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The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White
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Disclaimer: I received an ARC from Harper Teen/ Edelweiss this has not affected my opinion of this book. I am also not a book archeologist or am claiming to be a doctor of any kind even though I have a JD which is technically a doctorate most people don't call me doctor unless they're my aunt.

From the Diaries of Dr. MJ---book archeologist: in LucasFilm's set for Ancient Egypt (hey, I need something more dramatic than my storage unit)

I made a strange discovery today on the job. I found a book. Okay, so I find a lot of books hidden in these tombs of forgotten books-but this book it hasn't been published yet. Why is an ARC in the Temple of the Forgotten? I must read it.

I read it. This happened.

Yes, my head really did explode. Or the little vein that's on my forehead popped a little bit. It was that bad.

As a book archeologist it's my duty to study how this book became what it is. It's a hard job, I know, but I'll do my best. I don't blame who tried to rid it from this world of its existence though. Might I recommend burning it next time because unless...

Oh, God, I can't believe I'm actually advocating burning a book. That's not me at all. Now I feel dirty.

I need to be scholarly. After all, that's what Dr. MJ is scholarly when she's not fighting the Nazis with a bazooka and finding lost antiquities....different archeologist. I only visit storage units.

So, how do I tackle this books awfulness. Let's start with the source: the author.

Kiersten White is probably best known for her Paranormalcy series which reads like a kid high on candy. I actually liked the first two a lot, but I never loved them like a lot of people did. I could never pinpoint why until now because of this book. After Paranormlacy was published White released Mind Games. The book was sort of a disaster. But it amazing that White tried something new, stream of consciousness, and that she wrote it in like two weeks (amazing, but it really shows). I had really high hopes for The Chaos of the Stars. I thought that without being on a sugar rush or the weird stream of consciousness that Mind Games employed, this might be the White book I was waiting for.

Boy was I wrong.

Instead, I found out what I hated about Paranormalcy because this book had the same proble: it was gimmicky.

If you take a part the few differences: Sparkly character replaced by sullen character, secret organization of paranormal hunters replaced with Egyptian compound, beep replaced with floods, girl moving to realty, they're very similar. Down to a lot of the same gags and humor. It's blatantly obvious here that White relies on her own tropes. Other authors that I like do this, but it's not this obvious. Take for example, Meg Cabot. You could make an argument that her characters are very similar, but each of her stories is unique and her tropes are altered more than changing beep to floods. Reading that just made me groan.

It probably also didn't help matters that I hated Isadora. I know why she was not a goddess because no one would want to worship this girl. She's horrible. She makes Bella Swan look like a happy character who loves life. That's how depressing she is. And she's just so self entitled. She hates her parents basically because she's going to die know, everyone.

Get over it.

Seriously. That's her beef throughout the entire novel. And instead of trying to act all mature about it, what does she do dye her hair green and get a faux hawk and proceed to judge others on the beach and calls her brother Horus, Whore-us (real mature) .

I kid you not. She and her new friends also devote their times making fun of people in their swimsuits (in particular a pregnant woman).

A real sweetheart that one.

And of course because this is YA she's guaranteed a man-cessory who helps her break that hard bitchy exterior of hers (he doesn't, despite what White says). Let's describe Ry. He's described looking like Prince Eric and Evie Isadora keeps mentioning how blue his eyes are. There's a paragraph that's like blue, blue, blue (Oh, the art of the English language). And then bam, he's the descendent of Greek gods which is just completely random and irrelevant to the story except for the fact that White puts her foot in her mouth when she states that Greek and Egyptian mythology is the same thing.

Um, no.

They might share some similar elements, but they are not the same thing. The Osiris and Isis myth is completely different from the Persephone myth, for instance. The thunder god rules the Greeks, the sun god is in charge of the Egyptians. Greek gods for the most part were human figures, Egyptian gods often were a little bit more animalistic in appearance. I could go on, but I won't. And yes, White, I get your point that a lot of religions revolve around agriculture I read The Source for Mrs. R's World History class after all, but still different mythologies. And WTF was Ri the some of Aphrodite and Hephaestus was it just so that Isadora could get access to their Wonder Woman jet for the stupid climax?

