Julia Graf's Reviews > Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James
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Aug 30, 12

bookshelves: bdsm, garbage
Read from August 27 to 30, 2012

WHY? Why did I read this? For some reason I had it on my Kindle for ages, but since reading the disaster that was Fifty Shades of Grey (book 1) I decided not to bother with the second one. Then I found myself suddenly left with nothing to read on my Kindle except this, so I went for it.

I just dislike everything about this book: the pathetic writing, the "plot" if you can call it that, Christian Grey (aka The Jackass), and Anastasia Steele (aka The Doormat). They shall henceforth be called as such. The book is so poorly written, it reads like fanfiction. Oh yeah, that's exactly what it is.

The Jackass is a real piece of work. Not only is his character completely unbelievable (he earns $100,000 every hour, has a personal trainer and a body of a god but eats bacon, sauce bernaise and macaroni and cheese every day, is a CEO but put in about 2 hours of actual work every day that is interrupted every minute by writing emails to control and surveil The Doormat at work) but he's not at all attractive. Boo bloody hoo, you had a hard childhood, that's not a blanket excuse to be a controlling, manipulative, chauvinistic asshole 24/7. I just hate this guy, he made my skin crawl.

Now on to The Doormat. I hated her even more. What a pathetic excuse of a character. The utter definition of a washcloth, a Doormat, stuck in an abusive relationship to the T, making excuses along the way for The Jackass to continue to manipulate and control her every move. Oh, Jackass doesn't want to let me go to work today, nor let me drive my own car, not let me have healthy relationships with my dear friends who I have known for years - he must just love me! Actually, let me bend over backwards for him to accomodate his unhealthy controlling demands on me, because he's so good in bed. Oh and yes, if my employee came to work 15 minutes late, then spent the next hour sexting to her bf on work time instead of actually working, I'd fire her ass! No, that doesn't make me a mean boss, that means I'm part of the real world where people actually work when they get paid for it. At the end, the Doormat's best friend Kate find the completely effed-up "contract" between The Doormat and The Jackass and is rightly worried about her, but then goes on to actually apologize for interfering. GREAT MESSAGE, AUTHOR! I guess she ascribes to the "keep it quiet" school of practice when it comes to psychological domestic abuse.

I guess many readers read this solely for the sex scenes, because let's face it, this is porn. But my god, I have never read such boring and repetitive sex scenes in an erotic novel. For someone who is supposed to enjoy such kinky and amazing sex, every sex scene basically read the same! Let's just say, probably 80-90% of the sex is missionary, in bed. WOW, REVOLUTIONARY! I'm on the edge of my seat here!! I think this book is meant to appeal to desperate housewives or maybe virgins who probably think this is the height of sexual deviation. Oh fear not, they even have sex once - IN THE SHOWER! And allude to having sex in the car, but don't actually do it. Basically, the sex scenes are extremely un-spectacular and repetitive, yet The Doormat just can't seem to get enough of this boring sex and is constantly "wet" and ready for it. It just really turned me off, this image of a constantly aroused woman, who just is at the service of a very controlling and manipulative partner, who orgasms after about 3 minutes of boring or non-existant foreplay. It's just not sexy because it's 100% unrealistic, there was no part of me that could put myself in the shoes of The Doormat, which to me is an important element of any erotic novel. We want to be in her shoes, want to have this great lover - but in The Doormat's case, I wanted to just punch them both in the face.

I hated this book. I really did. Ugh! I also hate the fact that it is so popular, and that I read it. Again! Like they say, Fool me once - shame on you, fool me twice - shame on me. Just a horribly written book with an extremely negative portrayal of sexuality, womanhood, and relationships all around.
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Reading Progress

08/27/2012
45.0% "Lord knows why I'm reading this garbage. I had nothing else left on my Kindle :(" 6 comments

Comments (showing 1-28 of 28) (28 new)

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message 1: by -A (new)

-A thanks for the review, Julia!
I was wondering whether I should follow the hype and read the book but I guess I'll better let it slide past me :)


message 2: by Jen (new) - rated it 1 star

Jen OMG,I love you for this!!! This is exactly how I felt about these books. I could barley get through them.


message 3: by Kats (new)

Kats Great review!! You're doing everyone who is sitting on the fence (about whether to spend their precious reading time on this drivel) a big favour. Thank you for saving me time to read something good instead!!


