Gemma's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
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May 06, 12

Read in January, 2009

As of three things I was absolutely certain:
One: Edward was a vampire
Two: There was a part of him (and I don't know how dominant that part may be) that thirsted for my blood.
And three: This has got to be among the STUPIDEST BOOKS I HAVE EVER READ!
Meet Bella: A clumsy but bland teenage with no personality, hobbies, etc. whatsoever. She also disses the northwest nonstop (shut up, girly. I've lived here for 11 years! Stop making fun of my territory!)
Cue Edward, stage left: Gorgeous vampire in l(ust)ove with Bella. But she smells so good, and he can't stay away...
Bella: I love you.
Edward: I can't have you. I'll eat you.
Bella: But your sooooo hot! You are my soulmate! You must be mine!
(Repeat for four hundred pages)
Enter James: Bella, you smell good. I'm gonna kill you.
Edward: Not on my watch (rushes to save Bella)
Bella: (faints, wakes up in hospital) You saved me!
Edward: We're going to prom. I love you!
THE END!!!

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Reading Progress

11/10/2011 page 3
1.0% "Haven't read this since 7th grade. Back then, I didn't know what bad writing was.

Now I do."
11/10/2011 page 10
2.0% "Two paragraph description about Bella’s physical appearance. Bet Steph is glad she got that out of the way."
11/10/2011 page 10
2.0% "Oh, poor Bella: nobody understands her. Can’t imagine why; she’s really quite simple."
11/10/2011 page 11
2.0% "‘Maybe there was a glitch in my brain’. Excellent. She’s identified the problem; that’s the first step towards fixing it."
11/10/2011 page 11
2.0% "She can’t sleep because the rain is too loud. How she would hate Eugene."
11/10/2011 page 16
3.0% "Wow, a compulsive liar and mean to anyone who tries to help her. So why are all the guys into her?"
11/10/2011 page 11
2.0% "‘I didn’t sleep well that night, even after I was done crying’. You kidding me?"
11/10/2011 page 18
4.0% "All the Cullen kids have officially been described. We shouldn’t have to hear anything about their physical appearance for the rest of the book, right?"
11/10/2011 page 19
4.0% "Right?"
11/10/2011 page 19
4.0% "Wrong."
11/10/2011 page 19
4.0% "Because I was, like, totally curious about the contents of Alice’s lunch tray."
11/10/2011 page 25
5.0% "‘He was so mean. It wasn’t fair’. Wow, should we get some foot stomping action and tears to accompany this?"
11/10/2011 page 26
5.0% "I like Mike."
11/10/2011 page 26
5.0% "Kay, so, Edward’s been introduced 7 pages ago. Already, his distinctively tousled hair has been mentioned 3 times."
11/10/2011 page 29
6.0% "Bella: Like, worst day ever, cuz, like, hawt dude who was mean to me yesterday, like, isn’t here today. :("
11/10/2011 page 27
5.0% "‘He turned slowly to glare at me—his face was absurdly handsome’… cuz we just had to get that in there."
11/10/2011 page 35
7.0% "Charlie doesn't think she's depressed enough to shoot herself on the spot. Just wait till book two.

Poor Charlie. I pity him."
11/10/2011 page 38
8.0% "Skim, skim, skim... why's she describing all of this?

I'd forgotten Steph. Meyer's writing style. How did so many reluctant reader middle school girls get through this?"
11/10/2011 page 40
8.0% "Wow, moaning and groaning about snow. The only nice thing Bella has said so far is that she likes her new truck."
11/10/2011 page 44
9.0% "'He had a soft enchanting laugh'"
11/10/2011 page 43
9.0% "Enter: the long, detailed descriptions of our beautiful Edward's 'quiet, musical voice'.

