Merary's Reviews > Halo

Halo by Alexandra Adornetto
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I . . . I'm speechless.
I don't have words to describe how terrible this book was.
Wait, I know.
Halo made me have an ongoing war between my neurons, each of them battling each to the front of the "fry zone", so every time I read a terrible passage (and believe me, there were plenty of those!), thousands of my neurons got murdered in a undignified way to that "fry zone". Now my neurons are kicking my mind for receiving a very undeserving punishment.
That feeling of hollowness on my forehead? Halo did that.
I'd never been so disgusted by a book in my life.
Every single thing happening in this book was utterly ABSURD, NONSENSICAL, CHEESY, STUPID, IDIOTIC . . . See? I can't even think of worse things to say!

Let's start with the obvious: The writing was atrocious. This book abuses the use info-dumping, purple prose, over-description, and one-dimensional, flat characters up to eleven. Adornetto gave unnecessary details of a room, a person, even of a fucking celery. Really? I didn't want to know to be reminded how a celery looks like! Anyone with common sense knows about celery!! Unless that celery is going to be a secret weapon to destroy every single demon from Hell, then I don't need to know about it. The sentences weren't well constructed either. Sentences like "eyes the color of thunder", "I looked into his eyes, like two blue pools", and the whole headband description makes me wonder if the editor was taking a nap during work and accidentally mixed the sentences. Or maybe Adornetto is indeed that bad of a writer.

The main character, Bethany Church, is an irritating Mary Sue. Sure, she's an angel from above, it was obvious that her appearance was going to be . . . heavenly. But, if the reader has to be reminded how perfect she is, how good of a person she is, how wonderful she is, how great her body is . . . Well, you get my point. Bethany is described with a very positive light from pretty much everybody in this story, despite the fact that Bethany is an useless, idiotic, whiny bitch.
And don't get me started on that name: Beth. Blonde, bland, boring Beth. Yeah. I just did a Seven Deadly Sins by Robin Wasserman reference. Beth Manning was a goody-two-shoes, and also very irritating. But the difference is, Beth Manning had faults that made her a good character.(view spoiler) Good thing Bethany didn't look like a giant Barbie, because then I would had been very pissed off by the stereotype of blonde=good.
Is my review making sense? Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying either . . .

Moving on . . .

The personification of angels in Halo was extremely poor and shallow. Adornetto made her angels sound like perfect, goody-two-shoes, supermodels. We have Gabriel (you know exactly what Gabriel I'm talking about), who is pretty much like the alpha of the three angels sent to Earth. He has a very hard personality and also a very . . . hard body. Seriously. He was described as having a body like marble. Hmmm . . . where have I heard that one before? Then, there's Ivy, a very stereotypical angel woman from the 50's. The only thing she does all day is cook, buy the groceries, clean the house, sew, and pretty much any typical "feminine" stuff. Heck, even her voice and body were described as "feminine". And finally . . . *sigh* We have Bethany fucking Church: The most human of the three. I wish there was new word to describe Bethany because "dumb and bland" just doesn't cut it anymore. Let's see . . . Oh yeah! Ditzderp. Pathetic, I know.
Anyway, she was a pathetic excuse of an heroine: She freaks over nothing, she's the perfect definition of "too dumb to live", she's bland, and pretty much does nothing to save the world despite being an angel. Everything was set to make Bethany look good: The dog, the car accident, her shallow friends, her suppose perfect boyfriend are pretty much some good examples. The audience was suppose to think that Bethany was a generous, heroic, perfect character to root for. All I thought was that she was a Mary Sue.

