I have actually read through some of this book. The shelf title is misleading, but then so is this book.
In case if you don't know this book, it is The Bible, but not that stupid old dusty book your old man and that wench you call mom would read, but a hip, happening book that speaks the language of the kidz (Fact: Christians like putting Z's on things when they want it to look cool, or for kids. Do Christian kidz fall for this shit?), or at least kidz who have like to talk like a white-bred suburbanized version of Snoop Dog.
Want an example of da bomb's this crazy motherfucker is droppin' on us?
1?2 First off, nothing . . . but God. No light, no time, no substance, no matter. Second off, God says the word and WHAP! Stuff everywhere! The cosmos in chaos: no shape, no form, no function ? just darkness . . . total. And floating above it all, God?s Holy Spirit, ready to play. 3?5 Day one: Then God?s voice booms out, ?Lights!? and, from nowhere, light floods the skies and ?night? is swept off the scene. God gives it the big thumbs up, calls it ?day?
Sorry for the poor formatting, I blame Satan for trying to disrupt the flow by frontin on the text. Stop hating, playa, ya know what i'm saying?
This kind of nonsense goes on for the whole book, and offers up an interesting glimpse into the psyche of the author (interpreter?). Jesus is sort of an asshole in passages, especially in the famous feet washing scene where he uses passive aggression and tells the disciple that he has stank ass feet to guilt his followers in to doing this nasty ass work themselves. The reader is also treated to finding out what type of hip music each of the psalms can be set to, like neu metal, or gangsta rap, or emo, grunge etc.,. It's a pretty awful book that seems to be insulting to anyones intelligence, or maybe I'm just being a smug elitist asshole.
Or am I?
Mr. Lacey, is at this moment dead. He died in 2006 from cancer. One could think that with all of his hardwork in duping kids for MC JC that he's up there rapping out psalms while Solomon and David Beat Box and pass the mic back and forth to the eternal amusement of J'Dawg and his posse. One could think that, or one could think that maybe Mr. Lacey went down like Biggie Smalls, getting capped with the Big C from the Big G who didn't care too much for some playa thinking he could just willy nilly re-write the playbook in some new jack style.
Lacey says that he speeds up the boring parts and skips over the parts that Christians don't read. I can see maybe speeding up the begats, maybe G doesn't like some punk ass remixing his tracks like this, but they are not the most essential part of the book. But like any good Christian who needs to believe in the literal truth of the book, but doesn't like to be reminded of the 'bad' parts, he has completely skipped parts like Leviticus. Actually he skips all of the problematic parts, and leaves in just the nice parts. He Disney-fies The Bible. Which one might think isn't so bad, everyone knows that you don't make women menstrate outside of the village these days, and we don't sacrifice animals to a God that acts like an abnormally self-centered three year old who really needs a nap, and that we don't stone doctors who happen to help someone on the Sabbath, but....
"17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:17-19
Oh, oh. Mr. Lacey says it's ok to break some of the Laws!! No heaven for you. No beat boxing with your homies, that means straight to hell with you!!
But, God doesn't want us to follow those silly OT Laws that he set forth. He sent JC here to bleed for us and give us a new law of love and compassion, and....
"It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law." Luke 16:17.
Oh, you mean the Law doesn't change? You mean by taking out the parts I don't like is in a sense blasphemy? Yep, sorry Rob. If I was a believer and you were still alive and I saw you, I'd feel compelled to stone you to death, because you're teaching a different religion than the one handed down by the enfant terrible of up in the sky. I'd hate to do it, but he's pretty clear, it's you or me buddy. If I didn't throw the stone, I'd be getting the wrong end of the cosmic bitch slap.
Now, if I was a believer I'd have to feel a little bad that poor Rob Lacey was so misguided that he ended up burning for eternity in H E double hockey sticks. But since I'm not, I can feel that he was a poor misguided soul, who probably had some insidious ideas of brainwashing children, but he probably thought he was doing the right thing and for whatever reason an awful thing struck him down at a young age. It's nicer actually thinking that he is just dead than having to believe he is burning right now for all eternity.