false 188013 157224108X 9781572241084 150 42 http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1172543135m/188013.jpg http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/188013.Stop_Walking_on_Eggshells_Taking_Your_Life_Back_When_Someone_You_Care_about_Has_Borderline_Personality_Disorder 109523 Paul T. Mason 150 42 3 0 false Sun Jan 04 00:00:00 -0800 2009 Wed Jan 07 07:06:13 -0800 2009 Sat Jan 10 10:43:19 -0800 2009
The second half of the book is the one that offers the advice for people who don't have BPD who need to interact with someone who does. On some level the advice is dissatisfying because nothing is guaranteed to work. The reader is often reminded that if they have been dealing with someone with BPD in ways other than the ones suggested, they are not at fault, and if the suggested techniques don't work, that isn't their fault either, because the person with BPD is ultimately responsible for their own behavior. I think the book does a good job walking the line between empowering the reader and making them responsible for fixing an extremely difficult situation. Since people with BPD often use guilt to make other people in their lives feel responsible for their problems, it's very important that the book not play on the sense of self-blame that many readers may already have.

Of the advice given, two things mainly stuck with me. One is a technique for having a conversation with someone with BPD about something about which you disagree, which is likely to lead to a major conflict or some kind of drama. You can express the validity of their feelings while also disagreeing by saying something like "I can see that you feel thus-and-such way about this, but I feel differently. My position is..." Whether this actually works I don't know, but it seems like a worthwhile idea.

The other thing that stuck with me, which they emphasized a lot, is the importance of establishing boundaries and limits for the person with BPD. It's important not only so that the person without BPD can retain control of their lives, but also because people with BPD often lack the ability to regulate their own behavior and establish boundaries between other people and themselves, so without someone to define limits and stick to them, they will never be able to improve. This is sort of counterintuitive since trying to establish any sort of boundary is never easy and can lead to backlash, but in the long run it is apparently better for all involved.]]>