false 3 1 false true Fri Jun 26 00:00:00 -0700 2009 Tue Dec 30 15:50:28 -0800 2008 Fri Jun 26 01:04:10 -0700 2009 The Plot: A vampire is creating an army of newborns who are going on killing sprees. In order to protect human Bella Swan and destroy the army and its leader, the Forks vampires and werewolves realise their best chance to succeed is to work together.

The Relationships: Bella wants to shag vampire Edward Cullen ASAP, particularly before he changes her into a bloodsucker. But Marble Man refuses to shag her until they're married. B wants to go vamp, but doing so may mean cutting off her ties with werewolf best mate Jacob Black. Also, she realises she's in love with the Quileute hottie, but unless E agrees to an open marriage, Bella can't have both lads. Actually, open marriage wasn't discussed, but it should've been.

Genuinely Interesting Content: Jasper Hale's history. The army of newborns plot.

RANDOM STUFF
-"For a teenager, you're amazingly non-whiney." Oh, Charlie, I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your naïveté/stupidity.
-"Besides, there's lots of financial aid out there. It's easy to get loans." Bella, when you say things like this, you're really dim.
-If only Bella followed the "bros before hos" rule. Friends before lovers. Jacob before Edward. Bros before hos.
-So frustrating! Bella won't do what Charlie says, yet always does what Edward says. Fecking abusive relationship... Pussywhipped!
-I'm with Charlie - I wouldn't want my daughter shagging a vampire. Made of stone/granite/marble. What if part of him...breaks off?
-Edward stole part of Bella's truck's engine. Next he'll be cutting her brakes. Eek! Fecking abusive relationship...
-"her oddly feline face" - So not only is Victoria a possibly-Canadian vampire, but also...a werecat? I'm calling her Thundercat.
-Bella: "Alice, don't you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic, maybe?" Alice: "Not really." Bella should dump Edward's psychotic arse. Alice is NOT COOL for thinking there's nothing controlling or psychotic about him.
-Jacob: "You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and --" Jacob is awesome.
-I've never read Wuthering Heights, but judging by the page Edward marked, he thinks Heathcliff is a vampire. Dude, what the eff?
-B: "People don't just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible mature people!" [edit:] "That's not who I am..." Yes it is.
-Victoria & Irina want revenge for James's & Laurent's deaths respectively. If they weren't undead, I'd swear they were PMSing.
-"...I wanted HIS venom to poison my system." That's totally a double-entendre. And/or a euphemism.
-Chapter 20 is hilarious. E gives B a gift: "It's hard and cold...And it throws rainbows in the sunlight." It's not his wang.
-E shagging B may break her. So what if she gets a shattered pelvis? She'll have had snu-snu. Amazon Eddie!
-E born in 1901. Book published 2007. E still has his "virtue". And he's Marble Man. Reckon he'd be a dud root.]]>