Katrina Passick Lumsden's Reviews > Fifty Shades Freed

Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James
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Dec 04, 13

Read in June, 2012

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Welcome back, fellow masochists (or those of you who simply wish to forgo the hassle of reading this crap and opt for my poignant reviews instead). I wish I could say Fifty Shades Freed met my expectations, but...well, honestly, I don't know what the fuck that was. I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to think. The only thing I know is that, usually after finishing a trilogy/series, I'm lost. My brothers end up finding me curled up in a ball somewhere and they laugh and call me names, most of which are variations of "emo douchebag" because I'm all like

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I can't help it. If I've invested enough of myself into a story to read more than one installment, it generally means I liked it (or at least something about it). That wasn't the case with the Fifty Shades trilogy. I went into Fifty Shades of Grey knowing full well I would probably hate it, and I wasn't wrong. In fact, I think I may have underestimated that book in terms of how thoroughly it would infuriate and disgust me. I considered not bothering with the next two installments because I was certain it wouldn't get any better. Look, I know there are those of you out there who think that it did get better, but I'm not talking about the story. I mean, I don't think that improved much, either, but the point I'm trying to make is that E.L. James is a terrible writer, technically and artistically. As a photographer, I can tell you that sucking ass in both categories won't get you far. Certain people will give you a certain amount of latitude one way or another, sure, but if your composition is badly placed, taken at the wrong time of day, crowded, confusing, and out of focus....well, you get it. Needless to say, I wasn't even halfway through Fifty Shades Darker before I started getting bored, but I trudged on and it wasn't much different from any of the boredom I've experienced before.

Then I started reading Fifty Shades Freed. I can honestly say that I had no idea this kind of feeling was even possible. I've never had a book so thoroughly turn off my desire to read before. Ever. I would read a page here and there, then turn my Kindle off and get online. There wouldn't be anything to do online, and I'd sit at my desk thinking, Oh, I should really finish that book. But then I'd just keep surfing the internet. To be honest, it was because every time I even thought about reaching for my Kindle, my brain did this:

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Should we talk about what happened this time around? OK...

Honeymoon. Christian throwing a tantrum. Ana's boobs get marked up in retaliation. Drama, drama, drama, corn, some cheese, sex sex sex, lots of whining, Christian being clingy, Ana trying to assert her independence, blah blah blah. It reads exactly like the other two books with its repetitive wording and infuriating platitudes, and because of this it suffers far more than the other two books. I was tired of reading this shit. The only thing that set this one apart was the utter weirdness of a few of the scenes. Like Christian marking up Ana's titties after she goes topless on a beach in the south of France. Yeah, it happens. It's OK, though. Ana gives him a pass because, emotionally, he's stuck in adolescence and this apparently gives him free reign to do as he likes with impunity. She's angry at first, sure, but she forgives him. Even after he has the balls to say, "Well, you won't take your top off again."

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The temerity of this character is astounding. E.L. James has managed to create one of the most blatantly antagonistic sociopaths I've ever seen, yet women everywhere are gobbling it up like he's the best thing since the vibrator.

But nothing really happens in the first 90% of the book except a lot of emotional manipulation. Ana and Christian play games with each other's emotions and genuinely seem to have absolutely no clue how to communicate with another human being. It's apparently all good, though, because the sex makes up for any lack of connection they should have. During one sex scene, Ana thinks, "We still have this. We'll always have this."

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No. No, you won't. Your sex life may still be fulfilling after five, ten, or even fifteen years, but it won't be the same. No, not at all. And if you think for one second that sex can make up for the emotional connection and teamwork a marriage requires, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Look I'm all for fantasy, but I guess I like mine tinged with a little more reality than this. Friendship is the foundation of any solid relationship and without it, you're just bumpin' uglies until it gets boring.

Arguably the best thing to come out of this book was the fun I had discussing butt plugs with my sister-in-law. Yes, there's a sex scene involving a butt plug, and yes, it's both hilarious and disturbing, if for nothing else but E.L. James' refusal to use the word “ass”. Ana is always using the words 'behind' and 'bottom' to describe her other “down there”, and those words do not mesh well with the concept of an anal sex toy. I'm sorry, but hearing about how Christian inserted a butt plug into Ana's 'bottom' made me both uncomfortable and highly amused. Or when he inserted his finger into her 'behind'. No. No. As a child, you have a behind or a bottom, but once you hit about 14 or so, it's your butt or your ass. Only occasionally can the other words be used in reference to an older individual and be gotten away with.

