the unfriendly change, we would have gotten all this information more smoothly.

And I didn't like the way she kept hinting that Patch was dangerous but wouldn't tell me why. It was like she had an agenda.

- Suspicion of agendas, apparently, discounts advice in Noraland.

"You look good in uniform," Marcie told him, flashing her trademark toxic smile.

- Aaaargh. Aaaaargh aaaargh arghargharghargh. I can't even explain how much this bugs me, but I suppose it comes down to this: EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER IN THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN BOOK SEEMS TO BE HUNTING FOR SEX. Miss Greene, or whatever her real name is, wants Patch so they can be together forever; Vee flirts with anything with, ahem, three legs; Nora puts herself or lets herself be dragged into intimate situations with Patch and is aware and at times desirous of, er, 'deepening' their relationship; Marcie uses her looks to get her out of trouble. The only exception that I can think of is Nora's mom, and she hardly appears enough to count as more than a two-bit character.
- And the security guard goes all puddle-brained over this? Puh-lease. So, if I'm reading this correctly, women are sluts and men are horny pushovers, am I right?

I could've waited around a few minutes for Marcie to leave, but I knew another way out and decided to take it.

- Read: 'I could have been patient and/or shown this bitch that she couldn't bother me that much, but instead I decided to be a craven idiot and go the route that I knew would scare me, and that I felt was dangerous.'

Patch was wearing a black T-shirt, loose jeans, steel-toed boots. His eyes looked like they didn't play by the rules. His smile was a little too cunning for comfort.

- First, another infodump.
- Second, no matter how cool this sounds in your head, do you know what the second sentence makes me picture? EYEBALLS ROLLING DICE. And cheating. Eyeballs rolling weighted dice.
- Third, I will no longer buy Nora being afraid of Patch. If she were really afraid of him, she'd do something about it. Other than try and be near him as often as possible, that is.

I glared at him. There was a lot of panic behind it, though. He flashed a grin brimming with dark intent, confirming that I had every reason to sweat freely.

- God, do I even need to comment? No? Good.

I told myself it was no big deal, I was sixteen and could decide when and why I left the house, but the truth was, I should have told her I was going out.

- Gosh and golly, Nora, how mature of you to realize that you should have told your mother where you were going with the man who frightens you after you decided not to tell her anything! I'm soooooo impressed! And in awe of your considerable psyche, which has clearly figured out that legally, '16 = 18' and anyone who says that your parents are responsible for you and what happens for you for the next two years is just trying to keep you away from your rightful social life!

Patch jogged through the rain to the porch, wearing dark jeans, boots, and a thermal grey T-shirt.

- And while her date is so attired, Nora is wearing... a scarf. A silk scarf. And that's it on top- though she may have grabbed a jacket. A scarf to go out in the rainy New England fall night. PLEASE LET HER DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA.

"Five dollars says you can't sink the blue striped one."

- Um, earth to scarf-wearing bimbo? This guy just told you he won someone's CAR in a pool game. If you value your cash, don't bet against him. Also if you value your car.

"I'm Nora's mom. Blythe Grey."

- Ouch. What did her parents have against her to saddle her with that one?

"What did you and Nora do tonight?" she asked Patch.
Patch looked at me and raised his eyebrows ever so slightly.
"We grabbed dinner in Topsham," I answered quickly.

- Because when she asks a question of Patch, she wants Nora to answer it. Because, you know, that doesn't look suspicious or anything.

After changing into a stretchy camisole and floral pj pants, I called Vee.

- I'm ashamed it took me this long to notice, but Nora has exactly ONE friend, and it's Vee. Hardly anyone else at her school gets a name, let alone a personality and a relationship to her; maybe that's why I feel like I can't connect to her at all. Aside from the idiot fractor, that is.

I hit enter and mouse-clicked on the first link before I could talk myself out of it.

- Amaaaaazingly contrivedvenient that the first link happens to have all the correct information she wants and needs. Just incredible, that, neh?

Elliot's presence made my skin crawl. I remembered back several days, when I actually thought he was good-looking and charming. I wondered why I'd been such an idiot.