Despite the fact that Alexandra Adornetto is a Christian, she completely destroyed the basic ideas of her own religion. Some of the facts written in this book were incorrect (If you're going to do a little remix of a common mythology, stick with the basis, unless you want to look ignorant) and she only got based on superficial ideas of Christianity. The whole purity and religious concepts were given in a extremely negative light. The message is simple, of course: If you do any of this, you're going to burn in Hell. How can she live with herself? I have no idea.
And besides, most of the things that Bethany did in this book were very "non-angel" (lying, thinking about fornicating her boyfriend). It makes me wonder why she is not a fallen angel yet. Maybe she could had been if Xavier was a girl. *grins*

Also, we have Molly and company. The only things they talk about is: boys, clothes, makeup, sex, boys, prom, sex, and boys. The only purpose they have in this story is to make us feel bad for Bethany for being stuck with such shallow girls. It's obvious that Adornetto never had any female friends in her life because no girl is that freaking stupid or shallow. Okay, yes, there's girls who do talk about that stuff all time, but this was done in an exaggeration. Molly and company actually do think that Southwest Asia is in Africa.

I'm really not kidding. Then there's also the infamous, "Only losers hang out at libraries". And, of course, the whole "most girls think about being popular or about dating the rugby team". UGH. Excuse me, I'll be gone for a while.


Now that I got that off my system, let's continue. . .

The love interest: Xavier Woods. He's one of the most cheesiest male character I've ever read. He is perfect. Literally. According to Bethany, he has no flaws except for an emotional baggage. His features are inexplicably of a nut, and we are reminded of that in pretty much every single page. And he's also an over-protective asshole. Xavier always tells her what to do, who to hang out with, what to eat, what to drink, and he will beat up every guy who will look at his lady "the wrong way". And there's a possibility that he have watched Bethany sleep. Barf. The exchange of words between him and Bethany were very flowery, cliche and desperate. Not to mention, their relationship is the poster image for codependency. They both can't live without the other and the only thing they love above anything else is them.
Gag me.


The villain: Jake Thorn.

He was the most pathetic villain ever. He was harmless compared to other villains I know. It was obvious he was a demon and I was pissed that Bethany and the others were clueless about it. And you know what takes the cake? He's British. Oh my God! British people are eviiiill!! RUN! RUN! No. At the end, he was defeated. How, you might ask. Well, here goes . . . He was defeated . . . by THE POWER OF LOVE!!



I know, right?! What the fuck was that?!! That was a total rip-off! Yes, The Power Of Love was done with Sailor Moon and Harry Potter, but it was well done! The Power Of Love of Love in Halo was more of an excuse to make Bethany the hero. Again. And besides, Adornetto interpreted romantic love as more powerful than the Love of Christ. And she claims she's a Christian?


I could have forgiven all that, if it wasn't because this book . . .
was SEXIST.
Xavier always talked about doing certain stuff because he was a guy ("I'm a guy, I can eat anything!" I'm a guy, I'm suppose to like machines", "I'm a guy, I'm suppose to protect you"). And the obvious stereotypes: Ivy always cooks, dogs only obey to men, "Men don't wear makeup, only guys in boy bands", "Poetry is for girls", and there's the fact that guys are supposed to be the ones to ask the person out and do everything, girls are superficial and guys always think about sex, guys only attend as some escort at parties . . . and so on.

And after all this complaining about this book, I'm going to talk to you about the plot. Wait. WHAT PLOT? Exactly. It was nothing more than angels doing nothing, Bethany and Xavier being all cheesy and lovable with each other, a prom, a two-day break up, a minor angel and demon fight, a pathetic demon defeated by love, and a happily ever after . . . for now. THE. FUCKING. END.


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Reading Progress

06/26/2012 page 10
2.0% "Insta-love within the first 10 pages? Shit."
06/26/2012 page 26
5.0% "Over-description overload. Never been this bored in my life."
06/27/2012 page 99
20.0% ",his eyes the color of thunder.

Eyes the color of thunder?

What the--?" 4 comments
06/27/2012 page 101
21.0% "Why are Gabriel and Ivy letting Bethany get away with this so easily?
SHE GOT DRUNK FOR GOD'S SAKE!!"
06/27/2012 page 103
21.0% "Wait. There was a bombing in the Middle East with three hundred dead, and Gabriel think it is insignificant unlike the "problems" that are in Venus Cove? (Nothing is happening in that town!)
Wait, they are going to do something! Pray for divine intervention.