You know what, I don't even care. It's the same thing with the whole basis of human spawns from two gods. There's no explanation for it. I'm just supposed to buy it.

And you know, I don't. I don't.

Maybe it's wrong for me to question things when I read, but I want some explanation besides the facts you found about Ancient Egyptian mythology Wikipedia. Seriously, the tone of the info dumps read like Wikipedia.

It was pathetic.

It's not difficult to breathe life into mythologies. Even Josephenie Angelini has done that to a degree in that shit storm, Starcrossed. The info dumping was hideous in that novel, but at least it didn't seem to be like a ripoff of Wikipedia which made the rest of the book feel disjointed. It probably didn't help matters that were just some random bizarre parts of the book. For example, at one point the main character talks about her dad's magic penis.

Her dad's magic penis.

That is one thing I don't want to read about especially in a YA book. And yes, I know she was retelling part of the Osiris book but...mind bleach please!

I think the info dump, the lackluster narration, and the illy placed dreams made the pacing in this book seem very awkward and just sort of ruined climax. I didn't really know what to make of it and wasn't sure if there was supposed to be a sequel or much. I really couldn't make sense of the plot if there was one because I just kept groaning so much. Like when Ry assumes that Isadora speaks Arabic because she looks Egyptian and starts randomly speaking to her in it despite the fact she spoke to him in clear English with no accent.

This book is best forgotten. It sort of reminds me of the term lemon (not the fan fiction term, but the term we talked about in several classes describing car or other product that seems perfect on paper but just falls apart once you actually use it). I understand why this book has been hidden in this temple of lost books. But it needs to be hidden better where no one can find it. Unfortunately, though I see many people falling for it like I did. But a White sucker I am no longer. Not after this.
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Reading Progress

