Greg's Reviews > The Word on the Street

The Word on the Street by Rob Lacey
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's review
Oct 18, 2009

did not like it
bookshelves: kookey-kristians, i-started-something-i-couldn-t-fini

I have actually read through some of this book. The shelf title is misleading, but then so is this book.

In case if you don't know this book, it is The Bible, but not that stupid old dusty book your old man and that wench you call mom would read, but a hip, happening book that speaks the language of the kidz (Fact: Christians like putting Z's on things when they want it to look cool, or for kids. Do Christian kidz fall for this shit?), or at least kidz who have like to talk like a white-bred suburbanized version of Snoop Dog.

Want an example of da bomb's this crazy motherfucker is droppin' on us?

1?2 First off, nothing . . . but God. No light, no time, no substance, no matter. Second off, God says the word and WHAP! Stuff everywhere! The cosmos in chaos: no shape, no form, no function ? just darkness . . . total. And floating above it all, God?s Holy Spirit, ready to play. 3?5 Day one: Then God?s voice booms out, ?Lights!? and, from nowhere, light floods the skies and ?night? is swept off the scene. God gives it the big thumbs up, calls it ?day?

Sorry for the poor formatting, I blame Satan for trying to disrupt the flow by frontin on the text. Stop hating, playa, ya know what i'm saying?

This kind of nonsense goes on for the whole book, and offers up an interesting glimpse into the psyche of the author (interpreter?). Jesus is sort of an asshole in passages, especially in the famous feet washing scene where he uses passive aggression and tells the disciple that he has stank ass feet to guilt his followers in to doing this nasty ass work themselves. The reader is also treated to finding out what type of hip music each of the psalms can be set to, like neu metal, or gangsta rap, or emo, grunge etc.,. It's a pretty awful book that seems to be insulting to anyones intelligence, or maybe I'm just being a smug elitist asshole.

Or am I?

Mr. Lacey, is at this moment dead. He died in 2006 from cancer. One could think that with all of his hardwork in duping kids for MC JC that he's up there rapping out psalms while Solomon and David Beat Box and pass the mic back and forth to the eternal amusement of J'Dawg and his posse. One could think that, or one could think that maybe Mr. Lacey went down like Biggie Smalls, getting capped with the Big C from the Big G who didn't care too much for some playa thinking he could just willy nilly re-write the playbook in some new jack style.

Lacey says that he speeds up the boring parts and skips over the parts that Christians don't read. I can see maybe speeding up the begats, maybe G doesn't like some punk ass remixing his tracks like this, but they are not the most essential part of the book. But like any good Christian who needs to believe in the literal truth of the book, but doesn't like to be reminded of the 'bad' parts, he has completely skipped parts like Leviticus. Actually he skips all of the problematic parts, and leaves in just the nice parts. He Disney-fies The Bible. Which one might think isn't so bad, everyone knows that you don't make women menstrate outside of the village these days, and we don't sacrifice animals to a God that acts like an abnormally self-centered three year old who really needs a nap, and that we don't stone doctors who happen to help someone on the Sabbath, but....

"17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:17-19

Oh, oh. Mr. Lacey says it's ok to break some of the Laws!! No heaven for you. No beat boxing with your homies, that means straight to hell with you!!

But, God doesn't want us to follow those silly OT Laws that he set forth. He sent JC here to bleed for us and give us a new law of love and compassion, and....

"It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law." Luke 16:17.

Oh, you mean the Law doesn't change? You mean by taking out the parts I don't like is in a sense blasphemy? Yep, sorry Rob. If I was a believer and you were still alive and I saw you, I'd feel compelled to stone you to death, because you're teaching a different religion than the one handed down by the enfant terrible of up in the sky. I'd hate to do it, but he's pretty clear, it's you or me buddy. If I didn't throw the stone, I'd be getting the wrong end of the cosmic bitch slap.