As amusing as all that was, however, it didn't hold a candle to the things that went on when they were finished engaging in anal play. Just to be clear, I don't have anything against people who find pleasure in the anus. If that's your thing, hey, more power to ya. So I don't have a problem with the sex scenes themselves. However, when Christian fingered Ana's arsehole and then didn't wash his hands...yeah, I was a little grossed out. They're cuddling and everything afterward and on a constant loop in my head was, “poopy finger, poopy finger, poopy finger....poopy....finger!” My sister-in-law said she was wondering if he was going to make her suck on it like he did every other time he jammed his digits into her nether regions.

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But wait, there's more!

Ana asks Christian who cleans the toys (this is after they've used the aforementioned butt plug), and he informs her it's either him, a submissive, or Mrs. Jones.

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Mrs Jones, the hired help. She's a maid and a cook, for pete's sake, not a wall-washer at the local gentleman's club! God! Can you imagine taking a housekeeping job with some 27-year-old douche canoe and all you're expecting is dusting, vacuuming, cooking, etc., and the next thing you know, he's handing you a bowl of used butt plugs? Or maybe he's not even handing them to you, he just mentions that, hey, that mysterious almost-always-locked spare room could use a good cleaning and you walk in to discover not only that you've stumbled into some kind of David Lynchian porn den, but you've also been greeted by the smell of stale sex and ass. And oh! There's a bowl of dirty butt plugs on the sideboard!

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Mr. and Mrs. Brady may have had their freaky naughty time, but I highly doubt they were crass enough to make Alice clean up after it.

So then Ana takes the butt plug (yes, I'm still on this) and washes it off in the sink, then vaguely wonders if it needs to be sanitized somehow.

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Well, Ana.........................................I'm thinking yes. Yes, it should probably be subjected to some sort of sanitation process. But that's just my opinion.

When you read scenes like that over the course of several books, it really comes as no surprise when you discover that Ana has missed several appointments with her gyno and apparently completely forgotten about her birth control shot. You know where this is going.

Christian is going to fuhreeeaaak.

“Christian, I'm pregnant.”

And at first, Christian's all like

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But then he's like

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Then he storms out and is never heard from again.

Ha! I wish 'cause that would've been the end of the story, and it would've served Ana right for being such an idiot. But alas, he returns and there's nothing to be done for it except more melodrama. He comes home drunk and Ana finds out he saw the “bitch troll” pedophile again, and she feels betrayed, and yadda yadda. So they fight, and this is the only time in any of the books that they actually have a raging screaming match, and yeah, it was about fucking time it happened, but even the fight is tainted by Ana's ridiculous assertions that if Christian touches her, he'll just get his way because her traitorous body will succumb to him.

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Christian spends the entire book shutting Ana up with his penis.

So then the ending happens. Something about Hyde kidnapping Christian's sister or some shit. Ana saves the day. Funny. No, it really is 'cause the girl's dumb.

Well, when that shit's all over, we get this weird-ass epilogue wherein Ana asserts that she thinks their in-utero daughter "likes sex already" because she's dancing around in her mother's womb after...sex? I guess so. There isn't a sex scene, so not only is this remark fucking weird, it's also oddly misplaced. Then Christian sucks popsicle off of his son's fingers.

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What is with E.L. James and the finger sucking?

(Edit: A commenter brought to my attention the fact that there is indeed a sex scene before the aforementioned conversation about the baby liking sex. So I double-checked and yes, there is a sex scene right before. The confusion came about as the direct result of E.L. James's inability to maintain a coherent timeline.)

After the epilogue, there's even more pointless drivel. The beginning of Fifty Shades of Grey from Christian's perspective! I can hear the collective squee and the panties droppin' and it kinda makes me wanna choke a bitch. But that's not even the worst of it. No, the worst is that it ends right as Christian's leaving the hardware store, and as the narrative comes to a close, the reader is treated to this: "That's all...for now."

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Please, someone break her hands. Do it quickly. Might as well cut out her tongue, as well, so she won't be able to dictate her nonsense.