Dulcetpurr i wish i could 'like' this a thousand times :D


message 5: by Jessica (new)

Jessica well it was fanfiction for twilight so no one should be surprised of its shittiness.


message 6: by Kara (new) - rated it 1 star

Kara Reese I couldn't agree with you more! What a horrible book. I couldn't even finish it. Thanks for being so bluntly honest with your review!


Kathryn I guess what I will never understand is why these books are so popular. There is an entire genre dedicated to erotic novels and some of them are actually really good (well written, great characters and so on...)and these books are the ones that people choose to hype up?? Ugh.


message 8: by Monica (new)

Monica Excellent and quite humorous review .. I was thinking of reading the series as everyone talks about it, but think I'll pass.


Zenia Shah lolz you sound so mad and you never do when you review the books :)


message 10: by Maren. (new)

Maren. what a great review. really. couldn't agree more. i'm always wondering WHY THE HELL are these books so popular??? who likes this crap? it's so badly written


message 11: by Lacey (new) - added it

Lacey I had wanted to read them too, but heard a lot of negatives, so I decided not to. hehe!


message 12: by Emkay (new)

Emkay This is exactly what I thought of the first one. I'm so glad I didn't waste my money on the second and third. I really can not understand what anyone see's in these books.


message 13: by Erika (new)

Erika Best review ever!!

Lol I would've paid for another book instead of reading this one, if this was the only thing left on my nook :-P

Don't read the third one, I feel like you will and you'll just waste your time.


message 14: by Sarah (new)

Sarah Garcia Lol that was hilarious Julia! I have to read this to my mom. Shes considering reading the series and i just know it will be complete and utter garbage, but she wont listen to me.


Jessica I sadly bought the books out of curiosity due to the hype, but I haven't read them yet. I have a few friends and relatives who have read the series and raved about it, but I have a feeling I'm going to share your opinion on the books...


message 16: by Halah (new) - rated it 1 star

Halah Ahmad i swear unintentionally ( because really .. i literally avoided it like the plague ) i ended up reading other people review for this "book?!" , and i really think yours on of the best !


Hofita Great review! I wish if you would read the third one, just to read something good about these books: the reviews written in your stile:)


Valentinas I do not understand why this book has successfully


Sylwia Great review Julia. My view is exactly the same but I gave up on the book 1/3 way through as I just couldn't take it anymore.


message 20: by -A (new)

-A I'm actually getting curious to read 'the disaster' that this book is LOL


message 21: by Sadia (new)

Sadia Mughees lmao great review, i wasnt gonna read this book anyway knowing it was porn and twilight fan fiction but now you have made my decision even more solid than b4 lol... cant beleive this is bestseller and ppl actually read this in public!!


Diana I don't think it's relevant if its a fanfic or not, it is bad written and I doubt the author will have a special price for it. But seriously think people is demonizing this because is about sex, not because of the writing, there a lot of bad written books out there and no one hyped those out. I think they accomplished the goal of be entertained and that's it. I don't feel my womanhood being threatened or foolish thoughts like those.


message 23: by Mango (new)

Mango Baggins LOL love your reviews


message 24: by Sheila (new) - added it

Sheila I havnt had any desire whatsoEver to read 50shades and after reading your reviews Im glad I never wasted my time reading it.


manic_reader love!!! my thoughts exactly


Judith Angélica I do totally agree with you. I've read the 3 books,somehow giving the author a chance to make up the story...but it just gets worse and worse. How was I able to endure the reading? I skimmed all the boring unreallistic sex parts and read quickly the parts with "story"... What a shame... just wasted my time... Gratefully I didn't pay a penny for this...


message 27: by Ifrah (new) - rated it 1 star

Ifrah Hahahaha.. I liked your review a lot Julia.. You are so right. I've got the same point of view for this trilogy.. & guess what! Im readint it too. :(
This series is so over-rated!


message 28: by ♥ Michaela (new)

♥ Michaela Good to know I'm not missing anything by not reading it. ;) Finally read Hunger Games and I actually liked it, which kind of surprised me.


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