I almost forgot about these."
11/10/2011 page 46
9.0% "Truly, who notices and remembers eye color, especially of someone you met just days ago? I have trouble remembering the eye color of people I've known for a year..."
11/10/2011 page 47
9.0% "How is it possible that Bella's AP?" 1 comment
11/10/2011 page 50
10.0% "Teeth descriptions. Ugh."
11/10/2011 page 66
13.0% "'That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.' Ugh."
11/10/2011 page 69
14.0% "'No one else watched [Edward] the same way I did. How pitiful.' I hate how she keeps noticing that something's wrong, but never does anything to fix it."
11/10/2011 page 74
15.0% "'"It's better if we're not friends. Trust me.'" And the relationship drama officially starts... now."
11/10/2011 page 79
16.0% "'Edwards... interesting...and brilliant... and mysterious... and perfect... and beautiful...' Is there the possibility that she may be laying it on a bit thick here?"
11/10/2011 page 79
16.0% "'The closest edible Mexican food was probably in Southern California'... Thank you, Bella. Because every single person in the Northwest is a 100% uncultured redneck who can't properly russle up a burrito. That just makes me feel wonderful."
11/10/2011 page 81
16.0% "Aren't we laying the distant-father stereotypes on a bit thick?"
11/10/2011 page 84
17.0% "Oh, the cheesiness here is just killing me. Along with bad writing, I now comprehend purple prose."
11/10/2011 page 89
18.0% "Bella, I have a theory: You're an absolute idiot. Or perhaps that's a fact..."
11/12/2011 page 90
18.0% "Wow. In seventh grade I thought the dialogue was dramatic and built tension. Now it's all painfully contrived."
11/12/2011 page 91
18.0% "Psst... Bella, he's 'not hungry' because he's a vampire and he doesn't eat food, he eats STUPID LITTLE GIRLS WHO DON'T KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY (hint hint)."
11/12/2011 page 96
19.0% "Wow. I'm fairly sqeamish and my gag reflex is triggered easily (I get naueated by the smell of bananas), but even I'm not lame enough to faint over tiny pin pricks of blood on other people's fingers."
11/12/2011 page 98
20.0% "This scene alone is enough to label the book as 'fantasy'."
11/12/2011 page 99
20.0% "A CD? Was this book invented before the iPod? Wow, it's like, historical."
11/12/2011 page 104
21.0% "I'm not the only one who had parents tell them not to ever get into a car with strangers, right?"
11/12/2011 page 105
21.0% "Edward to Bella: "You don't seem seventeen." Is it really wise for Stephenie Meyer to further solidify the fact that Bella sounds too much like a 40something to be a convincing teenage girl? Maybe she's trying to excuse it, but it's just confirming the fact that Bella sounds way too old, and Stephenie's not a very good writer..."
11/12/2011 page 107
21.0% ""Are you frightened by me?" As they're alone in a car together, and only a senile teacher can testify that they left and no one of importance to notice Bella's absense for the next three or four hours... IF THIS WERE A PROPER HORROR STORY, THIS WOULD BE THE PART WHERE EDWARD KILLS HER AND THEN STASHES HER BODY SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS WITH NO ONE THE WISER. Common sense? I think not."
11/12/2011 page 119
24.0% "Ooh... Jacob. This isn't such an obvious love triangle setup; either Meyer was exercising a rare moment of subtlety, or she randomly decided to add a love triangle in New Moon and didn't want to go to the efforts of creating a new character, so she just decided to use Jacob. You can choose for yourelves."
11/12/2011 page 122
24.0% "He's fifteen, she's seventeen... Oh, Bella, you cradle robber..."
11/12/2011 page 122
24.0% "Or maybe it's cradle snatcher... I can't remember."
11/12/2011 page 123
25.0% "How does one 'smolder at' someone?"
11/12/2011 page 138
28.0% "..And it's taken us almost 140 pages to figure out what the cover flap already told us. Lovely."
11/12/2011 page 143
29.0% "Bella's writing her paper on whether or not Shakespeare's views on women were misogynistic? Is Stephenie Meyer trying to be ironic here?"
11/12/2011 page 149
30.0% "Joy. More distant father stereotypes. As if there weren't enough already."
11/12/2011 page 154
31.0% "For some reason, it bothers me when dresses are referred to as 'numbers'."
11/12/2011 page 162
33.0% "There was a scene kinda like this in Inception. Except Dom Cobb is so much cooler than Bella Swann, even though they both have bird names."
11/12/2011 page 164
33.0% "Why is she not freaking out right now?"
11/12/2011 page 171
34.0% "More of this eyecolor stuff? Am I the only one who finds frequent eye descriptions rather unnatural?"
11/12/2011 page 171
34.0% "Edward to Bella: "You're much more observant that I give you credit for." Either he has little to no expectations of her intelligence, or he's seeing something I'm not. Either way, darling Bella isn't exactly the sharpest bulb on the tree."
11/12/2011 page 181
36.0% "What's with all these scenes that take place in a car? I don't like that; bad things can happen in cars... Like I said, he could just drive off with her, murder her and then bury her body somewhere and nobody would ever know..."
11/12/2011 page 195
39.0% "'Edward was a vampire, yada yada... I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him'. You kidding me, Bella? This is... ridiculous."
11/12/2011 page 201
40.0% "At least she can be happy for Mike..." 3 comments
11/12/2011 page 205
41.0% "Whoa... she just went from 43 to 13." 3 comments

Comments (showing 1-4 of 4) (4 new)

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Margaret Some people felt that way about the first book but then changed their mind in the other books.

Sorry you didn't like it.

I loved it!


message 2: by Carly (new)

Carly Waters Emma,
You are absolutely right...these books are not to be considered good literature. It is easy to see the weakness in Meyer's writing and the plot is almost painfully predictable. Some novels are meant to be read for fun....nothing else, and I think the Twilight Series falls into that category. Don't bother reading the others. I thought the last book "Breaking Dawn" was the worst in the bunch...the fun was over for me ):




Brooke Basically sums this book up. haha. When I first read this series it was before all the hype started about it, and I actually thought the first one was sort of decent, but as it went on it got shitter and shitter. I eventually went back and read it, and it was worse then I remembered.


Annie Why did u say the city of lost souls has a bad cover if u marked it to read does that make sense to u. And plus twilight rules no need to hate on bestsellers


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