- And I wondered when you weren't an idiot, Nora. I really, really did. Until I gave up on you completely.

My breath came out like smoke. I hugged myself and stamped my feet, conserving body heat.

- For someone who lives in a northern state, she really doesn't know squat about layers and dressing for the weather, does she? I forget if this is before or after she trades her warm outerwear to a homeless woman for directions, but still- either that was a really good coat, or she must have already been cold.

I reached for my pocket to text Vee, intending to tell her I was close and to watch for me, when I remembered I'd left my cell phone in my coat pocket.

- I know I've said this a lot, but: Ivy League material right here, folks! Pure and unadulterated!

Her blond hair was down to her waist and toothpick straight. She was wearing painted-on jeans and a pink tank top, and she was barefoot. Dressed thsi way, she looked even closer to my age. She was sucking on a lollipop.

- Because this is how angels dress all the time, folks! Like cheap prostitutes! Carrying candy that any teenager can tell you doubles as sexual innuendo!
- If her hair really was 'toothpick straight' it would stick out in all directions from her head, not hang down to her waist. She'd have this enormous Vash-The-Stampede-esque mohawk/fro, whatever you want to call it.

It took me a moment to reorient myself, so I wasn't ready for Patch, who wrestled me into the bed in an instant. He pinned my wrists above my head.

- I don't need to say anythng here, right? I covered all this in my 'Time and Again' review, I think. Just wanted to point out that Nora Roberts isn't the only one guilty of this crap.

He slid onto my hips, straddling them, eliminating the use of my legs.


Kogiopsis Last three pages:

Section 3: 299-391, 28 sticky notes

His legs were flush with mine, front to frunt down the length of our thighs.
"I want the truth," I said, struggling not to cry.

- Self-evident rape imagery is self-evident.

"The Archangel," I said, finally understanding. "You tried to kill me that night, didn't you?"

- Can I call it or can I call it? Let me answer that: I CAN CALL IT. Surprising, isn't it, how easily one can predict these formulaic YAPNRs.

"I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them."

- I'm sorry, is this supposed to be a turn-on for Nora or the reader? Because frankly, tactless and crude expressions of horniness just don't do it for me. Sorry.

"Wait. You've been in Milliken Mills this whole time?"
"Where did you think I was?"
I gave an inaudible sigh of releiv and lowered myself onto the edge of the bathtub. "I didn't know," I said.

- I read this section about seven times trying to figure out who was speaking each line. The first line seems like it's supposed to be Nora's mom, in the larger context; but the third line is clearly Nora, which by grammatical convention would make the first line hers as well.

I kicked my leg up with all my strength. I arched into the kick, bracing with my nonkicking leg, and aimed for her lower arm. The knife was knocked out of her hand.

- This woman is literally superhuman and you expect me to believe that Nora- bad-at-PE-Nora- is going to be able to kick her hard enough to dislodge her grip on something? Uh huh NO.
- I don't think you used the word 'kick' enough, Fitzpatz. I really don't.

And now she wasn't answering her cell.
"I don't think so," I said. "I'm going to drive around and look for her. I'll start at the movie theater. Will you search the promenade?"

- Because when you think your friend might be in danger from someone you suspect of having committed murder once before, the best thing to do is call that friend's MOTHER, who will doubtless wig out as one does when informed one's child is missing, and potentially bring another innocent into danger.
- I don't recall the whole Vee's-mom string being tied up at the end. What happened with her?

Taking a seat near the back, I tried to settle my mind.

- Step Two in Nora's Guide To Dealing With Crises: After calling your friend's mother to ensure she's properly panicking, sit down in a movie theater and think about how fucked up your life is. Take a good long time to do this. It's not like your friend is in any danger. It's not like you haven't been worried about leaving her alone for ten minutes before lest someone drug her drink. No, nothing like that has EVER crossed your mind.

"It was an instant, possessive lust. It drove me crazy."

- Patch makes more sense now. He's an angel... who are hypothetically sexless, just saying... ruled by what seem like teenage hormones. Can't say I like the explanation, but at least it's not 'DESTINY; TAKE THAT LOGIC'.

Patch gave a barely-there smile. "Impinging? This isn't the SAT, Nora."

