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Death by Zamboni by David David Katzman
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's review
Apr 25, 10

bookshelves: better-as-a-movie, fascinating, good-enough-for-babies-to-eat, sick-and-twisted, madness
Recommended to Brad by: David Katzman
Recommended for: Manny
Read from April 17 to 23, 2010, read count: 1

The Unauthorized Death By Zamboni Reader Qualification quiz designed to determine whether or not you should be allowed to buy a copy of Death By Zamboni or if you must wait for the Death By Zamboni mini-series on CBC™.

Answer these questions:
0. No?
1. Have you ever clamped clothes pins on your genitals?
2. Do acid flashbacks accompany thoughts of the Gibb brothers?
3. Have you ever uttered "Zoinks" without intentionally referencing Saturday Morning Cartoons?
4. Have you ever fantasized about making love to someone in mouse ears?
5. Do you prefer your comedians tripped out on amphetamines?
6. Is your personal contact with sweatshops a weekend “Rollback” the prices excursion to Wal-Mart™?
7. Do you get all angsty when you hear the promo words “Who will be voted out tonight?”
8. Are you a fan of books that are “too-sexy-for-maiden-aunts”?
9. Gouda?
10. Do you see things in a Rorschach test?
11. Have you ever, either in this life or the next, made love to a mime after it mimed its way through a death match with Jewish hitmen?
12. Do you see the connection between “it” and “is”?
13. Pink banana hammocks?
14. Do you hide your reading problem from friends and family?
15. Satan Donuts?
16. Does bowling in and around seminal fluid turn you off?
17. Have you ever ridden a Zamboni (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more)?
18. Do you have a conscience?
19. Are you a superfreak?
If you answered yes to some of these questions Death By Zamboni is for you. Of course, if you answered no to some of these questions Death By Zamboni is for you. If you answered maybe to any of these same questions then Death By Zamboni is also for you -- maybe. But if you answered yes to some of these questions Death By Zamboni isn’t for you because you’re a half wit who probably can’t follow anything more challenging than a really challenging thing. And if you answered no or maybe to some of these questions then you should be ashamed of yourself, but you probably aren’t, so maybe you should just give your money to David David anyway because he’s earned it by being far cooler than you. Whatever...Death By Zamboni deserves to be read. Can you handle it? Are you man enough to handle it? Do you know what it takes to read Death By Zamboni? It takes brass balls to read Death By Zamboni. Now sway your hips. Do you hear that clickety clack? Death By Zamboni really is for you.
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Reading Progress

04/17/2010 "Started this before bed, and I'm in love already. Weirdness, vulgarity, and Hall and Oates. Perfection."
04/19/2010 page 57
32.39% "Totally, utterly absurd. Like Robin Williams in his cocaine days."

Comments (showing 1-10 of 10) (10 new)

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Helen (Helena/Nell) I love this review. You should be on his marketing team.

Brad Thanks, Helen. Maybe I could talk him into adding the quiz as a preface in future prints of the book.

Helen (Helena/Nell) For a fee . . .

message 4: by Manny (new) - added it

Manny How can I not vote for this?

Brad Exactly! I wondered how long it would take you to find my Manny reference :)

message 6: by Marvin (new)

Marvin Some answers to your questions.

1. Yes, but only on laundry days after I wash them.
4. Two words...Annette Funicello.
5. No but I prefer watching comedians while I'm tripped out on amphetamines.
7. Only when Bush was president.
11. It sounds like you scored an advanced copy of Volume 3 of The Hunger Games.
12. Define "is"
15. I prefer Voodoo Donuts from Portland, Oregon.
17. No, but I've Zambonied my ride many times.
18. I'm writing this stuff. What do you think?

Brad Mmmm...Annette Funicello.

David Katzman Mmmmh, Funnette and a cello.

Brad I can't compete with that narrative voice of yours DD.

David Katzman It's no competition. There's plenty of room in my head for your voice, too. All are welcome. No, shut up, he's not welcome. Quiet, you!

Sorry, ignore that jerk ....

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