Ciara's Reviews > The All-New Mallory Pike

The All-New Mallory Pike by Ann M. Martin
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's review
Dec 22, 08

bookshelves: kids-books, read-in-2008
Recommended for: BSC fans, book-ish nerdlings, boarding school fanatics, people with awful roommates
Read in December, 2008, read count: five times

this is one of my all-time favorite BSC books, because it is a mallory book (i still like her, except for when she whines incessantly about her parents not letting her get a nose job at age eleven--like, are you kidding me?) & it's about mallory going away to BOARDING SCHOOL, & i think we have established my obsession with boarding schools in other reviews on this site. previously in mallory's stoneybrook life, she taught a class for some dumbass program at stoneybrook middle school. she, as a sixth-grader, was assigned to teach eighth graders something or another--probably something about writing, because that's her bag. & she fucked it all up because she was nervous about teaching older kids, & the older kids started picking on her & calling her spaz girl. wow. how incredibly original, witty, & devastating. mallory also had big issues in gym class, due to being unathletic & forced to muddle through a pick-up game of volleyball anyway. i shouldn't scoff because i pulled out all the stops to either skip or be excused from gym class when i was in high school--i hated being athletic in front of my peers, even though i was actually really good at basketball. but still, as an adult, i really wish that both mallory & my 14-year-old self would just suck it up & deal with the fact that you're playing with a ball for forty minutes a few times a week. life could be a lot worse. anyway, due to these issues, mallory decides to transfer to riverben hall, a boarding school in weatern mass. & not just any boarding school--this is a special alternative school with an emphasis on the arts, which will prepare mallory for a lucrative career...drawing little mouse cartoons & writing childish stories for children. okay. whatever. she even gets a full scholarship, even though she applied in the middle of the school year & her grades started slipping after the whole spaz girl situation. she makes some friends right off the bat, but her roommate is a bossy, manipulative terror. i would have smothered her in her sleep, but mallory toughs it out until the girl destroys their shared room, & then the school switches everyone around so monster roommate has a single room & mallory gets to room with one of her new friends. & at the pike homestead back in stoneybrook, all the pike siblings are going crazy because vanessa has a room to herself with mallory gone, & they are all fighting over it. eventually a compromise is brokered, thanks in no small part to wussy eating machine byron, who is above his siblings' petty squabbles & agrees to share a room with perpetual outcast nicky. those two are going to have some serious therapy bills in about fifteen years. & that's the last we ever hear from mallory pike. ann really hated her, huh? spaz girl, mono, braces, dad gets shitcanned at work, being forced to draw a diagram of the divestive system...she could not get a break.

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