Jo's Reviews > This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike.

This Is How by Augusten Burroughs
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's review
Jul 07, 2012

liked it
bookshelves: self-help-how-to
Read in June, 2012

Very frank advice on some of the most painful experiences ever. But he talks sense, mainly from having gone through stuff himself.


This is how you survive the unsurvivable, this is how you lose that which you cannot bear to lose, this is how you reinvent yourself, overcome your abusers, fulfill your ambitions and meet the love of your life: by following what is true, no matter where it leads you.

Even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper.

Like all the other high-octane feelings -- anger, jealousy, love -- regret can be burned as fuel. In fact, it should be. Regret should power something beneficial.
To live in regret and change nothing else in your life is to miss the entire point.

Sometimes, peole avoid recognizing how they feel because they believe the feelings are part of them, and admitting to harboring anger or jealousy feels like admitting to a physical flaw. So certain feelings are denied. Which is something like believing your house is clean as long as you don't peek under the beds.

Each thing should change you, if ever so slightly.

Love doesn’t use a fist.
Love never calls you fat or lazy or ugly.
Love doesn’t laugh at you in front of friends.
It is not in Love’s interest for your self-esteem to be low.
Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road.
Love does not make you beg.
Love does not make you deposit your paycheck into its bank account.
Love certainly never, never, never brings the children into it.
Love does not ask or even want you to change. But if you change, Love is as excited about this change as you are, if not more so. And if you go back to the way you were before you changed, Love will go back with you.
Love does not maintain a list of your flaws and weaknesses.
Love believes you.
Love is patient; Love does not make a point of showing you how patient it is.

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