"
06/27/2012 page 106
22.0% "See? Even the dogs like her! -_-"
06/27/2012 page 124
26.0% "Molly: It's the formal, Haylz. The guy has to do the asking.
Hayley: Molly, you're so stupid. Ryan might not be the sharpest tool in the shed , but still, what are you waiting for?
Molly: *pouts* I want him to ask me.



Girl, stop being lazy and desperate and ask SOMEONE!! *resists the urge to strangle*"
06/27/2012 page 125
26.0% "Where's the Middle East?" asked a girl named Zoe who always wore her blond hair piled on top of her head like a crown.
"It's a whole area near the Persian Gulf," I said. "It spans southwest Asia."
"I don't think so, Bethie." Taylah laughed. "Everybody knows the Middle East is in Africa."


MUST. CONTROL. MY. LUST. TO. STRANGLE." 1 comment
06/28/2012 page 164
34.0% "No. No. NOO. Bethany, you're so stupid!! You're damaging that girl even more!!"
06/28/2012 page 167
35.0% "Despite that, Bethany is the hero. *rolls eyes*" 12 comments
06/28/2012 page 184
38.0% "Megan:Miss Lucas is making me redo my Russian Revolution assignment because it was too 'slopy'.
Hayley:You did the assignment in a half hour before it was due. Did you really expect an A plus?
Megan:She's just jealous because she's very hairy.
Tara: Write a letter of complaint. She's discriminating you.
Molly: I agree. Totally.

*takes off my titanium chain*
— 3 minutes ago"
06/28/2012 page 185
38.0% "Taylah: What can we say about [Gabriel] Church?
Molly: *defensively* Nothing. He's a legend.

You have no idea."
06/28/2012 page 191
39.0% "Ivy:*coy* Sit, Phantom! On your bottom!
Gabriel: *in a deep voice* Sit.
Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor.

So the dog only obeys to men? ASDGJJYYGFNHHH!!!!!!"
06/28/2012 page 196
40.0% "I looked into his eyes, like two blue pools,

Wait. How does that even work? You can't look at someone into their eyes like blue pools! The whole purpose of looking into someone's eyes is lost when an object is doing the work for you!!
Or did you mean that his eyes were like two blue pools?
Well, why didn't you wrote it like that, you stupid bitch?"
06/28/2012 page 202
42.0% "Xavier: Incredible. But what are you? You can't be . . .
Bethany: An angel? Jackpot.

How dare you insult his surprise? He's shocked that his whole world changed forever and that's all you can say?
UUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
06/28/2012 page 205
42.0% "My girlfriend is an angel. My girlfriend is an angel.



Why does that make me laugh so much? XD"
06/28/2012 page 205
42.0% "Xavier: Are you kidding? Surely I've got to be the luckiest guy in the world.
Bethany: How do you figure that?
Xavier: Isn't it obvious? I've got my own little piece of Heaven right here.

Gag me. >.>" 4 comments
06/28/2012 page 224
46.0% "Since Xavier knows everything, Gabriel is going to invite him to dinner. How will that turn up?"
06/28/2012 page 316
65.0% "The chapter called "The 'S' Word".
It must be sex. Wait. Are Bethany and Xavier going to have sex? An angel and a human actually doing it? Oh God, let this be true so you can finally let her be a fallen angel!
Why I am so excited about this? Oh, I know . . .
" 1 comment
06/29/2012 page 318
66.0% "There's nothing more alluring than a girl with a healthy appreciation of food.

Shove it down my throat, why don't you?"
06/29/2012 page 320
66.0% "A Gossip Girl reference?!
AGGFGHDFSDDASASFAAHH!!!!"
06/29/2012 page 321
66.0% "Wait. Did Molly just said something intelligent?

:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
06/29/2012 page 321
66.0% "Never mind, she's still a boy-crazy bitch."
06/29/2012 page 325
67.0% "A Wuthering Heights reference?!
WHY?!"
06/29/2012 page 325
67.0% "Jake:I could show you pleasure on a scale you never thought possible. Things beyond your wildest imagination.

I came.

