Becky's Reviews > Zombies Hate Stuff

Zombies Hate Stuff by Greg Stones
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Jul 20, 12

bookshelves: 2012, humorous, owned, reviewed, zombies
Read on July 21, 2012

Last weekend, I was visiting my brother and I saw that he had a copy of this book. He mentioned having another copy that was signed so I asked for one, and he gave me the unsigned copy. The cheapskate. I am the elder child, therefore I should have all the prime goodies, dammit!

*sigh*

Although... It was free and has zombies I won't complain TOO much. Maybe.

Anyway, so, even though it was the obviously less desirable copy, I read it. "Read" being mostly figurative, since there are only 80 words in this entire book. Exactly 80. I counted.

I'm not terribly impressed, though. I was hoping that it would be funny, but instead I flipped through it and was just kinda... underwhelmed. Probably it was just that my usually fantastic sense of humor did a little hiss-pop-fizzle and pooped out on me, but I just don't get why zombies would hate this stuff. With few exceptions, it just... doesn't make sense.

And don't give me any of that "Zombies aren't real, so it doesn't have to make sense" crap, either. You know what zombies hate? Helmets. It's like having cans of food but no can opener. That's what zombies hate. Not kittens or balloons or mermaids or weddings. Maybe they'd hate meteors, because that could crush and kill them (again), but probably not re-gifting. Because zombies only give the gift of zombiism, and that's a gift that keeps on giving forever. So zombies LOVE re-gifting. Duh.

Seriously... Kittens? Fucking zombies love kittens. They taste like chicken brains.

And zombies mind celery, so this book is a lie. Celery is not brains, bloody intestines or human-meat, therefore, zombies do not like it. Vegetarian zombies. Come on.

Most of this stuff is just silly, and it's like it's trying too hard to be silly, which makes it not funny, but just silly in a non-funny way. There will be groaning as you read this, but only from the poorly executed, silly but not funny jokes that make you roll your eyes.

Also, zombies don't love me. I kill zombies. Do it all the time. I killed one last week and he distinctly said he hated me for doing it right before he died for permanent.

True story.
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Comments (showing 1-12 of 12) (12 new)

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message 1: by Dan (new)

Dan Schwent You know what zombies hate? Helmets. It's like having cans of food but no can opener.

Well done.


Becky Dan wrote: "You know what zombies hate? Helmets. It's like having cans of food but no can opener.

Well done."


Thanks! LOL


message 3: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Griffin Love your review! Great way to start my day. Thanks!


Becky Stephanie wrote: "Love your review! Great way to start my day. Thanks!"

I aim to please... and for the head, but that's different. ;)


message 5: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Becky wrote: "I killed one last week and he distinctly said he hated me for doing it right before he died for permanent.

True story."



LOL!!!!!!


message 6: by Stefan (new)

Stefan Yates Your review is WAY funnier than what I've seen of this book!


Becky Stefan wrote: "Your review is WAY funnier than what I've seen of this book!"

Of course it was. I'm 5-star funny! :P


message 8: by Greg (last edited Dec 13, 2013 05:29AM) (new)

Greg Stones Why would you want a signed copy of a book that you don't like? (This amuses me.)


Becky Greg wrote: "Why would you want a signed copy of a book that you don't like?"

Resale value on Ebay.


message 10: by MrsJoseph (new)

MrsJoseph Becky wrote: "Greg wrote: "Why would you want a signed copy of a book that you don't like?"

Resale value on Ebay."


Zinger!!


message 11: by Greg (new)

Greg Stones Greg wrote: "Why would you want a signed copy of a book that you don't like?"

Resale value on Ebay


Respect!


Becky Zombies love eBay.


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