I think one of the best blurbs for this series (and this installment in particular) would have to be something my older sister said about it after I told her there's a Happily Ever After ending:

"Maybe she'll write a fourth book in which, after having three kids, being isolated, and losing her job, he finally hits her and the cops get called, leading to his arrest. She leaves and takes half his damn shit plus child support. 'Cuz after three kids and several years, "down there" ain't gonna drip at the sight of him anymore." - Kimberly Brown

Harsh and bitter? Perhaps, but that's reality. Like I said before, it would be nice if we could have a little realistic fantasy (it's not an oxymoron if you know what I'm talking about). Christian Grey might have been a desirable character if....well, if he weren't Christian Grey.

To be honest, I'm disappointed in this review. I just can't seem to muster the same amount of enthusiasm as before. Or even come close. All I know is that I tried to write this twice before, but lost it both times due to computer error, and I took that as a sign that I shouldn't over-think it. Maybe this review reflects the book itself; haphazard and drained. Whatever the case, the only burst of energy I got during this book was at the end. When it was done. It should come as no surprise that my reaction when finishing this book was not despondent depression. Far from it. When I read that last word and knew I could finally, finally walk away from this trilogy, I felt...

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Yeah. It was that good. It was "taking a giant crap after being constipated for a week" good. Or "getting laid for the first time in years" good. I.felt.so.free.

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The only thing good about the Fifty Shades trilogy is the moment it finally ends.



Word Count:
“Oh my” - 52
“Crap” - 46
“Jeez” - 58
"Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" – 108
"Whoa" - 14
"Gasp" - 60
"Gasps" - 15
"Sharp Intake of Breath" - 2
"Murmur" - 115
"Murmurs" - 186
"Whisper" - 194
"Whispers" - 190
"Mutter" - 88
"Mutters" - 38
"Fifty" - 67
"Lip" - 51
“Inner goddess” - 33
“Subconscious” - 48

Click here for my review of Fifty Shades of Grey
Click here for my review of Fifty Shades Darker
Click here for my review of the Fifty Shades Trilogy
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Comments (showing 401-450 of 1,259) (1259 new)


message 401: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Jess wrote: "Take it from me, you can't win. If you haven't read them, they say you can't judge. If you read the first and hate it, they say you can't judge it based on the first one, that you need to read the ..."

Yeah, I do understand why Christian is the way he is. That doesn't mean I have to be OK with the idea that all he needs is the love of a virginal moron! What he needs is a team of psychiatrists and behavioral therapy, not to mention medication and constant supervision. Because he's mental.

I like realism, too. I can escape into a good book for the fantasy of it, but when it's completely unrealistic (and emotionally flippant to boot), I just want to hurt someone.


message 402: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Akshara wrote: "My god. Forget drink. I want to pat your head as you cower in a corner and go "there, there.." Thanks. Unless it is free, I'm not reading this"

Thanks, Akshara:) I'm not much of a drinker, but I could use a hug, lol.


message 403: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Shiku_k wrote: "I purposely signed up on here to comment on this.
Great review, I read the trilogy in a week,and I agree, utter nonsense.
How is it that you did not include the terms "My Fifty" "Fifty" she used as..."


"Fifty" is up there. But you're right, I didn't put "My Fifty"....mostly because I want all of these word count lists to be uniform between the three reviews, and I ran out of available text room in the first review, lol.

I'm planning a massive, combined word/phrase count to use as a review for the trilogy, so "My Fifty" will go on that list.

Thank you, Shiku!


message 404: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Thea wrote: "I've had no real urge to read these, other than curious what the fuss was about. I'm thankful you were there to save me. Your reviews are absolutely hilarious. I'm sorry for your mental scarring..."

Thanks, Thea!

I guess it's a good thing I've always been a bit weird. The mental scarring won't show quite so bad;)


message 405: by Katrina (last edited Jul 20, 2012 04:30PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Sherry wrote: "OMFG best. reviews. ever. (I am way more than 50 shades of f*cked up so I can say that. ;)

Two weeks in the hospital hopped up on painkillers with nothing to do but let the nurses drug me up, get..."


Sherry, you are hilarious! You really should take some of what you've written here, add some more, and use it as your own review. Because lol!