- As the kind of girl who would use 'impinging' in conversation without a second thought, I was extremely insulted by this.

"Hello?" I said hoarsely. "Elliot? Vee? Are you there?"
But the connection was dead.

- DUN DUN DUN. Clearly this is the Big Dramatic Oh Shit Moment, capital letters included. And y'know? It was so much the scene out of a bad horror movie taht it didn't really worry me.

He shrugged. "We need it now. They don't."

- And Patch knows this how? Is he psychic? Can he touch the car and know that no one needs it to commute to a job? A job that, say, might be keeping their family fed and clothed? Can he know that the person who owns this car, heck, doesn't live ten miles away and just came into town to splurge on dinner and a movie with friends? Or what if this car belongs to a parent who brought their child and a bunch of friends to see something, and now all those kids will be left stranded? How the HELL is Patch the judge of who needs and doesn't need a car?

He was wearing a fitted black crewneck tee, dark Levi's, and boots. With hsi black hair and dusky skin, it was hard to distinguish him from the background. He crossed the street and, in a matter of moments, blended completely into the night.

- Quoting this mostly because these description dumps really, really, REALLY get on my nerves and I want to note how common they are.

Lockers were lined up on either side of the hallway like sleeping robotic soldiers. Instead of a peaceful, quiet feeling, the halls radiated menace.

(Sorry. First thing that came to mind. Nausicaa, anyone?)
- 'Instead of' pharse really not necessary. Radiating menace is enough; we have no reason to believe school hallways at night would be peaceful anyhow.

One of his arms shot out, cutting off my escape. He brought up his other arm, trapping me.

- Trapping her against a wall. And doesn't Patch do the same thing with her on a counter in her kitchen? And yet one is supposed to be menacing, and the other romantic or at least sexy.

"It was all you, Nora. If your mind wasn't so weak, I couldn't have done a thing. Am I making you feel bad? Is it discouraging to know that out of all the minds I've invaded, yours tops the list as the easiest? And most fun."

- There was an almost UNPARALLELED opportunity for awesome here. Imagine if everything that involved Patch had been an hallucination, orchestrated by Elliot and inserted into Nora's brain. Imagine if there WAS NO REAL PATCH and it was all just a mindscrew of LEGENDARY proportions. I would have loved this book had that been the case. Everything would have made sense- because Nora would have been living basically an elaborate and ridiculously complicated lucid dream. Gah. Imagine that.

A flash of metal caught my eye. A scalpel lay on the floor, tucked against the wastebasket.

- Woulda been a wonderful Chekov's Gun if it had, you know, been mentioned. As in, what the hell is a scalpel doing on the floor of a high school bio classroom? Science teachers count every last piece of valuable and/or dangerous equipment before they let students leave. A scalpel would not have been missed. And what were they doing with it anyhow?

I dug out my phone and passed it over.
With superhuman strength, he bent it in half.

- Is Nora going to pay her mom back for these two phones she's lost? (With her mysterious neverending money supply?)

"I'm still there, a prisoner inside my own body, living every moment of it," he said in a grinding tone.

- Shouldn't the fact that Patch is this much of a heartless bastard be a major red flag for Nora?
- Evulz character understandably psychotic. I sympathize, Chancelliot. You're still an ass, but I understand why.

"You were weak. You were easy."

- ON THE NOSE. Quote too unintentionally funny for words.

Hearing Jules talk about Patch's love filled me with irrational hope.

- Is there a single emotion Nora feels that isn't irrational? I mean, really? Is there?

Vee was in the eZine lab. Just like that, I knew it.

- And of course she's not wrong. Whyever would we want our heroine to jump to the wrong conclusion? We don't need to BUILD SUSPENSE or anything stupid like that....

The only thought pounding through my head was that if I could get to my gym locker in time, I could lock myself inside it.

...wait. She's serious?
Damn. That could have been such a good one-liner.

My body was completely vulnerable to Patch, all my strength and freedom forfeited as he took possession of me.

- Obvious rape imagery is obvious to everyone but the author, apparently.
- He takes her freedom. He. Takes. Her. Freedom. Even in desperate circumstances... this bothers me. Wouldn't feeling this make her sympathize a little bit with Chauncelliot, too?

