Manny's Reviews > Purgatorio

Purgatorio by Dante Alighieri
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's review
Nov 27, 2008

really liked it
bookshelves: science-fiction, celebrity-death-match, transcendent-experiences, why-not-call-it-poetry, life-is-dante
Read in January, 1999

For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, Les Trois Mousquetaires (31) versus The Divine Comedy (26)

- Welcome to Purgatory. Name, please?

- Ah, D'Artagnan. I think there might have been some kind of...

- We'll deal with that in a moment. Could we just start by taking care of the Deadly Sins paperwork?

- Um...

- Thank you. Number one, Pride. Any offences?

- Look, obviously I'm pretty damn cool, but, you know...

- Pride, tick. Please pick up a stone on your way out, I think you'll want an L. Number two, Envy...

- Can we speed this up a bit? I've got about two hundred and eighteen counts of Wrath but a clean slate on Envy, Sloth, Covetousness and Gluttony.

- Wait a minute... cross, tick, cross, cross, cross. I must say, I wish everyone would be this cooperative. Oops! One left. How are you on Lust?

- Um, let me see, I suppose I shouldn't really have raped Ketty. But, well...

- She said no but she meant yes?

- What I was going to say was that I only did it to get close to Milady. She's the one I was actually after.

- Let me check the records. You raped Milady's maid so you could impersonate her lover and get into her bed? I'm afraid...

- But look! It's not as bad as it sounds. I was only doing that to save Constance, there was no other way. She'd been kidnapped and I was afraid she'd be killed...

- Constance was your wife?

- Ah, in fact she was married to someone else. But I really loved her, so...

- Anyway, the important thing was that you saved her life?

- Look, I did my best, right? But that psycho bitch Milady went and poisoned her. It wasn't my fault...

- Excuse me. Monsieur D'Artagnan, I must ask you to consider carefully. This place is all about sincere repentance. Are you completely sure you'd be happy here in Purgatory?

- What do you mean? Of course I want to do it. My heart is pure.

- Let me check again. Well, the thing I like about this job is that you never get a dull day. You're right.

- So I can come in?

- Sure. But make that stone an XL. No, an XXL.

- Deal! Thank you.

- You're welcome. Next please?

- Ah, my name's Richelieu. Listen, I can explain everything...

Match point: Les Trois Mousquetaires
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03/06/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-4 of 4) (4 new)

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message 1: by Hayes (last edited Oct 15, 2011 07:06AM) (new) - added it

Hayes Very nice, but I am, of course, on the other side.

Special offer on French cinema today...

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Manny Hayes wrote: "Very nice, but I am, of course, on the other side."

Well, I actually want The Divine Comedy to win. I just felt bad that no one was voting for the Musketeers...

Foad Hilarious! ((:

Manny Thank you Mahdi! If you look at the tournament page, The Divine Comedy got all the way to the final, where it was narrowly defeated by Pooh Bear...

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