Dede's Reviews > The Last Girl

The Last Girl by Kitty Thomas
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Apr 02, 13

bookshelves: fangs-and-fur, ugh-why-did-i-read-this, read-2012, ebook, reviewed
Recommended for: no one in the history of ever
Read on August 07, 2012, read count: 1

Okay. I don’t know why I read this. I saw it and thought: “it’s like Twilight / Fifty Shades of Grey? MUST READ FOR LOLS.”

This was a mistake. A grave mistake.




So it was pretty obvious what was going to happen from the get go...




Christian is a vampire and he’s decided that Juliette is the girl for him, even if she’s only thirteen when he first meets her. “That’s okay,” he thinks. “I shall wait until she’s nineteen because then it'll be okay.”

And then all hell breaks loose. The language is appalling. Ableism and slut-shaming abound (but really, am I surprised? No). The sentences are clunky and a couple of times I read things and thought “huh”, because the wording was really, really off.

Also, there’s lots of “YOU ARE MY PET AND I AM THE MASTER AND HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CRAWL TO FREEDOM I SHOULD PUNISH YOU.” And there are moments when Juliette is like “MAYBE IT WON’T BE SO BAD I AM BEING FED AFTER ALL” but then turns around and is all “OH GOSH HE’S EVIL AND CRAZY THIS IS A REALLY BAD SITUATION I’M IN GUYS.”

No shit Juliette. No shit.




This wasn’t even sexy. Nothing remotely sexy even happened until about halfway through, and even then it was a letdown. I am disappointed. I expected at the very least some semi-decent sex scenes.


Onward now, with some choice excerpts:

‘Despite everything, I have a moment of transcendence. I feel one with everything, and my logical brain isn’t active to tell me how wrong it all is. The pain flowers out like a lotus blossom and then transforms into a deep yearning.
He is both the disease and the cure. ’


‘The way you respond to me. You’re poetry in motion. ’




‘Maybe everything I know about vampires is wrong. Maybe he was never human. Maybe he’s a god, instead. Or a demon. I have a feeling our human words for things: god, angel, demon, vampire... they’re just words. They don’t really mean anything because we don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.’

Well that’s something we can both agree on. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about anymore either.


‘My master makes no further comment; he just leads me inexorably toward... whatever. ’

Your eloquence astounds me.


‘Whipping, blood, biting, fangs, orgasm, cocks everywhere. ’




‘I was an anal virgin. It should have hurt or at least scared me more, but my body has surrendered so strongly that I feel like a piece of driftwood floating down the river, unable to be harmed because I flow so beautifully with the current.’




And then I kind of stopped paying attention and got bored and just kind of finished it as quickly as I could. Final thoughts? Don’t read this. I can’t believe I read this. That’s two hours of my life I’m never getting back.
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Reading Progress

08/06/2012 "Again, I don't know. To be honest this sounds awful..."
08/07/2012 page 14
12.0% "This is already so terrible. Why am I reading this?!"
08/07/2012 page 20
18.0% "Okay, so he's a VAMPIRE named CHRISTIAN who can READ HER MIND... hmm..."
08/07/2012 page 22
19.0% ""I have no power to choose my fate here, and there are horrible and frightening things about my situation: captivity, pain, and probably death. But there are also tiny silver linings in the clouds..."
NO. NO. What?!"
08/07/2012 page 45
39.0% ""This reads like classic abuser to me."
Well GOOD. I'm glad you're acknowledging this Juliette. Took you long enough."
08/07/2012 page 93
82.0% "I just have to keep telling myself that it's nearly over. Nearly."

Comments (showing 1-4 of 4) (4 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Tori (new)

Tori I can't....lol. I simply cannot stop laughing! Thanks for saving me from reading, cuz I was genuinely interested. It always pays to read reviews!


message 2: by Dede (new) - rated it 1 star

Dede Haha glad I could be of service! Definitely a book to avoid!!


message 3: by Gayatri (new)

Gayatri hahahah holy crap...your gifs are wayyy too accurate..i couldn't stop cracking up xD


message 4: by Dede (new) - rated it 1 star

Dede Gayatri wrote: "hahahah holy crap...your gifs are wayyy too accurate..i couldn't stop cracking up xD"

The gifs do not do my true horror any justice!!


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