Fewlas's Reviews > Fucked by the Lake Monster

Fucked by the Lake Monster by Brandi Burlington
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
6851560
's review
Jul 02, 12

bookshelves: regalo
Read on July 02, 2012

** spoiler alert ** Was there a better way than reviewing monster porn to start celebrating my birthday? Probably yes. But who cares? It’s my birthday and I decide!! Thank you ALFONSO for this great present!
This book was hilarious.. it made me laugh sincerely!

Two pages about Cassie’s Olympic fucking fantasies. Olympic fucking fantasies are always hilarious.

Fantasies of Olympic caliber fucking ran through her head, she thought of the millions of NBC viewers who would be tuning in to watch her take two, three, fuck if you’re going to fantasize make it count girl!! six men in a chlorinated Olympic sized swimming pool. A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to be fucked till the pool’s water would look like the last bit of milk in an almost emptied bowl of cereal.

When I was 15 I dated a boy who was 6 years older than me. But he was so innocent and chaste and shy that the only time he asked me to watch a dirty movie with him it was a cartoon porn about the Olympic adventures of an Egyptian guy (actually I don’t remember if the characters were Egyptian or if the Olympics took place in Egypt). The point is that I couldn’t stop laughing when watching this guy pole jumping through a window trying to reach the right spot; or when he was high diving into a pool full of lustful Cleopatras. This brings me back to the book.

Aquatic sex, of course. The book is about sex with a lake monster. But there is also aquatic masturbation (whose description makes me think the author is a boy; but I’ll get back to this point later). It seems this girl can be fully satisfied only when the water is involved.

[A short digression about aquatic sex. Have you ever had sex in a lake? What you do in the water is more a question of making love than having sex.]

Then the monster arrives. Something about this monster: I don’t know if it is me, if it is because I’m too sentimental, if it is because I’m reading Sartre and I’m a little exhausted and I always try to “psychoanalyze” book characters; but this monster surprised me.. it had feelings.. it didn’t want to hurt the girl. Existential clash between different primordial instincts!

What can I say about the monster’s cunnilingus? Or the pole dancing around the monster’s cock? Monster porn seems to be accurate and refined..

One thing I didn’t like about the book: since the European metric system doesn’t allow me to understand foot, I always had to check the converter. At the end I found out that the monster’s penis head would reach to under my chin, like Cassie!! She’s as tall as me. But the thing is.. I first did the penis proportion and then, only for curiosity, checked the girl’s height (see below for further details about men and women’s attitude towards measures). I haven’t read the second book of the series yet, but I hope Champy will find someone who’ll measure up to it and will be able to do a very good boob job. Just a tip!

Now, a serious investigation into the author’s gender:

Since Alfonso told me that we don’t know if the author is a girl or a boy, I decided to do a second reading in order to try to find some clues.

AND I think the author is a boy. Why? (I will generalize a lot. I’m just making guesses):

- The description of Cassie’s masturbation: it is just like a boy would like a girl to masturbate herself. It includes fisting and it is described as “masochistic”. And it seems that the author doesn’t exactly understand the role of water in girl masturbation.

- The perspective: sometimes the point of view is clearly male. An example:

” A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to be fucked till the pool’s water would look like the last bit of milk in an almost emptied bowl of cereal.”

I think that the scene, from a female point of view, would have been like this: “A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to fuck her pussy..

But since in this fantasy Cassie plays the role of an athlete, maybe her active role towards the penis is justified and I’m wrong..

- Fluid excess: it often is a male “obsession”. I’m talking about both bukkake and squirting. The following sentence is clearly written by a boy:

But like a true athlete, she didn’t stop, she pushed on until she exploded with juices that squirted out of her and threatened to raise the level of the lake to dangerous levels.

- Pole dancing around the monster’s penis.

-The measure question: do women and men pay the same degree of attention to measures? Yes, they do. But not in the same way. And the author’s way seems to me a clearly male-almost nerd approach.

However, I think I’ll better understand when I’ll read the second adventure.

Thank you again Alfonso!!
2 likes · Likeflag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Fucked by the Lake Monster.
Sign In »

Comments (showing 1-7 of 7) (7 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

The Crimson Fucker Yes!!! Yes!!


message 2: by Fewlas (new) - added it

Fewlas Alfonso wrote: "Yes!!! Yes!!"

I'm soo curious..


The Crimson Fucker I'm actually realy looking foward to read your review!!

I know you are almost as sick as I am! I am one sick puppy! If anybody can appreciate the sick humor on this master piece of erotic humor is you!


Also you may help me and Super Manny find out if the writer is a girl or a boy! I know a women will know!


message 4: by Fewlas (new) - added it

Fewlas Alfonso wrote: "I'm actually realy looking foward to read your review!!

I know you are almost as sick as I am! I am one sick puppy! If anybody can appreciate the sick humor on this master piece of erotic humor is..."


Are you kidding? We don't know if the writer is a girl or a boy?
Ok, so this book needs to be read twice: the first time to be enjoyed, and the second time to be thoroughly analysed..
But I already know my brain will work remotely during the first read to catch the clues.. that's my job!!


message 5: by Fewlas (last edited Jul 02, 2012 01:23AM) (new) - added it

Fewlas Pea wrote: ":))) add a quote sometime, please! I want to laugh too!"

I'll put them in the review.. I've already finished it and I'm writing the review.. This book is hilarious!!


message 6: by Fewlas (new) - added it

Fewlas Pea wrote: "looooool
happy b-day crazy Giuly!!!! all best <3"


Thank you my dear!! <3


The Crimson Fucker holy shit! it's your Bday!??? why are you sober!?

still!

HAPPY Bday Giulia!!!!!

and great review! i'm so glad you enjoyed the humor as much as i did!!!

i am freaking fascinated by your ideas on the gender of the author! i went with it's a boy cuz of the detailed meassures... but now you telling me girls are as obsessed with sizes are boys are!? this is intriguing!!!


but one thing! i do remember the scene where she is masturbating... and i do remember thinking that that ought to hurt! so... good point!!!

so you team Boy! Manny is team Girl!!! 2 vs 1! we win!!! fuck Manny!


back to top