Barks & Bites's Reviews > Dark Prince

Dark Prince by Christine Feehan
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Dec 04, 13

bookshelves: audiobook, paranormal-romance
Read from January 15 to 22, 2013

Narrator: Juanita Parker
Length: 12.5 hours
Published by Books In Motion, December 2005

How to Woo Your Life Mate by Mikhail Dubrinsky Leader of the Carpathians

1. Never call her by her given name. Always call her “Little One”. It makes her feel special.

2. Lurk outside her window in your animal form and admire her bum with your dark, burning eyes. You have super powers for a reason. Use them.

3. Infect her dreams and mind-molest her. If she says “no” do what you want anyway. Women love it when you take control. Any weeping that ensues is from pure bliss. When you are done blame her for “releasing the beast”.

4. She is yours because you have said so. If any man dares put a hand upon her attempt to end his life. You own her.

5. Swoop in and carry her back to your lair where you take control of her entire life. Ignore any token struggle she puts up. She will submit.

6. Rip her jeans and make her wear clothing that meets your approval. Real women do not wear men’s clothing.

7. Brand her with your sharp toothies at the first opportunity.

8. Repeat yourself frequently. Women are forgetful creatures.

9. Never gently take her by the hand, always “shackle her by the wrist”.

10. Remain arrogant, overly-protective, obsessive, morose, melodramatic and controlling at all times. She will think you sexy and oh-so-strong. And if that doesn’t work just compel her and bend her to your will. Again see #2.

It is with great sadness that I must admit that I made none of that up. This is how Mikhail behaves. He is the leader of the Carpathians, a dying race of shape-shifting, blood drinkers whose women folk are unable to produce healthy female off-spring. When he meets the naïve, pliable human (with telepathic powers) named Raven he realizes she belongs to him. He also expects her to “save” his race. He believes she is strong enough, I suppose (though this is never proven), and he plans to impregnate her with female babies who will grow up and become the life-mates of his long-lived men. His men are on the verge of giving in to their “dark sides” and turning into true vampires. Life without a mate really sucks, I guess. I’m finished with the book now and I still haven’t a clue why he feels she is “the one” to save them and why she'll be able to endlessly birth these amazing girl babies. What if she dares push out a boy, I wonder? I shudder to think of the berating she’ll take for that one. Because, you know, it will be entirely her fault.

Anyway, while the two are working out the kinks in their relationship (basically he tells her what to do, she whines a little and then does it) there are villains attempting to put the Carpathian’s out of their misery permanently. “My women. Assassins are after them! We must protect the women.” Action ensues. People are slain and sequels that I will never read are set up.

And then there’s the narration. Juanita Parker made an unfortunate choice reading this overblown book in a deadly serious monotone for all of the characters. I tuned out more than I tuned in and did a lot of rewinding. The men all sound the same (mostly angry, always bossy) and not a one of the lot has a sexy accent. Wouldn’t a man named Mikhail Dubrinsky, having lived for hundreds of years in the Carpathian Mountains (which, I believe is supposed to be located somewhere in Europe?), have picked up a little accent in all that time? And I know this is a nitpick and someone will surely blast me for it but it has to be mentioned because this is supposed to be a professional production, right? So why on earth didn’t someone whisper to the narrator that “acrost” is not a word? There is no T in across. You have no idea how many times “across” is used in a novel until it’s pronounced “acrost”. It’s the little things in an audio that can drive you mad when the book isn’t quite working for you.

I know people love this series but I don’t think it was meant for me. Mikhail “Do Not Defy Me!” is a jerk of the worst kind, Raven is weak and easily convinced to do whatever he wants, the dialogue is stilted and repetitive and the writing is overly dramatic. I much preferred The Awakening by this author. Tell me the rest get better?
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Comments (showing 1-31 of 31) (31 new)

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message 1: by faeriemyst (new)

faeriemyst I haven't ever read one book in this series, and from reviews I've read, I never should either. They just don't sound like books I'd enjoy. Love your "How to Woo Your Life Mate by Mikhail Dubrinsky, Leader of the Carpathians" list, even if it is rather frightening to think about. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "acrost" before. That would have driven me crazy. Great review. :)


Barks & Bites Thanks faeriemyst. So many people love these books that I figured I'd give one a try. Needless to say I don't think I'll ever be able to "get" them if they're all like this. This kind of hero is not a hero in my eyes.