You're very welcome, I had a blast writing it, and the chord I've struck with other like-minded people has been amazing. Oh, and the man candy? No problem at all, I added for fairly selfish reasons;)

Good song lyrics. One of my favorites is "Hatefuck" by The Bravery:

If I put my hands around your wrists
Would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth
Would you bite them?
So many things that I would do
If I had my way with you.
I can't keep secrets that I know
How you want me
You can tear your nose into my skin
You won't stop me
You can twist and scream into the air
But no one can hear you here

And there will be no tenderness
No tenderness
And there will be no tenderness
No tenderness
I will show no mercy for you
You have no mercy for me
The only thing that I ask
Love me mercilessly

I'm totally fine with anyone linking me. That sounds vaguely dirty...


message 406: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Marissa wrote: "Thanks for writing these awesome reviews!"

No problem, Marissa, thank you for reading them:)


message 407: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Staci wrote: "What Ana should have done to Christian's "balogna wand"

"


Bahahaha!

You even made my younger brother laugh, which is quite a feat.


message 408: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Deb wrote: "Your review was so much more entertaining than the books! I couldn't even finish the third book and couldn't figure out why I read the first two!"

I know the feeling, Deb. Lol.

Thank you!


message 409: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rosie wrote: "Wasn't there a part in the third book where he demanded that she shouldn't pee? So of course, she didn't. Realism demanded that she should have burst her bladder over him. And why not? After the re..."

Yeah, he tells her not to pee. But you know, this was actually the only part of the book that I found even remotely interesting. According to E.L. James, when the bladder is full, orgasms are more intense. I've tried it. Can't really see a ton of difference, and it's harder to get turned on because I feel like I'm going to wet myself.

So I think I'll stick to peeing beforehand, lol.


message 410: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Melissa wrote: "Thank you for allowing me to read all I ever wanted to know about these books in your reviews. I am ever so glad I didn't waste my time on them, but I have SO enjoyed your fabulously entertaining r..."

It was my pleasure, Melissa! Thank you:)


message 411: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Alison wrote: "Again, I applaud your review!!! And, as before, I am so completely grossed out...ew. Dirty butt plugs for Mrs. Jones.

But the worst? He sucks POPSICLE from his son's fingers?!? And she's loo..."


Yeah. Gross, gross, and more gross. Double and triple ick and Oh MY what a waste of perfectly good paper/ereader memory.

=D


message 412: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Lauri wrote: "I got 80 pages into the first "novel" and could go no further.
Thank you for the series Reviews, con vines me that i made the right choice while having a good laugh about how truly stupid it all is..."


Thank you, Lauri! I'm glad I could spare you the trauma;)


message 413: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Beth wrote: ""

OK!

;)


message 414: by Sj (new)

Sj Heckscher-Marquis My business partner, best buddy, and honorary little brother (they are all the same person) is concerned about me. If people mention 50 shades of Crap I apparently overreact somewhat. Get a little bent out of shape... the sound of grinding teeth and cracking knuckles can be heard a couple of thousand miles away in Kentucky.


message 415: by Isabella (new)

Isabella Lets hear it for E L James, without who (whom? I'm never sure!) we wouldn't have these wonderful reviews.


message 416: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Sj wrote: "My business partner, best buddy, and honorary little brother (they are all the same person) is concerned about me. If people mention 50 shades of Crap I apparently overreact somewhat. Get a little ..."

I'm getting to that point, Sj. But I try to balance it out with enough laughter to keep from really doing any harm.


message 417: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rosie wrote: "Lets hear it for E L James, without who (whom? I'm never sure!) we wouldn't have these wonderful reviews."

It would be whom in this case =) Her schlock is definitely good for something!


message 418: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca These reviews were awesome.


message 419: by Donna (new)

Donna B Your review was fantastic! It was the best laugh I have had in quite a while! My only complaint...you didn't add the orgasmic "Oh, Ana" to the word count.

The repeating "poopy fingers, poopy fingers" had me reeling with laughter! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


message 420: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Rebecca wrote: "These reviews were awesome."

Thank you, Rebecca =)


message 421: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Donna wrote: "Your review was fantastic! It was the best laugh I have had in quite a while! My only complaint...you didn't add the orgasmic "Oh, Ana" to the word count.

The repeating "poopy fingers, poopy fing..."


Thank you, Donna!

