false 3 0 false false Tue May 26 00:00:00 -0700 2009 Tue May 26 19:45:14 -0700 2009 Tue May 26 19:48:56 -0700 2009 1 The Game, Sean had another book for me. This was more of a how-to guide than a story, and it clearly wasn't written by someone who intended to make a career of writing. Still, I was intrigued so I dug right in.

I agree 100 percent with the advice to be more open and talkative. If I don't feel like you're "with" me, I'll use the spare room to second-guess why I'm hanging around in the first place.

On pages 186-187, the writer suggests using the "Are you a dog person?" opener. At first it sounded like a good idea, but he went a little too far with the description. His long diatribe about how cute puppies are and how much he wants to nuzzle them would have me weirded out and walking away pretty quick.

He also suggests "games," most of which I find altogether irksome. Here's a quick breakdown:
Thumb-Wrestling: Maybe if I'm drunk, but I don't like playing games I can't win.
Patty-Cake: Don't even try to come at me with that gay bullshit.
Back-Writing: I don't turn my back and make myself vulnerable to people I don't know. Plus, I don't want some random dude touching my back.
IVDs, or Instant Value Demonstrations: These make sense, especially the "best friends test" because people love hearing/talking about themselves.

On pages 230-231, the writer suggests making fun of a girl's eating habits as a way to "neg" her. Unless you know the girl well, I wouldn't touch that one. Too many chicks, especially the ones you meet in clubs, have had or are well on their way to a full-blown eating disorder. Bugging any girl about her food intake and/or weight is asking for trouble. I can laugh off a guy making fun of my big milkshake, but I think the example in the book crossed the line.

The list of DLVs in the Notes section toward the end is the most useful part of the book. It should have been titled Stuff Not To Do Unless You Want to Look Like a Total Schmuck, and perhaps subtitled Seriously, Read This.

One key theme throughout the book is to use emotional and sensory descriptions instead of factual and logical descriptions. Everything about me should completely thwart this line of thinking, but I must admit it has merit. The example used in the book is something like a girl saying, "Yeah, I guess we could hang out, but I live all the way across town."

You could say: "Oh! That's okay. I can come pick you up. Or we could meet at the shithole burger joint in between or..."

You could also say: "That sucks for you. All the cool stuff happens over here!"

As much as I like being picked up, I also like someone who is confident right where he is and isn't in a desperate hurry to appease me in every single way possible before we even get to know each other. I know the guy will end up picking me up anyway, but I like that this book advises readers not to be so quick to be a "fixer" and to just come across happy and relaxed with the way things are.

Emotional heath is very important. Too many people think that if they talk ad nauseam about how cruel their parents were or how badly they were mistreated by an ex, the "rules" for what is attractive and desirable will be relaxed for them. While the person you're trying to woo will be impressed that you were able to overcome the issues from your past, if you talk about them all the time and use them as excuses for damaging behavior, your target is going to eventually seek a more stable person who not only talks about putting the past behind him, but actually does so.

The book also encourages using impressions when telling humorous stories. This can backfire and make you sound more annoying than the person you're talking about. Also, if you're going to do an impression of me while I am present, it better be spot-on and fucking hilarious.

References to Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" are scattered throughout the book. I recommend reading that before reading this. Its applications are more extensible and will improve your entire life, including romantic relationships.

On page 288, the writer suggests "Contrast this with Integrating DHVs into your story via subcommunication. For example, telling a story that includes a DHV (demonstration of high value) spike such as an incidental detail where some girl gave you indicators of interest." This can seriously backfire. Last year, I was dating a guy heavily for about a month and then my interest began to wane. He still instant messaged me every day, but he had stopped asking me to go places with him so I found it all rather pointless. He would tell me all these stories about what he did over the weekend with his friends or whatever--really one-sided stuff. One time he was hell-bent on telling me about going to a birthday party at a trendy club in Capitol Hill and kept going on about how the birthday girl's mom was all over him, trying to hook him up with her daughter. His attempts to prove his social worth and desirability were so thinly veiled and pathetic, I finally just blocked him on gchat. This book does a good job of explaining how to SHOW that you have social value as well as talk about it, but I warn men following this book's advice to be cautious when telling stories. Become a master in the art of conversation, or you'll just look like you're seeking approval.

On page 291, the writer emphasizes "Drawing Contrast. You’re like this on the inside, but like that on the outside." For example, "You know HB (I think this means 'hot blonde'), on the outside, you act all tough and strong and independent, but I know that deep down you are just a little girl." Proceed with caution! Only say this if you can actually discuss it. If you just met me and you're trying to convince me that even though I'm having a really good time, there's a part of me that is still worried about a family member, thinking about my ex, mad at some aforementioned character, whatever, it's going to annoy me. Even if you happen to fall into the small fraction of possibility that you're right, I probably don't want to talk about it. I'm out because I want to have fun, not have a depressing personal discussion with some guy looking for a way into my pants.

I'm still deciding how much I agree with the notes on plausible deniability and the anti-slut defense (ASD). This section basically tells you, "Make it look like an accident." I consider this good advice in many realms (heh), but it may not work for everyone. The game is to take the emotional responsibility away from the woman so she doesn't get buyer's remorse. Some girls have a personal rule about how long they need to know a man before sleeping with him. There are some guys who just plain aren't ready to sleep with a girl on the first/second/third date. Whether or not he wants to admit it, HE needs some emotional investment to be... functional. And some of us are fucking machines. Instead of learning how to pretend to listen to a potential mate, it's a really good idea to actually listen to a potential mate to see if they're in sync with what you're looking for. In my experience, people are often not-so-stealthy about their intentions. Sometimes people just want to hook up, sometimes people are looking to settle down, sometimes people need to be left the hell alone until they're ready to deal with whatever you're packing. We're all different. Communicate.

On page 305, I was reminded of an incident that I recounted in my review of The Game:

I was using my laptop in the lobby of my apartment complex when a guy approached me and asked if the lobby had free wireless. I looked up and replied, "Yes." And the guy turned to his two friends and loudly exclaimed, "Man, Seattle women are BITCHES! I just asked a question! Why are girls here such BITCHES?!?" He proceeded to mimic my answer as he stormed out of the building. Um... yeah. Boy was I missing out.

This book says:

"IN YOUR MIND: She was rude for no reason, therefore I was rude
back. Whatever. Fuck her. I don’t care. Women are bitches.

IN HER MIND: I didn’t do anything wrong. He was being weird to me
and then he was being rude to me so I filtered him out. Just another loser."

Yes, that's what happened! The lesson is to stay relaxed even if you're feeling baited to become a violator of social norms. It's a Very Good Lesson. If this guy wanted to keep talking to me, he could have asked follow-up questions or sat down and started a conversation. I still wasn't interested in meeting people that night, but he wouldn't have totally disqualified himself AND looked like a complete ass if he had taken a stab at being pleasant.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm almost over the character limit, so I'll end here. I wish I could give the book three-and-a-half stars. It's a quick read, but some parts are still wordy and muddled.]]>