Tears stung my eyes. With no time for second thoughts, I threw myself off the rafter.

- Ass Pull. That is all.
- No, wait, it isn't- why didn't she die? Why do the ones I want to die never actually die? (Sovay, I'm looking at you.)

"Guard your body." His smile tipped higher. "I take my job seriously, which means I'm going to need to get acquainted with the subject matter on a personal level."

- Damn. How has he not Fallen again just for things like that? Some lenient requirements there...

Patch was gone, but a single black feather was pressed to the outer pane, held in place by last night's rain.

- Why in the world does an angel have black wings?

I had five hours of sleep under my belt, and other than the all-over body pain that came from being sucked into death, then spat back out again, I felt remarkablly refreshed.

- Five hours of sleep can hardly cure a late night, let alone a trans-death experience. I do not buy. Unless perhaps Fitzpatz was running on five hours of sleep when she wrote this? That would make sense- her rest-deprived brain could have mistaken this for something that made sense.

My mom blinked. "You've met before?"
"Your daughter has an exciting voice. Seems like we're here every week."

- Oh goodness. Poor, poor Blythe. The police just made your daughter sound like a criminal. I hope you sit her down and lecture her until her hair goes white.

"We still have a lot to talk about," I said.
"Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss, he whispered to my thoughts.

- You know what, Patch? After what she's been through, I think she deserves to have her questions answered, not sidelined by hormones. Answer them, let her mull them over, then have your makeout session, but trust and understanding in a relationship should always come first.

One final comment. I like to make up food analogies for books- Twilight is a Twinkie, Pride and Prejudice a brownie, Naomi Novik's Temeraire series is a sumptuous six-course banquet, etcetera. This book? This book isn't even a Twinkie. This book is something I heard about on NPR, a kind of county fair food: a deep-fried stick of butter. You know, the thing that might sound good for about a second when you're really, really hungry, and then just makes you gag. The kind of thing that will give you a heart attack if you consume too much of it. The kind of thing which is, ultimately, a stupid idea in the first place and not something you want to consume, EVER.
This book is worse than Twilight. That is all.

message 11: by [deleted user] (new)

...wait, really, she wanted to lock herself into a gym locket?

Kogiopsis She really, really did. Because locking yourself into a small space where your every tiny movement and likely your every breath will make a heckuva lot of noise is a good way to get away from the psychotic immortal killer stalking you.

message 13: by Fatesocruel (new) - added it

Fatesocruel The butterstick consumption has begun, and I fear for my cardiac functions already. For the love of pie, I can't wait to get to The Poisonwood Bible.

Kogiopsis I KNOW. See, this is why Poisonwood is something I enjoy when it puts you to sleep- when juxtaposed with this, it's a veritable marvel of enthralling prose.
Best of luck with both, though. You'll like Leah's character development in tonight's PB section. Finally, we get a feminista character in this book! I was about ready to sock Nathan myself for lack of anyone standing up to him in narrative!

Kogiopsis It's inevitable: After finishing a terrible book, I will foray into Gaia's book forum and find people crowing over it. Case in point.

After this, I put a link to this review in my Gaia signature. And I issue a challenge:
I bet you can't do it.

Kogiopsis More Gaia:
"my best friend is dating-ish a guy just like Patch."

(If you don't believe me- and I wouldn't blame you- that comes from this thread.)

TheFountainPenDiva I am just amazed that you had the patience to wade through this tripe. You are to be congratulated. In my view, life is too short to read bad books.

Kogiopsis Yes, but life is also too long not to read books that are so easily mocked.
This is probably a terrible simile, but it's like a bloodless version sport shooting. I get to aim my sarcasm at the book and fire as many shots as I like; it's very cathartic; and in the end, no one really gets hurt and nothing dies.
Except brain cells, I guess, but they were doomed anyhow.

Kat Kennedy The brain cells were better spent reading stupid books than on booze and drugs anyhow.

Spider the Doof Warrior Great review. *snrk* booze and drugs.