Never fear! I'm compiling a rather large, combined repetitive word/phrase count to use as a review on the compiled trilogy. That way everyone will know that, throughout the course of the entire series, one encounters the word 'whisper' 430 times. Hehe. I will add "oh, Ana" to the list!


message 422: by Mish (new)

Mish Thank you for saving me the trouble of reading this drivel. Your reviews of these 3 books have been the best things I've ever read on Goodreads.


message 423: by Caro (new)

Caro Another annoyance missed what 21 year old refers to their vajayjay as their sex?. Other than that sheer brilliance.
Whilst reading these books I nearly passed out several times due to my eyes heading so far north into my orbital sockets I wasn't sure that they'd ever return.

I am so appalled that this drivel has been the fastest selling book ( I can't bring my self to call it a best seller).

I find it comical (if nothing else) that Ana loves English lit, yet she is so far removed from those classic lit characters that bode well for the onwards and upwards continuance of females in society. Unlike Ana which is a gigantic slide backwards for all woman kind.

I will only truly be happy when this phenom is forgotten. I have never baby-spewed in my mouth as much as I have of late with all those women north of 50 desperately seeking another copy (I work in a department store which sells this hokey crap). I do get to make up for that with the amount of younger women who have already modelled themselves after Ana in declaring to their friends "I never read, but this is the best thing I have ever read".
The books are in fact perfect for those who don't read.
EL James should rot in some sort of hell for ruining the literary world with this trash. Simply throwing word-of-the-day big words in amongst does not maketh a literary genius it makes you more of a twat.

Thanks for the laughs :)


message 424: by Christine (new)

Christine poopy finger...poopy finger!
Get out of my head.

Snarfed tea all over my keyboard. Thanks. :D


message 425: by Sherry (new) - rated it 1 star

Sherry Conrad Katrina wrote:Good song lyrics. One of my favorites is "Hatefuck" by The Bravery:

If I put my hands around your wrists
Would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth
Would you bite them?
So many things that I would do
If I had my way with you.
I can't keep secrets that I know
How you want me
You can tear your nose into my skin
You won't stop me
You can twist and scream into the air
But no one can hear you here

And there will be no tenderness
No tenderness
And there will be no tenderness
No tenderness
I will show no mercy for you
You have no mercy for me
The only thing that I ask
Love me mercilessly


Must add to playlist now. Thanks. Oh and the dirty linking I can do that as long as there are no poopy fingers. ;) They call me the shower police around here because I'm rather anal *sic* about hygiene. ;)


message 426: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Michelle wrote: "Thank you for saving me the trouble of reading this drivel. Your reviews of these 3 books have been the best things I've ever read on Goodreads."

Well, thank you, Michelle! That is quite a compliment:)


message 427: by Katrina (last edited Jul 20, 2012 09:10PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Caro wrote: "Another annoyance missed what 21 year old refers to their vajayjay as their sex?. Other than that sheer brilliance.
Whilst reading these books I nearly passed out several times due to my eyes head..."


Oh, Caro, if I had tried to document every annoyance, I would have run out of review space. That one was ridiculous, though, and the other day I discussed with some Goodreaders the fact that I'm going to start referring to it as "my sex" in non-sexual situations. When my gyno asks how everything's been, I can say; "Well, my sex has a different odor, doc." Or say, just standing around, hanging out with family, during a lull in the conversation, I could offer up, "Hm. My sex is itchy."

But then I realized, this phrase is simply begging to be used in a sexual situation. I'm wondering how long my husband will laugh the next time we attempt coitus and I whisper/murmur, "Oh yeah, touch my sex."

"The books are in fact perfect for those who don't read."

An absolutely impeccable observation, Caro, and I applaud you for it.

I have to believe there's a painful afterlife reserved for those who disrespect the written word.


message 428: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Christine wrote: "poopy finger...poopy finger!
Get out of my head.

Snarfed tea all over my keyboard. Thanks. :D"


Thanks, Christine!

Sorry about your keyboard;)


message 429: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Sherry wrote: "Must add to playlist now. Thanks. Oh and the dirty linking I can do that as long as there are no poopy fingers. ;) They call me the shower police around here because I'm rather anal *sic* about hygiene. ;)"

Tru dat. Much as I loves me some kink, my OCD won't let feces come into the equation!


message 430: by N.E. (new)

N.E. White The end (of the review) was great! Thanks for all the laughs.


message 431: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden N E wrote: "The end (of the review) was great! Thanks for all the laughs."

You're quite welcome, N E, and thanks!


message 432: by Alexandria (new)

Alexandria All three of your reviews killed me dead with laughter! Thank you so much for your humor, your anger, and your sheer disbelief that so many people are snapping this crap up.