"
06/29/2012 page 328
68.0% "You have to be kidding me. She can't say "sex" unless she spells it!! >_>"
06/29/2012 page 328
68.0% "Bethany, you're an angel. And you're worried that Xavier doesn't see you that way?
*yelling obscenities in my mind*"
06/29/2012 page 329
68.0% "Beth: What if I told you I wanted to?

Yes. Yes. Yes! Angel and human sex!! Give it to me now!!"
06/29/2012 page 330
68.0% "Bethany: I don't care anymore! *looks where Heaven is*

GASP. God will hear about this, Bethany."
06/29/2012 page 331
68.0% "Bethany: *to Ivy* What would happen if an angel and a human made love?

An apocalypses for Heaven. And a major satisfaction for me when you're exiled from there."
06/29/2012 page 332
69.0% "I was right."
06/29/2012 page 334
69.0% "Taylah, you're a fucking slut."
06/29/2012 page 335
69.0% "Bethany: But why did you choose me?
Xavier: Because you bring me closer to God and myself,

[image error]

Good thing I have a bucket."
06/29/2012 page 335
69.0% "Bethany: Do you want to hear something crazy? Sometimes, at night, I think I can feel your soul next to me.
Xavier: *smiles* That's not so crazy.

Danger. DANGER."
06/29/2012 page 336
69.0% "Their secret place (inside their heads, no less) is called the White Place.
Bethany: That's perfect.

*gets my bucket*"
06/29/2012 page 337
70.0% "Chapter 23: R.I.P.

Oh no. Someone dies? D:"
06/29/2012 page 340
70.0% "How fun. A spoiled bitch trying to reform herself for a guy."
06/29/2012 page 346
71.0% "And . . . Alice died.
That sweet old lady who gave Phantom away to the angels."
06/29/2012 page 359
74.0% "Xavier: I know that Lucifer was an archangel,

. . . was he?"

Comments (showing 1-10 of 10) (10 new)

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message 1: by Arya (new) - rated it 1 star

Arya Thank you.......VERY MUCH. I have not yet met someone who actually does LIKE halo - the poor excuse of a book it is its not getting a capital letter from me. Not only was review fun to read IT WAS ALSO CORRECT. halo is ......... a poor excuse of a book and you summed it up well. Is it just me or does it seem HIGHLY unlikely that a girl like Bethany would ever be friends with girls like Molly. Considering she's an angel and all isn't she supposed to be the pinnacle of purity or something? If you ask me Molly and her "gang" are just the opposite of that. Thanks again


Merary I don't know about that, it is possible for a nice girl to be friends with a bitch. It is the most common friendship. Yet they don't last long.

But, since we are talking about an angel and a bitch being friends, yes, it is impossible!! I think she's just friends with that "gang" because Adornetto wanted us to feel sorry for her for being stuck with them.
*sigh*


Sarah i disagree with your review


message 4: by Merary (last edited Dec 15, 2012 05:11PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Merary Sarah wrote: "i disagree with your review"

Your review doesn't give me any clue on why you liked it. If you liked it, fine. Enjoy your book.
Next time when you approach a review you don't like, don't be rude. "I disagree with your review". Once again, you're giving me nothing.
Now that I'm curious, explain why do you disagree with my review. And no, your extreme adoration is not a reason.
By the way, of all the negative reviews out there, why did you chose to comment on mine?


message 5: by Anna (new) - rated it 1 star

Anna Matsuyama Oh, yes! I'm going to read this book today! It'll be such fun!


Merary Anna wrote: "Oh, yes! I'm going to read this book today! It'll be such fun!"

Good luck! :) (view spoiler)


message 7: by Anna (new) - rated it 1 star

Anna Matsuyama It was worse than I expected but I had fun reading this...book. Bloody awful.


Merary Anna wrote: "It was worse than I expected but I had fun reading this...book. Bloody awful."

Is there going to be a review? If so, I can't wait to read it. ^^


message 9: by Anna (new) - rated it 1 star

Anna Matsuyama Merary wrote:Is there going to be a review? If so, I can't wait to read it. ^^"

Nah.


Merary Anna wrote: "Merary wrote:Is there going to be a review? If so, I can't wait to read it. ^^"

Nah."


Aw. XD


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