When I went to high school and they had a bomb threat they made us all line up outside for a special fire drill then they sent us home. And in Jr. high school they made us stand outside for several minutes, but other than that, great review. I couldn't even get through this book. It was making me yell in public it was so stupid on so many levels.
Plus Patch was a JERK. I hate JERKS. No wonder so many folks think girls like bad boys. I HATE THEM.

message 21: by Vinaya (new)

Vinaya You know, I was feeling kinda guilty for trash-talking a book that I hadn't even bothered to finish, and then I read your review (which was about a hundred million times more entertaining than the actual book, by the way, GOOD JOB!) got all caught up, and now I feel no guilt whatsoever. Also, the whole Gaia forum thread was DISTURBING, I tell you! Seriously, if you're writing YA fiction, you need to consider that there are a lot of impressionable minds out there, and telling them that stalking and violent rape-like romance are acceptable (oh, and that there are no diamonds in Australia!) is not really giving them a great marker on how to lead their lives.

But Becca Fitz-Putz must be thanked for writing such an eminently mockable book. I didn't finish Hush Hush, but I've been entertained quite a bit by some of the reviews, yours, of course, and this one and this one. Also, what kind of a name is Patch? I kept getting flashes of Robin Williams bare-assed!

Kogiopsis Kat- That's what I keep telling myself.

Synesthesia- I'd concede the bomb threat point if Nora hadn't been found in a rather suspicious area of the school. Different districts have different practices.

Vinaya: I'm in favor of reading a book before trashing it, personally, but there are some (this, Firelight, etc) that simply aren't worth the time.
Gaia threads can be scary a lot of the time. There's a Hush, Hush one floating around there at the moment that I keep eyeing sideways whenever I check Books, and it's full of Patch fangirls.

I've read both of those reviews, and I will admit that they colored my approach to this book a bit... but they make excellent points.

As far as the name 'Patch' goes, I kept thinking of, you know, old patched jeans. The kinds of decorative patches that mothers put on little girls' pants. Hearts and stuff.
Even if he had been moderately attractive, I couldn't have taken him seriously with that name. Ever.

Spider the Doof Warrior Yeah, the name Patch makes me think of some dude in patched up overalls with a straw hat and a straw in his mouth who says stuff like Howdy or something.

Also it doesn't help that he's a jerk. Please tell me that girls are not seriously finding this controlling jerk attractive?
Are they are their mind? Controlling jerks are not hot! AUGH!

TheFountainPenDiva It's the new template for a lot of YA books aimed at girls. I guess the publishers figured if it worked for Twilight, it will work for anything.

Kogiopsis Synesthesia: Yes. Yes they are.
I'm not sure why, but a lot of people think Patch is the hottest thing since lava. Perhaps it's because it's easy to let yourself be controlled, and you don't have to be responsible for your actions? If so, I fear for the future of the world.

Vixenne: I eagerly await the day when the Twihard/associated crowd get over their infatuation with this trope and move the hell on. When there's no more money in it, we'll be spared more of these monstrosities.

TheFountainPenDiva Well, we'll all be waiting for quite some time then LOL, because the publishers have been seeking the next Twilight. On the other hand, there are a lot of quality YA books that are under the radar.

Kogiopsis Baaaaah.
I just watched My Fair Lady again, and you know what I realized?
Henry Higgins is the kind of scornful, mysogynistic asswipe that all these PNR 'bad boys' try to be. And he's this wonderfully pompous proper Englishman, to boot. Watching him almost made me feel sorry for Patch, Edward and co, because they simply cannot live up to that standard of bastardy no matter how hard they try. Because while Higgins is a 'confirmed bachelor' and driven by a determination to stay that way, all these sparkle boys running around really just wanna be wuved, or at least they want to 'get some'. Higgins really, truly, just wants the world to choose to either leave him the bloody hell alone, or to conform exactly to his wishes. I'm not saying he's a good man, though he is a good character; he infuriates me, especially when he sings "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" But dammit, at least he's not some wishy-washy pansy who disguises being a jerk under a facade of imagined true love.