Laurie (Bitten by Romance) Nope, they don't really get any better they are all pretty much the same, some are worse then others. I quit the series because of repetition in the stories.


Barks & Bites That's too bad but at least now I can clear up some room on my Ipod for something I might like.


Penny Watson Hee hee hee! Folks are either "on board" with this series and love it (me, for the most part, although there have been books too violent for me), or they think the Carpathians are a bunch of cavemen. Heeeee!

Great review.


message 6: by Chris (new)

Chris I read this book and vowed to never read another of this series - Feehan's reliance on "her channel" and "her feminine channel" in sex scenes.... UGH.


MelissaB Funny review BLWM! This series started me on PNR back in the day but doesn't really hold up well for new readers.


Emanuela ~plastic duck~ BarkLessWagMore wrote: "You have no idea how many times “across” is used in a novel until it’s pronounced “acrost”."

ROFLMAO!


D.G. Great review, BarkLessWagMore. LOL about the list! Soo true!!!

I think this book isn't for modern PNR readers. As I mentioned in my review, maybe back in the day (1999, LOL!) it was ground breaking but not right now!

I don't remember the 'acrost' but I had it on 2X more of the time.


message 10: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Loved the review! lol! I think I'll stay away from this series. Doesn't sound like something I would like.


message 11: by M (new) - rated it 3 stars

M A LOL ... Ok, admittedly I like the Carpathians series, but you expressed yourself quite well and I get why the book didn't "work" for you.


Barks & Bites I think I should have read this series back when it was first published ;) Ah the problems that go along with a too large tbr pile! At least I didn't hoard the rest of the series (phew!).


message 13: by SheLove2Read (new)

SheLove2Read I have never felt any interest in reading these and now I know why. LOL


message 14: by AgentScully (new)

AgentScully Fab review BLWM!!


message 15: by Tammy (new) - added it

Tammy Walton Grant Great review! I kept hearing how great this series is, and started this one, but just. couldn't. do it. And that was reading it - I can't imagine trying to listen!


message 16: by Sans (new)

Sans Awesome review!


Barks & Bites Yeah, it wasn't really a fun listening experience but the review pretty much wrote itself which is always a nice bonus :)


message 18: by willaful (new)

willaful Awesome.


message 19: by Tressa (new)

Tressa I'm a bad girl. That list of things you hated about the book turned me on.


Barks & Bites See, one star reviews sell books.

But for some reason Tressa I just don't believe you ;)


message 21: by Tressa (new)

Tressa Actually, I'm telling the truth this time.


Sarah *Saranghae yo* I'm rooting for the vampire slayers!


Barks & Bites @Tressa Sometimes you scare me.

@Sarah Hee, hee. Yeah, some vampires really do deserve a stake through the heart.


message 24: by Elena (new) - rated it 1 star

Elena i agree with all you wrote... pretty much mirrors my review...


message 25: by Katy (new)

Katy BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*snerk* at the rules. And you've just summed up why I don't read these kinds of books. Wonderful review! Still giggling...


Barks & Bites It annoyed me a little ;)


Alice Liked the book & LOVE your review!


Barks & Bites Thanks so much Alice!


message 29: by Nikky (new) - rated it 1 star

Nikky Affolder-walker Thanks for the review, I enjoyed it. Unfortunately I have to agree with everything you said. I'm listening to the same audiobook and I laugh more than anything... which really isn't a good sign in a book that isn't meant to be a comedy. I have 4 books in this series (is there more?) all on audiobook which I got for free.

I completely agree with your assessment of the reading, and while yes some could call it nitpicky, when I listen to an audiobook I like hearing different tones, pitches, accents where applicable. The best ones are when it's a full cast of people. I love those!

Anyway... I'm going to finish this book, because I'm generally not one to quit in the middle, but I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to continue on with these audiobooks or not. I'm hoping that the writing gets better, and that the characters do some growing and changing. Maybe it's a vain hope... but I'm still hoping.


message 30: by Caty (new)

Caty I agree. The audiobook version is painful to listen to. The monotone causes an already drawn out book to take even longer.


Maggie ❣aka fancy shmancy ❣ Your review is hilarious! This made my day. :D


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