Next up a BDSM (wanna-be) coloring book featuring Ana and Christians many naughty toys! (with the requisite Mrs.Jones washing the butt plugs in the same kitchen sink she washes the vegetables!


message 433: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Vamptastica wrote: "All three of your reviews killed me dead with laughter! Thank you so much for your humor, your anger, and your sheer disbelief that so many people are snapping this crap up."

Thank you, Vamp! Can I call you Vamp? *wink*

It has been one helluva ride. The books nearly killed me, these discussions are, ironically, giving the book far more attention than they deserve, and I occasionally have to deal with some illiterate idiot telling me I'm like, "totes stoopid fr nt likin it", but you know what? I regret nothing!

Vamptastica wrote: "Next up a BDSM (wanna-be) coloring book featuring Ana and Christians many naughty toys! (with the requisite Mrs.Jones washing the butt plugs in the same kitchen sink she washes the vegetables!"

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message 434: by Lollie (new)

Lollie At first I was surprised that anyone who writes "totes stoopid fr nt likin it" has the attention span to read anything longer than a text message... but then it's complete drivel we're talking about and doesn't require much brain power.
I got a raking over from my friends when I said I didn't like it and apparently the fact that I have been single for four years and study psychology means I "don't know what love is" because I said the positive/negative reinforcement that this book is based on made me ill...
Bleh! to the impressionable brains of the misguided!


message 435: by Sj (new)

Sj Heckscher-Marquis Ilona wrote: "At first I was surprised that anyone who writes "totes stoopid fr nt likin it" has the attention span to read anything longer than a text message... but then it's complete drivel we're talking abou..."

Brains, particularly in this country, have become increasingly soft. It's getting worse. Ignorance and stupidity have been trumping intelligence and intellectual curiosity for so long here that the next generation of women, who can now barely string a sentence together, think that the height of ambition is to be orange and marry a footballer.


message 436: by Meridian (new)

Meridian I freely admit that I've been extremely disappointed and, quite frankly, worried about my friends who say they love this POS, and by the mass hysteria/mind-control over said POS.

But: I am heartily heartened by the massively positive response to your review. I'm almost ready to reestablish some sort of faith in humanity. Almost.


message 437: by Shiku_k (new)

Shiku_k Oh for the love of God! *smacks forehead*

What is wrong with human beings?!!
THIS -----> http://www.mysecretromancebookreviews...

*side eyes till my eyeballs roll off*


message 438: by Funda (new) - rated it 1 star

Funda You just nailed it Katerina!! My exact thoughts. I can't believe I went through with reading this series. Gosh, I have I migrane now!...and to know that these books will me made into a movie! GOD!!! Migrane!!!


message 439: by Kimberly (new)

Kimberly Brown Shiku_k wrote: "Oh for the love of God! *smacks forehead*

What is wrong with human beings?!!
THIS -----> http://www.mysecretromancebookreviews...

*side eyes til..."



Aaaaargh! I see what you mean. EL is a flipping moron and the comment she made about being embarrassed by books with "a naked torso on the cover" just reaffirms in my mind that she is Ana and has probably been in abusive relationships her whole life. She says that Grey is based on someone from her past but is mostly her "fantasy man"? So it's her fantasy to have someone control her whole life? YIKES! Run, run, run as fast as you can!!! omg!


message 440: by Katrina (last edited Jul 21, 2012 11:18AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Ilona wrote: "At first I was surprised that anyone who writes "totes stoopid fr nt likin it" has the attention span to read anything longer than a text message... but then it's complete drivel we're talking abou..."

Oh, Ilona, don't let the bastards grind you down. Being single for four years is nothing to even bat an eye at. It's better than being in a four-year relationship with some shit weasel you can't even respect.

And seeing as how you're studying psychology, that should give your friends reason to pause and seriously consider why it is you don't like this book.


message 441: by Katrina (last edited Jul 21, 2012 11:21AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Sj wrote: "Ilona wrote: "Brains, particularly in this country, have become increasingly soft. It's getting worse. Ignorance and stupidity have been trumping intelligence and intellectual curiosity for so long here that the next generation of women, who can now barely string a sentence together, think that the height of ambition is to be orange and marry a footballer."

Orange with bleached hair.