06/26/2013 marked as: currently-reading
6.0% "Sullen and annoying. And not in the usual White annoying MC type way."
12.0% "I really hate this book. Why did it bastardize Egyptian mythology?" 3 comments
16.0% "I highly doubt this drip could get a job at a museum without even an interview. She might find it lame, but I know lots of kids who would kill for an opportunity like this. So far this is a slight (very slight) improvement from Mind Games but I am finding myself getting progressively annoyed with it. Will be interesting to see how far I make it."
18.0% "A magic penis. Nice. Honestly, this one might very well be a DNF-er. Most of the world building we get are massive amounts of info dump. I am disgusted with White. This is worse in a way than Mind Games and I hated Mind Games." 2 comments
21.0% "You're sixteen occasionally you're going to droll over other guys even if you are in a relationship. Note, my mother has been married to my dad for over thirty years and still goes gag over Tom Selleck (do not ask me why)."
21.0% "Oh, yes, be culturally sensitive and assume she must know a language because she looks a specific ethnicity. Seriously...."
22.0% "Insta love. Barf." 1 comment
23.0% "This info dump sounds like it came straight from WIkipedia."
24.0% "That haircut is ridiculous. I can't see it (obviously) but the description sounds heinous. And no, I don't think you can rock it because you're just not that cool and most people unless they are super cool can't rock that."
25.0% "And of course the boy toy thinks her troll hair looks sexy. Of course. And yes, her hair is cut like one of those troll dolls from the early 1990's. See here for example:"
26.0% "Also, the making your own lingo thing. It was cute in Paranormalcy, stale in Mind Games, and just aggravating here White. Learn a new gimmick. I'm pretty sure unless something spectacular happens I'm DNFing this one at the fifty percent mark. Such a shame too. I just have no time to deal with a character like this."
28.0% "If your house was broken into would you a) call the police, b) get your gun out because you live in Texas and well...if you live in Texas you'll get this, C) start screaming like a loon so your neighbor, Big Bubba, will come out and kick some thieves ass, or D) walk around the house like an idiot with no way to defend yourself. If your Isadora you chose D and are TSTL." 3 comments
32.0% "Yes, why do you still try to speak to her in Arabic. Honestly, it makes you look like an ass. Then again, why should I care. Eighteen percent of this stupidity to go before I can call it quits."
34.0% "This is why I don't like Isadora: "We finish the rest of the pizza and enjoy a rousing round of Mock the Worst-Fitting Swimwear. Not even the grand prize winner, a nine-months-pregnatn woman in a string bikini, gets so much as a glance from Notebook boy.""
34.0% "Insta love writes epic poetry for fun. I had to read Beowulf. Epic poetry is not fun."
34.0% "And he's comparing his work to the Iliad. Ego much?"
34.0% "Her mother banned vampire novels. Seriously? Okay. I've almost had enough. Good thing my sanctioned break is over in three minutes and its 36 MBE questions in evidence for me."
36.0% "That last part made no sense whatsoever. Don't buy this book it is a lemon. I hate it. I was giving her a break with Mind Games because I thought she was trying a different style. But this book, God she is a one trick pony and this character makes Evie look decent even though she is very Evie-ish."
37.0% "It's San Diego, I'm pretty sure there are break ins on a regular basis and not all of them are connected. God, Isadora is a shithead. Thirteen percent to go."
40.0% "Trucks are not beautiful. Trust me, I live in Texas everyone has a truck and most of the F150's I see are covered with mud."
41.0% "No. No. That's just stupid White. Guys I think I'm going to have to finish it just to see if this stupid plot twist that I'm suspecting is right. Ugh."
42.0% "And the cats name is Hera...yeah, I think what I'm thinking is right and it doesn't make sense at all and I'm sure White is going to fuck it up because she's not good enough to fuse mythologies together where it doesn't smell like bull shit."
49.0% "So forced-this romance. I'm probably going to try to finish this or at least get to the point to see if my suspicions are right or wrong. Pray for me guys because I don't know how much of this I can stand."
50.0% "Hate to burst out bubble White, but Greek mythology is different from Egyptian mythology."
59.0% "Apparently not having a tan is unattractive. Guess that makes me real ugly. Though I think I can handle that since I have a lesser chance at getting skin cancer than I would if I fake baked." 3 comments
61.0% "If I hear how blue Ry's freaking eyes are again I might pound someone."
61.0% "If I hear you whine how you're not immortal and how your parents only had you to worship them and then you die. I think I'll smack you. You're human, so what. Most of the people in this book are human. We all live and die get over it."
62.0% "Note, if someone speaks to you in English it probably would be wise to speak to them in the same language. I really, really, want to quit. I just want to see if I guessed the stupid twist."
64.0% "Sort of understand the tantrum here, sort of."
71.0% "Slit slamming a goddess. Hope you don't get smote."
74.0% "Lame."
82.0% "Guessed the twist and serious out of all the gods to be descended from..."
84.0% "Yeah, be selfish not surprised since you've been selfish throughout the rest of this (and I'm only finishing this because the big reveal took so damn long and I'm near the end)."
89.0% "Almost ten percent left. Thank God."
92.0% "Really, you think you need to help a bad ass like Isis. I am just laughing right now. I'm sure she is too."
06/27/2013 marked as: read

Comments <span class="smallText"> (showing 1-4 of 4) </span> <span class="smallText">(4 new)</span>

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Khanh (the Grinch) Damn, damn, DAMN. I was seriously looking forward to t his book. Egyptian mythology? HELL YEAH. So rare in books these days, but god your review makes it sound like that's .001% of the plot.

Howdy YAL Khanh wrote: "Damn, damn, DAMN. I was seriously looking forward to t his book. Egyptian mythology? HELL YEAH. So rare in books these days, but god your review makes it sound like that's .001% of the plot."

Yeah, the mythology is barely sued. Most of it is just mommy issues with insta love. I recommend skipping this one and usually I never do that, recommend someone skipping a book. This one though....

Renee I haven't read anything else by this author and probably wont. I agree that I hated the main character, as does EVERYONE else lol

message 4: by Mizuki (new) - added it

Mizuki White puts her foot in her mouth when she states that Greek and Egyptian mythology is the same thing.

No, fuck no.

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