And by counterpart, Eliza is what all PNR heroines should be like. I mean, DAMN. That girl is a PISTOL. And in the end she up and tells Higgins that he's NOT the center of her universe, thank you ever so much, and that he can stuff his arrogance where the sun doesn't shine- not in so many words, of course. (Side note: The only flaw in her character is the horribly contrived ending.)

I am convinced that I must read Pygmalion now, but for the meantime I will content myself with My Fair Lady.
When a guy like Patch is a patch on 'Enry 'Iggins, YA PNR and I can talk again.

Kogiopsis I don't even remember if I got all of the Patch clothes descriptions. BUT THEY BOTHERED ME. A lot of this book bothered me, obviously.
Thank you for the editor thing. I actually hear that a lot. 'Course, Fitzpatz never would have made it out of my slush pile if I was in a position of power...

I'm very glad you liked it.

Kogiopsis Also...
(view spoiler)
(All in good fun don't sue me plz.)

message 30: by Mikayla (new) - added it

Mikayla Because this is how angels dress all the time, folks! Like cheap prostitutes! Carrying candy that any teenager can tell you doubles as sexual innuendo!
- If her hair really was 'toothpick straight' it would stick out in all directions from her head, not hang down to her waist. She'd have this enormous Vash-The-Stampede-esque mohawk/fro, whatever you want to call it.
I must shamefully admit that even after reading all of this I am going to read this book...Maybe BECAUSE of all of this?

message 31: by Mikayla (new) - added it

Mikayla Oh, another thing, this is hilarious!

Kogiopsis SAVE YOURSELF! Resist the urge! It's not worth it. Not even for the lolz.

message 33: by Yazzy (new)

Yazzy Wow, great review! I was actually thinking of buying this book before I read all of this.

Kogiopsis If you must read it (not recommended), get it from the library. Who knows, you might like it... or yeah, probably not. I hope not, at least.

message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

This is the fist review of yours I read Anila. Let me just say its amazing, because I didn't even notice all of the crappy writing in the book( I was too ticked off by the characters). But this review is spot on- and totally awesome. Happy memorial day!

Kogiopsis Happy memorial day to you too, Zeja, and thank you!

message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

You are ever so welcome! I'm gonna miss you when you leave for two weeks though.

Kogiopsis Well, I'll come back with more reviews to write, so that should make up for it.

message 39: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh goodie! Now I have something to look forward to. I envy you a bit though, since my family always stays here in the summer.

Kogiopsis Staying home can be fun, though! You get out of the two days of packing and preparation that come before a trip, and the stress. And you probably have more time to read - and no chance of getting carsick doing it.

message 41: by [deleted user] (new)

Thank you for cheering me up Anila! And I hope you enjoy the desert!

Kogiopsis I will. I love the desert, actually, which is weird for a would-be marine biologist. It's so pretty, though; hard to resist.

message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

I could never live in the desert, even though I do like warm climates. I would guzzle up all the water and sweat buckets. Of course, living in the desert would give me an excuse to eat ice cream all the time............ perhaps living in the desert would be a good idea .

Kogiopsis But finding ice cream, that's the problem.

I wouldn't live there either, but it's cool (pun intended) to visit.

message 45: by [deleted user] (new)

Ah yes, it would be difficult to find enough ice cream. By the way, which desert are you going to?

Kogiopsis The general area of Four Corners - Sand Dunes and Mesa Verde in Colorado, Arches and Canyonlands in Utah.

message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Wow, that sounds so cool! I would love to visit Colorado- although I'd stick to the Rocky Mountains and watch the family dog run through the snow.

Kogiopsis Colorado is cool and definitely worth the visit. The mountains are fantastic, and the skiing is amazing, but the sand dunes are really cool too.

I think the tallest is 700 feet. Fun to hike. Not so fun to shake sand out of your boots afterwards, but worth it.

message 49: by [deleted user] (last edited May 30, 2011 04:03PM) (new)

Whoa. Those things are huge! Although I'm not sure I could hike up a sand dune without falling through it.

Kogiopsis It's not that hard; I've done it before. You have to hike up the ridge line, that's the trick. Falling through isn't really a danger, though, since the sand below the surface is tightly packed.
The surface sand, though, gets up to 400 degrees, so proper footwear is essential.

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