We need to start forcing fans of this book to read things like The Awakening or something.


message 442: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Meridian wrote: "But: I am heartily heartened by the massively positive response to your review. I'm almost ready to reestablish some sort of faith in humanity. Almost."

Same here, Meridian, same here.

I'm actually completely shocked by how positive the overall response has been. And so few trolls! I was prepared to be verbally abused up one side and down the other. All-out war with the Bunker Babes.


Anna-Novelbroads.com Reading these books sounds like self torture, it had to be horrendous to have to read all three. But I thank you SO much for doing so because these reviews have been very entertaining. As I said on your first Fifty Shades review, thank you for making up my mind NOT to read this crap! The butt plug part...I was literally rolling on the floor laughing it was SO FUNNY! I like erotica, good erotica. And I enjoy a good anal sex scene thrown in every now and then, but what you described...EWW!!! The ones I've read almost always mention washing or cleaning or something at some point!

I'll definitely be paying attention to your reviews from now on. Now I'm off to read some real erotica. ;)


message 444: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Funda wrote: "You just nailed it Katerina!! My exact thoughts. I can't believe I went through with reading this series. Gosh, I have I migrane now!...and to know that these books will me made into a movie! GOD!!..."

Thank you, Funda =)

For the migraine, I suggest some aspirin, a comfortable bed, a warm (but not stifling) blanket, and a reread of one of your favorite books. It'll be all better soon, I promise.


message 445: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Shiku_k wrote: "Oh for the love of God! *smacks forehead*

What is wrong with human beings?!!
THIS -----> http://www.mysecretromancebookreviews...

*side eyes til..."


"Fifty is so, so....bossy, delectable, addicting and deliciously so!"

Photobucket


message 446: by Katrina (last edited Jul 21, 2012 11:36AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Shiku_k wrote: "Oh for the love of God! *smacks forehead*

What is wrong with human beings?!!
THIS -----> http://www.mysecretromancebookreviews...

*side eyes til..."


"...in November 2008 I watched Twilight the film – and loved it – (I went to the cinema ten times to see it) and for Christmas I asked my husband for the books. On 27th December 2008 I sat down and read them in five solid days – and I just adored them. My work life was not very happy at the time so I escaped into these books and read them, and re-read them and re-read them (something I very rarely do with a book.)" - Stephenie Meyer

Why does nothing about that statement surprise me? In the slightest?

Oh, and I love how she read the entire Twilight saga in five days on December 27th. *snort*


message 447: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Anna at Book Lovin' Mamas wrote: "Reading these books sounds like self torture, it had to be horrendous to have to read all three. But I thank you SO much for doing so because these reviews have been very entertaining. As I said on..."

I would consider perhaps the first and third books torture. The second was a frickin' laugh riot.

It's actually sort of painfully obvious that James has never experienced some of the things she chose to write about. She just went on a little hearsay and imagination, and her writing reflects her inability to really think anything through. I kept imagining Christian's poop finger stroking Ana's face, and I kinda wanted to die.

Anyway, thank you, Anna! Happy reading!


message 448: by Kara (last edited Jul 21, 2012 12:39PM) (new)

Kara Katrina wrote: "Shiku_k wrote: "Oh for the love of God! *smacks forehead*

What is wrong with human beings?!!
THIS -----> http://www.mysecretromancebookreviews......"


This explains so much:
Will we be seeing Jose, Mia, and Ethan get their HEA?
"I haven’t thought about this. I’d have to go away to a small dark room and lie down and think."


I literally just don't know what to say after that.


message 449: by Katrina (new) - rated it 1 star

Katrina Passick Lumsden Kara wrote: "I literally just don't know what to say after that."

She has to lie down in a dark room to think.

Again, not shocking.

I get the feeling that if I were to ever have a face-to-face conversation with James, I would have no expression on my face. *Blink....blink*


message 450: by Kara (new)

Kara Katrina wrote: "Kara wrote: "I literally just don't know what to say after that."

She has to lie down in a dark room to think.

Again, not shocking.

I get the feeling that if I were to ever have a face-to-face ..."


Not just lie down in a dark room...she'd have to GO AWAY. She can't just turn off the lights in the living room for fuck's sake.

Though there would undoubtedly be an inordinate amount of glee that I would get from your retelling of such a meeting, I pray to all the forces that will listen that you never have to.

Me? My brain would just quit. System overload, it's been real, you're on your own with this shit, the end. It almost did that after the book.


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