Paul's Reviews > To the Lighthouse

To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
416390
's review
Jul 04, 14

bookshelves: modern-classic, novels

It's a problem, dear Virginia
They like stuff that's much more linear,
I know your teeth you will grit
But you have to admit
You may be hot but there's not
a lot of plot that you got
Five pages about rain on a distant steeple
Is five too many for most of the British people
They moan about Mrs Dalloway
In such a very callow way
Instead of your Orlando
They prefer something more blando
They'd rather go to raves
Than have to read The Waves
And no one's read The Years
In years and years and years
Well - i know it's prostitution
But here is my solution
Because the horror being unread
Is worse than being undead
If a Ramsay had gone to the lighthouse
To have a bit of sex
Or if one of the younger striplings
Had had some rippling pecs
On which you used your vocabulary
And got a visit from the constabulary
And was found to be obscene and demented
And they found out what the lighthouse… represented
Well, then you would not now languish
In postmorten anguish
And though you'd never have a prayer
Of outselling Stephanie Meyer
Still your books would be devoured
Delightfully deflowered
And though never to be milf
Woolf would become wilf
124 likes · likeflag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read To the Lighthouse.
sign in »

Comments (showing 1-25 of 25) (25 new)

dateDown_arrow    newest »

message 1: by John (new) - added it

John .R So y-y-ou like the b-b-ook ?? lol :]


Paul oh yes!


Mohammed I like the way she wrote this one, the stream of conciousness, the way she wrote about the characters. Just little uneven as overall story to me.

I look forward trying my second book/collection of hers though.


Paul I look forward to rereading this one day...


message 5: by Laima (new) - added it

Laima like your review, Paul!


message 6: by Nathan "N.R." (last edited Nov 13, 2012 11:44AM) (new) - added it

Nathan "N.R." Gaddis Veryvery nice encomia. I highly regard the sentiment. But may I offer the counter-evidence that she's got like 35,989 ratings (Lighthouse) on goodreads? Not precisely unread. But genia, I say, genia!


Sarah (Warning: Potentially Off-Topic) Hilarious! I love it!


Mohit  Parikh "Five pages about rain on a distant steeple
Is five too many for most of the British people"

Loved the poem!


message 9: by Manny (last edited Nov 14, 2012 05:55AM) (new) - added it

Manny If a Ramsay had gone to the lighthouse
To have a bit of sex
Or if one of the younger striplings
Had had some rippling pecs
On which you used your vocabulary
And got a visit from the constabulary
And was found to be obscene and demented
And they found out what the lighthouse… represented


I think it's been done. Or at least, that's my theory about what In The Cut really is. Like, what's that prominent lighthouse there for otherwise?


message 10: by Kris (new) - rated it 5 stars

Kris Bravo, Paul!


Florina genius


message 12: by Chris (new) - added it

Chris fun!


Cally cool!


message 14: by Traveller (new) - added it

Traveller Since I'm off coffee and into tea these days (to preserve the stomach lining, you know), I almost sprayed some tea onto my keyboard at this...
Never noticed before how phallic lighthouses actually are. Grr, I'll never look at a lighthouse in quite the same way again...


message 15: by Paul (new) - rated it 5 stars

Paul I could mention the bright light which beams out from the top of the lighthouse to warn boats away.... and the little man who lived inside the lighthouse and polishes the lightbulbs...


message 16: by Jill (new)

Jill Schaefer Wish I'd written Paul Bryant's hilarious poem. I do write rhyming poetry too, also books. You can see my site here: http://home.earthlink.net/~schaefer234/ Jill Schaefer


message 17: by Sarah A (new) - added it

Sarah A I love your review, and I believe she would too.


message 18: by Paul (last edited Jul 13, 2013 04:05PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Paul many thanks - I hardly dare agree with you . By the way - I realised I had never heard VW's actual voice the other day when someone played the only existing recording of her on the radio - so I checked youtube and here it is - not surprisingly she sounds freightfully posh...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8czs8...


Priti Love the poem! And I also wanted to say, I wish you had added some bit about the why part (why is it a great book for you?). That would have been a bonus for an ignoramus like me.
I am still trying to wrap my head around it(the book not the review), after two readings.


message 20: by Paul (new) - rated it 5 stars

Paul well it's true that sometimes I don't actually discuss the book itself in my review (and therefore am in breach of the review guidelines so you can flag me if you wish!)... so maybe you would like my review of Mrs Dalloway better, where I do actually discuss the way Mrs Woolf wrote, which was, as we know, like a very angel.

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...


Priti Paul wrote: "well it's true that sometimes I don't actually discuss the book itself in my review (and therefore am in breach of the review guidelines so you can flag me if you wish!)... so maybe you would like ..."

Um I guess the message didn't get across as intended. I hope you will kindly excuse that. And thank you.


message 22: by Mohit (last edited Sep 28, 2013 08:30AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Mohit  Parikh Priti wrote: "Paul wrote: "well it's true that sometimes I don't actually discuss the book itself in my review (and therefore am in breach of the review guidelines so you can flag me if you wish!)... so maybe yo..."

Ah, no, Priti, that's how Paul makes a joke.

(and this is how I make a joke, so, hope the message is clear?)

(which is that - all's cool down here)

(ok, yeah, this stopped being funny before it began being funny)


message 23: by Paul (new) - rated it 5 stars

Paul oops, I hope the demon of deadpan humour didn't trip me up again... I liked your comment Priti - I have been remarking all week on various reviews about the ridiculous flagging-of-reviews controversy which has broken out on Goodreads. Maybe you did not see that. If you didn't, count yourself lucky - it's been very tiresome.


Priti Yes I saw some of it and it was tiresome, which is why I thought maybe people are getting touchy here, and should left well alone, but thanks for explaining.


Priti Mohit wrote: "Priti wrote: "Paul wrote: "well it's true that sometimes I don't actually discuss the book itself in my review (and therefore am in breach of the review guidelines so you can flag me if you wish!)...."

Thanks Mohit..all cool..


back to top