Now, if I was a believer I'd have to feel a little bad that poor Rob Lacey was so misguided that he ended up burning for eternity in H E double hockey sticks. But since I'm not, I can feel that he was a poor misguided soul, who probably had some insidious ideas of brainwashing children, but he probably thought he was doing the right thing and for whatever reason an awful thing struck him down at a young age. It's nicer actually thinking that he is just dead than having to believe he is burning right now for all eternity.
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Reading Progress

08/29 marked as: i-started-something-i-couldn-t-fini

Comments (showing 1-19 of 19) (19 new)

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message 1: by [deleted user] (last edited Oct 18, 2009 08:38PM) (new)

I've totally read so much of this! HILARIOUS! It's soooooooooooo bad. I used to read it aloud to my ex and we would lose it.

message 2: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Montambo, when you made this comment was there any review written yet? I wrote a whole review and it vanished when I went looking for a bible quote.

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

There wasn't a review, but now there is! It's not vanished. Right?

message 4: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg This is a whole new re-write, not quite as good as the original one though.

The Crimson Fucker Fuck! Why can I write shit like this!!!! Still, remind next time I see my crazy Christian cousin to ask her about that Matthew thingy… maybe I can brain wash her into stoning the shit out of the people who translated the bible into LOLCat Language!!!

message 6: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg I'll remind you, sadly I can't show you this though, we've returned it from the store :(

The Crimson Fucker Boooo!!!! Funny thing happened today! This morning while getting ready to get the fuck out, I had the misfortune of bumping into her… anyway I show her that book about demons… SHE FUCKING KNOWS WHO THE GUY WHO WROTE IT IS!!! And exhort me to read it… cuz I can use some jesus on my life… dude, so much stuff wanted to get out of my mouth that I couldn’t say nothing… =( I wish you was there to say something smart and witty to that bitch!

message 8: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg you should have told her how well your enlarging spell has worked.

message 9: by The Crimson Fucker (last edited Oct 18, 2009 10:10PM) (new)

The Crimson Fucker Guahhahha, I wanted to… but the bitch has no sense of humor… one of the few persons I’ve ever met that are immune to my humor =( it did crossed my head tho! Also since she travels a lot I thought about recommending her those prayers against terrorism…

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio Fun review, but your use of italicz iz mad wack, yo.

message 11: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg don't be hating

message 12: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg nevermind, be hating, I fucked that up good.

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio No hatin, just alertin you to the sitch.

Dammit, there weren't any spots to replace "s" with "z." Oh wait: spotz...yo!

message 14: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg thankz for the headz up, or the 411 as the kidz said in 1995

message 15: by Greg (new) - rated it 1 star

Greg Is there any other religion that has this kind of ridiculous shit? I'm trying to imagine someone got getting their head cut off for publishing the Koran in gangsta speak. Or a book, Getting Rich the Allah Way. Jews have the Torah come in a few mild different colors lately, but there is no equivalent that I've seen to The Stock Car Racing Fans Bible.

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio Islam hasn't had an equivalent of the Reformation yet, so, I don't think so. It's gonna a be a while, if ever, before Islam gets all hip-ified like this. Though there are plenty of westerners like Karen Armstrong who present incredibly dishonest watered down versions of all three of the big Abrahamic monotheisms. But she's a "freelance monotheist" (her stupid) not a Muslim.

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio From the GR synopsis of this book:

"-For those who’ve never read the Bible, and for those who’ve read it “too much”."

message 18: by Joshua Nomen-Mutatio (last edited Oct 19, 2009 01:07AM) (new)

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio Greg wrote: "The Stock Car Racing Fans Bible"

WOW. That's, uh...WOW.

message 19: by Joshua Nomen-Mutatio (last edited Oct 19, 2009 11:27AM) (new)

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio You've gotta check out some of the reviews of this book on Amazon. The first two high rated "most helpful reviews" are unbelievably, unintentionally funny.

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